


Introduction to Touch

by sheendav



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 6000 Years of Slow Burn (Good Omens), Anxious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has Weight Issues (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has a Penis (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Bathing/Washing, Body Image, Comforting Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Has a Penis (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Needs a Hug (Good Omens), Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Enthusiastic Consent, Eventual Smut, Experienced Crowley (Good Omens), Explicit Consent, Fantasizing, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Gentle Sex, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Hand Jobs, Holding Hands, Honeymoon, Hugs, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Inexperienced Aziraphale (Good Omens), Intimacy, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Married Life, Massage, Masturbation, No beta we fall like Crowley, Nudity, Oral Sex, Protective Crowley, Sharing a Bed, Tender Sex, Tenderness, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Touch-Starved Aziraphale (Good Omens), Touch-Starved Crowley (Good Omens), Undressing, Wet Dream, Wings, Worried Aziraphale (Good Omens), fear of sex, guided masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-01-31 08:34:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 146,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21443305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheendav/pseuds/sheendav
Summary: Aziraphale and Crowley survive the Not-Pocalypse and profess their love for one another, but Aziraphale has tremendous anxiety about pursuing a physical relationship with Crowley. He genuinely wishes to move forward, but past fears surrounding touch, intimacy and body image are prohibiting him from acting on what his heart (and corporation) really want.  Crowley is ready to go as slowly and carefully as needed to be there for his Angel as they pursue their new "Arrangement" step by careful, sweet step.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 1146
Kudos: 1004





	1. The Talk

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the beginning of what I hope will be a beautiful exploration of touch between these two beautiful idiots... ranging from pure softness/fluff to smut/filth. It's just going to take Azi a while to get there. First, there needs to be an important talk and a small leap forward... so get ready for the Angst Train... 
> 
> This first chapter would be Teen Audiences save for the mention of Wet Dreams... which probably bumps it up to Mature. Tags will be added as we go along.

The Principality Aziraphale, Guardian of the Eastern Gate, sat in his favorite chair in his newly restored bookshop, head in his hands, trembling and rocking back and forth ever so slightly, trying his best not to let the tears stream through his fingers and onto his perfectly tailored trousers. 

The Demon Crowley, Master of the Underworld, sat in the center of the couch across from the Angel, eyes fixed on the hands covering his best friend's face and making a mental list of everything that had happened to them in the last 24 hours and wondering how they had ended up here… with the Angel, in more distress than he'd been during the literal end times. 

1\. They'd saved the world  
2\. They'd returned to Crowley's and stayed up all night making a plan  
3\. They'd swapped bodies  
4\. They'd visited St. James for ice cream and a kidnapping  
5\. They'd thwarted Heaven and Hell's plans for their destruction  
6\. They'd switched back in Berkeley Square  
7\. They'd dined at the Ritz and laughed and talked for hours  
8\. They'd returned to the bookshop to inspect Adam's design  
9\. They'd had wine  
10\. They'd had more wine  
11\. They'd talked about feelings  
12\. They'd talked about romantic feelings  
13\. They'd talked about romantic feelings they'd long held for each other  
14\. Aziraphale had told Crowley he loved him, for quite some time  
15\. Crowley had told Aziraphale he loved him, for quite some time longer  
16\. Crowley had, in a moment of euphoric joy, stood and run over towards Aziraphale placing his hands on the Angels'  
17\. Aziraphale had shouted as if in pain the moment their hands touched and told him to stop  
18\. Crowley had retreated to his previous spot on the couch  
19\. Aziraphale had breathed heavily as if hyperventilating  
20\. Crowley had suggested they both sober up  
21\. They'd sobered up  
22\. …And here they sat… the Angel in tears and Crowley confused and heartbroken

After what seemed like 6000 years of silence... Crowley dared to speak... 

"Did I just ruin everything?" the Demon asked. "Angel I'm so so sorry… you… said you loved me and I thought you meant… I must have read your words wrong… or… I can go if you…"

"No no Crowley please, I just need a moment!" Aziraphale kept his hands over his face, taking deep shuddering breaths to get himself under control. Finally he lifted his hands away, his cheeks red and tear-stained. Crowley's heart broke a second time to see him this way and he began internally steeling himself for a massive rejection from the being he loved most in the world. 

"My dear you did not misinterpret me, I meant what I said when I said I loved you. My feelings are true and bigger than any love I've felt for anything in my existence. I just… I wasn't expecting you to, move towards me quite like that, I just, I wasn't ready for the contact and I… oh this is so awful, Crowley you must think me a horrid awful thing." 

Crowley was both relieved and further confused by the Angel's words. He loved him… but panicked at the thought of touching him… it made no sense… unless… 

"Oh… Angel, look, if your love for me is… well… platonic… I guess is the word… and you don't want any… well… romantic touch, I… I totally get it… it's ok… I shouldn't have presumed that would be something you wanted… I'm so stupid… I shouldn't have lunged at you like some lovesick teenager I'm such a bloody idiot Aziraphale…" 

"You are not an idiot, Crowley! And… you're also not correct. I DO want touch from you… even romantic touch from you." His cheeks grew even redder at the admission. "But, I'm just, oh I don't know how else to say this dear… I'm just… I'm so afraid of taking that step in our relationship." 

Relationship …the Demon's stomach fluttered at the word. His Angel was talking about "taking steps" in a relationship. It was an idea he'd dreamed of so many times. So, the Angel wanted a romantic relationship, but was afraid to touch him? He was so deeply confused. 

"Please tell me, Angel, what are you so frightened of? We've touched plenty of times before over the last 6,000 years. Shaken hands, we used to kiss 'hello' before it went out of style for male-presenting persons to do so. Hell, I threw you up against a wall at that old hospital in Tadfield and you barely flinched." 

The Angel did flinch now at his words, causing Crowley's heart to seize ever so slightly in his chest. 

"I'm aware, my dear. But, it's different now, you see? Those touches and kisses were in the context of our previous relationship. They were, well, casual. Well, throwing someone on a wall isn't exactly casual but I digress. The point is… I always knew we'd never be able to be together, you know, romantically, so I knew there was nothing well, behind the touch, as it were. I knew it couldn't progress beyond the casual because neither one of us wanted the other reprimanded, or worse, destroyed by our respected head offices." 

As he spoke, his voice trembling slightly, Aziraphale rubbed at the corners of his waistcoat where the velvet had worn away to the fabric underneath. Crowley had always thought the vest was worn because it was old, now he realized the state of the garment was partially due to the Angel's anxiety… the worn away places were clearly 'worry spots' he grabbed onto when he became overwhelmed. The pain in his chest turned into a throbbing ache, seeing him in such distress, but trying so hard to be brave and express his feelings. He loved him so much. He desperately wanted to stop his thumbs from rubbing the beloved waistcoat to nothing. 

"Look, Angel, we don't need to do anything physically with each other. I love you. I'm pleased to just be with you in your presence. It can be the way it was before just… more of it. We can walk in the park every day, dine every night, go to the theatre and the opera and you can tell me about your books and I can tell you about silly things I see on the telly and we'll just… be as we always were, just, without years in between the visits. And I'll be FINE with that, Angel, I mean it. I just want you, in any way you'll have me in return." 

He hadn't meant to make the Angel tremble, or make tears well up in his eyes, but there Aziraphale sat, lower lip trembling with big drops beginning to stream silently down his cheeks. Crowley wanted to reach out and take his hand, but again, didn't want to impose or make the Angel uncomfortable, so he used the most tender voice and tone he could muster to talk his Angel through his sadness. 

"It's alright Angel, you haven't disappointed me, I know that's what you're thinking. You truly haven't. I adore you and the only thing that would upset me is if you sent me away. Unless…" 

His heart dropped into in stomach, the previous ache enveloping his whole corporation. 

He continued, forcing the words out of his mouth… "…Unless you want me to go. Do you want me to go, Angel? I don't want to keep upsetting you, if you need me to leave…" 

"NO!" The word came out in a near strangled sob. Taking his hands off his waistcoat and throwing them out in front of him, beckoning the demon to stay put. "Please, please please don't leave Crowley. I just need another moment to collect my thoughts, I just don't want to tell you the wrong thing or have you misunderstand." 

Crowley felt a bit of relief and tried hard not to let his impatience bubble to the surface. He wanted to treat his Angel with care, but he was also desperate to know why the Angel was so afraid of his touch, and so frightened that he, Crowley, was in fact, the problem. 

'You're a demon it's what you do' rang in his ears, burning them at the tops. Could Aziraphale be afraid because he didn't trust Crowley to be gentle with him? To push him into things he didn't want to do? 'You go to fast for me Crowley'… the words would always burn… words that seemed to say, "I love you, BUT…" 

Aziraphale sighed, and Crowley snapped out of the thoughts in his near feverish mind. The Angel still seemed quite emotional, but he had let go of the bottom of his waistcoat, which the Demon chose to take as a good sign. 

"My dear, my Crowley. I do not want you to go. I don't ever want you to go. I want to do all the things you just said, dinners and walks and all that… the… the thing that has me frightened is that I want even MORE than that. I want so much more. And the "more" that I want is what I'm frightened about. I am not frightened of YOU, Crowley. I'm frightened of what I want, and frightened that I… well… that what I want… will be too slow for you… or… simply not good enough for you." 

Crowley tried to follow the Angel's staggered words. He thought he knew what the Angel meant, and if he was right, then the feelings of sadness beginning to flood his chest would be well warranted. 

"Tell me everything you're afraid of Angel. Please. Don't hold anything back because you think I can't handle it. Like I said, there is nothing you can say to disappoint me as long as you aren't casting me out of your life. I can work with anything else and show you all the patience in the Universe, I promise you I could." 

The Angel sucked in a breath at this, trying to steady his voice again. "I know my dear, and that is why I feel so terrible. You have already shown me such tremendous patience. You've waited for me to catch up for so long, and now that we are here, free to love and express our love, I am putting you in a position to wait some more because of my own personal fears and anxieties." 

"May I move just a little closer to your chair, Angel?" Crowley asked gently. 

"Of course my dear." 

Crowley scooted on the couch so he was against the arm, just about a foot away from the Angel's chair. He didn't want to cause him more anxiety, only to be nearer to him to show he was listening and invested, and not going anywhere. 

Aziraphale looked into Crowley's golden eyes, grateful the dark glasses were gone as a barrier between them, knowing that if he looked into those eyes he would have no choice but to tell him the full truth, and bare every part of the heart he didn't need to his best friend. 

"Crowley, I absolutely and completely want a physical relationship with you. I want us to touch, and hold each other, both affectionately and, well, passionately too." 

The Angel's ears and cheeks were going red as he spoke, and Crowley nearly used a minor miracle to keep his breath from shuddering at those words. The Angel continued…

"I want us to kiss, and explore and well… I wish to… oh goodness, why is this so difficult to just say. I wish to know you… biblically… No… oh this is so silly. I mean… SEX… oh!" He clamped his hands over his mouth involuntarily as he said it. 

Now Crowley needed a minor miracle to keep from chuckling… more out of pure shock and joy than anything else. He knew his Angel was in distress at the moment, but he was just so elated and overwhelmed by the moment that every part of him wanted to bark out sounds of joy. He pushed them all down, deeply committed to hearing his Angel out. 

"It's ok, Angel, please, just keep telling me what you want to tell me. If it helps, I want all of those things too, I mean… whatever you're comfortable with…" Was his voice squeaking with excitement? He hoped not, he was trying to sound nonchalant and failing miserably. His Angel, Aziraphale, a Principality of the Eastern Gate of Eden actually had thought about and WANTED to have sex with him. He wanted to launch at him again, cover him with kisses, and haul him upstairs to the Angel's bedroom. Did he have a bedroom? He had no idea…

"Crowley?" Aziraphale was looking him like he was far away, searching for him to come back. 

"I'm sorry, Angel, I'm here… I really am, I'm just, thinking about everything you're trying to say. Please please continue, I want to understand."

"Yes, well. So, I do, want all of those things. But, I'm just… I'm so… nervous… about all of it. That's why I pulled back and barked at you. I'm so so sorry my dear. It's just… well… I've… I've never… never had… oh goodness…" 

"Are you trying to tell me you've never had sex Angel? Because if you are, you shouldn't be worried or ashamed to tell me that." Crowley tried to reassure him in a calm voice. He was being truthful, he didn't have had any issues with the Angel's level of experience. 6,000 years is a long time to spend on Earth, even if Aziraphale had too many lovers to count Crowley would have shrugged the information away, grateful that the Angel's desires were focused here and now on him. 

"Thank you, my dear, I appreciate your words. But, I'm just worried. I have not had sex myself, well, not with another person present, I mean… oh no…" he reached for the waistcoat again, fabric between his thumbs and his cheeks truing a brighter shade of red. 

"Are you trying to tell me you've touched yourself Angel? Because you shouldn't be ashamed of that either…" 

"No! Well… um… that is to say…" Crowley thought the Angel might catch the waistcoat on fire he was rubbing the fabric so furiously. 

Crowley took a deep breath and started again, more than anything he wanted to place his hands on Aziraphale's and hush his worried fingers. "If you're uncomfortable you don't have to tell me anything you don't…"

"No, my dear please! Just… please let me finish. I have not deliberately touched, well, my Effort, as it were, no. But, on the rare occasions I've taken to falling asleep, well, it has… misbehaved, in certain ways."

Crowley paused for just a moment to process the information. Another touch of sadness fell upon him once the understanding hit. It was his turn to stumble over his words a bit. "Angel, are you saying… you've had what the humans call… um "wet dreams"? You've, um, had dreams where you had thoughts of a, 'carnal' nature and you woke up, well um…"

"Sticky? Oh!" Aziraphale finished the Demon's thought and clamped his hand over his mouth again. 

"Yeah", Crowley continued, "Something like that. Wait, oh Angel… is… is that why you don't like to sleep? Because you've had those dreams? Because the dreams make you, uncomfortable?" 

Aziraphale looked up at him not in shame, but in sadness. He could tell where Crowley's mind was going. "Oh, my dear, please, believe me when I say that the dreams were not unpleasant. Quite the opposite. They were quite beautiful. I, well, imagined you touching me, us exploring each other's bodies… I would get so flustered and then I would have this brief moment of well… the only word I can think of is 'splendor'." He smiled, genuinely, and Crowley thought his chest might break apart. 

He continued, "I mean, the sticky part wasn't so pleasant, but I could just miracle that away. But, I supposed I was worried that well, SHE… or the other Angels, or, I don't know, someone would know what was happening and how my corporation was reacting to my thoughts. So, no, I didn't like to sleep, because I would lose control and my true feelings and desires would take over. So, when you ask if I've ever touched myself, I suppose I haven't, but, in other ways, I have had sexual experiences with you, just, in my mind, and with a reaction from my body. If that makes any sense." 

Crowley wished more than anything that his dark glasses were still back on. Because he knew he was staring at Aziraphale in a combination of bewilderment, shock, joy and surprise, when all he wanted to do was show levelness and nonchalance. 

"It does," he managed to squeak out. "It absolutely does, Angel. Um… but… well…" 

"Please Crowley… tell me what you're feeling. I feel all I've done is rattle on a bunch of nonsense and silly anxieties." 

"They aren't silly, Aziraphale, not at all. I'm, flattered. So deeply flattered… no wait that's not the word. I'm… well, excited that you feel those feelings for me, or at least that, you have… before." 

"DO my dear… I do have those feelings for you even now."

"Well, then why not act on them? I mean, we're free. You can feel what you want for me, we can do the things you want to do. And we can do them slow… slow as you like…". Crowley was trying to read the Angel's face, but it was proving difficult, Aziraphale clearly had more to explain. "…look, Angel, please just tell me what is stopping you. Our offices are going to leave us alone, at least I think, so what's stopping you from moving forward with me? Please, just, tell me what you are afraid of." 

Crowley watched Aziraphale reach for the worn spots on his waistcoat again, but Aziraphale caught him staring at his hands as he reached. He looked down at his thumbs and sighed. "Silly habit, I know. I'll rub this vest away someday." He laughed a bit then put his hands in his lap. "I wish I was more like you Crowley, that I could just have the things I want without worry or fear. I know I eat whatever I like, miracle the funds to get the books I want and keep developers away from my shop. I'm not against indulging in pleasures of life, but for some reason, the prospect of a physical relationship sets every fearful nerve in this blasted corporation completely on edge."

"Then we don't have to have a physical relationship Angel!" Crowley hadn't meant to shout, it wasn't from anger or even frustration, just a strong desire to know what the possibilities were. "I'm… I'm so sorry please, forgive me Angel I didn't mean to shout at you…" 

"I'm afraid I won't be good enough!" The tears appeared back in the Angel's eyes but he had a gaze of determination, as though Crowley's words had shocked his stubborn tongue into action. 

"I am not totally ignorant of sex and what it is Crowley, but I have no experience. I've never even held your hand for more than a few seconds for a handshake. I don't know how to kiss, or touch or do anything you could want in that arena… So how could I possibly satisfy you? How could I possibly make you feel good and wanted? Or, for that matter, I know so little of my own body I don't even know what to tell YOU to do for me. You would ask me what I needed or wanted and I would just say "I don't know" over and over again." 

Crowley wanted to say something but didn't dare interrupt lest he cause the Angel to lose his bravery. 

"And, I worry about my body. I worry that it isn't attractive. I worry that I am not the physical ideal you would want and desire. You say you want the things I want, but you've never seen me without my clothes, or at least not since the Roman baths and even then, it was hardly a glimpse. I don't even know if you would want a male-presenting corporation." 

Crowley nearly interrupted at the outrageous notion that he wouldn't find the Angel physically beautiful but was rightly cut off before he could interject. 

"And, I have also seen sex be, well, damaging to some humans." 

Crowley felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him, and his desire to interrupt had been completely squashed by a look of sadness creeping into the Angel's eyes. 

"I have seen… well, humans, use sex for power and domination in unhealthy or unsafe ways. I've seen sex involved in assault, I've seen it be painful… even in consensual situations I've heard that people can be so afraid to voice their discomfort with sex and sexuality that they allow themselves to be in pain for want of not hurting their partner's feelings." 

The Angel must have seen something in Crowley's expression, because he quickly continued, "Please believe me, my dear, I know you wouldn't do anything to purposefully hurt me, but I am afraid that I would lack the strength to be honest with you if you did. I don't want to lose you, I want to please you, and I'm afraid I won't be able to in a wide variety of ways. I… I love you… Crowley… I don't want anything to happen that would stop you from loving me too." 

Crowley sat with his hands pressed against his knees, still as a statue, keeping his eyes firmly directed at his Angel. His beautiful, stunning, brave Angel. With all of his will, he pushed the tears beginning to well up in his own eyes away. He knew he needed to be steady and choose his words carefully, and try not to take too long a pause before speaking…

"Angel… first… may I please put my hand on top of one or both of yours?" 

Aziraphale's breath hitched slightly, but a small smile started to form at the corner of his lips. He looked down at his right hand now resting on his knee and back up into Crowley's eyes as if to give him permission to touch before saying, "Yes, dear, that would be alright." 

Crowley tentatively reached his left hand forward and placed it on top of Aziraphale's right hand. Despite all of his emotion, the Angel's skin still felt cool and dry and soft and welcoming to his touch. The Demon felt a kind of electricity flow through him at the contact, slightly deadening the pervasive ache he'd been feeling in his chest throughout their conversation. He allowed his thumb to rub gentle circles around the side of the Angel's hand, and while he felt a slight flutter of tension, he heard Aziraphale let out a small sigh and relax into the contact. 

"Aziraphale… I'm going to try as hard as I can to tell you how I feel, but I don't have the same, um… way with words that you do. There's a part of me that wants to just tell you you're a bloody idiot to be worried about all of these things you just told me." 

The Angel tried to protest, but Crowley stopped him just in time, his thumb still rubbing circles on his hand as if the Angel himself was a worry-stone. 

"But you're not… an idiot… in any way… you're… brilliant and brave and honest and you express your mind and soul better than I ever could. And… I love you too, Angel." 

"Oh my dear," he sighed in some relief, "I love you so very much, and I don't deserve your praises, I haven't always been honest with you or shown you kindness…" 

"You deserve the world Angel; the whole universe isn't enough for what you deserve. And, like you said, our circumstances used to be very different. I know you LIKE me as well as love me…"

'We have nothing whatsoever in common I don't even like you'. Aziraphale winced at his words, remembering their dreadful conversation in the gazebo.

Crowley continued, "… so please… don't worry about things said or done in the past, we're here now. And I've heard everything you've said, and I'm still trying to process all of it…"

"Crowley you can take all the time you need, I just needed to…"

"Please, Angel, let me finish my thought and then we can, well, process all of this together." 

"Apologies, dear, please continue."

"First, I don't want you to apologize for anything. Everything you've told me is important for me to know and they are all subjects I want to be aware of and honor as we move forward." 

The Angel perked up at this… "You mean, what I've told you isn't too much? You still want to move forward?" 

"With everything that I am, have been and will ever be. I think, Angel, what you're trying to tell me, is that you want to go slow… wait, no not that… I think you're asking that we go at your pace. You want to move forward, you want to explore your feelings for me, but you just need me to be patient. I can do that… I've done it for 6000 years and I could do it for 6000 more if you needed me to."

Aziraphale seemed to tense up again just a bit and he couldn't quite look into Crowley's eyes… "I know Crowley… but… I just don't know what the future holds, and I don't know if my anxieties will ever ease at all… it… feels like I'm asking too much of you…" 

"It isn't too much… because… I love you. And when you really love someone, you do all you can to help them feel comfortable and happy and wanted and cared for. I would gladly spend the rest of my days being there for you, Angel, however you want me to be. You have to know that's true." 

"I do my dear, I truly do, I just… I can't quite believe it is all."

"Besides," Crowley said, his eyes shining brighter as he looked down towards the Angel's knee, "it looks like you're getting more comfortable already." 

The Angel let out a little gasp as he looked down and saw something completely unexpected. 

"Oh, oh Crowley!" 

The fondness in the Angel's voice replaced the previous ache in Crowley's chest with a new kind of feeling; a blooming of warmth the likes of which he'd never felt. At some point during their conversation, Aziraphale had turned his hand over so that their palms touched, while Crowley's thumb continued to stroke gentle constant circles. 

"See Angel, this is how we'll let everything happen. We'll let your mind and your body decide what to do, and I'll be there for every step. Don't think of it as us going slow or at your pace, just think of it as listening to yourself and what you want in each moment, and we'll just let it all happen, well… naturally." 

Then Angel beamed at his best friend and love, "I think that sounds more wonderful than I could have ever imagined my dear." 

Crowley gently squeezed Aziraphale's hand, and he squeezed back. "How does this… feel?", asks the Demon tentatively. 

"Oh… oh very nice actually. My… my heart is beating a bit faster than it probably should for this corporation, but I'm not fully sure it's a bad thing." 

Crowley smiled gently, "I think over time you'll figure out whether your heart is beating because you're excited or because you're anxious. Also, in case I wasn't clear, Angel, you can and should always tell me to stop if you need me to. I promise I always will, immediately. Nothing between us will happen without consent." 

The Angel sighed in tremendous relief, and even took the initiative to squeeze Crowley's hand. "My dear, I'm so grateful you have no idea. Also, the same goes for you. My understanding is that these sorts of things go two ways. If I'm ever making you uncomfortable, or frustrated, or anything of the sort, you'll tell me, won't you?" 

"Of course Angel… you have my word." It was his turn to sigh in relief and let a comfortable silence hang between them. 

Crowley did have some lingering concerns in the back on his mind. He worried about his own self-control, he worried about accidentally startling or hurting the Angel, but he didn't want to bring up those worries now, not with the warm loving hand of his beloved clasped in his own… those were hurdles they could approach later, when they were ready. 

"So, Angel, how do you want to spend the rest of this evening?" 

Aziraphale thought for a moment, a slightly worried expression on his face. 

"Anything you want, Angel, just keep on being brave enough to be honest with me." 

The Angel seemed gather some confidence and then looked right into Crowley's eyes, "I think I'm still feeling a bit overwhelmed, and also quite tired, dear. I think perhaps you should head home to your flat and get some rest… and I think… I will do the same here. I think I will allow myself to sleep, and, well, not worry about anything that might… well… happen… in the night." 

Crowley smiled, glad that the Angel was already telling him exactly what he wanted and what he was comfortable doing even though he was blushing a bit over the words "happen in the night." 

"However…" the Principality continued… "I would very much like to see you in the morning at St. James. I will bring something for us to nibble on for breakfast, you can bring…" 

"The hot cocoa and the rolled oats for the ducks? It's a date Angel."

"Oh! Yes, my dear, let's say it's a date. A proper date. And, perhaps we can, hold hands while we sit on the bench? When we aren't eating that is… or… drinking our drinks… or, well I supposed it might be difficult to hold hands while also feeding the ducks and eating our pastries and…"

Crowley gently squeezed Aziraphale's hand, "Angel… it's ok… we'll do what we said we would remember? We'll hold hands when the moment is right… ok?" 

"Yes dear… we will… oh Crowley, thank you… you know… I'm so glad you told me about not feeding bread to ducks… I hadn't realized it wasn't good for them, and you know I also read that…"

As the Angel continued his train of thought, Crowley kept his golden eyes fixed on him, and as he did so, he made another list in his head. 

1\. Aziraphale would rest tonight with less worry  
2\. Crowley would barely be able to sleep tonight knowing what the future could bring between them  
3\. They'd have breakfast and feed the ducks in the morning like they had so many times before… but this time…it would be a proper date  
4\. They loved each other, and they were about to move forward into the relationship they'd dreamed of having for so very very long


	2. It's the Little Things...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our lovesick entities dive into their grand journey together, experimenting with little touches, and helping Aziraphale take some (for him) big leaps forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter acknowledges the existence of sex and pleasure, but can hardly be given a 'Mature' rating, all their actions together and conversations get a 'G' rating.

Crowley liked lists. 

Despite being a creature of chaos, he had an appreciation for order and design in the carrying out of said chaos. The night after their "talk", despite the exhaustion of the previous days, he'd stayed up all night making a 'touch list' for him and his Angel and committed it to memory. 

He thought of every intimate act two beings could have with each other, from a wink across a dinner table to shared orgasms and everything in between. There was so much for the two of them to experience together for the first time in this new 'arrangement'… the arrangement being a romantic relationship. The details he went into were precise, plentiful and impressive. 

He thought in terms of initiation of contact, consent, locations, proximity, positions, the things he'd say, the things he'd do, the places where he'd ask for a kiss and the places on the Angel's body he'd ask to kiss… he could go on and on… He thought of everything in terms of one big beautiful checklist. 

Saying "I love you": CHECK  
Placing his hand on top of the Angel's: CHECK  
Hand holding, palms touching: CHECK 

He reminded himself that this pursuit was going to be about the Angel and his comfort above all else. As excited and filled with anticipation as he was, he knew he needed to keep his desires in check. The image of Aziraphale pulling away from him, and the sound of him shouting "STOP" was something he hoped to never hear again, even though he knew he would if he ever accidentally pushed the Angel too far. 

"Right then," he thought to himself, "Let's start with some little things…" 

***** 

Their first official "date" was moving along as both had hoped. They'd started with breakfast on their regular bench and then moved on to the ducks, watching them scramble for the oats both on the water and the grass at their feet. They stood close together, chuckling at their determination to gobble up every last scrap, giving each other glances and sweet smiles. At one point, Crowley's glasses slipped down his nose, giving Aziraphale a glimpse of his golden eyes shining beneath. Crowley gave him a quick but intentional wink before pushing his glasses back up into place and he saw the Angel's perfect round cheeks go a bit pink. 

Aziraphale threw the last of his oats towards the water and when he brought his hand down, the back of it brushed against Crowley's. As he would have in the days before their recent ordeal, he pulled his hand away, more out of reflex than discomfort.

Crowley said nothing, did nothing, but he was grateful his glasses were on, so his eyes wouldn't betray his slight disappointment. He was about to dump the last of his oats from the bag and suggest they go elsewhere when he felt another brush of Aziraphale's hand against his. He looked at the Angel's face and saw he was looking down at their hands, watching their knuckles move closer and closer together, an ever so slight tremble in Aziraphale's fingers. 

Crowley realized the last brush had been intentional, the Angel was clearly testing his personal boundaries, trying to get himself more comfortable with this kind of contact between them. Just as Crowley was thinking of using his hand to feed the ducks one more handful of oats, there was a third, slightly more lingering brush of their hands, emboldening him to speak.

"Do you want to take my hand, Angel?"

Aziraphale started suddenly at his words but didn't pull his hand away. "Oh! Um… well…"

"Because you can if you like. You're always welcome to… whenever you want… you don't even need to ask me unless you feel you want to… ask… that is…" Crowley was failing miserably at being nonchalant again. He was just so excited that Aziraphale seemed to be initiating touch between them this early on… he thought this moment would be weeks away. 

Aziraphale actually seemed to relax a bit over Crowley's words. It gave him a certain comfort to know he wasn't the only one with nerves about this new 'arrangement.' 

"Why yes dear, I would like to take your hand. And… I would also… if it's alright… I'd like to um… how would you say this… can we, thread our fingers together? You know, one on top of the other? Or is it between… I'm not really sure…"

"You can take my hand however you wish Angel, always." 

Aziraphale smiled fondly at his demon, took a breath, looked back down, and weaved their fingers together as if they'd been doing so for centuries. There was still a slight tremble in his hand, but when Crowley looked into his eyes, he realized it was because a giddy giggle was rising up in his Angel. 

Aziraphale couldn't take his own eyes off of their clasped hands, he even swung them slightly, letting his joyful laughter ring out just a little… just enough for the ducks in front of them to hear. 

Crowley allowed fondness to spread directly from their hands and up into his chest, "Well, I'm just about out of oats and our breakfast is done. Do we need to go somewhere for second breakfast, Angel?" 

Aziraphale gave his hand a squeeze. "My dear I've always said you're full of sinful ideas. Perhaps we could walk back towards mine and see if we come across anything scrummy along the way?" 

Crowley rolled his eyes a bit behind his glasses. "Scrummy? Oh Angel, you really have a way with words… Oi!" 

With his light teasing, Aziraphale reacted in a way that might have seemed perfectly natural to most, but for an Angel with touch-insecurity was quite something… he'd taken their clasped hands and smacked them against Crowley's hip, a little gleam in his eye. 

"Scrummy is a perfectly descriptive word my dear boy. Now come along, let's head back to the bookshop." 

"Lead the way, Angel." 

As they walked up the path through the park, still hand-in-hand, Crowley made the necessary additions to his list… 

Flirtatious wink: CHECK  
The Angel initiating holding hands: CHECK  
Lacing fingers: CHECK  
Playful taps: CHECK 

It had been a very productive breakfast indeed…

*****

Over the course of the next week, the two of them took 'hand-holding' to new heights, and began to introduce other little touches as well… 

For hand-holding, they could hardly stand to let the other go. They held hands on walks, while chatting in the bookshop, they'd even attempted to keep them held while enjoying a meal, which proved a little challenging, especially when one of them needed to wipe their mouth with a napkin… but still, they held on best they could. 

Crowley's hand seemed to be replacing Aziraphale's waistcoat as the thing he touched when he was nervous, and the Demon was elated that something which had brought the Angel such distress just days before was becoming a source of comfort. 

On the eighth day of the rest of their lives, they sat on the well-worn couch in the back of the bookshop watching a movie; a Buster Keaton film of which Aziraphale was especially fond. Asking for each other's consent with every move, they'd ticked off several new items on the checklist…

Demon's head resting on Angel's shoulder: CHECK  
Angel's head resting on top of Demon's head: CHECK  
Rubbing each other's palms with fingers and thumbs: CHECK  
Gentle arm scratches: CHECK  
Demon draping an arm across Angel's shoulders: CHECK  
Angel's head resting on Demon's shoulder: CHECK 

With each of these steps, the Angel had seemed a bit stiff, in some moments to the point where Crowley considered breaking off the contact. But Aziraphale always assured him that he needed "just a moment, dear" and would relax into the new touch. Crowley was absolutely elated. 

By the time they reached the end of the movie, Crowley had his arm around Aziraphale's shoulders, gently scratching his fingernails up and down his arm, and Aziraphale's head was leaning on his Demon's shoulder and the top of his chest. Both were in a state of absolute bliss, and even a bit of surprise that this piece of intimacy between them had fallen into place so easily. 

The credits rolled and the Angel sat up, prompting Crowley to gently, though reluctantly, remove his arm. 

"Well Angel, it's getting late and I should probably head home. The plants need to be spoken with before the night is through." 

"Oh," the Angel was not a fan of Crowley's harshness towards the plants, "do try to show them some of the patience you show me, dear… they do try so hard to please you." 

Crowley couldn't help but chuckle at his words, "Walk me out, Angel?" 

The two stood and headed towards the front door of the shop. They'd taken to holding both hands and squeezing tight to say good night over the course of the week, and Aziraphale held out both hands to Crowley to resume their nightly ritual. 

Instead of taking the Angel's hands, Crowley, feeling bold after the last two hours of cuddling, decided to take a risk at checking one more item off the list. 

"Angel, how would you feel if I gave you a hug? It's been so wonderful today, you've taken so many leaps with me. I completely understand if another one would be too much…" 

"Yes! Oh… well…" Aziraphale seemed to surprise himself with his own exclamation but was also quick to start trembling.

Crowley was quick to backtrack based on the Angel's body language. "You can say no Aziraphale, you never have to say yes to anything…" 

"I do wish to hug you dear! Truly… just… um… this might seem silly but… gently? Oh, I don't know why I'm fretting, you had your arm around my shoulders for the better part of an hour…" 

"Angel, you never have to explain yourself to me, remember? What's comfortable to one person can be the very opposite to another. It's different sensations, different feelings in your body, and you can't always control how you'll react. We can try another time if you…" 

"Oh Crowley, you say wonderful things like that to reassure me and it… well… ironically… makes we want to hug you."

The two couldn't help but laugh. The Demon was quickly learning that talking through these things was a key part of this journey they were taking. Aziraphale was indeed ready and willing for so many things, they just needed to take the time to talk it out; something Crowley thought might be tedious, but usually just resulted in his heart melting pleasantly in his chest. 

Crowley continued, "Why don't you put your arms around me where you're comfortable Angel and I'll follow." With that he opened his arms, giving Aziraphale permission to touch him where he wanted."

Taking a bit of a breath to steel himself, Aziraphale tentatively stepped forward, and gently circled both arms around the Demon's waist… letting his cheek just barely rest against his chest as he gave him the lightest of squeezes. Crowley brought his arms down and circled them with the same care around his Angel, resting both hands on his back in the area where his wings would spring from his body. 

As the Angel relaxed and sighed into the contact, Crowley enacted a minor miracle to stop his heart from thundering as hard as it wanted to… he didn't want to scare him. 

Neither could say how long they stayed that way… they knew the hug began in the evening and they broke apart in the evening… but how many hours or days passed in between would remain a mystery. 

Crowley would remember, after breaking apart, making his way to the Bentley and blissfully making one more adjustment to his list… 

Hug: CHECK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so genuinely thrilled by the reception this piece is getting already... thank you all so much for your kind words... I hope I don't let you down (or at least Azi and Crowley because they deserve the world)! Next chapter will likely have some angst... because sometimes our fantasies of certain moments and "firsts" don't always go as planned.


	3. Forward, Back and Forward Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the angst train... beep beep... get on board! It's not that bad, I swear... but they dove into this whole business without talking about some really important details of Azi's needs and insecurities. They need to spend the next two chapters figuring some things out, but they'll still check off some really lovely things on the checklist along the way. They will be MORE than fine, I promise. I would rate this specific chapter Teen+, but it's very sweet stuff. TW: body image issues related to Aziraphale's weight.

It had been nearly three weeks since their trials in Heaven and Hell, and Crowley found himself sitting in the Angel's favorite chair in the back of the bookshop, head in his hands, a single tear breaking through his fingers and dropping onto his trousers. He was a near carbon copy of his Angel from the night of their talk when he'd tried to grab Aziraphale's hands after their confessions of love. 

Despite his careful action and concentration, he'd slipped. He'd done the thing he swore he wouldn't do again after that night… he'd made the Angel scream "STOP!" at an act of his touch. 

The thoughts running through his head were the same as they'd been that night, "Did I just ruin everything?" 

*****

The hugs had been an absolutely glorious development in their relationship. Crowley was shocked by how many boxes on the checklist began to fill in this category of their touches.

Hug 'hello': CHECK  
Hug 'goodbye': CHECK  
Hug 'just because': CHECK  
Quick Hug: CHECK  
Lingering Hug: CHECK  
Hug so long they weren't sure what time it was: CHECK  
One-armed hug: CHECK  
Two-armed hug: CHECK  
Hug with arms around neck: CHECK  
Hug with arms around waist: CHECK  
Hug with accompanying back rubs/scratches: CHECK  
Hug with accompanying arm rubs/scratches: CHECK  
Hug with gentle squeeze: CHECK  
Hug with tight squeeze: CHECK  
'Bear' Hug while swinging back and forth slightly, giggling with joy and saying 'I love you' at the same time: CHECK

And… the truly unexpected and most joyful addition to the list yet… 

Angel telling the Demon he could hug him without asking first: CHECK 

Crowley was fairly certain that if Aziraphale told him this was it, this was as far as he would go physically, these hugs, he would feel only minimal disappointment. The hugs communicated so much between them: love, gentleness, warmth, adoration, even passion.

The hugs had also opened doors to other even more casual touches between them… ones the Demon was sure would have come before the hugs when initially formulating his list…

Angel placing a hand on the small of the Demon's back to usher him through a door: CHECK  
Demon placing a hand on the Angel's shoulder to move past him between narrow bookshelves: CHECK  
Legs and thighs touching while sitting on the couch together: CHECK  
Demon resting his feet in the Angel's lap while watching a movie: CHECK 

Every last one of these moments felt precious; full of sparks and gentle contentment. Crowley spent their moments apart wondering what he'd done to deserve this… such tenderness on a daily basis. 

And it was in that addled state of bliss that he'd slipped. He'd gotten too comfortable. He'd let himself be careless. 

As with many mistakes, the intention behind it had been good. They were hugging all the time, hardly a reason behind the contact. He'd been napping on the couch, as he was often wont to do in the late afternoon while the Angel shooed away any customers to prepare for an evening together. He awoke to see Aziraphale with his back to him, standing in between two narrow shelves of books; lost in a text he was holding in his right hand, his left arm dangling by his side. 

Crowley got the idea in that moment, and got up as quietly as possible, his footfalls nearly silent as he approached the Angel. He managed to get right behind his Principality without him noticing, and gently snaked his arms around Aziraphale's middle, pressing his front to the Angel's back in a surprise hug. 

At first, the Angel appeared pleased, but mere seconds afterwards, Crowley could physically feel his terrible mistake. 

"Oh! Hello my dear… oh.. no… no no no CROWLEY STOP!" 

Crowley let go immediately and backed away as if the Angel's back was on fire, the book Aziraphale had be holding dropped to the floor facedown, several of its precious pages getting bent in the process. 

Aziraphale was visibly shaking, his hands pressed against his waistcoat, fingers looking for his regular worry spots, his eyes darting between Crowley's face and the book on the floor. 

Crowley felt his stomach sinking and he let out a smattering of desperate apologies, "I'm so sorry Angel… I shouldn't have… I should have asked… please I'm… I'll… I'll just go… I'm so so so so sorry I…" 

As the Demon stammered, the Angel looked away and fixed his gaze on the book on the floor. He gathered it up, noting that several pages were indeed bent where it had been dropped. 

Still trembling, Aziraphale finally responded. "Crowley, I… I need to go upstairs to my flat to… um… tend to this book for a moment. Would you please please stay down here? I... shouldn't um... be more than a few minutes." 

Everything in Crowley's mind told him to flee. It was often the first place his mind went in times of great distress. 'Alpha Centauri! Let's go!' Leaving the planet sounded like an excellent plan in this moment, given how much he's upset his Angel. But he couldn't deny Aziraphale anything he asked for…

"Of course, Angel… I'll be here… I'm… please I'm so so so sor-" 

"I'll be back… um… in a moment Crowley… we'll… we'll talk about this in just a moment…" 

And with that, the Angel darted up the stairs, door opening and shutting quite hard behind him. 

***** 

That was nearly 20 minutes ago according to the grandfather clock in the corner of the shop, and Crowley still sat, wondering how many more torturous minutes would pass before the Angel came downstairs and ended their new relationship. 

He couldn't believe he'd been so stupid; just surprising the Angel out of nowhere like that. Yes, Aziraphale had said they could hug without permission, but there had always been eye contact beforehand, or some unspoken implication that contact was about to happen. He'd tried so hard to be respectful and careful of his best friend's needs, and still managed to completely fail less than a month after the new 'arrangement' had taken hold. 

It was Crowley's turn to tremble as he finally heard the door of the flat upstairs open, and the gentle yet steady footsteps of the Angel coming down the stairs. 

In another parallel of the night of their 'talk', Aziraphale took the spot Crowley had occupied that night on the couch. He sat with his body pointed towards Crowley, but with his eyes looking down at where his fingers gently worried at his waistcoat. 

Crowley didn't know exactly what to do, so he just started speaking, trying to keep the panic out of his voice…

"Angel, I know it isn't enough, but it's all I can think to say… I'm sorry. I was so careless. I shouldn't have snuck up behind you like that, it was so so stupid. I promise I wasn't trying to upset you, I was just trying to give you a… I don't know… surprise? And… of course now that I say that word… surprise… it's so irresponsible of me because you very clearly asked…"

"Crowley, please!" 

Crowley was somewhat grateful for the interruption, since his apologies seemed to be going in circles. 

"My dear, it wasn't… it wasn't the hug itself that startled me. Well, that is to say it did… startle me that is… your intention of it being a surprise… it was that… a surprise… but not a bad surprise… well, just… oh dear…"

The rubbing at his waistcoat became more frantic, and Crowley's heart continued to sink into his stomach at the sight of it… he felt like they were truly back at square one. With a quick sigh and a stiffening of his upper lip, Crowley tried to see what could be saved of the situation. 

"It's alright Angel, you can tell me I screwed up. I know I did, I take full responsibility, and, whatever you need from me, just let me know and I'll…"

"Crowley, love, I just need a moment to tell you what happened. It wasn't your hug that made me tell you to stop it was… um… it was where you put your hands during the hug…" 

Crowley was trying to envision what the Angel was talking about… his hands? Where had he put his hands when he hugged him? It had all happened so fast and he wasn't thinking clearly. 

Seeing the Demon's confusion, the Angel continued, "When you first put your arms around me it was quite lovely dear. I could feel you leaning into my back and it felt very good, I assure you! But then I noticed your hands were… well… they were in a spot that… um… you hadn't really touched before and, I just felt myself go swimmy in the head and I panicked, and… oh Crowley I'm the one who should apologize, I'm being so silly again after everything new we've been doing these last weeks… I… 

"Where did I touch Angel? I can't even see it in my mind, please tell me where…"

"MY STOMACH! Crowley, you… you had your hands on my big, soft, stomach." 

The Angel had said the last three words with a tone of disgust in his voice that shook Crowley to his core. His mind began to reel, zooming backwards in time to the night of their 'talk'… 'I'm worried you won't find me attractive' the Angel had said… but they hadn't spoken in detail about the parts of Aziraphale's body he felt were unattractive. The Demon's own stomach sank like a lead balloon as everything fell into place. 

Aziraphale was insecure about his body in general, and Crowley had, without consent or forewarning, touched the part of his body he was most sensitive about. He searched for words to say… how would he approach this? This felt so much bigger than talking through the other insecurities Aziraphale had. But before he could begin, Aziraphale continued…

"I know you didn't mean to upset me dear, and I know you probably think it's silly of me to have reacted that way. Like I said a few weeks ago, I know I'm asking so much of you and I just feel awful about all of this and…"

"Angel please please PLEASE stop. You have NOTHING to apologize for. I'm the one who touched you in a place I shouldn't have, I should have thought before I acted, I'm the one who…"

Tears pricked the corners of Aziraphale's eyes as he interrupted, "No my dear don't you see? You didn't do anything wrong, I am the one with the mountain of insecurities to overcome, I should have told you more, I'm the burden, I'm…". He couldn't continue, he just allowed the tears to fall, looking away from Crowley." 

Crowley buried his face in his own hands and allowed tears he'd been pushing back to come. He wanted to dash to the Angel's side so they could cry together; hold each other through this crushing moment. But they were frozen in place; Crowley terrified to move, and Aziraphale wracked with guilt over the entire situation. 

The Demon took the silence as an opportunity to collect his thoughts… this was a critical moment. He knew he needed to get these words 'right' or he may not be able to save the situation. He did what he did best… he made a list of things he wanted to say to the Angel and tried to steady himself to the point where he could let him know what he was feeling. 

"You know how I like lists, Angel?" 

The Angel sniffled, but took his hands away from his face to look at his Demon. "Oh, yes dear. I believe I got you a lined notebook for Christmas one year, so you could, well, list your thoughts." 

"That's right Angel… I think I have that book somewhere in my flat. Um… Angel I have a list of things I need to say to you. Is it ok if I say them?" 

The Angel seemed to calm himself a bit and even brighten at the request. 

"Yes dear, I think, I should be able to handle that…" 

"Thanks Angel, really. Ok… first… Neither one of us needs to apologize for this. There wasn't any negative or cruel intention behind anything that happened. We just, had some missteps and something unexpected happened for both of us and now we're here. Ok?"

"Yes dear, I can agree with that, even if we both feel terrible about it." 

"Of course. Second, we need to talk about the touch between us more. We're very good at permission and consent and talking through steps and mechanics, but we haven't talked much about the things you told me the night of our 'talk.' I need to better understand what your fears are and where they come from and how you want us to progress. You told me you had insecurities about your body, but I never bothered to ask you WHERE on your body those insecurities existed. If I had taken the time to do that, this wouldn't have happened."

"You have to let me take some responsibility for that too my dear. I should have taken the time to tell you… but I've just been so excited lately about how well this has gone, how much I haven't panicked at all that I… well… I didn't think…" 

"Let's not worry about what we did or didn't do before, Angel. Let's just make a plan to talk about those things more moving forward. Ok?"

"Alright dear, you're right and we will, even if it's uncomfortable." 

"One more thing I need to tell you, Angel…" 

"Yes, my dear?" 

"You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." 

Aziraphale's body seized up a bit at this statement, and he looked away as his cheeks grew red. "My dear you don't have to say things like that just because I'm upset, especially false things…"

"Not false! I don't lie to you Angel, I couldn't if I tried. Every piece of you inside and out is so deeply beautiful. You radiate beauty from every part of you. You're worried about me finding you attractive? It should be the least of your worries. Honestly, I think a part of me hugged you the way I did earlier today because I've always wanted to feel your beautiful warm belly against my hands."

Now Aziraphale was truly turning crimson and hugged his arms around himself in a way that made Crowley ache… but he couldn't help but continue… emotion welled up in his voice. 

"Aziraphale I can't even begin to list the number of times I have imagined resting my head on your stomach. I imagine how warm and soft it would feel against my face. I imagine resting there as you card your fingers through my hair and rub my scalp, feeling content and safe against you. I imagine turning my head and covering that part of you in kisses, you giggling because I'm tickling your skin. I've thought about it so many times and in such detail. I know it might make you uncomfortable to hear me say it like that Angel, but I swear to you it's the truth."

The Principality seemed to sit up straighter at the Demon's words, his arms less tightly wrapped around his middle. Though he didn't quite know how to respond, he was strangely enthralled by the Demon's description of this sweet fantasy. 

"I know there isn't much I can say or do to make you feel as beautiful as you are. That's something we'll need to weather together and something that will become more comfortable with time. But please Angel, please don't think for a second that your belly isn't a part of you that I love and want to touch." 

Silence hung between them for a time… not uncomfortable… but filled with anticipation. They seemed to be watching the other process the situation at hand, not entirely sure how to move forward. 

Finally, Aziraphale was the one to speak. "My dear, I don't quite know what to say. What I want to say most is that… I love you too. And the… well… um… I suppose the right word is… um… fantasy… oh!" The Angel covered his mouth, still struggling to find comfort in using certain words to describe their feelings. 

"It's alright Angel, I suppose that's what you could call it, yes…"

"The, well, fantasy… you have about resting on my… well, you know… it doesn't sound unpleasant to me. A bit confusing perhaps, but not unpleasant. But I think you are correct that we need to speak in more detail about my insecurities. You're right… if you don't know what they are, then how can we work through them?" 

"There's no rush Angel, that conversation can wait for another…" 

"There was a piece of your… um… fantasy… Crowley that I found especially interesting…"

Crowley's ears perked up at this admission. "Oh? What was that?" 

"Um… well… the part where I run my fingers through your hair? The part where I rub your scalp with my fingertips?" 

Crowley felt his mouth go dry. "Um… yeah? What about that part?"

"Well," the Angel seemed to lose some of the tremble in his voice, "That is something I supposed I have, well, fantasized about as well. I've always found your hair quite beautiful, Crowley, no matter the length or style." 

It was Crowley's turn to go a bit red. The Angel hadn't really complimented anything about his body up until now, and it made his heart sing to hear the admission. 

"Can I tell you what I would like to have happen this evening Crowley?" 

"Of course, Angel." 

Aziraphale scooted himself to the far edge of the couch, away from Crowley, grabbed the pillow leaning against the arm and placed it on his lap. 

"I think I would like you to put your head on this pillow in my lap, and for us to talk a bit about those insecurities I mentioned. And, perhaps while we talk, I will run my fingers through your hair and you can… well… if you really wish… and… please… only after letting me know when you are going to do so first… you can um… lean your head against my, well, belly as you call it." 

Emotion welled up in the Demon's whole corporation. He felt tremendous relief mixed with a thundering heart over the prospect of lying in his Angel's lap. He couldn't help but let a small chuckle of pure joy escape his lips. 

"You amaze me, Angel. You're so much braver than me. I really appreciate you wanting to talk about these things like this, but I don't want you to be uncomfortable, we can just talk as we are now." 

"Honestly, my dear, I couldn't tell you why, just, an instinct I suppose… I truly do think if I can run my fingers through your hair while we talk it will be easier to do so. This is me, well, 'listening to my body and my mind' as you once put it. This is what my body and mind want to do as long as you are amenable." 

Crowley didn't need any further encouragement. He stood, crossed to the couch, and gingerly laid his head on the pillow in the Angel's lap, propping his feet on the opposite arm of the sofa. He let a breath of contentment escape his lips, and then a small gasp as the Angel gingerly laid his trembling hand on top of the Demon's head. Aziraphale smiled down at him over the Demon's reaction to his touch. 

The Demon knew they had much to discuss, but the Angel's instincts had been spot on… doing it like this made the prospect of this important conversation so much easier. 

Demon's head on Angel's lap: CHECK  
Angel's hand in Demon's hair: CHECK  
Challenging but important conversations about comfort and boundaries: CHECK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talks, more intimate touch than they've ever had before, and dare I say some kind of kiss in the next one? Thanks again so very very much for the comments and feedback... they've fed my soul in ways you wouldn't believe!


	4. Dare to Let Yourself Feel Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our wonderful Anxiety Twins from Heaven and Hell finish their conversation from earlier in the evening, realizing that talking through the difficult stuff is a necessary step to opening their hearts and corporations up to one another... intense softness ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst train part II... let's get all the insecurities out in the open so we can move forward! TW: Aziraphale continues to talk in more detail about the parts of his body he doesn't like, and Crowley talks through his fear of abandonment as well.

"Is this pressure alright, dear?" 

For the better part of 10 minutes, Crowley had been lying nearly boneless with is head on a pillow in the Angel's lap while the Principality carded his hands through the strands of the Demon's fiery red hair. He'd only needed to give minimal instruction and the Angel was giving him the best scalp massage of his existence: blunt manicured nails scratching perfectly at his roots, gentle tugs on his locks, and rubbing with perfect pressure at the back of his neck. 

Crowley let out a satisfied sigh that nearly sounded like a hiss. "It'sss absolutely perfect Angel, thank you."

Best scalp massage of the Demon's life: CHECK 

He could have stayed there forever, basking in the loving contact and letting his eyes get heavier and heavier towards a second nap of the day; but he knew they needed to continue their conversation from earlier, even if it might break the spell of this perfect moment. 

"Um… Angel… lovely as this is… Ohhhh…" Crowley was distracted by an especially amazing scratch Aziraphale was giving him behind his right ear… "I think… we still need to do some talking, yes?" 

Aziraphale ceased his scratches for a moment before resuming, a little more absent minded in his actions and with his fingers trembling just a little. "I suppose you're right, dear." 

Crowley opened his eyes a crack and looked up. The Angel's face had some worry lines appearing, but he didn't seem panicked… The Demon also noticed that the Angel's hand that wasn't in his hair was trembling slightly against his waistcoat and seemed to be reaching towards him just a bit before retreating back. Crowley decided to take a risk and just ask…

"Angel, do you want to put your other hand on my chest? It's ok if you want to… or don't… up to you… I just see you trembling and I don't want you to be afraid to talk to me. You can hold onto me a bit if you think it will help."

"Oh… I, well… yes… may I please try that dear?" 

"Yes, please do." 

Aziraphale tentatively reached out and placed his hand on the Demon's chest, just slightly below his collarbones. Crowley smiled and purposefully took a deep breath in so his chest would rise high beneath the Angel's hand before letting out a contented breath and sigh. Aziraphale smiled, and the trembling hand settled fully, his thumb moving ever so slightly back and forth… a new and lovely worry spot. Crowley hoped his heart wasn't beating too fast for the Angel. 

"Oh, I think… I think I'm feeling your heart beating my dear." It was as if the Angel had read the Demon's thoughts. 

Crowley lifted his right hand, let it hover above the Angel's and looked into his eyes for permission. Aziraphale smiled and nodded and the Demon laid his hand on top, pressing down slightly so the Angel could feel the sensation of his heart even more. 

"It's been beating for you for millennia, Angel."

This time Aziraphale's face turned red not from embarrassment but with love. "Oh, my dear, and mine for you… I… I hope you know… despite all this silly… anxiety of mine… please know… I love you so much… I wish this wasn't so…"

"Angel, I promise you, with all that I am, your anxiety isn't silly, and I absolutely know that you love me. We wouldn't be working through all of this if you didn't. There are insecurities I have too, Aziraphale, you're not the only one who frets over things." 

The Angel furrowed his brow. "What insecurities do you have, love? You are so clever and have such confidence and, well, you're absolutely beautiful. I can't imagine you being insecure about anything." 

Crowley felt sparks shoot through him at the Angel's sweet words, but he also couldn't help but wince a bit. "I'm fallen, Angel. By definition I am a damned thing. I'm not meant to know happiness or joy or love or contentment or care. There will always be a part of me that feels I don't deserve the love you have to give because I was essentially deemed 'unlovable.' I suppose there will always be a part of me that worries you'll realize your terrible mistake in loving the likes of me and move on. Like I said before, the only thing you could ever do to truly upset me is ask me to leave for good… and I suppose I'll worry with each misstep I take that it will be too much, and you'll send me away." 

The Angel's hand pressed down on Crowley's chest a bit, and the Demon saw Aziraphale's lips trembling with emotion.

"Oh, my Crowley, please believe me when I tell you I could never imagine casting you away. Ever. I love you so much, and you have been so patient..."

"Only because you've been so brave, Angel. That's another fear I have… I'm… I'm NOT patient, by my nature… you know that. I worry that I WILL get frustrated one day, that I'll push everything we've been working towards backwards."

"Crowley… we… can't promise each other that we'll always say or do the right thing; we are far from perfect. Right? We… we just have to promise that we'll always be honest. That we'll always try our best. Oh… my dear it makes me so sad to hear you speak negatively of yourself in these ways. You're my sweet wonderful Demon and you are EVERYTHING in my eyes." 

"It can be frustrating can't it? Trying to convince someone you love of something you know to be true about them, but they can't quite believe you?"

Aziraphale narrowed his eyes at Crowley, as if to give him a quick scold, but thought the better of it… 

"Touché, dear." 

Crowley gently squeezed the Angel's hand against his chest and smiled warmly at him. They seemed to be learning just how similar they were when it came to their personal challenges and self-esteem. 

"I know you don't really want to Angel, but please, tell me more about your insecurities? What's wrong with your stomach?"

Crowley felt the trembling again in the Angel's hand and Aziraphale looked away from his gaze. 

Crowley spoke gently yet firmly, "Please Angel, it's like you said, how can I know what you need if I don't know what you're struggling with?" 

Aziraphale took a deep breath, nodded and began. "It's something I've always felt I suppose. Even in the beginning of my time on Earth I noticed my corporation was a bit, well, 'bigger' than other Angels. I was rounder and stockier... a bit shorter too. And then, I was, well, here, among the humans, and humans discovered glorious ways to enjoy their time on this planet… and I couldn't help but enjoy food and wine as much as they. And, well, I can't remember exactly when, but at some point, I was having some clothing tailored, and… um…"

Crowley noticed Aziraphale's fingers were no longer stroking his hair, they'd gone nearly still, except for a slight tremble within his locks. 

"Don't be scared, Angel, please."

"Well, it was the first time I noticed, the… well… stretch marks. These, horrible, red, ugly lines. I saw them there, in the mirror of the tailor's shop while a shirt I was wearing hung open. I was so horrified I actually miracled my way back here, to my flat upstairs. I have no regular need to take off my clothes you see… so, I hadn't really seen my corporation without clothes in a very long time. I went into my bathroom where I had a mirror and looked at myself. I noticed the marks were other places too. My wide hips and my large thighs. And, I don't know why, but something in my mind told me they weren't supposed to be there. That... I had, well... failed in some way, by allowing them to appear. I… I don't know that I've looked at myself in a mirror without clothes on since. And… well… I was just starting to get used to it, or at least accept that my corporation was no longer as pristine as it was when it was issued and then… Gabriel…" 

Crowley used near miracle-level strength to stay where he was and stay calm at the mention of that hideous name. "What about Gabriel? What did that sniveling bastard say to you?" 

"Um… well… he just… confirmed the truth dear… he told me that when I got back to Heaven to fight in the great war for the great plan, I needed to… 'lose the gut' I believe is what he said. And… well… those words just… Crowley? Are you alright? You're shaking…" 

"I need to figure out how to get back upstairs to your head office… I just want to have a quick conversation with that useless fucker… preferably with my fists doused in hellfire…" 

"Oh, Crowley, please! We just escaped those awful people on both our sides you can't be thinking…" 

"I know Angel, I know… I'm just… I'm furious with him… with all of them… none of them deserve to call themselves Angels. How fucking DARE HE even deign to speak to you that way…?" 

In his anger, Crowley almost didn't notice Aziraphale had begun rubbing his hand in a gentle circle around the top of his chest. He was still upset, but actually felt himself being soothed as Aziraphale continued. 

"I appreciate your words dear… even if they are a bit vulgar" he smiled down at Crowley showing he was only teasing, "But, regardless of what the Angels have said or done, my insecurities are also my own. I don't find those parts of my body attractive, so, I have a very hard time believing anyone else could. I… want you to know… I do want to reach a point where I'm not so insecure that I cannot be touched. Given the things I think we both want to well… explore about each other… it would be quite difficult for me to keep all of those parts of me away from your sight and hands, and well… other parts of you… Oh!"

Aziraphale's hand flew from Crowley's hair to cover his mouth again, slightly embarrassed. Crowley thought it was one of the cutest things he'd ever seen, he almost didn't want those moments to stop. 

Crowley allowed a short bit of laughter escape his lips. "Angel, I think about those things too, you know that. I'm just glad YOU'RE thinking about them, and you're willing to try and push past the insecurities that you feel. I think you're beautiful. I'm so looking forward to the day you feel comfortable enough to let me touch more of you, see more of you, all of it. But I can be patient for you… truly… we'll get there when the time is right." 

"Thank you dear. You were right yet again… it does make me feel a bit better to tell you these things." 

They looked at each other warmly, and Crowley took a moment to just feel the comfort of the Angel's hand on his chest, his head in his lap as he rested. Absentmindedly, he started cracking his knuckles on both hands. 

"Goodness!" exclaimed the Angel, "Such loud cracks, dear!"

"Ah, yeah, always been that way for some reason." 

"You must carry quite a bit of tension in your hands." 

"I'm a tense entity in general, Angel… a 'Tensity' as it were…" 

The Angel giggled lightly, "And you say 'I' have a way with words dear…"

"You know Angel, you could say, I'm a Scrummy Tensity." 

Aziraphale giggled more at his Demon's words, and Crowley could feel his sweet warm belly bouncing a bit towards the side of his face, making the Demon grin, and also wonder… was it too soon to take another leap? 

"Angel, you can absolutely say no, but, you told me to ask… can I… lean my head against your belly… just for a moment? I'll move it away the second you ask…?"

"Um… well… I can't say I entirely understand why… but… you've allowed me to indulge in a fantasy of mine with petting your hair… I suppose you could… um… lean a bit on me…" 

With that gentle permission, Crowley leaned his head a few inches to his left, and let the side of his face and head lean against the Angel's belly. 

If the Angel was trembling or tense at the moment of contact, he didn't notice. It was better than he'd imagined. Warm, soft, welcoming, alive… almost involuntarily, he let his nose nuzzle against one of the worry spots on Aziraphale's waistcoat, and he glanced up at the Angel, grinning like an idiot and completely blissful. 

Aziraphale's face was a bit nondescript at first, but upon seeing Crowley's giddiness, he couldn't help but crack a sweet smile. 

"One more thing, Angel, then I'll back away, I swear… can I… can I please just kiss you here? Like I said, it's what I always imagined." 

The Angel's smile waived for just a moment… but he simply couldn't resist the Demon's sweet request. "Oh… I suppose one quick kiss there is alright." 

With that, Crowley turned his head, gave the waistcoated belly one more quick nuzzle with his nose and planted a kiss just to the side of the little pearl buttons. Even through the fabric and even though the moment was quick, he felt the warmth against his lips and a surge of excitement over the prospect of one day kissing that belly with the clothes out of the way. He could wait… he would wait… the Angel was worth it. 

He turned his head away and settled his body on the sofa, closing his eyes in a moment of contentment. He almost didn't notice that the Angel had taken one of his hands in both of his own, and started massaging his thumbs into the palm. The Demon's eyes flew open at the intimate contact and he let out some slight moans at how good it felt. Aziraphale smiled at the little noises he was making. 

"To what do I owe this pleasure Angel?" 

The Angel chuckled a bit to himself as he continued working his thumbs into various pressure points on the Demon's hand. 

"Well dear, you said your hands, along with the rest of you, could get quite tense…"

"I'm a Tensity, Angel… don't forget our new word."

"Right, well, a long time ago, when I first opened this shop, there was a lovely palm-reader and fortune-teller who occupied the upstairs space next door. I joined her for tea on various occasions, just in an effort to be friendly to a fellow business owner, and she occasionally allowed me to watch her give her readings. I don't know that there was any true, well, ability there, but she gave her patrons such lovely massages along their hands as she told them their fortunes that they didn't seem to mind. They were in such a state of bliss over her ministrations they practically threw their money on the table when they left. I think that was her real talent, the hand massages."

Crowley, in a state of bliss, managed to comment, "Bless that woman." 

Aziraphale giggled yet again. He was clearly enjoying giving Crowley the massage. He rubbed the joints along his fingers, pulling them and making them crack, working the pads of his fingers into Crowley's own, working little knots of tension out, and letting the sounds of pleasure Crowley made bloom into warmth inside him. When he finished with one hand, he moved on to the next going through the same wonderful motions as before. 

"This is incredible Angel, thank you so much... for… everything tonight." 

Aziraphale didn't ask for an explanation, he knew what the Demon meant… it had been a challenging conversation, but now they were relaxing more than they ever had, the Angel taking the lead on bringing their touches to new heights. 

"Crowley, the um… fortune-teller always ended her readings in a very… well… specific way."

Crowley opened one eye and cocked his eyebrow, "How so, Angel?" 

"Well, she would… um… kiss the top of each of their hands and squeeze them." 

"Well, Angel, you really should end the massage the way she would have wanted you to… yes?" 

With that, Aziraphale lifted the Demon's hand and left a slow, lingering kiss on his knuckles, and then did the same with his other hand. Crowley could have cried from the tenderness of the moment. Both of Crowley's hands now lay on top of his chest, with both the Angel's hands on top… the two of them looking at each other with reverence. It was more perfect than either had imagined the evening could be, considering the way it began. 

Angel hands on Demon chest: CHECK  
Belly nuzzles and kisses: CHECK  
Hand massage: CHECK  
Angel kissing Demon hands: CHECK 

"Hey, Angel… do you um… mind if I return the favor…?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, glorious fluff in the next one friends! Aziraphale isn't the only one who received instruction in the past on how to give great massages... but will the Angel be amenable? FYI- I will likely get the 5th chapter done later this week and then take a week off for American Thanksgiving as I will be traveling and cooking and finishing up some important projects at work. Thanks a million for your wonderful comments!!!


	5. Rest Your Weary Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale lets Crowley "return the favor" and the discussion of an important "first" ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All fluff, hardly any angst this chapter because everyone, especially our Angel & Demon, deserve it! Only reason I would rate Teen+ is because of the implied existence of erections.

The Angel was so cute when he was flustered. 

Crowley never wanted to cause his beloved any distress… but there was something about the blustery way in which he outwardly processed his feelings that just melted the Demon's insides to lava. He had just proposed "returning the favor" after receiving two stunningly perfect massages from his Angel… his head, neck and hands hadn't felt this good in centuries. Aziraphale was clearly trying to decide how he felt about his Demon returning the intimate contact. 

"Oh! Oh… well… there's no need dear… I'm perfectly happy to have done these things for you. In fact, I hadn't quite realized… well… it's silly… "

"Angel that is a word we really REALLY need to work on eliminating from your vocabulary." 

The Angel sighed, knowing the Demon was right at his over usage of the word, and the act of belittling his own feelings by using it. 

"Well, I hadn't quite realized just how good it would feel to… well… do things like this for another being. I mean… well, I've performed countless little miracles, and that always felt good, helping people in what ways I could. But, I never really, well, helped anyone quite like this. Meaning, you were stressed so, I rubbed your hands for you, and, well, I think… you liked it, and it made you feel good, and made, well me feel good too and… Oh! I know I'm not being silly, but I don't think I'm being clear either…" 

"Sometimes I just can't handle how bloody sweet you are Angel… it's almost nauseating… Oi!" 

Aziraphale gave him a playful hit on his chest as he continued, "I said ALMOST Angel, ALMOST! I think what you're trying to say is that you've been so averse to touch for so long that you didn't realize touch could be an important part of helping others. You… well… told me once that you've seen touch… well… not just touch but sex… be used for harm… and you're not wrong. But, I think those instances have clouded your mind to the fact that those things can also be used with respect and comfort and love. Even I've seen sex be beautiful and my lot isn't really supposed to deal in those sorts of things…" 

Crowley looked back up into the Angel's steel blue eyes looking down on him in wonder. "Are you SURE you're a demon dear? This feels like a speech my lot should be giving you…"

"Never said I was a GOOD Demon…"

"But you are dear… you're the BEST Demon. And my best friend, and my best love, the very best… everything... and I don't care how 'nauseating' that might sound to you." 

"I love you Angel. Now, I'll ask once more and if you tell me no I'll drop the subject, but… may I please return the favor? I actually have a pretty great massage technique that will liquefy your bones if you'll let me. Those massages you gave me were beautiful, Aziraphale, and it made you feel so good to give them… I just want to switch."

Crowley wasn't surprised by the worry lines that appeared on the Angel's forehead… he knew he would have questions…

"Um, well, I'm not against the idea dear, but, um… is this a massage that would require well… the removal of any…" 

"Don't worry Angel, it's something you can stay clothed for. Basically, we would switch places and you'd put your head in my lap… on this pillow is fine." Crowley was trying not to be too eager, he was just so delighted the Angel was taking his offer into consideration. "Just… two recommendations if you'll take them…"

The Angel nodded and the worried expression seemed to soften knowing he wouldn't need to disrobe. 

"It isn't completely necessary, so if you're uncomfortable with the idea you don't have to, but it will feel much better if you take off your bowtie and unbutton just the top two buttons of your collar." 

The worry lines looked like they were about to return, but instead of fretting, the Angel took a breath and asked, "Um… dear, perhaps I should have asked earlier… what kind of massage is this exactly?"

Crowley paused for a moment, slightly apprehensive. He thought it might be enjoyable for him and the Angel to let the 'kind of massage' be a surprise, but he'd already tried one surprise tonight to disastrous results. 

"Well, Angel part of me wants it to be a surprise so you enjoy the sensation without knowing too much ahead of time, but I don't want you to worry. So… What if I tell you that it mostly involves my hands touching your face? Is that something that sounds like it would make you uncomfortable?"

Crowley was mildly shocked to see that the Angel didn't appear worried at all at his suggestion.

"Oh! Well, that actually sounds quite nice dear. Truly! I… um… well, that is to say, this corporation does give me headaches on occasion. I usually miracle them away, or do something medicinal but… perhaps your massage would do something to relieve whatever it is that causes them?" 

Crowley smiled up at him warmly, "I would certainly love to try, Angel. Come on now, let's switch spots." 

The Demon could have sworn he heard an ever so slight whimper from Aziraphale when he got up… like the Angel was sorry to have his warm Demon leave his lap. He couldn't help but smile to himself and file that moment away to think about later.

Aziraphale also stood and went about following the Demon's recommendations. He gingerly removed his beloved tartan bowtie and unbuttoned the top two buttons on his baby blue button down. Crowley had positioned himself in the same spot as the Angel, but with his back leaning against the arm of the sofa, legs crossed beneath him and the pillow in his lap. He really shouldn't have felt the slight shudder he did at seeing that miniscule patch of skin exposed at the Angel's throat… but seeing him be even the slightest bit vulnerable filled him with excitement for the future. But now it was time to worry less about the future, and more about making the Angel feel good now. 

"Crowley, did you, um… elongate my sofa…?" 

"Well… err… I just wanted to you be able to stretch out fully, Angel, just want you to be as comfortable as possible and maybe, you know, crinkle your clothes a bit less." 

"Oh, darling you didn't need to waste a miracle on my account." 

"You're the very best reason I can think of for frivolous miracles, Angel. Now come on, just put your head here on the pillow and I'll tell you more about what I'm going to do." 

Aziraphale seemed to have one more moment of hesitation as he looked towards the pillow in Crowley's lap, but when he looked into his eyes that final piece of worry seemed to melt away. He sat on the sofa, put his head on the pillow, stretched his legs out in front of him, and let himself shift around until he felt totally comfortable. Crowley noticed the Angel had kicked off his shoes before laying down to reveal a surprising pair of socks.

"Sushi socks, Angel?" 

"Oh! Yes! Don't you like them dear? I saw them in a shop around the corner and thought they were… well… fun! Did you know dear, this shop only sells socks? Just socks! And the place is filled with people all the time… locals… tourists… I had no idea socks were so popular. I remember a time before they even existed…"

Crowley let Aziraphale speak… he knew it was partially because the Angel was nervous. After deciding they would visit the shop together later that week, Crowley placed his hands on either side of Aziraphale's head on the pillow.

"So, Angel, you mentioned the woman who taught you to give good hand massages, well, I once knew a woman who gave incredible head, neck and even face massages. So, those are the parts of you I'd like to touch if that's alright? If I do anything that's uncomfortable, or the pressure is too much or too little, just tell me and I'll stop right away." 

The Angel closed his eyes for a moment as if to steel himself, and then opened them, looking brightly into the Demon's face, nodding, "I think that sounds good my dear… I don't think I've had my face, well, touched very much before, other than for a quick kiss 'hello' in greeting… so that will be a… new experience."

"I'm glad you're open to it, Angel, just let me know if you don't like anything I try." 

Crowley placed his hands on either side of the Angel's face, and the warmth and gentle pressure of his hands alone made Aziraphale close his eyes and let out a contented sigh. He tucked his fingers under the Angel's head, leaving only his thumbs free, and started brushing his thumbs gently across the Angel's cheeks; from the sides of his nose all the way down to the underside of his jaw. While the thumbs worked on this repetitive motion on his cheeks, gathering more and more pressure, he let the rest of his fingers gently rub little circles into the back of Aziraphale's scalp. 

The Angel made lovely, small, contented sounds, 'Ooos' and 'Ahhs,' as he worked his fingers, moving the thumbs to rub at the hinges of his jaw, down his perfect nose, across his chin, the sensitive skin under his eyes, and the pressure points where his jaw met his ears. 

Crowley had never seen the Angel so relaxed. His mouth hung open slightly thanks to the massaging around his jaw, and he seemed to be sinking more and more into the sofa as the rest of his body followed suit. At first he thought the thought Aziraphale might be trembling a bit from the touch, but instead it seemed as if a low buzzing energy was coursing through him. 

"Oh Crowley… I've… oh… never felt anything this good… this is just… oh it's so wonderful dear…"

When he started rubbing the cartilage of the Angel's ears Aziraphale let out a moan that made Crowley glad there was a pillow in his lap. He let some wicked images enter his mind's eye before pushing said thoughts far to the back of his psyche, and forcing his effort to control itself. 'Don't let those thoughts bubble up now you fool, or this will really be over before it's started,' he thought. 

He continued to rub with gentle pressure under the Angel's chin, and then did some feather-light strokes to the side of his neck and top of his throat after getting the Angel's permission. Aziraphale could see why the Demon had wanted him to unbutton his top two buttons since rubbing in that area might have been uncomfortable with his taut bowtie in place. 

Crowley then moved up to his temples and forehead, trying quite literally to rub away the worry lines, and then he started repeating a single, one-finger caress from between the Angel's eyes down to the tip of his nose, making his relaxed face and lips curl into a sweet little smile. "That tickles a bit dear," the Angel giggled. 

"I'm sorry Angel, shall I kiss it better for you?" He'd meant it as a tease, to maybe rile him up just a bit, but the Angel's face stayed relax. 

"You can if you wish Crowley." 

The Demon's hands went still for a moment where he'd been rubbing at the top of the Angel's scalp with both hands. He had spent the last few weeks thinking about kissing the Angel everywhere and in every way on his body. He'd already been granted a quick belly kiss, and now had permission to add a nose kiss to the checklist. But before leaning down, a memory occurred to him, and he wanted to see just how far the Angel would allow his comfort to be pushed in a single night…

"Before I do, Angel, remember how the woman who taught you the hand massage said she ended the sessions in a specific way, with the kisses?" 

"Yes dear…?" 

"Well, the woman who taught me how to do all of this used to end the massages with four kisses." 

Crowley had expected Aziraphale to tense up again at the suggestion, but he must have been so relaxed that he merely said, "Four? Hmmm… may I ask where the four kisses are supposed to um… go, dear?"

Now Crowley was the one trembling a bit… this would be the biggest step of the night. "Well, she would do one on the person's forehead, one on each cheek and then one… um… on the um… lips. Just pecks, mind you… as a way to um… well… say 'thank you' for letting her touch them so intimately." 

Aziraphale's tremble returned, and Crowley started internally kicking himself in the head. 

"Sorry, Angel, I… I'm sorry… I can tell… um… I shouldn't have suggested that… it's too much I know… I'm…"

"Aziraphale took his own hands and laid them on top of Crowley's, which were resting on the pillow on either side of the Angel's head, quieting his rambling." 

Despite the tremble in his hands and voice, his brave Angel spoke up… "Crowley, I'm… not against… well… kissing you… on the lips at all. It's just… well… you know how we've been speaking of well… um… fantasies… this evening…"

Crowley was fairly certain that his heart had completely ceased beating, but he managed to nod vigorously at the Angel. 

"Well, I have um… certain… well I know it’s sill- wait no… I'm not using that word anymore… you're right. I just have always, well, imagined our first kiss happening in a very specific way and I'm… well… I'm just not sure this is the right um… moment that I um… fantasized about. Which… now that I think of it… oh Crowley this is so selfish of me… it's your first kiss with me too and this whole relationship shouldn't just be about what I want and… and…"

Crowley slowly, quietly interjected, "Hey… hey Angel… Angel…" 

"Oh… um… yes, dear?" 

"It's ok. Everything is ok. Nothing you've said has upset me. Truly. I love you. I love that you've thought about our first kiss. I would love to hear you tell me how you want it to be. My fantasy about our first kiss has mostly been about the actual kissing part. The where and the how don't matter as much to me as they do to you and that is fine. We'll reach points where you indulge my fantasies too… you already have indulged one of them tonight, remember?"

"Oh, my dear… I love you so much… thank you. But, there were um… other kisses… um… other places you mentioned… right?"

Crowley chuckled, glad there was still a chance for his lips to make some contact with his Angel. "Yes… how about we finish the massage with one kiss on the forehead, one on each cheek and the final one on the nose to make up for the ferocious tickling I put you through earlier?" 

Aziraphale's eyes showed his gratitude for his Demon's playful offer better than his words ever could. He gave him a nod and then closed his eyes in anticipation, raising his head ever so slightly to welcome Crowley's kisses.

As Aziraphale had done with Crowley's hands earlier in the evening, Crowley left sweet, gentle, lingering kisses on each of the aforementioned spots. He hoped his lips weren't trembling too badly as they made contact with the Angel's warm, smooth, perfect sweet-smelling skin. Each kiss felt like a promise for more, the crumbling of a wall and the send up of a prayer of thanks to SHE who had cast him down… down to be with the heavenly creature in his lap. 

When the final kiss was finished on the tip of the Angel's gorgeous nose, Aziraphale let a little whimper of joy escape his lips. His eyes glistened with unshed tears as he stared up into the vibrant gold of his Demon love's beautiful gaze. 

With a exhale he said, "Thank you my dear," as one small tear of contentment spilled down his cheek. Crowley's eyes looked into the Angel's, but his mind returned to his list…

Angel in Demon lap: CHECK  
Face/Head/Neck Massage: CHECK  
Forehead Kiss: CHECK  
Cheek Kiss: CHECK  
Nose Kiss: CHECK  
Making the Angel feel so good and safe and loved they cried: CHECK 

As they took a moment of comfortable silence, Crowley was suddenly surprised by a deep, full body, shuddering yawn. The Angel couldn't help but chuckle. 

"Oh Crowley, it's very late and you must be exhausted. You should really get some rest, dear." 

"Couldn't agree more. You know… Angel… I've been meaning to ask you for some time now… do you… have a bed…?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments are glorious glorious things that make me so happy and energized to keep going... thank you all so much! Now, the sad news... this will be the last new chapter until early December because of a work deadline and then traveling for Thanksgiving. I promise I will not abandon you or these sweet sweet boys for long. And before Christmas, THERE WILL BE SMUT!


	6. The World you Find in Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley's inquiry as to whether or not the Angel has a bed and a continuance of their conversation about "first kisses" leads to whole new beautiful intimacies reached between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand we're back! Thanks so so much for your patience... I hope you feel it's worth it! Let's get these boys into a bed together, shall we...

The moment the question about the bed left Crowley's lips he regretted it. His corporeal brain started listing again:

1\. Touched the Angel on his stomach, almost ruined everything  
2\. Mostly fixed the problem and kissed said belly   
3\. Massages and joyfulness for everyone  
4\. Potentially mucking everything up again by asking to GO TO BED with the Angel 

"Oh! Oh, my dear! Oh what you must think of me…"

Crowley was confused, he was waiting for another bout of 'stupid-demon-who-pushes-things-too-far' anxiety from his love but instead, Aziraphale seemed pained in his expression. 

"Here I've kept you so many late nights in the last three weeks, some nights after we've been drinking, and I've never offered my own bed upstairs for you to sleep in… I've always just let you go off home on your own. I'm so sorry Crowley, you must think me an absolute beast for never offering to let you stay in my room until you felt comfortable going home!" 

Crowley most definitely considered correcting Aziraphale in this situation. The Angel had never upset him by ending their evenings with them going their separate ways. Crowley liked his flat and very much liked his own bed and his own space. Such preferences did not negate his love for his Angel and his desire to spend more time with him. BUT… 

Crowley wanted Aziraphale to become more comfortable with the idea of engaging in one of the Demon's favorite pastimes… SLEEP… and he decided to take just a tiny bit of advantage of the Angel's distress over not inviting him to use his bed to start easing him into the idea of the two of them sleeping together. 

"It's alright Angel…" he said with a bit of a yawn… "Um… not to impose, but if you do have a bed, I'm feeling especially sleepy tonight. Could use a miracle to make myself more ready for the drive home though… I wouldn't want you to…" 

"That is absolute nonsense Crowley! You are more than welcome to sleep here any time you wish. Please just allow me to quickly head upstairs and ah… freshen up the room for you, shall I? It really is no trouble my dear." 

Crowley let out a tiny whimper of protest, but the Angel was already dashing up the stairs. 

Moments later the Demon let out a small chuckle as he sensed Aziraphale using a couple of minor miracles up there. Crowley was guessing a change of sheets, removal of dust, and the organizing of several dozen piles of books was involved in the process. Ironic, given that the Angel had just protested Crowley miracling himself awake so he could drive home to his own flat. He also found it funny that they were both dancing around the idea of him staying overnight at the bookshop because they both wanted him to, instead of coming right out and talking about it. 

After a few minutes, Aziraphale called down to Crowley, "Come on upstairs dear!" 

Crowley felt his heart fluttering slightly with anticipation as he climbed the stairs and found himself feeling less and less tired and more excited with every step. 

When he opened the door he was met with a hallway. He glanced to the left and saw what looked to be a small but cozy kitchen opening up into a dining area. To the right, he saw the doorways to a couple of rooms, one of which had a lovely bright glow coming from just inside. 

"Down here to your right dear!" 

Crowley's heart continued to beat faster as he walked down the hallway towards the glow. In all the time the Angel had owned the bookshop he'd never been invited upstairs and had genuinely no idea what to expect. He walked through the doorway and his breath caught in his throat. 

The room was larger than he thought it would be, and every square inch of space on all four walls, save for the door and two large windows on either side, was made of shelving. Books and papers and knickknacks and tchotchkes filled in the little spaces in between. In the corner to his left was a big arm chair, just as large and loved as the one downstairs by the couch, a Tiffany stained glass lamp lit a gentle and slightly multicolored light into that section of the room. The only other light came from some large but well-contained candles on two dark wooden nightstands, which stood on either side of a surprisingly large bed. 

The headboard was a gorgeous carved oak; stained a darker color than Crowley would have thought. The bedding was tartan, because of course it was, but the pattern was more subdued than Crowley thought it would be: heather greys and a touch of forest green and navy blue. But the best part of this glorious bed? The stunning, lovingly hand-carved pattern of wings in the headboard. It was more beautiful than Crowley could have imagined. 

It was a room that fully embodied his Angel. It sang of comfort and softness and gentle light. It made Crowley ache with the loveliness of it, he felt so honored to have been invited into this sacred space. 

The Angel appeared concerned by Crowley's lack of language. "Is it… um… alright my dear? I can um, change it around a bit if you…" 

"No! I mean, sorry Angel, didn't mean to shout. I just… it's so… it's perfect." 

Aziraphale beamed at Crowley's words. "Oh…oh good. I'm so glad. I didn't know if you'd like the candles, but I remember seeing some in your flat and thought you might like them. But… well… you know… feel free to blow them out if you wish." 

The idea that Aziraphale would light candles in a room full of his most precious books, the ones he wouldn't even allow downstairs for customers to potentially see, just so Crowley would feel more comfortable in his bedroom added to the sweet ache inside him. He wanted to kiss him. With every fiber of his being. 

"I think it might be the loveliest bedroom I've ever been in Aziraphale." 

"Oh Crowley, that is VERY high praise coming from you… I know how much time you used to spend at Versailles!" 

"All the palaces of the world have nothing on this Angel. It's pure comfort. I can't wait to sleep here." 

"Ah, well then, I will leave you to it! Oh, um, do you need um… pajamas dear?" 

Crowley reached his hand down towards his feet and with a lifting motion of his hand, adding a bit of flourish to make the Angel smile, changed his dress into a pair of black silk pajamas. It was not unlike the trick Aziraphale had pulled many years ago in the Bastille, and the Angel couldn't help but giggle at the Demon's actions. 

"Very nice, Crowley." The Angel seemed to be blushing a bit in the light from seeing the demon in his pajamas, even though he was actually dressed more modestly like this than he was in his scintillatingly tight jeans. "Well, I suppose I should say goodnight then and let you get some rest. The bathroom is across the hall should you need it for anything and I'll be right downstairs if you need me." 

Crowley smiled at the Angel, but, without his glasses, he didn't have the ability to shield the slight disappointment that betrayed his gaze. 

"Is something the matter dear?" Aziraphale asked with concern. 

"No, Angel, not at all, this really is so lovely. I just… I don't know… it feels strange after the night we've had to... well be without you. That's all. It's nothing, really, I just need to rest. You do what you need to do, and I promise I'll just sleep for a few hours. We'll get breakfast in the morning and everything will be fine." 

Aziraphale looked at him inquisitively, not entirely sure what to say in the slightly awkward moment. The Angel didn't seem to know what he was asking, and to honest, Crowley wasn't sure either. He did NOT want to ask the Angel to get in bed. He knew better than that, it was just too soon and Aziraphale didn't normally sleep anyway. That seemed like a very intimate step, even to the Demon. 

After a moment, the Angel's face softened as he looked into his best friend's golden eyes. "Well, my dear, how about I sit in my chair over here and read for a bit? Just until you fall asleep? We can talk a little more if you'd like…" 

Crowley beamed back genuinely, "I really like that idea Angel, thank you."

"Good. Well, go on then dear, climb on in, make sure the mattress is to your liking." 

"I'm sure it will be Angel. Um… may I k… um… hug or… something… you goodnight before I get in?" The Demon used to be so suave before the world almost came to an end… at least he thought so… now he was a blundering lovesick fool who didn't know how to properly ask for a bit of affection before bedtime without sounding ridiculous. 

But his brilliant lovely Angel saved the moment. He walked up to Crowley and circled his arms confidently around his waist. Comfortably resting his head against the Demon's chest. Crowley threw his arms around him and met the tightness of his Angel's embrace. A few hours before, Aziraphale had shouted in discomfort over a hug… to be embraced so fully and trustingly by him again made Crowley feel tremendous relief. 

"I'd like to kiss the top of your head, Angel, and then each of your cheeks before I climb into this glorious bed." 

Aziraphale chuckled against him. "I'd be amenable to that my dear." 

Crowley kissed the top of the Angel's head, allowed his downy curls to tickle his nose as he nuzzled them slightly. He then pulled away, bringing his hands up to gently cup the Angel's face as he planted the two promised kisses on his cheeks. When he pulled away Aziraphale's eyes were shining in the candlelight. "My, turn? My dear?" 

Crowley couldn't help but let out an audible, slightly longing sigh. "Please, Angel." 

Aziraphale stood up a little straighter, taking Crowley's own face in his hands. He pulled him down a bit to place a tender kiss on his forehead, before moving on to his cheeks, "And one more for your nose love. Now go on, climb on in." 

Crowley was almost dizzy with the affection from Aziraphale; he nearly lost his footing as he pulled away and peeled back the covers. Aziraphale watched as he climbed in and smiled when the Demon gave out an audible sigh. 

"Now that, Angel, is a comfy bed. Well done." 

"Oh, I'm so glad dear. Now let me just…" Aziraphale turned towards the shelves and suddenly stopped. He was frozen in his tracks, and Crowley actually saw his right hand begin to tremble slightly. Crowley felt his stomach drop. He was certain that Aziraphale was about to change his mind. This was too much… he'd known it… all he had done all night long was push. 

"Angel, it's alright, you don't have to stay with me while I'm sleeping if you don't want to. I mean… I don't even need to stay here tonight, I'm perfectly capable of getting home it's no…" 

"No… no my dear… you… you misunderstand. I, um…" the Angel turned back to him and Crowley could see in his eyes he was trying to be brave again. 

"I don't want to sit in this chair and read while you sleep here, Crowley." 

Crowley's stomach sank even more. "I completely understand, it's fine… I'll…" 

"I want to be in the bed with you while you sleep here." 

Crowley had no words, he was just so surprised. Then again, his wonderful Angel had been surprising him for three weeks… well…. more like 6000 years… 

The demon tried his best not to let his voice shake. "Oh… um… sure, yeah, please… I'd… you can climb in with me Angel." 

"I want to, really." But he still stood in place, not moving forward to join him in the bed. "Oh Crowley, I don't know why this makes me nervous. It's like the other night when we were having a cuddle on the couch watching a film and then I got all nervous later about us hugging. Here we spent half the night in each other's laps and the idea of getting into bed is somehow… oh… I don't know… but I want to… so why am I…" 

Crowley stood from the bed and crossed to his anxious Angel, holding out a hand for him to take if he so wished. He did. 

"Angel it's like we've talked about, and like we'll keep talking about for as long as you need. You never know what is going to trigger your anxiety… nor am I… we'll always be a bit surprised. The only thing we can do is listen to what you need in each moment and make sure you never ever just do something because you think I want to. That's not what, well, that's not what lovers do." 

"Lovers? Oh Crowley… we haven't even had our first kiss… well… KISS… you… still feel that word applies?" 

Crowley tried not to let himself be saddened by the Angel's words... though he knew he meant no harm in them. 

"Angel, this hand I'm holding feels like love. Every action, every touch, every moment spent with you these last few weeks has made me feel more loved than I thought capable. Of course you're my lover. Love doesn't just mean playing with each other's dangly bits…"

"Crowley!" 

"Angel I'm sorry, I keep telling you I'm not the one who has a way with words here! Look… you know what I mean, right?" 

The Angel's smile was warm as ever as he squeezed Crowley's hand and reached to take his other one. Crowley was then surprised to have the Angel pull him closer, leaning in until their foreheads gently pressed together.

"I do know what you mean, dear. Yes, you are right that I'll never know what will give me the most anxiety until it is happening, and that the things that make me anxious may diminish over time. I'm sorry I tried to just, run back down the stairs and ignore my feelings earlier. I think I got anxious because, perhaps… two people… well in our case entities… in bed is something that often leads to well… lovemaking… which… I think you know I'm not ready for… and even though I know you'd never push me… I …" 

"It's still a big deal, Aziraphale… I get it, I do…" 

Before he could finish, Aziraphale let go of his hands and backed away. Using the same 'trick' Crowley had earlier and with extra flourish, the Angel changed into a pair of white silk pajamas, identical to Crowley's. He blushed a bit as well, being dressed this casually around his friend, but the pajamas were still modest enough that the Angel didn't seem to be experiencing any anxiety about his body dressed this way. 

"Well, my dear… lets um… get into the bed… and… we can talk more perhaps… I'm… oh I'm sorry I don't know how one does this…"

"Angel, I'm genuinely happy you just want to get in bed with me. And, you look lovely in those pajamas, just seeing you like this is so nice. And, I know you don't sleep much so, feel free to grab a book for when I do nod off so you're not bored." 

Aziraphale smiled at the Demon's thoughtfulness. "You're so sweet dear… though… I imagine at least an hour or so of my time could be taken up watching you rest." 

"You want to watch me sleep Aziraphale? That's so… sweet… or maybe it's creepy… maybe it's both of those things…Oi!" 

A palpable smack to his shoulder showed that some of the tension over the moment had been relieved. 

With that, and after Aziraphale had selected a book to place on one of the nightstands for later, the two climbed onto the bed. Crowley, cold-blooded creature that he was, slipped under the covers and laid down on his side, while Aziraphale laid on top and fluffed some pillows against the headboard so he could sit upright but still look down at his beloved Demon. 

Leaning foreheads together: CHECK  
Copious goodnight kisses: CHECK   
Seeing each other in pajamas: CHECK   
Lying in bed together: CHECK 

Crowley was loving these unexpected additions to this list.

"So, Angel." The Demon let out a huge yawn as he settled more into the bed. "Tell me a bit about the fantasy you mentioned earlier. Your, well, our, first kiss. I assume it's a big production number, yes? What do I need to procure? A mariachi band? Dolphins? Do I need to figure out how to shut down the Eiffel Tower for a day?" 

The Angel giggled at the sweet suggestions, but then stared off a bit into the corner of the room. His expression wasn't sad, just deeply contemplative, as if he was working through a catalogue of thoughts. 

"You know my dear I certainly have thought of many grand possibilities. Many of my, well… recent fantasies… have actually been imagining kissing you at different times in our history together."

Crowley noticed the Angel was rubbing at the corner of his silk nightshirt with his finger and thumb. He was concerned about the Angel getting anxious again, but he seemed steadfast in finishing his thoughts. 

"I've thought about kissing you during that first rainstorm under my wing, and after that glorious dinner we had in Rome when I introduced you to oysters. I thought about kissing you in our suits of armor under a beautiful tree in those misty forests, and during a performance of 'Hamlet' at the Globe. I should have kissed you after you saved my books, and in your car in Soho, and on that airstrip in Tadfield. So many missed opportunities for a first kiss that would belong in one of my books, eh?" 

The rubbing of the pajama fabric was a bit more frantic, but the Angel's voice held strong. Crowley couldn't help but notice Aziraphale seemed to be letting his body sink down a bit so he was closer to Crowley's level, as Crowley propped himself up more and more to meet the Angel's gaze. 

"And, I was up here, preparing the room for you to come up... and I know it was only a few minutes, but I thought through all of those missed kisses, and thought through all of the ideas I had for "storybook" first kisses we could have. On a beach with crashing waves, during dinner at the Ritz, on a picnic on top of a mountain, while dancing at the Savoy, or even something simple like… well… feeding the ducks by the pond in St. James, or, on a drive to Tadfield to visit Adam." 

The two of them were level now… half propped up on pillows, laying on their sides, less distance between them in the huge bed than Crowley had previously thought, the gorgeous carved wings on the headboard of the bed framing their fragile corporations beautifully. Crowley was shaking a bit more than the Angel seemed to be… because he couldn't quite believe where he thought this conversation was going… 

"And, in the back of my mind I keep thinking… how well… I'm sorry dear but, how SILLY all of that is. Really! Because, all of my fantasies about our first kiss are either things in stories, and we know stories never really match up with reality, or… missed opportunities from our past. Why try to recreate something from the past the way we 'should' have done it? Everything we have been through has lead us here, to this point. To you and me, here in this bed. I know 6,000 years of us pining over the other wasn't always pleasant, but I don't really regret anything… because all of it has brought us here… and…. umm…well... Anthony J. Crowley?"

"Aziraphale, Angel of the Eastern Gate?"

"What um… say you… to our um… first kiss being in this comfortable bed, candles lit, and… oh, the sun starting to rise outside my window there?" 

The sun may have been coming up, but Crowley suddenly had stars in his eyes, and his heart thundering in his chest and ears. He had no words, but he forced some out, needing to punctuate this moment he'd dreamed about for so long. 

"I… I can't think of anything more perfect, romantic, sweet, stunning, and any other lovely adjective under creation… Angel. Please, yes, let's kiss?" 

Aziraphale let go of the corner of his pajamas, and both of them shifted towards one another in the bed. Their bodies didn't touch, save for Crowley's hand rising to Aziraphale's cheek and Aziraphale's hand settling the juncture of Crowley's neck and shoulder, but they could feel an almost celestial heat radiating off of one another. They both trembled slightly, looking into each other's eyes… the blue of the ocean and the fire of the earth, staring, as they finally leaned in, touching their lips together in a gentle, sweet, lingering kiss. 

Neither had realized lips were capable of being so soft. They both let out small muffled sighs of the joy of it. The kiss was chaste but electric, full of sparks and the firing of nerves. That first kiss lead to a few more chaste pecks on upper lips and lower, corners of mouths, and then cheeks and tips of noses, and back to lips, playful giggles bubbling up to the surface as the kisses continued, until they pulled away from each other, laughing in pure euphoria. 

They didn't speak as their laughter died down but didn't need to. They didn't need to ask if the kiss had been good. The looks they gave each other and their pink glistening lips said it all. They just took the time to calm their breath, clutching hands and relaxing into the bed. Finally, Crowley was the one to break the blissful silence. 

"That was better than storybooks Angel. I hope you felt it too." 

"Oh my dear, NOTHING from the past or future could have topped that. Oh… my dear… the sun is coming up behind your head and you look so beautiful." 

"The morning light looks good on you too Angel." 

"Dear, why don't you get some sleep now. We'll have some lunch when you wake… how does that sound?" 

"Perfect, but with one small addition." 

"And that is…" 

"Before I sleep, may I have one more kiss to say 'good morning'?" 

The Angel obliged with an impossibly tender peck on the Demon's lips. 

"Good morning, Crowley."

First KISS kiss: CHECK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Kissing! WAHOO! Now that we've got kissing out of the way... time to snowball into a whole lot more... expect a Mature rating for the next one... and a chapter or two about Azi learning to love his body (literally and figuratively) before we get to the really explicit stuff.


	7. Face Your Fears...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our Angel and Demon are at a bit of a standstill... happy but unsure of how to move forward. Crowley suggests a radical idea to help them both ease into new intimacies together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I was writing one chapter, turns out I was writing two... and definitely bringing back the angst train. We need one more chapter before we move into a mature rating, and (tw) discussion of body image is a big part of this chapter. I will post the next chapter less than an hour after this one. Enjoy!

For two weeks, the two celestials knew nothing but absolute bliss. 

They fell into a domestic routine that they hadn't known they wanted, but somehow had always craved. 

In the daytime, there was kissing. Kissing that put the previous hand-holding and hugging to shame… Crowley could barely track the list of CHECKS in his head anymore and considered actually picking up a pen and journaling his 'Touch/Intimacy List'…

Face kisses: CHECK  
Head kisses: CHECK  
Hand kisses: CHECK  
The Angel planting a kiss on the Demon's chest where his corporeal heart fluttered in the middle of a hug: CHECK  
Nose nuzzles: CHECK  
Short kisses: CHECK  
Long kisses: CHECK  
The Demon planting a kiss on the Angel's adam's apple, which the Angel wasn't sure if he liked or not because it tickled and flustered him, but they could try it again sometime: CHECK  
Morning kisses: CHECK  
Evening kisses: CHECK  
Midday kisses: CHECK  
Kisses just because: CHECK  
Sneaky kisses behind the bookshelves avoiding customers: CHECK  
Loud kisses: CHECK  
Quiet kisses: CHECK 

And… most scandalously…

Kisses where the demon gently ran his tongue over the Angel's bottom lip eliciting a shiver: CHECK 

In the nighttime, there were still kisses, but there was something even more wonderful, at least to Crowley… there was BED. Oh, the time they spent in bed… and the items on the list that were checked off during those blessed hours… 

Angel reading to the Demon in bed: CHECK  
Demon telling the Angel funny stories in bed: CHECK  
Holding hands in bed: CHECK  
Playing footsie with their bare feet in bed: CHECK  
Angel petting the Demon's hair, cheek, jaw, shoulder, arm until they feel asleep: CHECK  
Demon waking up to Angel reading next to him in bed, smiling and kissing him good morning: CHECK  
Staying in bed together all day: CHECK  
Kissing in bed until the sun went down: CHECK  
Kissing in bed until the sun came up again: CHECK  
Demon sleeping all night with head in the Angel's lap: CHECK 

One could call it Heaven… but since they'd both spent time in that specific location… they knew what they had was so much better. Their own side, their own world, tucked into tartan sheets and gazing at each other in pure contentment. They would wake up, have breakfast, go about their business, always returning to each other at night for kissing, cuddles, more kissing, talking, and then Crowley falling asleep and Aziraphale staying up to read. Repeat. 

It was an incredible two weeks.

And then… something shifted… 

Aziraphale started to look, to Crowley anyway, a bit lost. 

Anyone who knew the Angel on the surface would likely never notice it. But Crowley knew his best friend/lover/reason for being far better than anyone or anything else in the universe. He knew when something was up. 

Aziraphale stayed as affectionate as ever, but there was something deep down in his gorgeous blue eyes that seemed just slightly distant, just slightly sad, just slightly concerned. Crowley would gently ask if anything was the matter and the Angel almost always immediately snapped out of it, kissing him and just telling him about some trivial thing that was on his mind.

Crowley chose not to push, admittedly, out of cowardice. There was a part of him that was afraid that if they talked about it, the affection would stop, and he so desperately didn't want it to stop. The Demon had insecurities of his own in this new 'arrangement', and part of him was so deeply afraid that despite the Angel's declarations of love, he might leave him or break off this new romantic endeavor if they talked through what was troubling him. 

Despite the risk it posed to talk it out, wanting to clear the air gnawed at Crowley's chest. As the third week of their kissing and sleeping routine went on, he found himself enjoying their affection less and less. Those slightly troubling looks behind the Angel's eyes simply didn't cease. 

*** 

Finally, one night, while Crowley was tucked down under the covers about to sleep, he peeked up at the Angel while he read in bed. He could see in Aziraphale's gaze that he wasn't really reading the words on the page, he was just staring, clearly sorting through thoughts in his head. Crowley was about to just shrug it off and try to sleep, but then he heard it… the Angel let out a very soft and very sad sigh. That was it. 

Crowley popped up in bed looking at Aziraphale intently, startling the Angel a bit.

"Oh! My dear… are you alright? Is something the matter?" 

It was Crowley's turn to take a steeling breath before speaking, trying not to let his voice tremble with nerves. "No, Angel, I'm… well… yes, actually there is something the matter. I'm, um…" he could see in the Angel's face that nervousness was seeping in and he saw his fingers trembling slightly on top of the page of his book, but he summoned his courage… they needed to work this out, no matter the consequences. He needed to be as brave as Aziraphale. 

"I'm worried… about you… Angel. You um… you've seemed a bit, I don't know what the word is. Troubled? Maybe? I've um… I've noticed it for about a week now and I didn't want to say anything. I guess… I've… I've been afraid that if I said anything you would get upset. Or, maybe ask me to leave, or maybe tell me that I've been making you uncomfortable and that this has been too much and I just…" 

"Oh… oh my dear… I'm so so sorry. I… I haven't meant to worry you… Please let me explain…" 

The Angel's gaze had suddenly changed from troubled to determined… it was as if he'd been waiting a long time for Crowley to say something about the last week of their lives. Crowley also noted that it was usually Aziraphale who talked his way through his feelings only to have the Demon stop him and calm him down. It was not lost on Crowley that the roles had been reversed. He was pleased to hear a delicate sweet tone in the Angel's voice.

"I.. um… admit my dear that I have been a bit well… distracted as of late." 

"To be honest Angel, you've well… seemed a bit, well… sad too? I don't know. I know I should have pushed more and asked you what was wrong… but…"

"But you were nervous about what I would say?" 

The Demon really perked up at that. He couldn't help but give a small relieved smile. He had to remind himself that his Angel knew him just as well as he knew his Angel. 

"Um… yeah. Actually." 

"I know my dear… and… like so many things in these last few weeks I've just been… well afraid to talk about what I want and what I'm… worried about." 

"You might have fears Angel, but you have been so brave… I was just thinking I should have been braver like you and pushed you to tell me what was wrong." 

Aziraphale reached his hand out to Crowley which was quickly taken by the demon. The Angel's thumb rubbed across Crowley's knuckles the way he worried at his clothes, but he continued. 

"You've done nothing wrong my dear. I love you so much and I'm so grateful to you for all the grace and kindness you've shown me. Dare I say it but… you've been exceptionally… NICE to me…"

"Oi!" 

The Angel giggled at the Demon's mock anger and relaxed his frantic thumb a bit. "My dear all of this has been so wonderful. Kissing you and being with you in bed and our hugs and our touches… it's all become so well… comfortable, really… so much faster than I imagined. And… well… I've been well, thinking a bit about how we um… move… well… forward… from here. Do… you know what I mean?" 

The Demon had a pretty good idea. 

All of this intimacy, kisses included, had remained very chaste, very sweet, and Crowley understood why. He knew that once they went into a full-on snog… especially in bed… it would be harder to stop moving on to… well… other things. He and the Angel had communicated about this a bit before, and it was clear that for many reasons the Angel still wasn't quite ready to move beyond these new intimate 'activities' of theirs. Or… was he? 

"Yes, Angel… I think so. Um… I think you mean that you like all of this, but, more than this means… well… a LOT… more? I mean… the next stages of touch between us would become a whole lot more um… risqué… maybe that's the word…?"

"Yes! Yes dear that's um… exactly it. I know that we both have um… well… Efforts… oh…" 

The Angel nearly did that thing where he brought his hand up to his mouth at the 'scandal' of his words… but stopped himself. Not getting embarrassed talking bout sex was something he was trying to work through... along with all his other insecurities with Crowley and their physical relationship. 

The Angel continued, "And… I think… just about anything else we do would um… oh goodness… 'excite' those Efforts… oh my…" 

This time the hand did come up to his mouth in a bit of embarrassment. Crowley considered in this brief moment telling the Angel the truth… that all kinds of things they'd been doing together had 'excited' his Effort already… and that he'd been in a near constant state of sending off minor miracles to make his Effort behave itself over the last six weeks. 

But seeing the state the Angel was in and the fragile subject matter, he opted to keep his mouth shut about that fact… he felt he and the Angel were on the brink of something big. 

"I um… I don't think you're wrong about that Angel. In my experience anyway, you're um… quite right that things tend to um… escalate a bit. But… why don't you try to tell me what you think you want? What do you think the next step needs to be? Because I really am completely happy with where we are now, Angel. I love kissing you and sleeping next to you and I'm sure we can come up with other ways of getting closer that you're comfortable with." 

The Angel looked at him with a somewhat pensive smile. He nodded a bit, and still seemed unsure of himself. "I'm sure, my dear… but… as I've said from the beginning… I do WANT to do all kinds of things with you… but I'm not sure where to begin and not sure where my comfort level will be once we do begin… and I well… don't want to um… what's the word… 'frustrate' you should I oh… I don't know if I'm making sense again…" 

"You are, Aziraphale, I promise you are… look. You don't need to worry about 'frustrating' me, alright? I promise. It will never ever matter how, um… in the mood or… well… aroused I am… you stay stop and I will stop. I will never get an ounce of pleasure out of you being upset or in pain or anything of the like. Ok? Please tell me you believe me when I say that, Angel?" 

"I… yes… Crowley, I absolutely trust you. But… that doesn't mean that I wouldn't potentially feel awful about… um… stopping you… once something has begun." 

"Angel none of this is guaranteed to go smoothly. Sex and relationships are um… a messy business… literally and figuratively." The Demon couldn't help but flash a minutely wicked smile at this Angel, for which he received a very much appreciated eye roll, bringing some levity to the difficult conversation. "We've already had some missteps… and we will probably have more… but… we just have to keep talking and do our best. Eh?" 

"Of course, dear… you're right. And as always it makes me feel better to talk about it. But… now I'm not sure what to do next. I'm still feeling, as though, I want… well… something more… but I still don't know what we should, well… do…?"

"Um, well, we can… snuggle a bit more in bed than we already do… we could 'spoon'… do you need me to explain…"

"I do have books dear, I do know what spooning is… and… yes that sounds nice but um… it probably means quite a bit of contact with um… my belly and my um… thighs…" 

"Say no more, Angel, I know you aren't really ready for me to touch you that much in those um… places. Um… you know..."

"Y-yes dear…" 

A thought was formulating Crowley's head, and it terrified him to bring up. He genuinely had no idea how the Angel would react… but as he flashed through various scenarios in his head, it was what made the most sense; so, he took a page from the Angel's book of bravery and dove in… 

"Well, Angel… we've talked quite a lot about how touch is difficult for you, yeah? That… this is why we've been taking things nice and slow, we need to build you up to the 'touch parts' of this relationship… yeah? But um… ever heard that phrase "look don't touch?"

"Well of course dear, goodness if I could get away with putting up signs that say that in the bookshop you know I… Oh… OH!... oh, you mean… do you… mean what I think you mean…?"

The tremble was back in the Angel's fingers, but it certainly wasn't the worst Crowley had seen. 

"Angel do you… do you think if maybe we… um… SAW more of each other… if we just… took some time to well… look but not touch… it… it might take some of your worry away?"

The Demon wanted to backpedal almost immediately… the Angel's hand, which was still in his own, almost instantly became clammy and instead of rubbing at his knuckles, simply gripped him tightly as he began to breathe a bit more heavily, his eyes darting around. 

But he didn't backpedal… he knew he needed to at least try to press forward… not to pressure him, but to encourage him… there was a difference, as subtle as it may have seemed. 

"Angel, I know. It's scary. Everything you are feeling is completely justified. I've just asked you to confront something that I know makes you so nervous and uncomfortable. Angel? Aziraphale? Can you look at me? Please?" 

The Angel's grip on his Demon remained, but he did turn and lock his eyes on him… giving a slight nod to continue and that he was still with him. 

"Angel. I know this seems so big, but… in some ways… I think what I'm asking is the key to everything… I think we might be on the brink of something. I know you've said you're worried about your lack of experience, and your fears about sex being painful and awkward... but you've been working through those things so beautifully. We've communicated pretty well about what you want to do and try and, for someone who has only been doing it for two weeks, you're a phenomenal kisser." 

Aziraphale tutted a small laugh at that, letting his lips curve into a small smile. 

Crowley continued, "But… the thing I know you're worried about the most is your insecurity about your body. Am I right?" 

Aziraphale turned his eyes away for a moment and let out a small, slightly pained "Yes." 

Crowley felt an ache in his chest like the one he'd felt a few weeks ago when he's touched the Angel's stomach… but he pressed forward… the lessening of Aziraphale's sharp grip on his hand was encouraging. 

"Tell me, Angel, what are you most afraid of? I mean this, truly… what in your imagination is the worst thing that could happen if I saw you without your clothes?" 

The Angel looked back at him quite sharply as if he was ready to bite back with his response… but then… he paused… allowing a more contemplative look to spread across his face. 

"Well… dear… I… well… I suppose… I imagine you will see me, and you… well… won't find me attractive." 

"Angel not to be glib, but do you actually truly think there's a possibility I am going to see your naked body, scream and run out of the bookshop into the night?" 

A small flash of shock came over the Angel's face at his words and then it was Crowley gripping the Angel's hand more tightly. 

"Not to make light, Aziraphale, I swear that's not what I'm trying to do here. I just… you are so so SO beautiful… and I'm not going to say 'to me' because that is dismissive of your beauty to say it's only in my eyes. I want so badly to see you, all of you, and for you to be comfortable enough to take a leap and let me. I am so deeply in love with you. You're worried I'm not going to be attracted to you when you're naked? You want to know what I'm worried about?" 

"What, dear?" 

"I'm worried there are parts of my body YOU won't like!" 

At first, the Angel maintained the shocked expression, and then a sadness bloomed in his eyes.

He sputtered, "But! My dear… I think… I'm certain I've told you, even before this new arrangement of ours how attractive you are… you're STUNNING my dear… you…" 

"I'm BONY, Angel. I'm all hard lines and flat, straight planes, hardly a curve to me. I can't imagine I'm all that pleasant to cuddle with…" 

Crowley was as nearly surprised as his Angel that these honest, vulnerable words were coming out of him. He was a Demon, and a sexually experienced one. Some of that had come with the job, and some from his own want and choice knowing the Angel would always be off limits… and he knew he fit a physical ideal that many found attractive… but there had always been a part of him that worried he wasn't the physical ideal for Aziraphale. He'd had no idea before these last few weeks that he was the Angel's type, and despite the Angel's love, he wasn't completely confident that Aziraphale would like what he saw when he shed his clothes either.

"Look. Aziraphale, let's just agree to this... We both have insecurities. And we are never going to begin to get over those insecurities until we face them… literally. Let's just… take a look at each other. We can worry in the back of our own minds that the other of us will run, and know in our hearts that we would never run from each other because we're just too fucking attracted to and in love with each other… eh?" 

Aziraphale looked into his Demon's eyes for what felt like a century… but Crowley did notice that they relaxed their grip on each other's hands. Both were emotional… tears brimming… but there was a steadfastness to both of their gazes… they both seemed to know this was as good a plan as any to push past their insecurities.

"Alright." His brave Angel gave him a genuine, affirmative nod. "I… I think you might be on to something Crowley. Yes, I'm… well… still scared… but I also think… well… when you're scared you need to face your fears. And… I think I could be ready to face you… with all that I am. I… still have worries about you seeing me… but… I also know that… I… oh goodness. I can say this… I CAN… I also… I want to see you, too. Oh!"

There was the hand to his mouth again, and Crowley just couldn't help his elated bark of laughter that came with the action. 

"Angel… did you just say you want to see me with my clothes off? Maybe even as much as I want to see you?"

Aziraphale smiled shyly… hand still firmly clamped over his mouth as he gave an almost imperceptible nod. 

"Right then," said the Demon, "how shall we do this?" 

"Oh, um… well… I…" 

"Aziraphale I'm the one who came up with this plan, but I want you, if you feel you can, to tell me how you want to do it. Is… there a way to try this that will be less anxiety-inducing than another?"

Crowley had expected a tremble to come from the Angel, giving him this control, but it actually seemed to embolden him a bit. 

"Well… my dear… that's a good question. I… I don't know that we should do it while lying in this bed… something about that just makes me feel… uncomfortable… I'm not sure…" 

"You don't need to explain, Angel, it's fine… being naked in a bed together is not a step we need to take tonight." 

"Thank you dear. Well… I guess we could…" 

"Strip poker? I was just thinking the same thing Angel… Oi! You know what Angel, you smack me A LOT!" 

They both took a moment to giggle at one another… the Demon's joke had been silly, but it definitely broke the tension. It had also been a bit of an inspiration apparently, because Aziraphale's eyes suddenly opened very wide, as if remembering something very important. 

"You know, Crowley, this would not actually be the first time we were naked together!" 

Crowley pondered a moment and then a memory came flooding back to him. "Of course, the Roman Baths… we were just talking about it a couple of weeks ago weren't we?" 

"Yes dear… well… it was a long time ago… and it was very foggy and steamy in those baths so, I don't believe we got too much of a clear look at one another." 

"True, shame really…" the Demon gave a little devilish wink at his love, still trying to bring some levity. 

"Anyway dear, I have hardly used it since I got it… but… I do have a rather large… um… bathtub across the hall." 

Crowley suddenly became very excitable… to the point where he knew he had to temper his enthusiasm so as not to spook his Angel out of this BRILLIANT idea. 

"I love baths Angel. Big bathing fan, me… maybe as much as you love your crepes. I have a huge collection of salts and scrubs and bath bombs…" 

"Oh! I created those!" 

"You created what?" 

"Bath bombs! That's one of mine… not very grand or special in the great scheme of things of course… and I know it's ironic seeing as how I don't really take baths much myself… but yes I invented them." 

"That's…lovely… but… why?" 

"Well, they're… round and they smell nice and they're effervescent and make people smile…" 

"You are so cute and I really need to kiss you right now Angel… please?"

"Oh course dear I mmmmm…." 

The Demon pressed a sweet kiss to his lover's lips and swore he felt some tension and fear melt away from both of them. 

"Anyway, Angel how about this… I'll run us a nice warm relaxing bath… with bath bombs… we go in there, we… take off our pajamas… take a quick look and then just… get in and enjoy the bath. I'll make sure the tub is big enough, so we don't touch unless we choose to and… well… if we do get nervous or it's too much we can sink into nice warm soapy water and have well… a bit of cover until we're more comfortable. How about that?" 

Aziraphale still seemed a bit hesitant. "I um… I think that all sounds good… yes… good dear… um… I have… well… one more question…" 

"Go for it, Angel." 

"Well, what if um… the… opposite of what we're fearing happens? Oh!" Back went the hand to the mouth in embarrassment. It was still so sweet the Demon could hardly stand it… but then it dawned on him what Aziraphale was actually asking…

"Oh. Um… Angel do you mean what happens if we see each other and get… um… excited?" 

The Angel nodded, hand still firmly clamped on his mouth. Crowley actually had an answer for this concern quite quickly. 

"Angel… I know we haven't discussed this much, but… so much of um… arousal and well, sex in general, is about… well… intention, yeah? Not to say I've never let things get a bit... 'friendly' with myself in the bath, but... we just need to make a decision that we are going to take a bath. That's all we're going to do. And as part of taking that bath… we'll… see parts of our bodies, parts we've technically seen before, although you're right, it's been a long time and we've changed a bit… and the context of our relationship is different… but… look… if it happens it happens and we just commit to what we've always said and done… we won't introduce any kind of touch to this scenario unless we both want it… yeah?" 

"Alright, Crowley… I suppose we… we won't really know what will happen until we just… dive in… as it were." 

The Angel gave a sweet smile as Crowley squeezed his hand and let it go. He stood from the bed and crossed to the doorway. "I'll start up that perfect bath, Angel… I'll let you know when it's ready." 

"That sounds good my dear… um… see you soon?" 

"See you soon, Angel." As Crowley turned to walk across the hall to prepare the bath, he sent a small silent prayer to… somewhere… 'I hope I see all of you soon, beautiful Angel.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bath time and the biggest step they've taken yet is coming next! And also, so many many many thanks for all your amazing comments and analysis and kudos... means the world to me!


	8. ...And Wash Them All Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After another difficult conversation and a big decision, the Angel and Demon are finally ready to face each other without the protection of their clothes. (This is Chapter 8, which was published the same day as Chapter 7... please be sure to read Chapter 7 first!).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted Chapter 7 and Chapter 8 together, because I thought it was originally going to be one chapter and it was turing into something waaaaaay to long. Please make sure you read Chapter 7 before this one. Rated M for nudity, mentioning of 'Efforts', (tw) and more discussions of body image and body insecurity... but I hope you all find their angsty first exploration beautiful.

Crowley did indeed need to miracle the tub a bit bigger to ensure they could sit across from each other at either end and stretch out their legs without intertwining them; unless this went well, and they chose to do so. 

The formerly suave, confident Demon was now a trembling mess as he tried to create 'the perfect bath' for his precious Angel. His anxiety and excitement were rooted in the decision to disrobe in front of each other before getting in… he was hoping to make the bath itself so enticing that even if the Angel panicked, he would do so by getting into the tub and not dashing out the door of the bathroom. 

Crowley miracled the best of his 'bath things' collection from his Mayfair flat onto a wooden table in the Angel's bathroom. Oils, salts, bubbles and a lovely colorful bath bomb he'd been saving for a special occasion… and this was quite the special occasion. 

He also brought a few more things into being to make for a romantic encounter with his love… a platter of chocolate covered strawberries, some truffles, and he miracled up a delicious red wine from the Angel's collection in the cellar that he knew would taste wonderful with berries and chocolate. Some sweet-smelling candles, a couple of plush washcloths hanging over the rim of the tub, and two big fluffy bathrobes (both slate gray with wings embroidered on the pockets, one white set and one black set) hanging on the back of the bathroom door completed the look. 

It was all a giant cliché, but he knew Aziraphale would love it… and a happy, comfy, contented Angel meant a happy Demon. 

He made sure the water was the correct temperature and may have put some extra safeguards in place to make sure it stayed that temperature. He sprinkled in precise amounts of salts mixed with some of his favorite essential oils, a touch of bubble bath and even a small amount of dried flowers and citrus peel to float on top of the bubbles. He was about to toss in the bath bomb when he heard a gentle cautious knock at the door. 

"It smells lovely in there dear… are you, um… is it… are you ready for me to come in?" 

Crowley couldn't help but feel this was an excellent sign… the Angel approaching on his own. He was half expecting having to drag the Principality in, kicking and shouting in his nerves… but no… his wonderful Angel was far too brave for such things… of course he was choosing to knock and move forward. 

"Just about Angel, I have one more thing to add to the bath but since you invented the thing you might want to do the honors." 

Aziraphale gently pushed the door open and gave a soft but delighted gasp as he stepped onto the tiles of his seldom used bathroom. He was still in his silk pajamas, as Crowley was still in his own, and his eyes darted all over the seemingly larger room than he'd previously remembered. 

"Oh, Crowley… this is all… oh… the nibbles and the bubbles… it's almost too much my dear!" 

Crowley's anxiety ebbed a bit… his instincts had been right… he certainly knew his Angel's tastes. "Dunno about that Angel… just… you know… wanted to make it a bit special… make a date of it. Hey, this is my favorite bath bomb from my favorite shop. Like I said, figured you might want to toss it in." 

Aziraphale took a moment to smell the sphere before tossing it in. "Mmmm… smells of, clover… moss… maybe… cedar wood… oh… and perhaps a touch of Earl Grey?" 

"Remarkable, Angel… they um… they're smells that make me think of you… The candles are meant to smell of leather and aged paper." 

"I noticed… you're so so good to me dear. You… um… you've done quite a lot to put me at ease… well… as much as I can be put at ease at the moment. I love you." 

He looked up into the Demon's golden eyes a bit nervously but went ahead and dropped the bath bomb into the water, watching it fizz up and turn the bubbles into a lovely light green hue. As Crowley looked between the bath and the Angel's eyes, he couldn't help but notice that the color of the water was turning the shade of green one would get if the colors of their eyes were mixed together. A wave of calm suddenly came over him at the thought… 

It was time. 

He felt it completely, in all of his corporation and all of his essence. This was the hurdle they needed to jump over, and as he caught the Angel's gaze, he knew for certain this was the right way to begin. 

"I love you too, Angel… and… I'm… I'm going to unbutton my shirt now. Is, that alright?" 

Aziraphale closed his eyes for a moment, taking a gentle breath through his nose… as if allowing the pleasing scents to calm his nerves.

"Yes, dear… I'd… I'd… very much like… to see you." 

Crowley nodded, suddenly nervous despite feeling resolute, knowing he absolutely had to go first in this chosen scenario, and deeply regretting he'd miracled a set of pajamas with so many buttons. 

He took his trembling hands and worked on unbuttoning his top, indecisive on whether to look at the Angel, or pay attention to his task… he must have looked a frantic mess to his love, fingertips slipping on the pearl buttons… but he looked up sharply when he heard Aziraphale speak in a sweet, even voice…

"Don't be nervous dear." 

Crowley couldn't help but pause and look into the Angel's surprisingly calm gaze. 

"I'm not going anywhere Crowley, I… I promise you. Even if I… even if my anxieties get the better of me… I… I promise I won't leave this room until we both choose to… I… I want this… I do." 

Crowley smiled and looked steadfast into the Angel's gaze, his fingers suddenly finding a way to unfasten the buttons with greater ease. He stopped when he reached the last one and just brought his arms to his sides, letting the silk pajama shirt hang open. 

The Angel gasped. Genuinely gasped. Crowley felt a surge of energy tingle through his whole corporation at the sound. 

"You… look at you my dear… you… Oh…" 

"Hardly anything to look at yet, Angel," he said with levity, trying to squash the nerves. 

"Just… your skin in the candle light… I… please… Crowley, may I see more?" 

Crowley had never been able to deny the Angel anything, and wouldn't now. He gently shrugged his shoulders and allowed the pajama top to fall to the floor. The Angel's eyes widened at the action. 

A few moments went by, but it felt like an eternity to Crowley; the Angel's eyes seemed to be memorizing every millimeter of his torso. Crowley couldn't help but go with the levity route again…. "Shall I do a little twirl for you, Angel?" he asked chuckling lightly. 

"Please…? Dear…?". The Angel's request was breathy, unexpected, he seemed fully entranced by the Demon… Crowley felt so vulnerable, he was thrilled, his heart thundered. He let himself gently turn and when his back was to Aziraphale the Angel called out, "Wait, please!" 

Crowley froze, and he heard a gentle sigh come from the Angel behind him. 

"Oh Crowley… your back and your shoulders. I… you're beautiful… my dear. Your muscle… your sinew… you um… have lovely little dimples on your lower back… did… did you know?" 

"Um… You're the first to mention them Angel," he said looking over his shoulder… knowing a blush had bloomed on his cheeks at the Angel's words. 

"Come back around and face me please… love?" 

Crowley obediently turned back, noticing the Angel's gaze was now on his stomach and sides. He brought up his fingers and fitted them in the lines of his ribs on either side, catching Aziraphale's gaze. "See, Angel, bony? Not a curve on me…" 

"Beautiful… my love… all of you is beautiful just as you are… and I won't say you're beautiful just 'to me' either," he said with a gentle smile. Crowley dropped his hands. 

"Thank you, Crowley dear. Thank you for trusting me… it… it isn't something I take lightly. I promise." 

Crowley let out a sigh, a pent-up breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "I love you, Angel. I do trust you… and… I really truly hope you can trust me too. Um… should I keep going with the um… pajama bottoms… or… um…?"

"No… um… no… my dear… that um… doesn't seem quite fair does it? That… you would be um… completely disrobed and me… um… not at all. I… oh no…" 

The Angel closed his eyes again, fingers and thumbs going to the corners of his top, tension returning to his limbs and face. 

"Breathe, Angel… please just breathe. We can stop if you want… it's ok… really…"

"You won't walk away?" the question came out small and pained; Crowley raised his hand to the center of his chest where a sad ache radiated with the Angel's question. 

"I swear to you, I will not." 

The Angel was tearing up, but he kept going. "You… you promise? And… you promise you… you will be honest with me if you… don't… don't… don't like the way I…?" 

Crowley so wished he could run up and wrap the Angel in his arms and make his promise in kisses and squeezes and holding his hands. But this step was about sight, not touch. So he tried to show everything he was feeling to the Angel in his eyes and from his words. 

"Aziraphale, I promise. I swear on my love for you, on my desire to keep this world spinning, on every blasted good thing I have ever tried to do in my damned existence that I am not going to leave and that anything I have to say about you or your body will ALWAYS be honest. I love you. It may not be enough to make you believe me… but I love you… I want to see you and touch you and spend the rest of time making you feel good and wanted and loved… but only if and when you're ready." 

A couple of tears slipped out of Aziraphale's eyes as he looked up at Crowley. He took a few deep breaths, and then turned his back on the Demon. 

At first Crowley thought he was running out of the room, going against his promise not to leave… but the Angel stayed in place, and Crowley noticed his arms moving slightly. The Angel was actually unbuttoning his pajama shirt. 

Crowley stayed frozen in place; not being able to read the Angel's face, he wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to scare him or say the wrong thing. 

After a few torturous moments, Aziraphale's arms were hanging at his sides, meaning the top was hanging open. The Angel took a few more breaths and then… actually barked out a small laugh into the room. "Shall I… do a little… um… twirl for you… dear?"

Crowley let out a sound that was something between a sigh and a laugh and a moan. "Oh Angel… please… please do…" 

He saw the Angel's foot turn first, and then slowly but surely, Aziraphale brought himself to face Crowley. 

Crowley's breath hitched in his throat. He knew his jaw was hanging open, but he couldn't do anything about it. Where the Angel's reaction to him had been soft, still, breathy, gentle… his reaction was much more frenetic. He felt his eyes darting around rapidly, moving his mouth with no sound coming out, toes tapping, fingers moving, it was as if his brain was short circuiting on him. Finally, he heard a single word escape his own lips. 

"ANGEL…". It was said with a sense of love and reverence so pure and true that even Aziraphale, in all his anxieties and self-loathing, couldn't deny the Demon's tone. 

He looked into Crowley's eyes, pulling his shoulders back just a little bit in added courage. "Yes… dear?" 

Crowley's brain was finally forming thoughts from the images in front of him. Alabaster skin. Smooth and gorgeous and practically glowing in the candle light. Platinum blond hairs dusting the top of the Angel's chest with a lovely thin trail leading down to his belly and below. The belly. Oh, that belly. It fit the rest of his body and frame so perfectly. It was round and sweet and had the most unnecessary and perfectly cute belly button at its center. But what surprised him, was the chest. 

"Angel…look… look how STRONG you are…" 

The Angel looked confused at his words. "I… I hardly think unbuttoning my shirt is that great of a sign of strength… I…" 

"I'm talking about your pecs, Angel…" 

"Wha… what dear?" 

"Yes, yes you are absolutely emotionally strong to have taken this step, yes, of course… but I mean your pecs, your muscles, your chest. You're… you're… strong… physically… you… you have a chest that can wield a flaming sword. You're not BIG like you think you are, Angel… you are… DEFINED." 

"Oh… um… well… I… thank… thank you? Dear… I…" 

"Angel, I'd give anything for my chest to look like that. To have strength like you… in… in more ways than one. You… I'm in awe… Angel… you are… beauty and grace and STRENGTH and so much more gorgeous than I ever imagined. Please, please just let me see more?" 

The Demon's sincerity seemed to shake Aziraphale from his remaining worries. Wordlessly, but with his eyes staying fixed on his lover… he took one more deep breath and shrugged his shirt to the floor… almost immediately bringing his arms to wrap around his middle. 

Crowley wanted to shout at him to take them down but knew this was probably the most crucial moment of this entire endeavor. 

"Oh, please… please Angel… I'm… I'm begging you… please take your arms down. I'm not going anywhere, see? Seeing you… my heart is about to beat clear out of me and start hopping around on the floor. I swear to it. You're beautiful… PLEASE let me see…" 

Still unable to speak, but with the smallest smile forming at the corner of his lips, Aziraphale allowed his trembling arms to drop to his sides. 

Crowley let out a sigh… his eyes suddenly leaking a bit at the enormity of the moment. He smiled at his Angel… his heart almost too full of emotion to speak, but somehow, he found the words. "Angel, may I please tell you what I see?" 

Aziraphale kept his eyes on Crowley and nodded gently. 

"First… I see my Angel; the epitome of bravery. I see broad powerful shoulders, like the soldier he was originally designed to be. I see lovely, rosy nipples. I see the most beautiful and I'm going to say it… SEXY AS FUCK curves…" 

Aziraphale brought his hand to his mouth but didn't look away; Crowley was certain he actually saw a hint of a smile in the corners of his eyes.

"… in his hips. I see the belly of my dreams… a belly BETTER than any of my dreams. A belly I cannot wait to rest my head on while my Angel reads to me. And yes, Angel you want honesty? I'll give you honesty. I see the tiniest most insignificant stretch marks." 

Aziraphale brought his hand down from his mouth, looking slightly stricken as the mention of his greatest insecurity… but Crowley chimed back in before he could wrap his arms around himself again. 

"And they are beautiful too. They are not red like you described either. They're golden, Angel. They are literally glittering in the light, when was the last time you looked at them? They make you look… ANGELIC. I'm not disgusted, Angel… I am thinking about how badly I want to trace them with my fingers and follow with my lips." 

Aziraphale went bright red at that… and, not knowing what to say, actually took a moment to look down at them. 

"I um… no… I hadn't looked at them in a long time. I… I don't think they're beautiful as you say… but… oh my… yes, they are… um… they do seem to have a bit of a shimmer… I… yes." 

"Angel, I'm going to take off my bottoms now. I know you're a bit scattered and uncomfortable, but you are so brave, and you are making me brave too, and I'm… I'm done with barriers of any kind between us… at least for tonight and this moment. Please, may I? 

"Only… only if I can take mine off at the… um… same time as you… Crowley… I'm… I'm ready too."

They looked at each other, both of them hooking their thumbs into the waistbands of their silk pajama bottoms. They didn't need to speak, they were taken up in the moment, literally and figuratively ready to bare all. Eyes locked, they fully undressed, kicking the clothes away in tandem, and looking each other over in full. 

All of their senses beyond sight seemed to leave them… they were each in awe of the other's beauty… so different from each other… so perfectly designed FOR each other. 

Aziraphale's eyes danced over the demon's slim legs, slender hips and not hard but certainly full Effort below a lovely, soft, manicured patch of fiery red hair. The Angel seemed to be looking at the littlest bit of that same red hair that Crowley had on top of his big toes, an endearing smile playing on his lips. 

Crowley gazed with reverence and just a touch of hunger and the Angel's thick, muscular thighs and rounded calves. The plushness of his hips put Botticelli to shame. The platinum trail of hair from his belly did indeed lead down to a lovely nest of curls and a gorgeous Effort just below… like Crowley, he wasn't hard per se, but he could see the length and size and how well it fit with the rest of the Angel's gorgeous corporation. 

"Am I twirling first Angel, or are you?" 

The Angel answered by smiling, and shyly completing a small turn. Crowley willed his Effort to behave itself as he caught his first glimpse of the Angel's rear, as round and lovely as he'd known it would be. 

When their eyes met again in sweet smiles, Crowley took his turn hearing an additional gasp from his Angel when he was fully turned around from his love. They both clearly liked what they saw… as if there had truly been doubt they would. 

"I'm so proud of you, Angel. I know… it seems silly to say, standing here like this, but… I am. I'm in awe… in every way. I meant what I said at the beginning of this and I mean it even more now… you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." 

"You are better and more beautiful than every dream I've ever had, my dear. And… also… still so completely you. I love you so much." 

"I love you too, Angel. And… I don't know I'll ever believe I'm beautiful like you say… but I do think I'm pretty smart… because I made sure this lovely bath would stay warm for us no matter how much time we needed." 

The Angel giggled, and Crowley's heart soared at the lack of nervousness in his laughter. 

"Well, love… I don't know that I'll ever believe I'm as beautiful as you say, but I do think I know how to let myself enjoy many of life's pleasures… like a warm bath and delicious treats with the love of my life." 

"Then let's waste no time, Angel. I um… know we agreed that we'd avoid touch for this um… exercise, but… may I please at least help you in to the tub?" The Demon held out his hand, which Aziraphale quickly took. 

"Of course dear… we can help each other…" 

"Often have, always will, Angel." 

The two entities stepped into the tub in tandem, unclasping their hands once both sets of feet were firmly placed in the perfectly heated water. They sank down into the sweet-smelling suds and let out moans of comfort as the water enveloped them up to their collar bones. 

They chatted, Aziraphale enjoyed the food, they both enjoyed the wine, Crowley dared to splash a bit of water around because, well, Demon and all that… and Crowley indulged the Angel and let him feed him a strawberry. The washcloths went unused, they weren't quite ready for the intimacy of washing one another yet, but the Demon couldn't have cared less… this had all gone better than he ever could have hoped just hours before. 

They'd shed their clothes and in doing so, some of their fears. They were indulging in a fantasy Crowley had held for centuries… enjoying a lovely evening in a warm bath. After some time, Aziraphale even agreed to a bit of footsie where their legs met in the center of the enormous tub. 

As they leaned their heads back on their respective edges of the tub, fully relaxed and sated, Crowley couldn't help but think of the whole evening as a gift, and he was so grateful… even if the build-up had been difficult. 

Now that this important step had been taken, he couldn't wait to see what was next. 

Bath Time: CHECK  
Nudity: CHECK  
Trusting each other enough to truly bare it all: CHECK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They did it! This was strangely emotional for me to write. Seeing someone you care for in the nude can be such a heavier step than many realize or talk about. I wanted this to be difficult but also deeply triumphant for both of them. Next chapters will likely earn that E rating (though I really need to stop making promises) and Aziraphale explores self-love. Thanks again as always for your wonderful comments!


	9. A Lesson in Self Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bathing together becomes a wonderful nightly ritual, Aziraphale begins to better understand that Crowley has touch needs too, and an important/informative conversation ensues on the day of the 11th bath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going ahead and rating this chapter M/E because they continue to enjoy each other's company in the nude and masturbation is discussed in some detail

The Demon and the Angel took to bathing together like the ducks at St. James Pond took to water… frequently and preferably with nibbles present. 

For 10 days, bath time became a beautiful nightly ritual, usually fitting in between post-dinner drinks in the bookshop's back room and snuggling in bed before Crowley nodded off to sleep and Aziraphale settled in to read; often with a hand stroking the Demon's hair. 

And in each of those 10 days, little checks made their way onto Crowley's list all with the tagline 'in the bath'... 

Holding hands: CHECK  
Leaning over to give each other a kiss: CHECK  
Feeding each other: CHECK  
Weaving legs together: CHECK  
Wrapping towels around each other: CHECK  
Helping each other into their matching bathrobes: CHECK 

And… on the 10th day… in an especially thrilling moment…

Angel completely wrapping his demon in a big fluffy towel and HUGGING him while he was wrapped up like a burrito (did he mention the Angel was NAKED when this happened): CHECK 

It was a truly divine sub-category of intimate delights. Crowley was starting to wonder if the list would need to be written down in a giant tome; full enough for CHAPTERS worth of touches. 

He knew there was so much more he wanted to check off… in the bath category and beyond, but the nakedness and the bathing had been such a massive step that he was in no rush to push even remotely beyond that point. His leap of faith that disrobing was the right move to help them go forward in the relationship had been shockingly spot-on in much deeper ways than expected. There was a greater ease between them now, their trust in one another had bloomed into something even more beautiful than before. The Angel rubbed at his vest less, his body was more relaxed from the start of their embraces, and the sadness that had been behind his eyes had dissipated. 

And still, new touches continued to appear outside the realm of their bathing…

Back of the neck kisses: CHECK  
Behind the ear kisses: CHECK  
Lap-sitting: CHECK

And… after a short discussion and with a promise of warning ahead of time and to make it very quick…

Demon hugging the Angel from behind: CHECK 

All of it was lovely, all of it was wanted, all of it was bliss… Crowley remained deeply unsure of what he'd done to deserve it… saving the world must have been a huge effing part of that ineffable plan…

***

On day 11, which seemed to be a solid median amount of time to go by before things would shift between the two and their touch saga, there was, indeed, a shift. 

Their act of bathing went in this somewhat unexpected order: 

1\. Decide to bathe  
2\. Sober up if they felt they were too drunk and would get too woozy in the tub  
3\. Light candles and turn on water  
4\. Miracle clothes away to the bedroom closet  
5\. Stand with each other in the nude and decide what oils/salts/bubbles etc. they would use to scent the tub  
6\. Scent the tub, decide that it was good  
7\. Climb in  
8\. Enjoy 

Crowley had been surprised from the second night of their baths that getting naked was step 5 of 8… but he certainly didn't complain or suggest a change of order. It was Aziraphale who had begun disrobing first on that second night of their baths, and Crowley had simply followed suit. 

The Demon tried to read into the action, but all he could come up with was that Aziraphale simply wanted to… well… see him naked for a bit before they climbed into the tub and their full view of each other became obstructed by the water. Crowley had considered the brazen, though far from strange, suggestion that they could… ahem… be nude together in situations other than the bath… say… in bed with Crowley in a deep state of worship over the Angel's entire body as he lavished it in kisses, licks and gentle bites? Again, he told his mind to squash such thoughts until later. They were moving forward… the Angel was happy and so was he… no need to push.

But here on this 11th night, it was not the Demon who did the pushing, but rather the Angel who allowed an unexpected desire to slip through his mind and into action. 

They were on Step 6… and Crowley was mixing a few drops of lavender oil into a few handfuls of Dead Sea salts in a small wooden bowl next to his "bath prep" station by the tub. The two were standing fairly close to one another, but not touching. As the Demon worked on his mixture, he felt an almost imperceptible amount of heat radiating towards the center of his back. He turned his eyes towards the Angel and noticed Aziraphale pull his arm away and take a step to the left away from Crowley. 

Crowley continued his task, acting like nothing had just happened, but did chime in with, "Angel, did you want to put your hand on my back?" 

He flashed a glance over at Aziraphale, who suddenly looked a bit nervous and self-conscious... as if the Demon's words had exposed him far more than taking off his clothes had. 

Crowley continued working on his concoction, eyes on the mixing bowl, speaking to the Angel as if he were explaining something as simple as making a cup of tea… 

"Aziraphale I know you're concerned about all the next steps that could come after this… but, I also want you to know that it's ok to touch me. Not every step we take has to be in tandem, love. I know you're not fully comfortable with me touching you just anywhere anytime yet… and believe me, that's ok. But if you're craving touching me, or that's what your well… desires are telling you to do, I want you to know you can. I…" 

He took a moment to look back at the Angel, making sure he was still with him. He was, and looking a lot less nervous. "I like being touched by you very much, Angel. I… um… I've gone very long stints of time in my life without being touched at all, and, not that I want that touch from just anyone, but…" Aziraphale's face was taking on a slightly sad expression; not the Demon's intention, and he immediately changed course. 

"…you know, never mind, forget I said anything… I'm just trying to say, feel free, when you're comfortable, to touch me… you know… if you want…" His speech was stopped by a sharp intake of breath as Aziraphale's warm, soft hand splayed across his back between his shoulder blades. 

"Oh, my Crowley… I know you never have anything but praises to give me dear, but I truly don't always deserve them. In all of my anxieties and fears I haven't really taken enough time to concentrate on what YOU need. And, clearly you NEED touch, my love." 

Crowley ached at this. Ached because he didn't want Aziraphale to feel he needed to put himself in a state of discomfort just because he wanted extra contact, and ached over how incredible it felt to have Aziraphale's hand on him and not wanting to tell him to stop. 

"Angel, no, please that's not what I meant, I would never EVER ask anything of you that you aren't ready for… I… please, I didn't say what I said to make you feel bad or pressured, please believe me!" 

"Shhhh… Crowley dear… it's alright." Crowley was about to say more, but Aziraphale started running that soft, warm, perfect hand up and down his spine, across his shoulder blades, and even turning his nails in to scratch a bit. Crowley tried and failed to bite back a moan and his entire back erupted into goosebumps at the soothing touch. He wanted to protest further, tell the Angel he didn't need to do this just for his sake, but what he was doing just felt so GOOD. He felt what could only have been the Angel's love coursing into him, warm yet cool, heightened yet relaxing, sweet and powerful all at once. It was wonderful. 

"You haven't made me feel bad at all my love… perhaps I was too harsh to use the words I used for myself just now. But you've reminded me that this relationship is about both of us. And you're right… I might not be ready for certain kinds of touch from you, but, as long as I'm comfortable, I should be giving you what touch and attention I can."

Crowley still found himself unable to speak, he was so overtaken by Aziraphale's gentle strokes and scratches along his back and shoulders. But he must have had concern in his eyes as he looked at his Angel… because Aziraphale quickly said, "Trust me love, I'm not doing anything I don't want to be doing right now. In fact, I, well, I think I might want to do even more. Crowley, may I please wash you when we get into the bath, dear?"

They both had shocked expressions on their faces the moment the Angel said those words. Aziraphale suddenly pulled his hand away from Crowley's back and had a look that seemed to say, 'I'm not sure what I just promised you I'd do.' Crowley thought he was going to have a heart attack, but tried his best to stay level. 

"Well, um… yes, Angel, of course… but… do you want to talk through what you mean by that request first?" 

Aziraphale seemed to relax a bit at those words. His next look seemed to say, 'thank you for always knowing what to ask, Crowley.' 

"Well, my dear, I… think I'd like to just, um… have you sit in front of me and I'll wash your back and shoulders… you know… the um… hard to reach spots?" 

Crowley smiled at the thought of Aziraphale's touch to his back continuing, with warm water and sweet-smelling soap added to the mix. "That sounds lovely, Angel… shall we?"

Aziraphale nodded and they took hands helping each other in… only this time, Crowley waited for Aziraphale to sit and cross his legs in the bath before sitting in front of him… close enough that Aziraphale could reach his back, but not so close that his rear end touched the Angel's crossed legs and feet. The Demon snapped his fingers and handed the Angel a plush washcloth, already with a dab of body wash at its center. Aziraphale smiled at his thoughtful though frivolous miracle and began scrubbing his back and shoulders with the same gentle motions he'd used a few minutes earlier. 

Crowley did his best to hold in the little sounds and moans he wanted to make. Though the two had spent hours soaking together, cuddling while watching films and while Aziraphale read to him, this was, by far, their most intimate contact to date. Crowley mused that this somehow felt more vulnerable and open than anything they'd done before. There was a reverence to this touch… he felt it exuding from the Angel in waves. 

"May I take care of your arms, dear?" 

"Of course Angel…" Crowley brought his hands up to rest on either side of the tub so the Angel could scrub him down. 

"Thank you, dear. Oh, and… ah… if you're wanting to make um… noises dear… you… don't need to hold them back, you won't make me uncomfortable."

Crowley let out a little laugh, that actually sounded more like a sigh, that turned into a low and lovely hum as Aziraphale scrubbed the sensitive skin around his biceps and down his inner arms to his wrists. 

When the Angel began scrubbing the back of his neck, massaging the tense muscles and tendons at the back of his skull, the noises turned into full moans and a sweet drawn out "Aaaaaaangel…" as Aziraphale rubbed the spots where his neck met his shoulders. 

"Angel, you keep telling me you've never done anything like this before, but… Ohhhh… you are just so damn good at it. I don't know what you're so worried about all the time…" 

At that, the Angel's movements stopped. It was just for a moment, and then he kept going, but Crowley knew he had said something at least slightly upsetting to the Angel. 'Shit' he thought. 

He was about to try and backpedal, explain himself better, but the Angel must have felt some tension return to the Demon's shoulders in that moment, and continued with his gentle scrubbing. 

"Sometimes I don't really know what it is I'm worried about either, dear…" 

"Angel, I'm sorry I didn't mean…" 

"You've said nothing wrong Crowley, please don't worry love." 

"I do, worry, Angel… I don't… I just don't ever want to hurt you in any way and sometimes my stupid mouth just…" 

"And you haven't hurt me dear… and your mouth isn't saying anything stupid any more than mine is saying things that are 'silly'. Truly… I think… well…" 

"May I turn and face you please, Angel?" 

"Of course dear, let me just rinse you off a bit?" 

Aziraphale dunked the washcloth into the water and wrung it out all over Crowley's back, letting the suds wash away, giving him a small pat on his back when he was done and ready for his Demon to turn and face him. 

Crowley sloshed around with minimal water spilled, steam still rising off of the surface and even a few wisps off of his own body from where the Angel had been washing him. The Angel was about to continue his thoughts, but a sudden softness came into his eyes as he looked into Crowley's. 

He gave off a happy sigh, tilting his head, "Hello, Crowley." The fondness of his tone made the Demon want to melt into the tub. 

"Hello, Angel." 

Aziraphale held out his hands and Crowley took them, they were both cross legged in the tub, their knees touching gently. "Sometimes I can't quite believe all of this, dear. That you're mine, that we're here, that you love me." 

"Loving you is the easiest thing I've ever done Angel… it was only the 6,000 years of trying to be WITH you and not being able to that was a challenge." 

"Indeed dear." The Angel let out a more resolute sigh and looked to his lover with an inquisitive face, searching for the right words to say as he spoke. 

"As to what I'm worried about. Well… I want to ask you something… and… it feels like a difficult question to ask… a bit… embarrassing and well… VERY personal towards you…"

"You can ask me anything Angel, really." 

"How did you… that is to say… learn to… well… with regards to… sex… oh goodness…" 

The Angel gripped Crowley's hands instead of bringing them up to his mouth in the boldness of his words. Crowley was pretty sure he knew what would be asked, but wanted the Angel to gain the courage to do the asking. 

"Go on, Angel, it's ok…" 

"How did you um… learn… what you well… like? Sexually, I mean… how did you begin to… know what you… um… want? Does… that make sense?" 

"Completely, Angel. Just… are you sure you want me to tell you about um…"

"My dear I know you're sexually experienced and I promise I hold no judgement or jealousy. 6,000 years is a long time to be on this earth… and… honestly, as many anxieties as I've had, I'm glad you have that experience… it's actually helped me to have trust in you and how you're handling… well… handling me."

Crowley couldn't help but let out a small laugh… "It's so funny you say that Angel… when all of this began I remember thinking to myself that I wouldn't have cared if you'd had too many partners to count. Because yes, 6,000 years is a long time and what's past is past… we're together now."

"Exactly, love. So, please don't worry about giving me details about your past um… exploits, I truly feel I can handle them." 

"That means a lot to me, Angel… thank you. Ok… you're definitely ready for me to answer your question, all the dirty details?"

The Angel sighed and rolled his eyes playfully. "Yes, dear, all the dirty details." 

"Right then. Well, honestly Angel I learned the way many young humans do… I, well… started by touching myself." 

Aziraphale's eyes widened a bit at the Demon's words, but he stayed focused, genuinely interested and trying not to grip his hands too tightly as Crowley went on. 

"I remember Adam and Eve in the Garden, as I'm sure you do…" 

"Ahem… um… yes they were quite… um… busy... in those early days. But when I saw them doing those activities I mostly looked away." 

"I didn't really want to ogle over them much either, but it WAS my introduction to the standard sets of parts and well, I guess I was just curious and started manifesting them. I would switch… depending on what gender I wanted to present in those first couple of thousand years, or, sometimes went with the opposite set for how I was presenting, just to amuse myself more than anything. Also... well... tight trousers and all that." 

"Is the um… effort you have now… um… the one you're most… well… comfortable with, Crowley?" 

"I genuinely like having both, Angel. Not really at the same time… although those were some interesting parties. Story for another time. But yeah... I'm pretty committed to having one or the other at any given time. But I've gotten a lot of pleasure out of each set of parts. It's quite a different experience, though the goals are similar." 

"I see." 

"Are, you… comfortable with the effort I have now, Angel?" 

"Oh, yes, very much! Oh…" Aziraphale seemed to get a touch embarrassed by the enthusiasm with which he answered the question. "… but please, if you ever wanted to well, change… that is certainly… intriguing to me as well." 

Crowley smiled. "Same goes for you, Angel. You asked me at the beginning of this new arrangement if I liked a male-presenting corporation and the answer is yes, I very much do. And, if you ever wanted, in the future and if you're comfortable, to try out something different I'd be happy to experiment with you with female parts as well. I've, tried this in many combinations." 

"And… there isn't a combination you like… um… better than another?" 

"Not really… only that I often wished my partner was you." 

"Oh, Crowley… um… thank you dear." The Angel didn't quite know how to respond to that kind of statement, but Crowley didn't want to push. He knew Aziraphale was still struggling with seeing himself as an object of desire to anyone, Crowley included. "Well… this is all quite informative… but um…?" 

"You want to know the specifics of how I learned what to do with my different parts?"

"Um… yes… please… if you don't mind that is." 

"Not at all Angel. So, like I said, I had these parts, and well, one is between assignments and one gets a bit bored. And, honestly, I remember very absentmindedly just running my hands up and down my stomach and chest… scratching my skin a bit… and that felt good… so, I just went lower… and… took myself into my hand. I had a cock that first time. And, really it just, happened. I was holding it at first, then squeezing a bit, and that felt good, and I started to get hard, and, I ran my hand up and down just enjoying the way my skin felt there, and then I held on a bit tighter, and it just felt better and better until… well, 'splendor', as you call it… and things getting sticky too." 

Aziraphale seemed more fascinated than uncomfortable by Crowley's description, so he moved on. 

"Similar process when I had female parts… only… I found I liked touching other… different… parts of my body first to warm myself up than when my effort was male. I realized I liked to touch my nipples more, and my inner thighs, and my lower back for some reason. Took more finesse to have my first orgasm with those bits, but I just took my time and I was careful and payed attention to my body and what it wanted. I stopped if anything hurt. It's not the same for everyone, in some ways I figured things out fairly easily compared to some, but… well… us immortals have a lot of TIME, yeah… so… I just took my time and figured it out." 

Aziraphale continued to look at Crowley with rapt attention… nodding a bit as he came to the end of his descriptions… but although his eyes were looking at Crowley's, the Demon could tell the Angel was processing the information; many thoughts were coursing through his mind. 

"Angel… I remember when you told me you were worried about your own inexperience… and how you're still a bit worried about that now. About how you wouldn't know what to tell me to… you know… do… with you sexually? How you wouldn't be able to tell me what you like? Well… I really think touching yourself is a big part of knowing the answer to those questions, yeah?"

"I suppose so dear… it's clearly something I haven't thought enough about. I'm not sure why I never thought to do the same as you. Perhaps I worried it wouldn't be seen as well… acceptable somehow. From what I know, SHE doesn't have strong feelings about masturbation or sex for that matter, but… I guess I always worried the other Angels might." 

Crowley gave Aziraphale's hands a squeeze and a slightly sad sigh. "I'm sorry you felt you couldn't explore your own body Angel. I can't imagine that would be even remotely pleasant… imagining Angels keeping tabs on you in those intimate, private moments… bastards… all of them…" 

"One more, question dear… and, forgive me if the answer is obvious but… when you… started having experiences with others…" 

"Only mortals, if that's what you're worried about Angel… Demons are quite disgusting if you haven't noticed…" Crowley gave a little wink, Aziraphale gave him a look and then pressed on. 

"Did you just… tell them what you liked when you touched yourself? Was… was that all you needed to do to… enjoy… you know…?" 

"It's not an 'obvious' question, Angel… it's actually a really good one. And, yes, describing the way I liked to be touched was a good place to start. Sometimes I've even taken the person's hands, fingers, mouth, and placed them exactly where I wanted them. But… the way it feels to touch yourself can be really different from how it feels to be touched by another person, yeah? You've probably noticed getting a kiss from me on the cheek feels a bit different than when Madame Tracy does it or if Shadwell were to lay one on you? At least I hope so…"

"Of course dear. I guess… as I've said… I've read many books, and I've been on earth a long time… I understand the mechanics but… there isn't as much information out there about how one, practically begins and… how you well… ensure what you're both doing is pleasurable to the other."

"Talking through what you want doesn't sound as sexy on paper, Angel. That's why there isn't much reading material on it… at least not in the literature you tend to read. But, I think we've certainly figured out that talking through things helps us have a better time?" 

Aziraphale squeezed his Demon's hands again in agreement… not a tremor to be found. Crowley was so elated with how not-nervous his Angel was with this conversation. 

"So, Crowley, um… do you think… I need to perhaps… spend some time ah… with… myself?" 

And the tremor was back. Crowley held on, his eyes as steady as his grip. 

"I think that's an excellent idea, Angel." 

"You wouldn't find it strange… that… well… here I have you, to touch me, and I'm… just… touching myself instead?" 

"Angel even if you and I were having wild passionate sex several times a day for all of eternity, I would probably still touch myself on occasion." 

"Really?" 

"It's difficult to describe. In… in the same way it feels different to touch yourself than having someone else touch you, there is also a comfort in the touch you give yourself that feels different from that of another person. Sometimes it's a touch you crave. It can, have different results than being with another. Damn… this is difficult to describe if you haven't wanked before…" 

"I think I understand enough love. One is about closeness to another person and the other can be more about… something else?"

"Yeah, that's kind of it… one is about connection and the other can be about stress relief, comfort, sometimes it helps me sleep… sometimes you're turned on and there's no one else there, I once had an exceptionally bad molt for my wings and I did it so I would be in less pain; lots of reasons." 

Aziraphale nodded, his comment over touching himself lost a bit in the continuance of their conversation. Crowley thought it might be a good time to give the Angel just the slightest of nudges… not a temptation… just… inspiration. 

"And, you know, like I said Angel… you don't have to go right for the gold. In fact, you shouldn't. You should, you know… see if there are places on your body you like to have touched. You… might be surprised by what you figure out." 

The Angel wasn't shaking, but the look on his face still seemed so lost and unsure. The Demon thought this might actually be a good time to plant a thought in his mind. 

"Example, you know how when you get your wings out you almost always crack your neck a bit?" 

The Angel snapped out of his previous look, a bit surprised that Crowley had noticed this about him. 

"Um… well… I suppose that's true. I'm not sure why but it always seems to jostle this corporation's spine a bit when I do." 

"And, remember you telling me your corporation gives you headaches? Maybe just start with, I don't know… rubbing your own neck and shoulders a bit? Maybe the base of your scalp or behind your ears? And remember, sex of any kind is about intention. If you touch yourself with the INTENTION of trying to turn yourself on, it will be more likely to happen."

"I think I understand… but I don't know if here and now is the time to... um…" 

Crowley chuckled sweetly. "I didn't mean right this second, Angel. But, maybe tomorrow we can spend a little time apart and you can, spend some time with yourself and just… you know… see what happens?" 

The Angel seemed satisfied with this suggestion despite the touch of nervousness behind his eyes. "Yes, yes my dear, I… I think that sounds like something I'm willing to try." Suddenly, the Angel's eyes flooded with an unexpected love…

"Crowley, I… I can't tell you what this means to me… you've been so open and patient and you've genuinely put my mind at ease about some things. I… I genuinely feel more relaxed about this now. And, I appreciate that you want me to be comfortable with my own touch in order to… well… get more comfortable with yours… It makes me feel quite a bit less anxious than other scenarios I've imagined." 

"I'm glad, Angel. Really. And I'm glad you're open to the idea. You can talk with me about any of this stuff. I want to help, I want you to feel more confident... and let's be honest... it benefits me too." 

"Wiley old serpent," Aziraphale teased, "Trying to get a sweet innocent Angel to do naughty things." 

"My beautiful bastard Angel you mean?" 

They laughed, and then Aziraphale leaned in and kissed him… and didn't back away… and ever so gently... let the tip of his tongue pop out of his mouth to run deliciously across the Demon's bottom lip… and the Demon let out a shudder... and let his own tongue touch to the tip of the Angels… and because the Angel didn't pull away... gently licked along his lips… and… in a seemingly miraculous moment to the Demon... the Angel opened his mouth… and their tongues began to slide with pure perfection together… and moans escaped them both as the kiss deepened… and hands made their way to the backs of necks and cheeks and faces… and they tasted each other for the first time… sweet tea and cinnamon biscuits and wine and chocolate and whiskey and smoke and fresh rain and just… them. 

And like the night of their first hug, they had no idea how long it actually lasted… only that it was night when they started and night when it ended, and any number of minutes, hours or days could have passed in the meantime. 

A stunning, PROPER Snog: CHECK 

When they did finally part, drunk off of each other and completely elated, they made their way to bed, the Angel promising to do some "important self-investigation" as he called it… making the Demon roll his eyes and fill with joy in tandem. He was genuinely happy that the Angel would take some time to himself tomorrow.

He had no idea that Aziraphale's corporation had VERY different plans…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know... a CLIFFHANGER! You can probably guess where this is going though. I'll be able to write a lot more at the end of the month... between Christmas and New Years but will try not to leave you hanging for too long! Again and as always, your comments have been truly incredible and I'm so grateful for them!!!


	10. Come to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale's plans to experience self-pleasure for the first time are sharply derailed and Crowley has to talk him through an uncomfortable situation without the use of touch to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear readers. So, here's the thing, we are most definitely at a full and complete E rating. If you have been enjoying the touch journey our celestial boyfriends have been on primarily because of the absence of smut, then now is the time to bid them a fond farewell. 
> 
> For those of you who wish to continue, this chapter has been the most difficult to write. I have received such beautiful feedback for the tenderness of their relationship, and I want so badly for their sexual experiences with each other to include that same care and feelings of warmth. This really truly is my first fan fic, and really truly my first time writing smut as well. I hope to do them the justice they deserve and I hope my writing continues to give you warm and lovely feelings with this added element. 
> 
> Here we go!

At some point in the middle of the night, after the two celestial entities finally found a way to stop snogging so the Demon could sleep, Crowley awakened to an unfamiliar sound. Foggy with sleep, he rolled over to find that the noise was coming from his beloved Angel… the cutest little mini-snores he'd ever heard. He'd yet to see his Angel asleep and seeing him now, with his worry lines smoothed out, lips relaxed, chest rising and falling gently, felt so deeply intimate. 

Aziraphale had avoided sleeping, partially because he didn't see much of a point in the act, less time for reading and all that, but also because he'd admitted to having erotic dreams about Crowley… something he'd been worried his angelic bosses would find out about. The fact that Aziraphale felt comfortable enough with Crowley to actually allow his body to rest next to his felt like one of the biggest items he'd ever checked off of his list. It hadn't even been by accident… the Angel's glasses and book were safely deposited on the end table on Aziraphale's side of the bed… his evening rest was very much intentional. 

Sleeping together: CHECK

Crowley, not knowing how light a sleeper Aziraphale was, just couldn't help himself and reached out his hand to gently brush over the Angel's fluffy white hair. When he barely twitched at the touch, Crowley leaned over giving a feather-light kiss to his forehead. At that, the Angel twitched a little more but stayed fast asleep. 

Before nodding off himself, Crowley whispered "dream a little dream of me, Angel." 

***

The next sound the Demon woke up to was much less pleasant than the first… as it was the sound of his Angel in clear distress. 

"No, no no no.. oh… what should I.. oh…" 

Groggy but concerned, Crowley flipped over and sat himself up so he was sitting next to Aziraphale in bed. The Angel was shifting his body around and clutching at the bedsheets, a look of panic in his eyes. 

Crowley reached out saying "What's wrong, Angel…" only to have Aziraphale move his shoulder down and scoot an inch or two away from him. Crowley immediate brought his hand back and stayed put. He was confused but realized that whatever it was, touch was the last thing Aziraphale needed in this moment. 

Aziraphale's voice and look were pained. "I… I'm sorry dear… I just… I don't… I don't know what's happening to me… well… I think I do know… but don't know how to make it stop… and I don't know if I want to be… touched right now… I… it aches… and I…"

Crowley tried to sooth him only using his voice, deeply concerned over how panicked Aziraphale was getting but not wanting to frighten him or make his anxiety worse. Tears were forming in his clear blue eyes, a look of near desperation… it was awful. 

"It's ok, Angel, just breathe, please just keep breathing in and out. What aches? What hurts? I… I can't do anything if you don't tell me…" 

"It's so embarrassing Crowley! I… I feel like I'm burning up… but… I I I I… can't make it stop… I… no no no…"

"Shhhhhh… Angel, love… please… please just breathe… please let me help you… what… oh…" 

The Demon cut himself off… because he saw what was wrong. Aziraphale had stopped to concentrate on his breathing long enough to let the sheets fall and let his legs move a bit less… and Crowley could see the very clear bulge of the Angel's erection between his legs. 

At first, he was relieved, and in the darkest part of himself, actually wanted to laugh a bit in said relief. An Angel was having a full panic attack over his morning wood… on paper that almost sounded like the opening line of a comical story. But then he let his sleep-addled brain process the reality of this situation. 

What was actually happening was a 6,000-year-old entity, with extreme insecurities regarding touch and sexuality, was waking up to his body in an acute state of arousal for the first time ever. Of course he was scared. He'd had the wet dreams before, but this was different, and, despite his fear, he was hard and aching and needed relief and Crowley touching him was off the table.

Crowley took a few breaths in tandem with Aziraphale and offered a prayer to anything that would listen to give him the patience, calm and level headedness to get the Angel to stop panicking. For a few moments more, as Aziraphale continued to concentrate on his breathing, the Demon filed through different scenarios of how to go about this task. He thought of one that made the most sense to him, but worried it would be too much for Aziraphale to handle. No, this was what needed to happen. If he could pull this off it would be the best-case scenario for his Angel… and him as well. He also thought of one more less 'scary' alternative... just in case. He offered up one more prayer and calmly smiled at his love.

Aziraphale's eyes were shut, he was still breathing, less frantic but clearly still uncomfortable… the bulge still present. 

"Hey Angel, do you think you could look at me for a moment. I won't lay a finger on you I swear, I just want to help. Can you look over at me, please?" 

Aziraphale allowed his eyes to crack open and he turned his head slightly to the right to look at Crowley, his cheeks were definitely red with embarrassment. Crowley ached for him, knowing that what he was about to suggest was going to make those cheeks even more flush. 

"Angel, it's alright. I can tell what's going on… with your effort… and it's completely fine, it's normal. But I'm guessing this is the first time it's happened to you, right?"

The Angel's cheeks did indeed redden, but he closed his eyes and nodded, still not quite knowing what to say. 

"Ok, since this is the first time it makes perfect sense why you're nervous and worried, that's normal too. Were you… um… having one of those dreams while you were sleeping? Do you remember?" 

"I… I'm not sure… I… don't know why this is happening…" 

The fear and vulnerability in his voice made Crowley want to cry. But he knew he had to stay calm and act like this was no big deal; if he let his emotions get heightened, it wouldn't serve his Angel in the least. "That's alright Aziraphale, it doesn't matter. I think I might have some idea of why. We've been doing lots of lovely new things together, yeah? Between the baths, seeing each other's bodies, all that lovely kissing we did last night and the plan we talked about where you were going to experiment with touching yourself… I think you've been having… well… an awakening. All those thoughts and feelings are manifesting in your corporation getting excited. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but this is a good thing Angel."

"This just… this isn't what I thought… I… I had a plan and I was going to… but now this and it aches I didn't know it would ache Crowley…" 

The words made the Demon ache in his chest. "I know, love. I know you were going to try to make this happen yourself and go at your pace and have some control. But, truth is, a lot of things don't happen the way you expect, it's the same with sex and love. And as for the ache, it's an occasional side effect of these human bodies, Angel. Your body is aching because it wants release. It knows that if it aches a bit, you or… someone… will do something about it to stop the ache." 

Understanding dawned on Aziraphale. His look communicated sheepishness… as though he 'should' have known the source of the ache… but Crowley gave him no judgement, only care and an offer to help. 

"Look, love, you're here now and you're in this state and… I have a few suggestions on what to do if you want to hear them?" 

Aziraphale looked at Crowley with a strange expression. Crowley was sure his Angel already knew what he might suggest, but was in too much of a state of anxiety to take the lead. 

"I could probably miracle the arousal away for you; at least it sounds like the sort of thwarting a Demon could do." Crowley tried to bring a little levity to that comment, but all Aziraphale did was nod, as if it might be a reasonable suggestion. "Or, and I know this is scarier and probably a lot faster than you wanted this to happen, you could take care of it yourself. And I think you know I don't mean with miracles." 

The Angel trembled, Crowley noticed his thumbs were worrying at the bedsheets and probably had been since the Demon had awakened, but he wasn't sure if the trembling was worse over his suggestion or not. 

"I could, walk out of here and give you the space and time to figure things out. Last night I gave you a decent description of how I've masturbated." Crowley heard a slightly sharper intake of breath over that last word. "Or, if you wanted, I could stay here, talk you through it… I wouldn't have to look if you didn't want me to, and don't worry, I'm not going to suggest doing it for you. If you decide you want to make it go away through touch, I want you to be able to feel that for yourself." 

Aziraphale gave Crowley a slightly pained look. He didn't know what to do, and Crowley knew that would be the case, but he still felt these were the right suggestions to make, and with either one, Aziraphale would be in control of the outcome for himself. 

"Angel I know it's hard to make a decision on how you would be the most comfortable when you're feeling extremely uncomfortable, but however you want me to help or not help I'm here… but you have to be the one to decide what to do." 

"It's supposed to feel good… right?" 

Crowley was strangely taken aback by the question, but rolled with it, happy to hear his brave Angel looking to the positive side of this situation. 

"Masturbation? Orgasms? Oh, oh yes Angel. Yes, it genuinely does feel so good. Like I said before, in some ways it feels different every time and in different circumstances. But take the 'splendor' you've had in your dreams and imagine it magnified. At least, that's what I hope it will be for you. That's what I want it to be for you."

Aziraphale nodded, trembling a bit less and his shoulders seemed to relax as well. 

"Angel I love you. You deserve to let yourself feel good and make yourself feel good. I know you have only ever imagined pursuing a physical relationship with me, but I don't want my touch to be the only thing that makes you feel good. You deserve to feel that splendor by your own hand too." 

A few, very long, moments passed and just as Crowley was going to pipe up again, he heard in a small voice, "Alright. Yes, I'll… I'll do this myself then." 

"Alright… good. I'm glad. Do you… want me to go…" 

"No! I mean… no please don't go… I… want you to be here…" 

Crowley's heart felt like a hummingbird fluttering in his chest, he couldn't quite believe Aziraphale trusted him enough to be with him in this vulnerable moment. "That's fine, Angel, I'll do my best to help you. If you get uncomfortable and want me to leave or change your mind entirely and want me to try a miracle I'll do that too, I promise." 

"Thank you, Crowley. So… I just… um…?" 

Aziraphale looked at him with those lost eyes that always tugged at his heart, and Crowley knew he'd probably have to guide him through this with quite a bit of detail to best temper the Angel's anxiety. 

'I'm about to teach an Angel to masturbate,' he thought to himself, 'Not how I thought I would spend my morning.' 

"Ok, Angel, I think you'll be more comfortable if you take your pajama bottoms down a bit. You can undress more if you like but it's not necessary, whatever you feel you want to do will be right." 

Aziraphale nodded and tentatively pushed the sheets down, showing the erection more clearly than before against the silk fabric of his pajamas. With a quick nervous look at Crowley, he looked to his task and pushed down the bottoms until they were nearly to his knees, his cock standing at attention once freed from the fabric. 

Crowley, by some miracle beyond his comprehension, managed not to gasp at the sight. His Angel's effort was gorgeous. Quite a bit longer than he'd thought based on seeing him 'at ease' in the bath, and certainly thicker. He was quite uncomfortably red and swollen at the tip, he could tell the Angel was indeed aching. The Demon closed his eyes for a split second willing himself not to moan, twitch, lick his lips, get hard himself or any other physical action indicating his own arousal at seeing the Angel's effort in this state. He needed to get his lover through this. If he did, it would be another step for Aziraphale and likely lead to other steps for them to take together. 'Keep. It. Together. Demon.'

"There you go Angel. Alright, if you were starting this from the beginning, I'd tell you to touch other parts of yourself, like you were planning to do before this happened, but I know you're aching, so this is actually a time where I'd tell you to go for the gold. Just, take yourself in hand and see how that feels." 

"W-which… hand… dear?" 

"Let's go with the one you write with for this first go." 

Crowley felt as though he was watching Aziraphale bring up his left hand in slow motion, it's possible the Angel was moving so slowly that he was, in fact, watching in slow motion. The Angel's hand trembled, but didn't pull back, and he looked up into Crowley's eyes as his hand hovered just to the side of his cock. 

"Go ahead, Angel, no one's watching but me." 

The Demon had somehow managed to say the right thing, because with that, a look of trust in his eyes, Aziraphale wrapped his hand around his erection for the first time. 

The sharp intake of breath and the almost immediate widening of the Angel's eyes made Crowley jump a bit, but he kept his gaze fixed and focused. 

"How's that, Aziraphale? Good?" 

"I'm, I'm not sure… yes good, but the ache is… is still there." 

"That's alright Angel. You've already taken the leap, now you just need to keep going. I know you understand the basic mechanics of this, right?" 

The Angel nodded, his eyes still wide but with the tremble in his other hand lessening. 

"Ok, what feels good for me might not feel the same for you, so it might take you a little bit to know how fast you want to go and how hard you want to hold on. If any of what you try feels bad or wrong you should stop. Alright?" 

The Angel let out a breathy, "Alright," looked down at his effort in his hand and gently began sliding his hand up and down along his shaft." 

"Oh… oh… that… that does feel quite nice Crowley… oh…" 

Aziraphale was watching his own hand move up and down, sweet and surprised little moans escaping his lips as the ache was clearly replaced by much lovelier feelings. 

"You were, right about the skin… it… it is very soft… ohhhhh… sensitive too…" 

"You're doing beautifully Angel. Are you starting to feel better?" 

"I think so… yes… the ache is still there but… I'm tingling… a lot in my legs. Is that… oh… is that normal?" 

"Absolutely. As long as you're feeling good, you're doing the right thing. Just keep going and feel free to go a little faster or squeeze a little harder when you're ready." 

Crowley saw Aziraphale speed up his strokes just a little more, bringing his closed hand much closer to his sensitive head. Suddenly, the Angel let out a very different, sharp cry and abruptly let go. "AH! Oh… that was much much too sensitive." He was breathing heavily and turned to look at Crowley, some of his panic returning to his eyes. "I'm sorry, it just… it hurt a bit so I…" 

Crowley resisted the urge to reach out to his Angel. "Angel, please don't apologize. You did exactly what you should have done if it didn't feel good. You're trying, you're learning you body, it takes time." The Demon had a lightbulb moment, silently cursing himself for not thinking of it earlier. 

"Angel, I'm the one who should apologize, I didn't think to give you something you'll appreciate having for this. Hold out your left hand, palm up please?"

Aziraphale did as he was told and Crowley snapped his fingers, producing a slick substance in the center of the Angel's hand. 

"What… what is this dear?" 

"It's a mix of almond and cherry seed oil. It's all natural, good for your skin... It will make what you're doing feel much better, especially if you make more contact with the head of your cock."

Aziraphale nodded, still looking uncomfortable, but gave Crowley a look that showed gratitude for the Demon's efforts to help him. 

"Angel, when you're ready just go back to what you were doing before that felt good and gave you that tingly feeling you described; that's what you're going for." 

Cautiously, Aziraphale resumed his gentle slow strokes on his effort, and within a few moments, the moans were back, and taking on exponentially more pleasure and heat. 

"Ohhhh…oh my… oh… oh Crowley, this… this is… you were very VERY right about this dear… ohhh…" 

Crowley was starting to ache himself. As the Angel got more and more comfortable, finding his pleasure, the Demon let a heat rise in his own corporation, seeing his gorgeous Angel coming undone, coaxing himself towards his first conscious orgasm. It was beautiful. It was one of the hottest things he'd ever seen. He loved him. He wanted him. His imagination was running wild. He couldn't wait for it to be his hand in place of the Angel's on his swollen, wanting effort. He couldn't wait for that gorgeous hand to be wrapped around his own cock. 'Patience. Demon. Stay. Put.'

"C-C-Crowley?" 

The Angel's was stuttering not in anxiety, but in pleasure, and hearing his name spoken like that made the hummingbird in Crowley's heart nearly flap itself to death. It snapped him back to the task at hand (so to speak). 

"I'm still here Angel. Are you alright, what's happening now?" 

"Something… in my… I guess my belly, but… lower… there's this um… heat and pressure and… is this…?"

"You're nearly there Angel… you're going to have your first proper orgasm soon." 

As he said those words, the Angel let out an especially deep moan and, without prompting from Crowley, ran his thumb a few times over the head of his cock, causing a dot of precum to appear. He looked at it in surprise and looked to Crowley, who nodded to assure him that was normal as well. 

The Angel's cries became more desperate after that as he chased his release. His cock was turning darker, his strokes were getting faster, a tighter grip, legs and thighs trembling, his breathing getting shallower, he was so close… Crowley wanted to help him over the edge. 

"My Angel, look at me please." 

Aziraphale turned to look at him, his eyes a bit wild, searching, nervous, impossibly turned on, wanting to give in to his pleasure and clearly so anxious to do so. He was so stunningly beautiful, so painfully vulnerable. 

"Angel, you can let go. Let yourself feel good. You're so gorgeous right now I can't even put it into words. You deserve this pleasure. I love you… Come." 

"CROWLEY!" 

With his eyes locked on his Demon's, the Principality's orgasm surged through him like a tidal wave. When the pleasure hit in full, his eyes clamped shut and his mouth opened to release celestially beautiful moans. He tensed, and trembled, and shook, and cried out, and gasped for breath and spilled onto his slowing hand; letting all the overwhelming feelings fall in a perimeter around his whole body. Crowley swore he was glowing, a warm light pulsing around his entire body as he slowly came down from his euphoria. 

The Demon could see that the tension was gone from his Angel's face… and not just the tension from the situation this morning. The Angel looked as if a weight was lifted from him. His literal glow was dissipating, yet he was radiating bliss. He had faced something he had been afraid to do and try and let himself feel for thousands of years. 

Crowley knew there was no way one orgasm could rid the Angel of every anxiety, but he could see in Aziraphale's face just how big this moment had been. Now his Angel knew what the results of their lovemaking could involve. He knew he could try things and have them fail and try new things to achieve the desired result. He knew Crowley would be there to help him, and also encourage him to own his own pleasure. He knew his Demon loved him and would truly be there by his side for every step they took, even if Aziraphale put boundaries in place. 

Just as his breathing was returning to normal… Aziraphale started laughing. It reminded Crowley of the first time they held hands in the park at St. James. The Angel seemed so elated that this miraculous moment had even happened that he couldn't help but laugh with the joy of it. He cracked his eyes open as the gentle laughs continued, Crowley beamed, joining in. 

When the laughter died down into a satisfied sigh, Aziraphale turned to Crowley and also looked down at his lap. "Well, my dear, that was a much more satisfying reason to become all sticky." 

Crowley cackled. "It is indeed Angel, it very much is indeed. Speaking of which…". The Demon snapped his fingers cleaning Aziraphale up and returning his pajama bottoms to the correct position and tucking the now clean bedsheets around him. He even brought about a steaming hot cup of tea and a glass of cold water on the Angel's bedside table. 

A sweet gasp and a bright smile came from the Angel, and he reached out his hand to Crowley, who took it gratefully. 

"Thank you, my dear… for everything. I… don't just feel better, I feel extraordinary." 

Crowley's insides felt like warm mush at the Angel's sweet words. "I'm proud of you, Angel. I know you were so nervous and anxious but you were an absolute champion. Even when it got uncomfortable you kept trying. We've been saying all along that you needed to listen to your body, and you did, and you'll always be able to say your first orgasm happened because of you… a gift you gave to yourself." 

Aziraphale's answering smile was shy but steadfast. "You were so right, Crowley. I do feel genuinely good, about all of it, even if it wasn't how I expected the morning to go." 

Crowley chuckled at his lover echoing his own sentiments from just a few minutes earlier when he was talking the Angel through his pleasure. 

Aziraphale picked up his mug of tea, took a gulp and sighed happily, allowing his body to wiggle in contentment. 

"Well now I'm positively energized my dear! I had no idea this sort of thing put a bit of pep in one's step! And, I'm also a bit peckish. Shall we go shopping today, love? There's a new shop that sells sunglasses that I thought we might visit… so you can add to your collection… oh and there's that new pub that opened up a few blocks past there on Carnaby Street we could try…" 

Crowley smiled as the love of his life prattled on about the day's potential plans. As he'd thought earlier… a literal weight was clearly lifted from his Angel. Crowley had very high hopes for what this would mean for their future and their ability to move their physical relationship forward. 

But he had to admit… dropping a few hundred quid in the shops and having a pint in a cozy pub with his love sounded like a good way to spend the rest of the day. 

Tomorrow, he would have some new ideas on how to spend their time…

Wanking: CHECK  
Angel has mind-blowing self-affirming glorious Orgasm: CHECK  
Holding hands in the Angel's afterglow: CHECK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we went! 
> 
> An Angel learns to wank... but I hope it was so much more than that. 
> 
> It was important to me, from the beginning, that Azi's first orgasm needed to come from him, and not Crowley. Even though I want THEM to be together forever, I don't think anyone, Angel, Demon or otherwise should be 100% dependant on the presence of another person/partner to have orgasms... and however you as an individual go about having them on your own, you are deserving of that self love and I wanted Crowley and Azi to know and feel that importance too. 
> 
> I MIGHT be able to crank out one more Chapter before Christmas... we shall see, but definitely more will come before we ring in 2020. Thanks as always for your support and comments and suggestions!


	11. No More to Hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After taking a few days away from each other, Aziraphale and Crowley reunite and the Angel brings up a very important question that leads to a confession from the Demon. There are some misunderstandings, but fortunately, they result in a big leap forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's that... there in the distance... is that THE ANGST TRAIN... coming back for another visit to the Ineffable Station? Apologies friends... we need to get through another slightly challenging conversation... but the payoff at the end and in the next chapter will be super sweet. This chapter is a Mature rating for content.

Anthony J. Crowley, Master of the Underworld, Former Servant to the Princes of Darkness, was skittering around his Mayfair flat like a small rodent trying to make everything 'perfect' before the Angel's 7:00pm arrival… Crowley hadn't seen Aziraphale for three days. 

After the morning of the Angel's first orgasm, they had indeed enjoyed a day of visiting the shops in the Angel's neighborhood, and ducking in from the crisp Fall air to enjoy the new pub. Crowley had eaten half of his plate of fish & chips before pushing it over for the Angel to finish… Aziraphale had been both impressed and pleased. "What can I say, you make me hungry Angel," Crowley had said to his love, causing the Principality to blush a deep pink. They'd ended up talking for nearly two hours in a cozy spot by the fire, nursing their pints and talking mostly in euphemisms since they were in public. 

Crowley listed through the conversation in his brain as he mindlessly snapped the dust away from the corners of his flat… he recalled… 

1\. How Aziraphale was feeling after his first conscious moment of "splendor" (the answer was that he was feeling "quite splendid" for which Crowley called him "adorable" and there was kissing).  
2\. How Crowley still felt it important for the Angel to go with the original plan they'd formulated for him to "spend some time on his own" for purposes of "self-investigation."  
3\. How Aziraphale had agreed, but then started trembling a bit.  
4\. How Crowley had inquired about why the Angel was nervous.  
5\. How the brave Angel had been brave saying he wasn't as nervous about the "self-investigation" part, more that he was nervous to ask Crowley if he could dedicate a day or two or three to the "endeavor" totally on his own.  
6\. How Crowley had kissed the Angel's cheek and gripped his hand and told him it was a completely reasonable request and he loved him and wanted him to take his time.  
7\. How they'd agreed to three days apart and at 7:00pm on the third day, Aziraphale would come over to Crowley's flat and bring dinner and a report on his "findings." 

They'd passionately kissed and hugged goodbye that evening, and about 10 hours later (8 ½ spent sleeping and 1 ½ spent tending to the general maintenance of his life), Crowley was bored out of his mind and near desperate to see his Angel again. 

It was a rare time in this new 'arrangement' where Crowley felt as though HE was the one facing great anxieties. Aziraphale knew that Crowley had fears of abandonment and had brought up those concerns before deciding to part for the 3 days; offering to call to say goodnight so they wouldn't go a full 72 hours without speaking. 

"Angel we used to spend decades apart at a time. I think we can take three days and be ok. I appreciate your concern, I do, but I trust you… I know if you say you'll come to mine at 7pm on Friday you'll be there." 

And thus… they hadn't spoken. Crowley had been tempted multiple times to just pick up his phone and dial the bookshop, just to hear the Angel's voice for a few minutes, but he was genuinely worried if he chose to call, he would potentially call at just the right moment to disrupt the Angel in his 'efforts'… so to speak. Even if the Angel was inexperienced in such matters, Crowley was fairly sure he was the type to not want to be interrupted in the middle of such intimate moments. 

Speaking of intimate moments… Crowley did find a few things to do in absence of his Angel. Aziraphale had gently and nervously suggested in the pub three days prior that Crowley "should probably take some time for some 'splendor' of his own." The offer had been sweet, and Crowley had promised that he would… leaving out the bit of information that the Demon had spent a significant amount of any time they'd spent apart in the last two months wanking himself into near discorporation. 

Crowley would let whatever sensations from their new touches they'd experienced flood his body and use his extraordinary imagination to help with the rest. His memory of the Angel masturbating for the first time was blessedly burned into his memory and had been an exceptional visual for his acts of self-care in the last 72 hours. 

It's not that he wanted to hide that information from Aziraphale, only that he knew the Angel was very concerned about "frustrating" him with the slowness of their pace. But that wasn't the case at all. Crowley was learning that his wells of patience were deeper than he ever thought possible; he was very seldom frustrated, only wanting of more. But all that charged aroused energy he pushed down in the Angel's presence needed to go somewhere, so he was genuinely glad that the Angel was now encouraging him to take care of his sexual needs… so take care of them he did… grateful his flat had the kind of safeguards in place that would prohibit his neighbors from hearing the squeaks of his bed frame or his longing shouts of 'Aziraphale!' when he came. 

Now his love would be here in his home… and they would eat and talk and touch, and hopefully the touching they were used to would lead to touching they were not used to and could experience for the first time. There were so many things left on Crowley's list and his mind was flipping through all sorts of scenarios for tonight. 'Let the Angel lead, Demon,' he reminded himself. 

Crowley sauntered through his atrium giving the plants one last exceptionally stern glance and looked down at his watch just as it ticked to 7pm. For five ticks of the second hand, he let panic begin to sink into the core of his chest… and on the sixth tick, he heard the knock. He smiled and sighed over letting himself fret so much over whether or not the Angel would arrive on time. 'And he thinks he's the only one who panics' the Demon chuckled to himself. 

Crowley crossed to the door calling out that he was on his way, and when he opened it, he felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him and that every nerve had been set alight all at once. There stood his Angel, holding a bunch of shopping bags, looking as he always did, but with the addition of a lovely tartan scarf around his neck in bold Fall colors to keep out the chill

"Hello my dear! Forgive my 5 seconds of lateness but I slipped a bit in a small puddle and almost flung our dinner into the street, which of course would have been dreadful because…" 

"Aziraphale, would you please walk in here and put down the bags for a minute and let me wrap my arms around you?" 

The Angel's responding glance was practically gooey with fondness. "Oh, of course my love… forgive me, talking of puddles." 

He walked in, put down the bags, undid his scarf to hang it on a hook by the front and held his arms open. Crowley all but pounced on him, arms snaked around his middle, just holding and breathing him in. He hadn't realized until now just how starved he'd been of Aziraphale's touch these last few days. 

Aziraphale seemed a touch surprised but still deeply fond as he ran his hands up and down Crowley from his nape to lower back. "Oh, my dear, such a tight embrace! Did you… ahem… miss me, Crowley?" he asked. Was there just a touch of sarcasm in that question? Beautiful bastard Angel, damn did he love him. 

"Scandal! Vicious lies!" The Demon's words came out a bit muffled given the fact that his face was buried in the crook of the Angel's neck. Crowley squeezed him even tighter. 

"Oh, my sweet Tensity, I missed you too." 

Crowley grinned into the Angel's shoulder for using his quirky nickname… he felt his tension melting away with each second spent in Aziraphale's arms. The Angel's hands, which were rubbing, petting, and scratching their way up and down his back were making every hair on his arms and neck stand up. He might have been a snake, and a winged creature, but he could be pure 'cat' when it came to these wonderful touches from his Angel. He let himself hum in the pleasure of it.

In the tightness of their hug, the Demon's shirt had rucked up a bit, leaving a very small line of skin exposed just above the top of his trousers, and when Aziraphale's hands settled around his waist, he felt the Angel's pinkies give the littlest strokes against his bare skin. He thought he was going to explode, or at least that he'd reach a point where his effort wouldn't behave itself, so he pulled away, moving his hands to the Angel's face and kissing him soundly. 

"Hello, Angel." 

It was the Angel's turn to hum in pleasure as he looked into his Demon's golden eyes. 

"Hello, love. It's so good to see you. And I have much to tell you! Remind me, which way to the kitchen?" 

Aziraphale returned to his bags, followed Crowley to his stylish kitchen and slate grey dining table, and began busying himself with arranging their dinner. He snapped some lovely ceramic plates and platters into existence and put out a wide variety of sushi rolls and nigiri, edamame, salads, tempura, sake and more, a true feast. As he worked he began talking of various events that had taken place in their three days apart. Information about customers, a new book he'd acquired, a trip to the shop that sold socks… but nothing regarding his "intimate findings."

Crowley didn't push as they finally sat down, the Angel declaring the spread "scrummy" and ready to enjoy. They continued to chat about nothing of great importance, and Crowley felt unsure as to whether he should wait for Aziraphale to bring up how his 3 days had gone or go ahead and ask what he'd 'learned' in their time away. And then… as the Angel talked at much greater length than necessary about a customer who had come in looking for some specific books to finish her dissertation… it hit Crowley like a ton of bricks… Aziraphale was nervous about something.

It wasn't the usual outward nervousness he usually displayed… no stuttering words or sentences, no tremble to his hands or tapping of his feet, just an ever so slight avoidance of eye contact and course of conversation that only a best friend of 6,000 years would notice. The last time Crowley had noticed this from his love, he'd avoided saying anything for a week, causing both of them discomfort and distress… he would not make that same mistake again. 

"Hey… ah… Angel… Not that I don't want to hear about the bookshop, you know I care a great deal… but um… are you alright? You just seem a bit, well… off… or nervous… or… I could be reading too much into it but…" 

The Angel looked right into Crowley's eyes for what felt like the first time since the Demon had opened the door to his flat. He had the same slightly sad and worried look he'd given Crowley the night they'd talked in bed about the Angel feeling stuck and wanting to move forward in their physical relationship.

The telltale tremble returned to the Angel's voice, but he kept his hands steady and clasped in front of him as he spoke. "You… um… aren't reading too much into anything my dear. I… I've been thinking about something today that I've wanted to ask, but I'm afraid I'm a little concerned about what your answer will be. I was… well, trying to let it go, but it's been bothering me a bit… and I don't quite know how to ask, and I'm concerned about what your answer will be and, well…" 

Crowley noticed the Angel's clasped hands beginning to tremble slightly, so he took his right hand and hovered it above the Angel's… looking to his love to give him the nod of approval to place it on top of his own... which he did. 

"Angel, I've said it before and I will say it again every day a thousand times a day if you need me to for the rest of time. You can ask me anything. Believe me, I know it can be nerve-wracking, but we are going to have to have a lot of conversations like this if we are going to make each other feel as safe and good as possible on this journey. So… we might as well get used to having them… yeah?" 

Aziraphale's look of sadness and concern melted into adoration for his love. He nodded, looked down at Crowley's hand on top of his own, and dipped his head to lay a kiss on the Demon's knuckles. "I love you, my dear. You're right… I need to keep trying to push doubt aside and trust that you won't… well… reject me just because I brought up something that worried me." 

"I need to do the same Angel… we'll work on that one together. And I love you too." 

"Wiley Old Serpent."

"Bastard Angel." 

Giggles were a thing that had never really occurred in this flat before… the plants in the next room weren't sure if they should rejoice or be concerned… either way, their leaves gave a little shudder at the sounds of contentment coming from the kitchen. 

Aziraphale took a slight steeling breath, hands holding on to Crowley's, "Alright then… well… Crowley… I'll just come out and ask it then. Do I…? No… I'm sorry I do need to give a little context." 

"I'll take all the context you want to give Angel." 

"Well… I did the um… self-investigating we discussed." 

"And I look forward to you telling me what you found out when you're ready." 

The Angel's cheeks went a little pink at the Demon's words, but only in a good way, pleasing Crowley greatly. 

"Yes, and well, after a couple of times of, engaging in such activities, something interesting happened at the end of the day yesterday." 

The nervousness was back, just slightly, and Crowley gave the Angel's hands a small squeeze and urged him "Go on…" 

"Well, my dear… I was reading that new book I acquired, the one I was telling you about, and there was quite a… well, steamy kiss between the two protagonists, and I found myself, well, imagining you and I kissing as they were in the story… and I um…" 

This was another situation where Crowley knew where the Angel was going but was still deeply committed to helping his love get more comfortable talking about his sexual experiences instead of finishing his sentences for him. 

"… Oh I just need to say these things… the story, well… it excited my effort… OH!…". The Angel's hand was at his mouth, but Crowley stayed unmoving, only with a slight bemused smile.

"Angel, just so I'm clear, you read something sexy and thought about you and me doing the sexy thing and you got an erection?" 

The Angel's hand gently moved away, revealing a sheepish smile, and returned to Crowley's hands on the table. "Well, yes dear, that is exactly what happened." 

"That's perfectly normal, Angel, and very flattering I might add." 

"Oh well, thank you dear… it was well, a bit surprising to say the least. I've read much more, ah, detailed descriptions of sexuality than this specific passage, but had never experienced the same reaction." 

"Intention, Angel… Context… life has changed for you, for both of us, in the last couple of months. Now when you read something sexy, you've had actual experience with that sexy thing. There's an entity in your life who wants to do the sexy things you read in books WITH you. Your mind has places to go, and those fantasies can cause some very outward physical reactions. Like I said a few days ago… we've been 'waking up your body' as it were… this is just another step of that." 

"Well, I'm just grateful it didn't happen when the shop was open. It would have been quite awkward at best and obscene at worst to any customers who might have seen me!" 

At this statement Crowley did laugh a bit. "Angel these male efforts often have this issue, you'll be surprised by how good you get at concealing inopportune erections as your gain more experience having an active one. There've been times I've had to completely banish mine or change to a different configuration to avoid discomfort… both mine and others." 

The Angel's eyebrows went up a bit at this statement, and his eyes widened as if Crowley had brought up something important. The Demon also noticed the ever so slight return of the tremble to Aziraphale's hands; he was about to bring up the actual question he'd wanted to ask his love.

"Yes, Crowley, I'm aware that male efforts can often, um… show themselves at unfortunate times and places… but… I suppose that's an advantage to them as well… there's no question when something excites them… they… don't hesitate to make themselves known." 

The Demon really didn't like where he thought this was going and Aziraphale seemed to be getting a bit more emotional as he spoke… but let the Angel press on… 

"I… well… all I had to do was read about some kissing and got very excited… quite obviously so… I imagine just about anyone would see me and know what was happening…" 

The Demon no longer wanted his love to press on, "Angel… I'm sorry to interrupt but… I think I know…" 

"Do I excite you!?" 

Aziraphale's expression was close to weepy and it made a part of Crowley's heart shatter. 

He was a bumbling mess at the question, "Wha… what? Angel! Of COURSE you excite me. What, what on earth would make you think that wasn't the case?" 

"Crowley I… I know we haven't had that much sexual experience together… but… we've… at least I feel we've been doing lots of things lately that many might consider… well… sexy. The… the baths and holding each other while kissing… but I've never seen or felt you… oh dear…" 

He pulled his hands away from Crowley's to cover his face. The Angel wasn't quite crying, just a mix of embarrassed and nervous and scared of what Crowley would say or what his explanation would be. 

Crowley now fully knew what Aziraphale was trying to say, and this was going to be a trickier conversation than the Demon had initially thought. "Oh Angel… do… do you think you don't excite me because you haven't seen me with an erection?" 

The hands slowly moved their way down, revealing the Angel's face, blue eyes just slightly wet with emotion and uncertainty. He brought them down to his waistcoat to worry at it with his thumbs, but did look at Crowley and give him an affirming nod. 

Crowley let out a slightly exasperated sigh and brought his own hands to his face for a moment. Through his fingers he said a slightly muffled, "Aziraphale, can I please tell you how I've spent the last three days even though it might be too much information?" He removed his hands in time to see Aziraphale give a tentative nod, thumbs worrying a bit less on his clothes. 

"Well Angel, the very first thing I did was fling myself onto my bed, snap away my clothes to some unknown dimension and masturbate, thinking about you as I did so. I then slept for 8 ½ hours and wanked again when I woke up because I'd spent the whole night dreaming of you and woke up with an erection."

Aziraphale's eyes were wide, but Crowley saw no discomfort in them, so he continued. 

"The third time was just after my mid-morning tea because I thought of the first time we kissed with open mouths… I remember you tasted like tea and cinnamon and that taste alone caused me to get excited. I think there were two more times that afternoon and definitely in the bath that evening because I missed you and was thinking of the time you washed my back and how incredible it felt, and then just one more time to go to sleep as I imagined you running your fingers through my hair. That was day one." 

Aziraphale's eyes had somehow managed to get even wider. Hands no longer worried at his waistcoat but rested on the table. He moved his mouth a bit as if to form words, but nothing was coming out, so the Demon continued. 

"Angel, you excite me so much… nearly all the time. I've been, very purposefully, sometimes even with a minor miracle or two, trying to keep myself from getting erections during our interactions together. I wait until we spend any time apart and then I well… take care of myself then." 

Somewhere in the last few moments, the Angel found his words again. "Crowley… I… why… why did you feel the need to… hide your excitement from me?" 

His words sounded more sad than Crowley thought they would… he really needed to get this right... his descriptions and words were not helping so far... 

"Aziraphale I've been really nervous about making you uncomfortable; you know this. I've been worried that if you saw how excited you made me, as often as you do, it would make you feel some kind of obligation to, well, do something about it… something you weren't ready to do. You told me at the beginning that you were worried about not being able to voice your discomfort with sex. I thought that if we were kissing and I had an erection you would feel pressured into doing things you didn't want to do to… well… make that erection go away. You've even said to me before that you've been worried about 'frustrating' me…" 

"But I believe I have been? Yes? Frustrating you? If you need to engage in that much self-pleasure when we're apart then I must be…" 

Oh, this was not going well… Crowley really needed to explain himself better and quickly. 

"No! Argh… Angel, I'm sorry for shouting but please…" Now Crowley was the one with the trembling hands and voice. "I'm so awful with words and this is so hard to make clear and I want to make myself clear because I love you more than anything in the whole blasted universe and it would crush me to pieces if you walked out that door and I couldn't live with…" 

Both of the Angel's hands returned to Crowley's and a calm voice quieted his fear-laced rambling. "It's alright my love. I didn't mean to upset you, and you didn't mean to upset me. I know that. I want to hear you and understand. I just want to tell you that whatever you have to tell me, we are still going to spend this entire evening together. No walking out for either of us. Alright?" 

The Angel reached up and wiped a tear from Crowley's cheek. He hadn't realized he'd gotten so emotional. Aziraphale was always telling Crowley how grateful he was for the Demon's patience. The Demon had a pretty damn patient partner as well. 

"I love you Angel… and… um… thank you for saying that. Makes me feel better." 

"Of course love. I think I understand what you're trying to tell me, but I'd still like to hear it from you."

Crowley realized in that moment that they each wanted the other to share their feelings more with their words and with less fear… they really did have so very much in common. It was nauseating. It was beautiful. 

"Let me list out my reasoning, Angel… 1. You excite me VERY much, VERY often. 2. I would never want you to do anything sexually you didn't want to do just because I have an erection. 3. The easiest solution to that predicament, in my mind, was to keep myself from having erections at all. 4. You are right that the sexual energy I pushed down to keep you more comfortable manifested in me masturbating a lot while alone. 5. I would never ever call what I felt 'frustration'... just 'want' and 'excitement' and 'release' of all the physical love I have for you in a safe scenario where I get to feel good and you don't get hurt." 

Crowley saw the Angel processing his words, and the grip on his hands turned into gentle caresses… the Angel gently rubbed and stroked the Demon's trembling hands with his soft fingertips, causing tension to dissipate for both of them. 

"Thank you, Crowley. Thank you for explaining this to me… I know it wasn't comfortable for you. I know my… um… situation is unique… and I truly do appreciate you keeping my needs in the forefront of your mind. I don't know what I did to deserve such care." 

"You deserve all I have to give, Angel. My only frustration I ever feel is in myself, that all I have to give you isn't enough. None of your 'situation', or the pace we've taken, has been a chore for me. All of it has been wonderful, blissful even. Every step we take is electrifying and satisfying for me. If we'd had no sexual relationship at all, ever, I would still be happier than I ever thought possible with you by my side. You excite me. I want you. But I want every step we take to be completely consensual. Another thing I'll say every day if I need to… I'll get no pleasure out of your discomfort. That's the only reason I hid how you make me feel physically." 

"Oh my sweet love… may I please kiss you?" 

Completely on instinct, Crowley stood and walked away from the table and held out his arms to Aziraphale. The Angel responded by nearly crashing into him, one arm wrapped tightly around his waist and the other against his cheek as they kissed. It was passionate, as if they wanted their lips and tongues to communicate everything they could ever want to say: 

'I'm sorry I didn't communicate better'  
'I'm sorry I read this wrong'  
'I'm sorry you were scared'  
'I want you to feel safe'  
'I want you to feel loved' 

After a few moments, Aziraphale pulled away, and held Crowley's face gingerly in both of his hands. "Crowley love, you did the right thing. I know myself and how these weeks have gone and you're right. I would have fretted over your excitement, I wouldn't have known what to do and it would have made my anxiety so much worse. And… I want to tell you… and I mean this truly… I'm not afraid of your excitement anymore." 

Crowley brought his hands up to Aziraphale's wrists and stroked his thumbs along his pulse points. He felt the distressed emotions of the last few minutes melt away to be replaced by an aching fondness for his incredible Angel. 

"I am still inexperienced, and I'm still not completely sure what to do, and I may still have moments of anxiety, or I may fret over not doing things right or proficiently, and there will still be certain kinds of touch I need to ease my way into, but, let's not hide that part of how we want each other. It just… doesn't feel right anymore somehow." 

"Angel, I love you, and I don't want to hide that part of my desire for you either… but only if you promise to keep on being brave enough to tell me when you want something to stop. There's a difference between pushing through discomfort because you really want to do something, and pushing through because you don't want to 'upset' me… yeah? I will always try to have enough awareness to read into the difference, but I worry I'll fail and hurt you."

"My love, you won't fail. You couldn't. You love me too much. I feel it all around you in stunning wonderful waves. And if you did, hurt me, accidentally, I would tell you and we would stop and it would be alright."

"Are you sure, Aziraphale?" 

"I am. I just know I am. Just like I know I'm ready for what I'm about to ask you. It's what I knew I would ask you as I was walking over here if the answer to my question had been 'yes, you excite me'."

Crowley felt the hummingbird return to his chest. "What's that Angel?"

The Angel took a deep breath, locking his eyes onto his love. "May I, touch more of you? I want to touch you, Crowley… with… without your shirt on. I… I want to do what I wanted to do the first night I saw you disrobed but was too afraid to try. I want to know what your skin feels like under my hands, and, I want… oh goodness… I want to know… if I can excite you from touching you that way." 

Crowley knew he did not look particularly attractive right now… what with his mouth hanging open like a codfish, unable to speak, trembling hands and thundering heart.

"And… I haven't forgotten our conversation from a few days ago… that… even if I am still feeling a bit insecure, that doesn't mean we have to go at the exact same pace. I… I DO want to touch you Crowley… so much, and I want to take some time making you feel good… and I know it will make me feel good too. You keep encouraging me to learn about my body… and I am doing just that I promise you… but right now… I want to learn more about yours." 

Aziraphale looked at him with searching eyes, as if hopeful that his Demon's consent would come despite his wonder and shock at the Angel's words. 

"Ah, yeah, alright yeah that sounds um… completely… yes… that lets do THAT… Angel… um… I mean only if you want… I could… mmmph!"

The absolutely giddy Angel captured him in an excited kiss, clearly thrilled at his response. Aziraphale pulled away, snapped his fingers and they were standing in the kitchen in their regular pairs of silk pajamas. 

"Well dear, this has been a lovely dinner, but… can we move on to dessert?" 

"Oh Angel…" 

Aziraphale held out his hand, which the Demon took, full of anticipation and even a touch of nervousness. As they walked towards his bedroom, Crowley was searching for exactly what if anything he could add to his list in this unexpected moment… 

Angel propositions Demon?: CHECK?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing but love and touch and tenderness and Ineffable Husbands in bed in the next one! I hope all of you are enjoying the holiday season and I look forward to publishing more! Some of you have been telling me extraordinary personal stories in the comments and while I try to reply to every comment, I just want to say I am so grateful for your words... thank you doesn't feel like enough. Be well!


	12. In Worship of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale make their way into Crowley's bed for the first time, and learn what it means and what they need to explore and be explored together. Now that Crowley isn't hiding his 'excitement' anymore, things do indeed become a bit more complicated as they navigate their comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the Holiday Season! You know what you deserve... a long AF chapter of our beautiful disasters loving on each other in bed. There's a stumble or two, because how can there not be, but this chapter is mostly hot softness because they (and you) deserve it!

"Geez, Angel, didn't think you'd go for the 'Disney Prince' method on this!" 

Crowley was trying desperately to play down his absolute elation over the fact that his lover, the Principality Aziraphale, was currently carrying him down the hallway towards his bedroom. 

They'd been holding hands, and then the Angel had scooped his Demon up into his arms to carry him the final few paces and over the threshold before gingerly placing him to sit at the foot of his enormous bed. Giggling, Aziraphale sat down next to him on the slate gray sheets. Crowley noted how the color looked to be a blend of their sets of contrasting pajamas. It was almost too fitting, symbolic in a way that would solicit eye rolls from both of them… it was perfect. 

Crowley covered Aziraphale's hand with his own on the bed next to him, noting both of them appeared to be trembling a bit, but when he looked into the blue of the Angel's gaze he knew there was excitement mixed in with the nervousness.

"So…"

"So…" 

More laughter, not awkward, just with a lack of knowing exactly how to begin. 

"Well, Angel you said there were certain things you wanted to… um… do with me. So… where do you want me? And, maybe before you answer that, what do you want me to do, or not do... um… in reaction to… dammit… I'm sorry why can't I just find the words to…" 

Aziraphale stopped him from speaking for the second time that night with a kiss. His lips trembled slightly, but the pressure was sure and confident. Crowley exhaled into the kiss, trying to will his nerves to quiet as his Angel pulled away. 

"I'm afraid my words have left me too, dear… hence the kiss." 

The Angel gave a sweet shy smile, and then it was Crowley's turn to lean in and kiss him. He kissed him soundly on the lips with a few quick dips of his tongue, then moved to the corners of his Angel's mouth… cheeks, forehead, eyelids, jaw, nose… brushing his thumbs along the curves of his ears, then tangling his fingers up into Aziraphale's platinum locks as he returned to his plump pink lips again. The Angel's eyes were closed, and sweet little sighs escaped as Crowley continued peppering his beloved in kisses… until he suddenly froze, as he felt the top button of his pajama top pop open. 

He pulled back, moving his hands to Aziraphale's shoulders and looking down to see the Angel's hands poised on the second button. The Demon looked back up into his Angel's now open searching eyes and gave him a surprised smile. 

Aziraphale suddenly looked concerned, as if he'd overstepped. "Oh, Crowley, I'm sorry I should have asked again… I just… is this how this usually works? In… in books I've read kissing often leads to undressing so because there was kissing I just… Oh but I shouldn't have just done it I should have asked you… I…" 

"Angel, it's alright. It's MORE than alright, just surprised me… but in a good way. Some surprises are good ones, yeah?" 

"Very true dear." The Angel still seemed a little unsure, not yet moving to fully unbutton the next button. "I just, I worry about your comfort too, even if you have more experience than I do. I want to treat you with care and well… thoughtfulness. So, I don't know when I should just do something, or ask first… oh dear… I think I'm getting a real sense now of the things you worry about with me…" 

Crowley moved his hands from the Angel's shoulders to rest on top of Aziraphale's; essentially holding the Angel's hands against his beating heart. 

"Angel, I'm going to do something now that I think we should try to do every time we get ourselves into a sexual situation… to better make sure we both feel comfortable…" 

Aziraphale nodded… not quite knowing what he was about to agree to, but the seriousness of Crowley's voice made him feel certain of its importance. 

"I'm going to tell you exactly what I'm comfortable with for tonight, so you don't have to ask me for permission every time you feel the instinct to touch me somewhere new… knowing that if I say 'stop' at any point, you'll stop. Does that sound good?" 

Aziraphale let out a sigh of relief as he beamed at his lover. "Oh… oh yes dear… that sounds perfect, that will be so helpful!"

Crowley smiled back squeezing the Angel's hands against his chest. "So, you had said earlier that what you wanted to try was touching me without my shirt on. So, let's say for tonight, I am comfortable with you touching, stroking, kissing, licking, biting, scratching…" Crowley couldn't help but notice that Aziraphale was growing a bit pinker with each suggestion, but he didn't seem distressed, so he continued… "… basically whatever you want to do to my body above my pajama bottoms. How about that?" 

It was the Angel's turn to stammer a bit, less in anxiety, more in excitement… "I, um… well… yes… my dear that sounds quite… quite lovely… yes."

"Good, and, when or if you want me to touch you in return tonight, you can give me your boundaries too. Alright?" 

"Yes… dear… um… yes, let's start with you though…" 

"Of course. I'll keep my hands away while you're… exploring…" 

"Oh, um… well… if you want to dear… I… I think I'd be alright with you, um… putting your hands on my shoulders or arms or… perhaps holding my hands if they aren't in use… and remember what I said about, well… showing your excitement… oh…" 

The Angel nearly brought his hand up to his mouth but stopped himself when he caught the fondness in Crowley's eyes. 

"Oh, Crowley I can see why humans sometimes have trouble talking about these things… I find myself getting shy or embarrassed, even though I know I shouldn't." 

"I know what you're trying to say, Angel. As far as 'exciting' me goes, no miracles, I promise. I'm all yours, nothing held back." 

"And… and what if I… um… what if I do touch you and well, try to excite you and I…. can't… or you don't… 

Crowley leaned his forehead against Aziraphale's and nuzzled his nose with his own. "Angel, the fact that I've needed actual demonic miracles to hold myself back from how much I want you… you have very little to worry about." 

Aziraphale pulled his head back to look into Crowley's eyes. He gave him a nod, then a chaste kiss on his lips, and then leaned forward to kiss the small patch of skin at the bottom of the Demon's throat that had been exposed when the first button of his pajama top came undone. The Demon gasped. The Angel's lips felt impossibly warm against his skin, and he took his hands away from the Angel's and placed them on the bed; hoping that in doing so, the Angel would get to work on the other buttons. 

Emboldened by Crowley's reaction to the kiss to his skin… Aziraphale popped open the next button and rewarded the next patch of skin he exposed with a kiss; another button, another kiss, and so on until the pajama shirt was halfway open… he lost his courage to keep kissing downward, but continued unbuttoning, glancing up to Crowley's face for reassurance he was doing something good. Crowley's breath was getting heavier as the Angel worked and there must have been a sign of his pleasure in his eyes, because Aziraphale smiled at him brightly as he undid the final button. 

"I'd like to take this off of you Crowley, and, would you mind moving so you're lying face down on the bed? I'd… I'd like to rub your shoulders and back… um… please? Oh wait… I don't need to ask about everything do I… um…" 

Crowley had never exactly been good at taking direction, there was this whole issue of a misplaced antichrist that came to mind, but he shrugged out of the pajama shirt and moved with remarkable swiftness to the head of his bed, lying down and propping pillows under his head. 

"Oh! Oh, thank you dear, that's lovely. Um, but will you please not leave your arms tucked under your head… I'd like to well… touch them too." Aziraphale punctuated the request by snapping his fingers and setting all the candles Crowley had on his nightstands alight and dimming the bedroom lights. Could Crowley's bedroom lights dim? He didn't think so… but they did now. 

Crowley practically shivered as he took his arms down to his sides, playing it off as shifting to get comfortable. The Angel moved up the bed so he was sitting cross-legged next to Crowley, making sure he was settled. Crowley looked up to see that Aziraphale still had some nervousness in his eyes and with smile, quipped "Put your hands on me, Angel." 

"Yes my dear… wait… isn't that… a line from a film?" 

Crowley chuckled, "Yes yes, Angel not an original Crowley line… it's from 'Titanic'… don't you remember… we saw it together?" 

"Oh yes! Dreadfully sad, wasn't it?" 

"I just thought it was dreadful, but… I remember you letting me lean against your shoulder when you were blubbering at the end… so I supposed it was worth it… Oi! Angel I listed many ways for you to touch me tonight, but smacking wasn't one of them."

"I do not blubber! I weep!" huffed the Angel. 

"I'm sorry love, poor choice of words. Have I just completely killed the mood?" For a brief moment he thought he truly had… and then he felt both of Aziraphale's hands splay across his shoulder blades and begin rubbing small circles with his thumbs at just the right pressure to make him moan. 

"Of course not love… I've been thinking about touching your back like this too much these last three days to let anything sway me." He chuckled nervously, but continued moving his hands from the Demon's shoulder blades downwards, the pads of his thumbs continuing to rub strong little circles on either side of his spine. 

All Crowley could do in response was let out long, bordering on sinful, moans into the pillow below his head. The Angel was taking his skills in hand-massage and applying them to the ever-tense muscles of Crowley's back and shoulders. Crowley felt like he was melting into his own sheets. 

When Aziraphale reached the top of the Demon's pajama bottoms, he pressed his thumbs a bit harder into the dimples he found there, making Crowley squeak and look up. Aziraphale took his hands away immediately… which was not what Crowley intended to have happen. 

"Are those the dimples you mentioned, Angel?" 

"Oh, yes dear… they um… well they're one of my favorite parts of you… your body I mean. I'm not sure why, they're just… well, cute. You made a different noise when I rubbed them though… I didn't hurt you did I dear?" 

Crowley noted that Aziraphale still sounded a bit anxious and worried despite the bravery and initiative in his touches. "Not at all Angel, just a bit more sensitive than I realized, but good. Also, I'm not cute…" 

"Forgive me, dear, I meant to say you're a dashingly dastardly demonic Demon." 

"That's better Angel, thank you." 

Aziraphale giggled a bit, and resumed his touches, this time gently stroking his hands up Crowley's sides from his hips to the top of his ribs, causing gooseflesh to pop up over his entire back and his moans into his pillow to resume. 

"So good, Angel, that's so… Ohhhhh…." 

The strokes along his sides moved up to his shoulders and then back down his arms and the tops of his hands… he couldn't remember the last time, if ever, someone had given him this kind of attention for the sole purpose of exploring his body and giving him pleasure. He'd had plenty of massages, but this was different. Aziraphale was stroking around his biceps, trailing just the tips of his fingers down the column of his spine, tracing the lines of his shoulder blades; the loveliness of it and the care in the touch was nearly making him emotional… and then he gasped and arched his back as the Angel planted a kiss at the back of his neck, the silk of his pajama top brushing across the Demon's back and causing his hairs to stand on end. 

Aziraphale immediately moved away… "Oh! I'm sorry dear… did I…" 

Despite wanting Aziraphale to continue his touches, Crowley felt there was an important question he needed to ask before they continued. "Hey Angel, can I turn on my side for just a moment and take your hand?" 

"Of course dear…" 

Crowley turned to face the Angel, propped up on his elbow and taking one of the Angel's hands. Aziraphale looked concerned about what Crowley was going to say. 

"Angel I have to ask you something before we keep going… and it's important… at least to me… Are you having fun?"

Aziraphale had a very confused look on his face as he answered, "I… Am I… I'm not sure I understand…" 

"Angel, I know you're not experienced, and that your inexperience worries you, but I'm enjoying everything you're doing. I gasped because you did something that made me feel good, and the silk on your shirt was tickling my back. These bodies have different reactions to different touches and just because I make a different noise it doesn't mean it's a bad one. We promised we'd say "stop" if we didn't like something, right?" 

Aziraphale's worried face softened a bit as he nodded at Crowley. "Yes dear, we did… I'm sorry…" 

Crowley squeezed his Angel's hand tightly to stop him, "Please don't apologize Angel… we're learning, remember? And… I don't want you to worry so much about doing the wrong thing that you don't have fun with this. Sex is supposed to be fun Angel… for you and for me… and I'm worried you're not enjoying yourself."

It occurred to Crowley as he was giving Aziraphale this pep talk, that because of Aziraphale's inexperience and anxieties, the Angel had never 'played' in bed before. He'd never allowed himself to touch and enjoy a body and its reactions to strokes and kisses and nips and licks… including his own. The realization made him ache… he wanted so much for Aziraphale to just play with his body… to enjoy him and in doing so, enjoy himself. 

As Aziraphale looked to his Demon, searching for what to say in response, Crowley knew he needed to activate his greatest asset to save this situation and embolden his Angel to continue… his imagination.

He gave him a megawatt smile… "Angel, remember earlier when you said you'd wanted to touch me that first night you saw me, before our first bath?" 

"Oh… yes, dear." 

"What um… or rather how have you imagined touching me?" 

The Angel's cheeks went a little flush, but he also couldn't help but smile back a bit at the demon.

"Um… well… lots of things I suppose…" 

"Like what?" 

"Well… I thought about… tracing my fingers along your collarbones…" 

Before he could go on, Crowley fully flipped over onto his back, adjusting the pillows so he was propped up slightly, spreading his arms out as if to welcome his Angel to him. "Please do, Angel." 

Aziraphale smiled shyly, but scooted closer to Crowley so he could reach, gently stroking across his collarbones with both hands. Crowley leaned into the touch, letting his eyes close and a genuine pleased hum bubble up. "What else, Angel?" 

"I… I thought of running my fingers through the hairs on your chest." 

"Please do, Angel." 

Crowley looked down at the pale skin of the Angel's hand running through the red hairs between his pecs and let out a long, pleased sigh. 

"What else, Angel?" 

Aziraphale was clearly starting to enjoy this game. In this scenario, Crowley had taken away the element of surprise, which was actually making the Angel more comfortable. He knew when they had more experience together there would be time for playing with unexpected teasing and touches… but now was a time for easing into this kind of intimacy. 

"Well, this might seem silly, but… I thought I might kiss your chest… in… in the way you like to kiss my face sometimes? Lots of, you know… little kisses?" 

"Please do, Angel."

With that, Aziraphale dipped his head and gave a quick peck right in the center of his sternum, pulling away to look at Crowley's eyes, which answered with a smile that must have communicated 'yes, go on' because the Angel continued… kisses to each of his pecs, along his collar bones, shoulders… Crowley hummed in approval but only one word escaped his lips in response to the Angel, "Mmmmm…More." 

Aziraphale smiled at Crowley and started kissing down the center of his chest, bracing himself with his arms on either side of Crowley, only his lips making contact with his body. As the kisses continued, Crowley kept saying "More" a rising laughter in his voice. When Aziraphale gave a kiss right on top of his unnecessary belly button, Crowley let out a quick bark of laughter, causing the Angel to look up. Crowley immediately soothed him saying, "Tickles Angel, but so good, please more." 

The Angel gave him a quick, slightly wicked look, and started peppering extra quick kisses all over the Demon's belly and sides, clearly trying to tickle him with purpose. Crowley cackled with laughter… not just from the kisses but from seeing his Angel's playfulness. For the first time that night, his Angel was having a good time, and as Crowley's laughter grew, so did Aziraphale's. 

"Wicked Angel, teasing a poor defenseless Demon half to discorporation," Crowley teased. Aziraphale looked up at him with nothing but fondness… a gratitude in his eyes he didn't know how to voice, but deeply felt. 

"Oh my love, forgive me and my terrible ministrations," said the Angel in a mock soothing tone, "Let me make it up to you." 

While they were still looking at each other, Crowley allowed his hands to rest on Aziraphale's shoulders... the Angel didn't even flinch. The Angel then slowed his kisses and intermingled them with gentle single-handed strokes and touches to the Demon's chest and arms and sides. 

Crowley allowed himself to relax into the touches, and now that he was worrying less about Aziraphale's comfort, he started to allow himself to feel his own pleasure. The Angel's touches were so sweet. The kisses to his skin were soft and shockingly warm at the contact; cooling instantly when the Angel moved away… like fire and ice against his skin. Some kisses were even turning into little licks and sucks against his belly and ribs. Whereas the Demon had been laughing before, now he was breathing more heavily, and letting little moans and hums escape… and… he felt himself starting to get hard. 

He forced himself to ignore the instinct to miracle himself in check… Aziraphale told him not to hide his excitement anymore, and so he wouldn't, though he still harbored some anxiety on what would happen when the Angel actually saw the growing bulge between his legs. 

He didn't have to wait long. 

Aziraphale sat up for a moment, looking like he was about to ask Crowley a question, but before he could, he looked along the Demon's body and saw the clear outline of his hardening cock. 

When the Angel looked back to the Demon, his eyes seemed to grow twice as wide as they'd been a mere moment ago. The look on his face was almost unreadable, only because he seemed to be feeling a dozen different emotions at the same time. He seemed thrilled that he was indeed 'exciting' Crowley, and nervous about it too, and confused as to whether or not he should keep going… but Crowley was there to keep things moving along… 

"What else, Angel?" 

The Demon's question seemed to snap Aziraphale back into focus, though there still seemed to be some lingering anxieties about Crowley's state of arousal. "Yes, um… right, other things I've thought about… um… your… nipples… oh!" The Angel brought up his hand to his mouth… perplexing Crowley a bit and making the Demon laugh. 

"Oh, Crowley why is that such a funny word to say?" 

"Don't know Angel, language is full of words that sound silly to different people. But as to my… um… nipples… what do you want to do?" 

The Angel's look of shyness suddenly shifted to something else… was that desire Crowley saw in his eyes? 

"Lots of things…" the Angel said almost too quietly to hear. 

Crowley breath hitched at the words, but he kept the smile on his face. "Please do, Angel… anything you'd like." 

Crowley expected Aziraphale to start with his hands, tentatively letting his fingers trace those sensitive spots… but the Angel leaned his head towards the Demon's chest, touching his lips to his left nipple then circling his tongue around the instantly hardening bud. 

Crowley let out something between a groan and a shudder, and though it was definitely a new sound he'd made that night, there was no room for doubt to his Angel that it was GOOD. 

"Oh Aaaaaaangel…" 

Crowley brought one of his hands up to lay gently on the back of Aziraphale's head, urging him to keep doing what he was doing. As a response, the Angel began to suck with the perfect amount of pressure, causing Crowley to fist his other hand into the sheets below him. 

The Demon's groans and heavy breaths continued as Aziraphale pulled away and moved to the other side, laving his tongue and causing Crowley to shudder and groan again at the new pleasure in the new spot. His cock, which had been stiff before, was starting to ache with each passing moment… but he didn't care… his lover was treating two of the most sensitive parts of his body as if they were his favorite dessert, and all he wanted to do was relish in the ecstasy of that feeling. 

"Feels so good… Angel… ahhhh…" 

Crowley's legs were moving around on the sheets, the Angel's alternating sucks and kisses stoking that wonderful fire in his belly. He'd never been so turned on by touches above the belt. 

When his nipples started to feel over-sensitive, he gently applied pressure to the back of the Angel's head, trying to lift him up to face him. Aziraphale immediately looked up to him with a questioning gaze.

"Kiss me, Angel? Please?" said the Demon with ragged breath. 

The Angel sat up, leaning into his Demon and crashing into him with a smoldering kiss. The silk of the Angel's pajamas felt incredible against Crowley's sensitive chest; he ran his hands down Aziraphale's broad strong back enjoying that same silk under his hands. Aziraphale pulled away from his mouth and latched on to his neck, alternating between kisses, licks and gentle sucks, and Crowley resumed his moaning at the attention. 

With his mouth free, Crowley could lavish his Angel with praises, though he was so turned on he hardly knew what he was saying… something to the effect of… "Angel… incredible… I love… Oh… so good… Ah… you're amazing… I'm… I'm so hard you have no idea…" 

At those last few words, Aziraphale suddenly stopped and broke away, looking at Crowley with a mixture of heat and concern in his gaze. 

"Are you, sure you're not uncomfortable, dear?" The Angel was also a bit breathy, but Crowley couldn't tell if he was turned on too by their joint actions. He seemed more worried than turned on. 

"I'm fine, Angel, this is amazing, you're making me feel so good…" 

"Are you… aching though… I remember what it was like to be um… excited like that and it wasn't…" 

Crowley had been worried this would happen, Aziraphale feeling bad that Crowley was turned on. "It's truly alright, Angel, I feel so good right now, I don't need anything else… and if my um… excitement is bothering you I can just make it go away…" 

There was a shift in Aziraphale's gaze that made Crowley stop talking, like a lightbulb had gone on behind the Angel's ocean blue eyes. 

"I think… you should make it go away… Crowley, but… not with a miracle." 

Crowley was confused for a split second before it hit him what the Angel was asking, "Oh?" was all he could think to utter in shocked response.

"Well, dear… you were with me when I was in this predicament a few days ago… I'm… I'd like… to… oh goodness…" 

Aziraphale looked away, but only to steel himself to finish asking for what he wanted. 

"Would you be against pleasuring yourself… here with me next to you? It could… well it would make your ache stop… and… well… it would be helpful for me… yes? I would um… see what you like to do to yourself… and then that could be a good start for me to know… well… you know…" 

Crowley's corporeal brain was absolutely short-circuiting… he couldn't believe what the Angel was asking… he was elated and shocked and nervous and impossibly turned on all at once. His Angel actually wanted to watch him wank so he'd know what to do in the future… it was somehow one of the sweetest and hottest things anyone had ever asked of him. 

"Ok, Angel… yeah… ok… do you… just want to watch me…" 

"Do you, um… I could perhaps… touch you some while you touch yourself?" 

Crowley was glad Aziraphale was looking into his eyes and therefore missed the very obvious twitches his cock made at that last suggestion. 

"Uh, yeah… yes… that would be fine, Angel… more than fine." 

Aziraphale settled himself so he was turned towards Crowley's side, tucking his right arm under Crowley's neck and across his shoulders, effectively holding him, and leaving his left, slightly trembling hand and arm free to roam around his body. 

"You're sure, Angel? You don't have to if you're not comfortable…" 

"I'm absolutely sure Crowley… please, let me see you. I want you to feel good… I… I want to see you feel good…" 

Crowley didn't need any more coaxing. He reached down, pulling his pajama bottoms down to mid-thigh and allowing his leaking cock to be seen, swollen and flush against his belly. 

Aziraphale gasped, having never seen Crowley hard before, and bringing his free hand to rest in the center of the Demon's chest, as if to steady himself. 

Crowley brought his right hand down, gently rubbing his cock up and down against his belly with his palm... looking to Aziraphale's interested expression. "This is something I like Angel, just to ease me in, especially when I'm this sensitive already." Aziraphale nodded, eyes wide, and started to move his hand on Crowley's chest; the light circular tracings of his fingertips making Crowley shut his eyes and moan as he continued palming his swollen effort. 

It should have been awkward, but it simply wasn't… Crowley rubbed himself and Aziraphale watched almost studiously, petting up and down Crowley's sternum, stopping mere inches away from the Demon's hand on his own cock. 

Just as Crowley was about to move on and take himself in hand, he let out a gasp and a groan as Aziraphale moved his hand to the Demon's right nipple, giving circular strokes and the lightest pinch between his fingers. 

"Fuck! Angel, yes, please keep doing that… ohhhhh…" 

Crowley grabbed onto his cock and started to stroke… he'd been leaking precum ever since the Angel started kissing his nipples a while back and had enough lubrication to keep himself comfortable in the grip of his hand. Aziraphale alternated between the demon's nipples with his left hand and moved his right up along the back of Crowley's neck, scratching at his scalp and tugging lightly on his hair, causing the Demon to practically sing out in pleasure. 

All the while, Aziraphale watched him with rapt attention, looking at the grip of the Demon's hand, the way he gave his wrist a little twist when he reached the head of his effort, how he seemed to get more pleasure from rubbing the underside rather than the top of his cock, and… most importantly… how the touches he was giving Crowley seemed to be amplifying the Demon's pleasure, and making delicious moans escape his lips. The Angel's eyes were growing wide with understanding… Crowley could almost see Aziraphale's thoughts.. 'I'm doing this to him too, I'm part of why he's feeling good, I excite him, he wants me, I make him hard, I'm going to help him come.' 

Completely unprompted, Crowley couldn't have prompted anything in this moment as he was nearly out of his mind with the building of his pleasure, Aziraphale leaned in so his chin was on Crowley's shoulder and began whispering the most incredible things into his ear, punctuating each sentence with a kiss to his shoulder or a light suck to his neck… 

"My beautiful Crowley, look at you, how gorgeous you are. How stunning your effort. I can see your muscles move and your skin is glistening, it makes me feel so good to see. You're so good to me my love. I want you to feel your pleasure." 

Aziraphale licked a long stripe up his neck, pausing to put pressure on his pulse point and causing Crowley to cry out with heavy breaths, "Angel I'm close, I'm so close… ah… you make me feel so fucking good do you see now… ahhh… I love you… I love you…" 

The Angel answered back, thrilled and breathy and continuing his touches to Crowley's body to take him over the edge, "I love you my Crowley, I can't believe I've made you feel like this, I want you to come, please come for me love…" 

"AZIRAPHALE!" 

Crowley's eyes flew open for just a moment to look into his Angel's before clamping shut as his orgasm crested and he spilled over this gripping hand. All through the shocks, Aziraphale held him tight… rubbing his scalp and caressing his chest and kissing his shoulder and neck… touches of pure electricity launching the Demon into oversensitivity as his body finally started to relax.

When he felt settled, Crowley snapped away the mess and his pajama bottoms back on and turned into his Angel, burying his face in the soft silk against the Angel's strong chest; Aziraphale wrapping his arms around him and peppering kisses on the top of his head. 

After a few moments, Aziraphale piped up with a tentative, "I take it that was… um… good… love?" 

Crowley started laughing like a madman into the Angel's chest and squeezing him around the waist. Aziraphale returned the tightness of the embrace and allowed some laughter to escape his own lips. When Crowley pulled away he looked into the Angels eyes, and pursed his lips, prompting the Angel to lean down and kiss him soundly… warmth and fondness and afterglow flowing like a river between them.

Crowley pulled away and with a deeply satisfied sigh quipped, "I mean yeah, I guess it was alright… Oi!" The smack to his shoulder from the Angel made both of them giggle. 

"You know, Angel, I've had a lot of very different kinds of sexual experiences in my time… but what just happened there… You just did something with me I've never done before." 

"Really dear?" Aziraphale looked both shocked and pleased at the Demon's admission. 

"Really. I've never masturbated while someone, well, touched me and held me and… loved on me like that. It was… I'm not exaggerating Angel… it was incredible. I can't remember the last time an orgasm felt so good… and you didn't even need to make contact with my effort." 

Aziraphale's blush was a mix of shy and proud, and he pulled Crowley back to him to pepper his head in kisses. 

"Yes, Crowley." 

"Yes what, Angel?" 

"Yes, I was having fun. All of that was fun, and wonderful, and new, and also more comfortable than I thought it would be. We were… well… what do you call what we just did… Crowley?" 

"What did it feel like to you, Angel?" 

"Well… I've heard the phrase 'snogging' and 'making out' used before… but what we just did felt like so much more than that. It… well… I want to say making love, but I think making love by definition is quite a lot more than what we just did…" 

"Did everything we just do feel like making love to you Angel? Because it certainly did to me…"

Aziraphale smiled at Crowley's words, tremendous fondness in his gaze. "Well, yes dear… it did… so… am I allowed to say now that you and I have made love?" 

"Absolutely Angel, without question… we get to decide what words mean in this 'arrangement', yeah?" 

Aziraphale answered with a slow, lingering, deliberate kiss to Crowley's lips. 

When they pulled away, Crowley looked up and asked, "So, Angel, any interest in letting me make some love to you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! There you go... Azi's turn next... how far will he let Crowley go? How much is he ready for? I'll do my best to let you know before 2019 comes to a close. As always, your comments and stories and encouragement give me life! I hope the shift into actual sexual things between them hasn't put too many people off, and I'm so grateful to all of you who have been sticking with the story from the beginning. Happy Holidays!


	13. To Be What You Want and Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley wants to 'make some love' to his Angel in return for their earlier activities, but Aziraphale worries the boundaries he gives Crowley will seem like a step backwards, continued loveliness in Crowley's bed ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it! A resolved cliffhanger for the New Year! How far will the Angel let his Demon go? Farther than you may think. We are still firmly in E territory and I also want to provide a warning that there is further exploration/discussion of Aziraphale's body insecurity. Enjoy!

"Breathe, Angel… just breathe…" 

The Demon in Crowley wanted to chuckle a bit over how flustered Aziraphale was, but the good supportive partner in him was holding the Angel's hands encouraging him to calm his breathing and his nerves. 

Crowley had just suggested, after the Angel had spent the better part of an hour aiding in giving the Demon one of the best orgasms of his 6,000-year existence, that perhaps he, Crowley, might do something to return the favor. In the last 5 minutes…

1\. Aziraphale had smiled  
2\. Then nodded yes  
3\. Then thought more about what had been offered  
4\. Then panicked  
5\. Then called himself silly for panicking  
6\. Then chastised himself for using the word 'silly' to describe his panic  
7\. Then allowed Crowley to tell him everything was alright, and they didn't need to do anything else tonight  
8\. Then Aziraphale had continued panicking because he DID want to 'do more' but wasn't totally sure about what he wanted  
9\. Then Crowley had told him he could take all the time he needed but they wouldn't be able to do anything until the Angel felt more relaxed so they should probably just spend some time calming Aziraphale's breathing and have some tea. 

"Want more tea, Angel?" 

Aziraphale nodded sweetly, his breathing nearly back to normal as Crowley handed him the steaming mug again, taking a large gulp before handing it back to his Demon. Crowley actually loved taking care of Aziraphale like this… he'd been watching over him for millennia… but it was only in the last couple of months that he'd been able to truly dote on the Angel in these intimate ways. Aziraphale thought he was a burden to Crowley… Crowley wanted to spend the rest of time showing the Angel that he was a blessing. 

"Oh Crowley, thank you dear." 

"You're very welcome, Angel. And… as I said… you don't need to take me up on my offer tonight. We can go to sleep, or you can read to me, or we could take a bath… I've missed our soaks and stories these last few days Angel. I could miracle some actual dessert, some wine… anything you want." 

Aziraphale smiled warmly at him, "My dear, you're always so sweet to me, but you're being especially, well, effusive tonight… it's quite lovely." 

"Well, not to be 'crass' as you might call me Angel, but you just made me come like a fucking bullet train and I feel un-fucking-believable right now." 

The Angel giggled in response and blushed a bit, but the tremble in his body was finally calming to normal. 

"Angel I'd go fetch the Shroud of Turin and wrap you in it before bath time if you asked me to." 

The giggles continued with each ridiculous suggestion the Demon made… 

"I'd grab you a hair off the Queen's head and any of her royal jewels you'd like… I'll transport us to the top of Mt. Everest just to say we kissed on top of the world… you like dolphins… I'll miracle one into a tank out on the street so you can swim with it… I'll bring Buster Keaton back to life to perform for you back at the Bookshop…" 

"Now now my dear, I really must ask you to stop at reanimation of the deceased… that's a bit too much." They laughed together, and then Aziraphale let out a contented sigh, and, still holding both of Crowley's hands, brought them up to his lips to kiss.

"Crowley I… I just wish I was more relaxed about this. I hope you know it isn't about trust. I trust you completely… I just… my mind and body just betray me sometimes… especially when I really want something." 

"Angel, you're not alone in that. I have anxieties too, which you know about. I was out of my mind waiting for you to come over tonight, even though I trusted you completely that you'd be here at 7pm just like you said. I know you trust me. I just… I just don't want you to be afraid of disappointing me or inconveniencing me or anything like that. I'll try my best to give you anything you want and need… whether it's a major miracle or just touching you a certain way… like I said before… anything you like." 

Aziraphale gave Crowley a loving look and seemed to be gathering courage to ask him something as he squeezed his hands more tightly. 

"Crowley… there… there is something I'd like us to try. I think… I think my anxiety is coming because what I want feels like a step backwards from other things we've done… it… it isn't quite the same as what I just did for you." 

"We can make all the rules we want for each other Angel, but us going at the exact same pace moment to moment and movement to movement is one I will never agree to. We go at whatever pace both of us are comfortable with. We don't need to copy what you just did for me to make something meaningful and good happen for you tonight."

"Thank you love. Well, the thing I'm not quite comfortable with is… I'm not quite ready for you to… to touch me without my clothes on. I know you've seen me, many times, so, it seems ridiculous that I wouldn't just take the step and let you touch me… well… naked… but I'm… I'm just not…" 

"That's completely fine Angel, really. Seeing and touching are so drastically different… I never thought that us seeing each other naked would be a magic bullet to solve all of your insecurities. It certainly helped us to move forward in lots of ways, but you shouldn't feel bad or guilty that you aren't ready for full skin-on-skin touch." 

"Oh Crowley… I love you so much, and I appreciate your patience so much too. I… I do want you to touch me though… just um… with my pajamas on?" 

"Of course Angel… actually, I bet the silk will feel really good pressed against your skin… now… do you want to give me boundaries? Is anything off limits?" 

"No."

The Angel's answer nearly sent the Demon through the roof of his bedroom and straight to Alpha Centauri propelled by pure shock… 

"No? As in… anything? You're ok for me to touch… everywhere?" 

"Well… as you said for yourself earlier tonight… I reserve the right to change my mind in the moment, or ask you to stop if something becomes unpleasant… but no… as long as I can keep my pajamas on… I'm… I'm excited to have you touch anywhere you'd like. Is… is that ok?" 

"Oh Angel… that's not just ok it's… amazing… really. Just to clarify though… Just touching? Just my hands?" 

"Well, I suppose you can kiss… but… I'm not sure what I'll be able to feel through the fabric." 

Crowley was probably doing a terrible job of keeping the glint out of his eye at that last statement, but Aziraphale didn't seem to notice, which was probably good, given that it sounded just ever so slightly like a challenge to Crowley. This could be fun for both of them… as long as he was careful and paid attention to the Angel's signals as they went along. 

"Ok Angel, and, just to say… in addition to saying 'no' or 'stop' to anything I do, I hope you'll also tell me what you'd like as we go. If you want me to try something, or you want me to kiss you or want more of something, just tell me, yeah? And, you can put your hands anywhere on me you'd like while we do this… feel free to hold on to me if you need to." 

The Angel gave a nervous but definitely excited smile to all of the Demon's suggestions. "Yes Crowley, all of that sounds very very good. Um… in the dreams I used to have in the past when I would sleep by accident, the most vivid images I remember are of you… just… touching me… over my clothes but… with… intention, I guess is the word… it was like you were soothing me, like you wanted to see me smile and relax more than anything else… and I think I would like most for that to happen now… just to see how it actually feels. Does that make sense dear?"

"It absolutely does, Angel. Where do you want me to start? Where will you be most comfortable?" 

Aziraphale seemed to be trembling just a bit, but he still smiled. He turned to prop up some pillows, so he could lie down but with his head and shoulders raised enough so he could see Crowley clearly. 

"That looks comfy Angel. Is… there anywhere you want me to touch first?" 

"Oh, um… I guess… oh Crowley I'm not sure… it really is a confusing thing isn't it, knowing where and how you want to begin?" 

"How about we do something we've done many times first… how about a kiss?" 

Aziraphale beamed up at Crowley… as if he'd had the most brilliant idea of his existence. 

"I think that's a splendid idea, dear." 

Crowley mirrored what the Angel had done earlier during his back massage and moved so he was sitting cross-legged next to Aziraphale's torso and looking down at him. He gingerly placed his hands on the Angel's shoulders and leaned down to kiss him.

At this point, the two entities had kissed in so many ways, but Crowley opted for Aziraphale's favorite; slow but with firm pressure, occasional gentle nips to his bottom lip that made him hum… and as they kissed, Crowley rubbed the Angel's shoulders, allowing the heels of his hands to move a bit lower and brush along Azirpahale's collarbones, which he seemed to be leaning up into… an excellent sign. 

As the kissing continued, Crowley moved his hands across the shoulders and along the Angel's arms all the way down to his hands. Aziraphale broke their kiss for a moment to let out a gentle sigh and say, "Oh, you were right dear… the… the silk does feel very nice." 

"Good Angel, I'm glad. And now… since you said I could touch you anywhere…" 

For a brief moment Aziraphale looked anxious, like he'd regretted giving Crowley so much freedom… but the expression turned to a smile as the Demon shifted down to the end of the bed, lifted one of the Angel's legs into his lap and started rubbing his calf, ankle and foot. 

Aziraphale gave out a long, pleased groan as Crowley worked, and the Demon allowed himself the satisfaction of being the cause of the Angel's wonderful sounds. Crowley was careful to alternate his gaze between the Angel's blissful face and his own massaging hands, making sure he wasn't causing any discomfort. 

As he moved on to the next leg and foot he asked, "Checking in Angel… you alright?" 

"Oh… my love… I'm more than alright… this is so wonderful… I forget that I'm on my feet most of the day at the bookshop and they do get a bit sore sometimes… along with my legs." 

"Lovely of those nice humans we've encountered in the past to teach us massage then, eh?" 

"Bless them indeed…" 

The Angel's eyes were closed, cheeks rosy, sweet smile and lovely sighs occasionally escaping his lips… he looked wonderfully relaxed. So of course, Crowley's mind went immediately towards asking the Angel something that might bring his anxiety flooding back… but he certainly hoped it wouldn't. 

"Angel if now is not a good time, you can tell me, and we can save it for another day… but… did you want to tell me about your um… self-discoveries you made these last few days that we were apart? I told you how I spent my time and… I'd be interested to hear how you spent yours… only if you're ready of course."

Crowley did see a change to the Angel's expression, but not necessarily one of distress… more trepidation than anything else. 

"Well… um… yes dear I think now is as good a time as any… I um… I did not, well, pleasure myself as much as you did while we were apart. And, I hope you won't take… well… offense to that…" 

Crowley didn't know whether to laugh or tear up at that statement. "Oh, Angel, the number of times one masturbates during their time away from a partner is not an indicator of how much they love them." 

Aziraphale smiled sheepishly, "Oh, well… that's good dear. I'm glad that's how you feel. But um… I did um… pleasure myself 4 times over the three days we were apart… and you were quite right my dear, each time was very different from the other." 

"How so, Angel?" Crowley continued his gentle massages, realizing they were likely part of the reason Aziraphale was comfortable enough to speak in detail about his experiences.

"Well… after we said goodbye and you left the bookshop, I thought I would keep the same routine we'd had the last two weeks or so and take a bath. I tried some of the things you suggested. I touched my neck and shoulders and down my arms, my chest a bit… and I did feel myself getting excited, but it was well… very slow going. In other words, it… took a bit longer to, well, arouse myself than I thought. I was getting quite frustrated with the whole thing."

"The bath can be a tricky place for those things sometimes Angel… lots of other stimulus around you. Hot water, the scents from whatever you put in the bath… your senses can already be quite busy and then you add touching yourself to the mix… it can take a while, it has for me before." 

"Oh, well, that's good to know. Really dear, I'm so grateful you've had experience with these things… it can be such a comfort to have your assurance my corporation is working correctly."

The smile the Angel gave him made Crowley's chest hum with gratitude… he couldn't believe Aziraphale held no judgement or jealousy of his sexual past… he would likely spend the rest of their time together wondering how he got so lucky. 

"Anyway dear, I found that when I um… well… thought less about touching my body and, well, more about you and you in a state of undress with me in the tub, um, things got quite a bit easier after that. But I did find myself… well… 'going for the gold' as you called it. I didn't spend too much time touching places other than my effort, because of the earlier frustration." 

"I'm glad you learned that your mind and your fantasies are a very important part of the process Angel… you're not going to get hard if your mind is focused on bookshop inventory… unless that's a fetish or yours or something… is it?" 

"If you weren't so far away I'd smack you dear." 

"Oi!" Crowley gave him a teasing smile and urged him on, "Alright so, you had success in the bath, mostly through fantasizing and getting right to business as it were… how about the other times?" 

"Well, the next day after my mid-morning tea, I decided to try again, this time in bed, and well, I concentrated on touching more of my body than I did previously in the bath… I tried some new, well… spots. And… well, the result was quite pleasant… perhaps the most pleasant of the 4 attempts. The third and fourth times were quite nice, but they happened as a result of my being… well… already aroused. Once because I woke up… um… hard, again… and was aching like I had a few days prior. The last time was because I was reading that passage in that new book I mentioned and was aroused. Both of those times were quite quick… still very nice… but nothing like the pleasantness of the second time."

"Do you want to tell me what felt the most pleasant, Angel?" 

Aziraphale looked at him with some tentativeness, prompting Crowley to continue, "I promise not to dive into touching those places until we're done talking Angel." 

The Angel flashed Crowley a 'you always seem to know just what to say' smile and continued, "Certainly my chest and my, um, nipples… that was part of the reason I wanted to spend time touching yours earlier tonight dear, to see if they were of similar sensitivity to mine." 

"You weren't so much touching my nipples as kissing and sucking them until I was in a state of ecstasy, Angel… but please… continue…" 

Aziraphale flushed a shy bright red at that but carried on. "But um… I also found that the tops of my thighs and along my hips were enjoyable spots… my wrists and the inside of my forearm for some reason… and also my… oh goodness I can't say it…"

"Angel, you can say anything, please don't be embarrassed…" 

"Oh fine, my… my rear end… Oh!" 

Both hands flew to the Angel's mouth on that admission, and Crowley ran his hands up and down Aziraphale's shins, looking down in an effort to stifle an inappropriate giggle. 

"Well, lucky for you, Angel, I've always been a bit of an arse man, me…" he winked at Aziraphale and dodged his hip out of the way as the Angel tried to give him a playful kick. 

"Look, all of this is good for me to know, Angel. I'm glad you were able to get rid of your discomfort when you were already aroused, and I'm glad you were able to make yourself climax from a state of rest too… that's important." 

"Yes dear, perhaps that's one of the reasons it was so satisfying… that slow… well… building of feelings was quite nice. And, I felt so energized afterwards I was able to be quite productive for the rest of the day in the shop."

"That's where we're opposites, Angel… I usually like to sleep right after I climax… unless of course there's a beautiful Angel nearby who wants to let me pet him… that's worth staying up for." 

"Oh, you. Um… Crowley… speaking of petting… there's something I'd like you to try, if you don't mind."

The Demon felt his heart leap with anticipation, having absolutely no idea what the Angel was about to ask him to do. "Of course Angel, I'm all yours." 

Aziraphale smiled sweetly through his nervous gaze. "I know you are, dear… and you're all mine as well. Um… dear I'm still not completely comfortable with this, but it is something I want to try and push through. I know you'll ask if I'm just doing this to please you, and while pleasing you is a factor, I promise the larger reason is because I'm trying to get more comfortable with my insecurities. So… um… if you would like to touch my belly… I would like to let you. Perhaps you could touch me there on your way towards my chest or my thighs or… oh listen to me, I'm being so bossy and specific I'm probably taking all of the fun out of… Ohhhhh…"

Crowley wasn't close enough to Aziraphale's lips to silence his worry with a kiss, so he positioned himself to sit between the Angel's legs and ran his hands up the tops and down the undersides of his ample thighs. 

"Ohhh… oh my dear that is lovely… oh…" 

"Aziraphale, as far as fun is concerned, running my hands up and down the silk-clad body of my lover is a pretty damn enjoyable way to spend an evening. I'm going to keep doing this and make my way to your belly and then higher… if you want me to stop at any point just say, alright?"

Aziraphale sighed his response, "Yes dear," then closed his eyes and allowed himself to enjoy the sensation of the Demon's hands moving up and down, to the sides and underneath both of his legs. As Crowley continued his strokes, he moved his hands to Aziraphale's plush hips, careful to avoid direct touches to his pelvis… Aziraphale had said Crowley could touch 'anywhere' but he didn't want to go for that specific gold until he'd touched other places first. 

"Is this like you imagined in your dreams, Angel? Is this along the lines of what you wanted?"

"Oh yes Crowley… it's even better, it's… ahhh… perfect…" 

The Angel continued to keep his eyes closed and make lovely sounds as Crowley stroked him, so the Demon allowed just the tips of his fingers to rise up from Aziraphale's hips and brush the sides of his belly. The Angel's breath hitched a bit, but he made no protest, keeping his eyes closed. 

Crowley moved his hands back to Aziraphale's hips and asked, "Angel, would you please look at me love? I want to be able to see your eyes while I try this. Aziraphale opened his eyes, his hands fidgeting in the sheets on either side of him. He looked so vulnerable that a big part of Crowley just wanted to call everything off and just hold him. "I… I don't want to give you any distress Angel, I just want to give you pleasure… If you don't want me to…" 

"Crowley… it's as you've said so many times… I won't really know where my anxieties lie until I experience things in the moment. So… n…n… nervous as I am, please go on and… put your hands on me." 

Both entities couldn't help but let out little dry laughs at the Angel's request. Crowley nodded, hoping his own nerves weren't showing too much as he moved back to his original spot sitting by Aziraphale's side. Looking right into his eyes so he wouldn't miss a single glance or moment, Crowley lifted his hand and gently rested it upon the swell of the Angel's belly right at its center.

It was Crowley, not Aziraphale, who shuddered at the contact. Perhaps it was the magnitude of the moment, the trusting look in the Angel's eyes, the warmth and gentle give of the skin under the white silk… or perhaps a combination of it all… Crowley couldn't help but speak out, brimming with emotion, "Oh, Angel… Angel…" 

"Y…yes dear?" 

Aziraphale was still shaking a bit, but his eyes looked more curious than distressed. Crowley gently stroked his hand in a circle around the perimeter of the Angel's stomach, unable to contain the brightness of his smile at doing so and sending out a small prayer to whomever that the Angel would continue to be comfortable enough to let him touch. 

"Angel have I mentioned how much I've wanted to do this? How often I've dreamt about touching and kissing and resting my head here? If I have, it hasn't been enough times to express how much. Thank you for letting me touch you here… I know it isn't easy or comfortable for you… I'm just grateful is all." 

Aziraphale looked at him quizzically, with small sparks of realization seeping into his gaze as he stared. The Angel took a breath and asked, "Crowley… you… you really do like this part of my body… don't you? 

"Like is a massive understatement, Angel. I LOVE this part of your body."

"But, why?" 

"Oh, Angel… so many reasons. First, it's part of you, and every part of you is beautiful. It's a comfortable spot for a Demon made of bones and skin to rest against and feel warm and safe. It's a symbol of how much you love the humans and their inventions and the world we worked to save together. It fits with the rest of you, completes you. Like I've said, you're built strong and broad and powerful, and this belly counters that with beautiful, welcoming softness. This belly is an integral part to making you everything I want and need Angel. I just want to touch and kiss and play with all of you… see if I can communicate even a small piece of what I feel for you and how much I love every part of you."

Aziraphale's eyes were growing watery as Crowley spoke, his emotion building with each word. As Crowley came to the end of expressing his feelings, something between a laugh and a sob escaped the Angel's mouth with a big smile to cap it off, "Oh… oh my Crowley… you really mean all you say, don't you… you've never given me reason to doubt since all of this began. I still don't fully understand but… oh love, you can touch. I want you to… please touch me?" 

"Where, Angel?" 

"Everywhere… I'll tell you to stop if it's too much… but… go on… play with me… love me… make me feel like I've imagined in my dreams…" 

The Angel said these words with a confidence and conviction Crowley had never heard with regard to their physical journey. The Angel's eyes were filled with emotion and some trepidation, but there was no doubt he was speaking the truth. 

"Oh Angel… with pleasure…" 

Crowley turned all of his attention to Aziraphale's middle. He stroked his belly from every side with both hands, his touches ranging from feather light scratches to broad strokes to gentle squeezes, feeling the wonderful soft give of him. He planted kisses starting on top of his belly button and then in a circular pattern all around. At one point he just pressed his face into the center of him and nuzzled his head back and forth… he actually elicited giggles from his Angel on that move, causing him to giggle in tandem. 

"Tickles dear..." the Angel laughed gently, and his breathing became a little heavier. 

Crowley moved his hands back down Aziraphale's thighs, along his hips, curving his fingers ever so slightly inward to graze where the Angel's bottom met the sheets of his bed, eliciting a gasp. He then moved his elegant fingers up to the Angel's broad chest, rubbing and circling his pecs, teasing him just the slightest bit by ignoring his hardening nipples. 

"Oh Crowley… ohhhhh…." 

The Angel was starting to not just enjoy the touch, but savor it; to give in to the pleasure of Crowley's loving attention. 

After running his hands up and down the center of his torso, from the base of his throat to the waistband of his pajama bottoms, Crowley leaned over, and puffed his hot breath onto one of Aziraphale's nipples as his fingers gently circled the other. The Angel gasped and arched his back, moaning at the Demon's actions. 

"Did you say something earlier about not being able to feel my kisses through the fabric, Angel?"

All Aziraphale could do to answer was moan some more, his breathing becoming heavier and more ragged as Crowley switched sides with his mouth and fingers. He continued for some time, moving away from the Angels nipples and giving hot sucking kisses to his throat and neck, back to other parts of his chest, all the while keeping whichever hands were free roaming along his sides, his arms, up to his head to scratch his scalp… he practically slithered around his Angel like the snake that he was… until he heard Aziraphale pant out, "Oh… stop please Crowley, stop a moment!" 

He immediately lifted his hands and dashed to Aziraphale's side, lying next to him but not touching him. The Angel was breathing heavily, a light sheen of sweat across his forehead and his eyes blow wide. "Angel!? Are you alright did I do something wrong? I'm sorry did I…"

"No! No you did nothing wrong dear but I… I'm… well… it seems I'm aching…" 

Crowley looked down to see the Angel was indeed hard, his ample effort likely leaning against his stomach under the pajamas. Crowley had been so focused on his touches to Aziraphale's upper body he just hadn't noticed. 

"Tell me what you want to do Angel. We can stop and it may go away on its own, or you can take care of it with me here, or I could go… whatever you wish I…" 

"Do you trust me as much as I trust you, Crowley?" 

That contrasting combination of trepidation and confident wont was back in Aziraphale's eyes as he asked that question… but without hesitation, Crowley knew the answer. 

"Of course Angel… I trust you with my life… with the universe… everything." 

"Then you trust that when I do what I'm about to do, it's because I want to… yes?" 

"I… yes… but what do you mean, Angel… I…" 

With his Demon's answer, the Angel Aziraphale locked his eyes with his own, took Crowley's hand, and placed it over his throbbing cock. 

Upon contact, both inhaled sharply, eyes widening, somehow equally shocked by what had just happened. 

Crowley closed his eyes for a split second, savoring the incredible feel of Aziraphale's hard, hot, throbbing effort underneath his hand. He felt like he was catching his breath as he looked back into Aziraphale's eyes, "Oh Angel… my Angel are you sure?" 

"Yes Crowley, that's why I asked if you trusted me. I'm… I'm sure… and… oh… just your hand like this feels so good love… Ohhh…." 

Crowley smiled as he tried to control his breath and excitement and disbelief at what was happening, and finally croaked to his Angel, "Do you want to tell me what you'd like, Angel? Now that you have an idea of how you like to be touched here?" 

Aziraphale smiled at those words, realizing he did indeed have suggestions for his lover. 

"Um… first… will you please do what you did for yourself… earlier… with just your palm?" 

"With pleasure, Angel." 

Crowley curled his body around Aziraphale's, much as the Angel had done with him earlier. His free hand and arm stretched above the Angel's head so he could rub his scalp or gently touch his neck or face. With his other hand, he began slowly rubbing the silk fabric up and down the Angel's cock, enjoying the gentle slide and the warm hardness beneath his hand. 

Aziraphale gave a sharp inhale and gripped onto Crowley's arm, not to stop his stokes, just to anchor himself as the pleasure began to wash over him. 

"Ohhhhh… Ohhh Crowley… ahhhh…" 

"Talk to me, Angel, are you alright? Is the pressure ok?" 

"Yes… it's… oh… you were right again dear… it's… ohhhh… so different when it's someone else… it's over…whelming… ahhhh…" 

"Do you want me to stop or slow down?" 

"No, no please don't I just… It's building so fast I… oh Crowley… Crowley I love you…" 

Crowley kissed the Angel's temple, his fingers in his platinum hair… the Angel's eyes were closed, and he was panting in exquisite pleasure. Crowley was still in a state of disbelief that this was even happening, though he couldn't count the number of times he'd imagined it. The Angel felt better and warmer and harder than he'd imagined, and the circumstances were sweeter and more loving than he'd ever allowed himself to dream. 

"I love you too… so much, Angel. Can I try something a little different? I think it will feel really good…"

"Yes dear… I trust you… ohhhh… I'm... so close already…" 

Crowley wrapped his fingers as much as he could around the Angel's effort and began stroking him with a little more vigor and pressure than he'd used with his palm. Aziraphale's eyes flew open and he practically keened at the new sensation. 

"OH! Crowley that's… that's incredible… ohhh… the silk feels so… oh I'm nearly there Crowley I… ahhh…"

Crowley wrapped his other arm around Aziraphale's shoulder, gently kissing his face, behind his ear, his neck, and as Aziraphale had done for him, began encouraging his Angel over the edge with his voice. 

"Angel you feel so unbelievably good in my hand, every fantasy I've ever had about touching you and making you come pales compared to this. You sound so lovely and you feel even better and touching you like this makes me feel more blessed than the almighty. Let go my love, I'll hold you while you go over the edge… come my beautiful Angel…"

"Crowley CROWLEY!" 

Aziraphale tensed and cried out, burying his face in Crowley's chest as he shook and panted through his orgasm. Crowley held his Angel tight, slowing his hand on the Angel's cock and stopping completely when Aziraphale placed his hand on top of his Demon's. The two calmed their breath together, Aziraphale letting out sweet sighing moans of aftershock, nuzzling and kissing Crowley's collar bones. 

Crowley snapped his fingers to clean Aziraphale up, and then allowed what could only be described as sweet growls rise out of him as he wrapped both arms around his Angel, pulling him flush against him. Aziraphale returned the embrace, exhausted yet joyous laughter bubbling out of him and into his Demon's chest. 

It was the Angel who finally spoke, pulling away slightly so he could look up into his lover's eyes. "Oh love… I hardly know what to say… I'm so overwhelmed with love for you… I was so nervous earlier and now I feel so wonderful and content… thank you." 

Crowley kissed Aziraphale's forehead, feeling emotion welling up. "Angel… I don't have words that feel adequate either… I'm just so grateful to have touched you the way I did, the way you deserve. Thank you for being brave and pushing through your fears. Thanks for making love with me Aziraphale." 

"My sweet love… my Tensity… my Demon… my dear boy… I didn't know anything could feel as good as this." 

"Better than dessert at the Ritz…?" 

"Well… which dessert? I SAY!" 

This time Aziraphale was on the receiving end of a playful smack, causing both of them to giggle and snuggle more into one another. 

"Better than any dessert anywhere, the Ritz or otherwise, my Crowley… you are sweeter than anything the finest pastry chefs could create."

"M'not sweet…" Crowley grumbled playfully under his breath, "M'not nice or kind or lovely or anything of the sort… M'a terrible Demon…" 

"Mmmm… yes you're a harbinger of darkness… the scourge of the British Isles…" Aziraphale leaned his head up and kissed the Demon's chin before cuddling into him more and closing his eyes. 

"Thought you felt all energized after orgasm, Angel... you seem a bit sleepy to me..." 

"It's been a very long day... and I may not sleep... but I can't think of anywhere else I want to be than right here." 

Crowley kissed the top pf Aziraphale's head, and his final conscious thoughts went to his list. While there were many detailed items to make note of… only one felt truly important and all-encompassing of their evening…

Lovemaking: CHECK 

As they both drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, the plants in the next room were just as shocked as Crowley was going to be the next day to discover that one of their brethren, who only flowered every 10-15 years, was suddenly in full bloom, a full 7-12 years early. They didn't know if their master would be pleased or cross at the development, but allowed themselves to be soothed by the seemingly angelic waves of love wafting in from down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Already working on Chapter 14 and figuring out where our beautiful celestial boyfriends are going next... definitely looking forward to furthering their adventures in 2020... I think they will definitely continue to explore the sexual side of their relationship, but I want them to do some fluffy things together out in the world too... explore what it might be like for them to have a relationship out in the open. As always, your comments make me laugh, bring me to tears and boost my confidence is ways I can hardly begin to express. Thanks so much and Happy New Year!!!


	14. Shedding Inhibitions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An untimely arrival causes Crowley and Aziraphale to have to put their touch-journey on hold for a week. Fortunately, absences of all kinds can make hearts grow fonder and more open to new experiences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE! A new chapter much earlier than you were probably expecting one! This little story within my story popped into my head and just wouldn't leave so now you get to enjoy! Please note, Crowley spends a portion of this story in his snake form but there is absolutely no sexual activity between them during this period. If that's your thing, more power to you, it's just not mine, and I didn't want to tag Snake Crowley in an Explicit rated story because I don't want it to get filtered out of people's searches when there is no snake-human activity happening.

Crowley awoke the following morning expecting to bask in the glow of the previous evening's joy, enveloped in in a cloud of tender warmth, reveling in the love exuding from his Angel's sleepy embrace in his bed… instead he woke up itchy. 

He was itchy, irritable, had cloudy vision and cursed himself for the absolutely abysmal timing. He was certain he wasn't due for his yearly shed for at least another two months… but it occurred to him that the stress from the summer, in addition to having 6,000 years of unrequited love suddenly very much requited, probably threw his entire body off of its regular rhythms. 

Being both winged and reptilian, he had to deal with the obnoxious at best, painful at worst acts of molting AND shedding. His molt usually came in June, his shed in January… so feeling this rotten in the middle of November was unexpected and almost cruel … especially since he and the Angel had taken such massive steps in their relationship in the last week. 

After rubbing his back and sides against his sheets for a while and not getting nearly enough relief, he gently slipped away from his sleeping Angel and slinked off to his bathroom. He didn't want to change into his snake form until Aziraphale woke up. He wanted to explain in person why, after 3 days apart already, they needed to be separated for an entire week while he completed his shed. 

He was trying to get the steam shower in his bathroom to just the right heat and humidity and shouting out expletives just a little too loudly when Aziraphale knocked on the bathroom door. 

"Are you quite alright my dear? You seem to be cursing quite a bit… which… come to think of it isn't exactly irregular of you, but…" 

"Sorry I woke you Angel please come in." 

Aziraphale gently pushed the door open, and immediately saw that something was off, "Crowley is there something… oh… oh my… darling your eyes… are you… what's happening?"

'Shit' he thought, 'it's starting already and he's going to see me in all my ugliness before I can give him the chance to go.' 

"Um… Angel I'm sorry, but… we're… we're going to have to spend some more time apart." 

Aziraphale looked far more crestfallen than Crowley would have imagined, confusing him greatly. 

"Oh… I see… I… I'm sorry Crowley… you're right, we've been spending a great deal of time together and I completely understand if you feel its… well if it has been too much. It hasn't been too much for me I assure you, but I know you've often preferred to be alone. I can give you the space you… UMPH!"

Crowley essentially plowed into Aziraphale throwing his arms around him and grasping him tightly. 

"Oh, Angel… Angel Angel Angel… I'm an absolute fucking IDIOT who couldn't communicate my way out of a burning paper bag in the darkest pits of hell. I did NOT mean we need time apart because I need time away from you. No no no… we need to spend a week apart because I'm… well I'm about to shed… that's why my eyes look all weird right now, it's part of the process." 

Crowley felt both air and tension go out of his Angel as he clutched him; Aziraphale bringing both of his arms up to gently pet along Crowley's back. 

"Oh! Oh, is that all? My dear boy you scared me half to discorporation! And goodness, your shed, already? I thought that usually happened in January and that's why you never accepted my meal invitations during that time of year." 

"Showed up early, not sure why… Mmmmmmm." Crowley hummed half in pleasure half in oversensitivity as Aziraphale continued to rub his itchy, sensitive back. "Sorry for the hard hug without asking by the way." 

"Perfectly fine my love, you're in distress, and, I honestly didn't mind."

Despite his discomfort, Crowley couldn't help but smile at that… knowing he could be more spontaneous with his touches to the Angel made his heart soar. He pulled away, settling his hands on the Angel's hips and resting their foreheads together.

"Anyway, I'm sorry for the timing Angel… but I promise it's usually only about a week or so and as soon as I'm done I'll come to the bookshop and take you anywhere you like for dinner." 

Aziraphale brought his arms up around Crowley's neck and gave him a sweet peck on the lips. "But… my love… do I… forgive me for being forward Crowley but, do I HAVE to go?" 

"What do you mean Angel?" 

"Well, couldn't I just stay here and look after you? Keep you company? I admit I'm not completely sure what shedding entails, but I have had a molt before and it's quite uncomfortable… I imagine this is similar? Perhaps I could be of help?"

"Angel, that's very sweet of you and if it was June and I was molting I would let you stay and help me in a heartbeat, but, my shed is really different… I mean… I have to be in my snake form for the full week until it's done… can't change back. We wouldn't be able to speak, I can really only manage to nod yes or no, and I'll be… well… shedding. I'll be very unpleasant to be around. My scales will be oversensitive, I won't be able to see well, there will be scraps of my my dead skin all over the bathroom, and I won't be able to do much of anything to take care of you at all. I've been doing it by myself for 6,000 years I can manage…" 

The Angel took a breath and let out a slightly sad sigh before interrupting. 

"Crowley… are you trying to convince me not to stay because… you're going to be feeling highly touch-sensitive, you'll be in a body you're worried I won't like the look of, you'll be on-edge and uncomfortable… and most of all… you're worried that the combination of those factors will upset or frustrate me?"

The Angel's words felt like a wrecking ball to the chest. Crowley didn't know what to say, so he fully wrapped his arms around Aziraphale's waist, buried his face in the crook of his neck and simply said… "Angel…" 

"Crowley you haven't left me when I've felt the way you're feeling, and I am certainly not going to leave you in this state. Now, you're an excellent list-maker, yes? Take a quick moment before you transform and write down what you need me to do and I will take care of it. I'll take care of you until it's over… because I want to… and when you love someone that's what you do… even when they become a snake."

Crowley chuckled at the Angel's sweet conviction and gave some gentle kisses to his neck and cheek before snapping a pen and notepad into existence in his hand. 

"I love you more than words. Alright Angel… if you're absolutely sure… here's the plan…" 

*** 

CARING FOR YOUR SNAKE BOYFRIEND 101

1\. Kiss him soundly and hold him tight before transformation  
2\. Remember from now on to ask only yes and no questions  
3\. Be careful when making any physical contact with him as his scales become highly oversensitive, better to let him initiate contact when possible  
4\. Adjust steam shower to 100-102 degrees, at least 88% humidity and help maintain for 2-hour stints  
5\. Place towels on floor of steam shower so boyfriend can rub flaking scales away from body, change out towels as needed  
6\. Create blanket cave on couch underneath at least two heating pads on 'medium' setting for optimum comfort when not in steam shower  
7\. No food is necessary but please make sure a dish of water is filled at all times as hydration speeds the process  
8\. Do not, no matter how many times he slithers to the bar, pour wine or spirits into the water dish, it is not helpful  
9\. Please feel free to read to him and play music he likes and tell him stories and don't worry about going out for a few hours or even overnight he will be fine he loves you so much and can't believe you want to sit through his misery with him he has no idea how he got so damn lucky  
10\. He knows you hate reality television, but he simply MUST watch/listen to the finale of Love Island so please look up when it's on please and thank you  
11\. DO NOT BE NICE TO THE PLANTS ESPECIALLY THE ONE WHO FLOWERED BEFORE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO THEY ARE VERY BAD  
12\. He loves you. Did he mention he loves you? He loves you. 

Despite the typical discomfort of a shed, this was the most pleasant the experience had ever been for Crowley… and, by some miracle, the Angel seemed to be having a decent time of it as well. 

For the first 48 hours, Aziraphale acted more as a caregiver to Crowley than anything else, which was needed since this was the most painful period of the shed. He made sure he had fresh towels on the floor of his shower for rubbing the dead skin from his scales, made sure his blanket cave on the couch was warm enough, and even insisted on carrying him between the two locations so he wouldn't get cold slithering on the floor. He was always refilling the water dish and would bring him choices of two records to listen to or two books to hear aloud; tapping the choice he wanted gingerly with his nose. 

If Aziraphale was uncomfortable with Crowley's appearance, he certainly wasn't showing it. He spoke with him and told him stories, recounting some of their favorite adventures together from their past. He commented on the music they listened to, trying his best to ask yes and no questions about who David Bowie and Prince and the Ramones were. When Crowley selected an Ella Fitzgerald record Aziraphale told a marvelous story of going to see her in a small nightclub in Soho and her stopping by the shop the next day to return a handkerchief he'd leant her from the front row of her concert. 

Not surprisingly, Crowley was in the mood for books about animals, and selected 'The Jungle Book' and 'The Voyages of Doctor Dolittle' for the Angel to read. He either read to him from a chair he miracled into the bathroom by the shower or seated next to his blanket cave on the couch. It was almost nauseatingly domestic despite the strangeness of the circumstances… it was wonderful. 

At the end of the second day, Crowley noticed, despite the cloudiness of his vision, that while Aziraphale was reading to him, he was absentmindedly reaching out his hand towards Crowley's cave, but would suddenly stop himself when he realized what he was doing. It wasn't surprising; the Angel was used to reading to Crowley on the couch in the bookshop or in bed and gently running his fingers through his hair at the same time… just a case of sense-memory and habit. 

Since the Demon was feeling a bit better but not quite ready for full touch (the Angel carrying him around was better than slithering on the freezing floor but still very uncomfortable on his scales) he slid the bottom of his tail out from the blanket, over to Aziraphale's wrist and gently wrapped around it like a bracelet. The Angel gasped a bit in surprise, but then produced a smile broad enough that Crowley could see it through his poor vision. 

"Oh, hello my dear! How nice of you to wrap around my wrist so my hand is free for turning pages. Who knew snakes were so thoughtful?"

Crowley responded the only way he could, by squeezing the Angel's wrist gently, eliciting a sweet hum. Crowley's grip on Aziraphale stayed that way for some time, until he fell asleep… well mostly asleep. As Aziraphale tucked the blankets around him, he heard the Angel say, somewhat wistfully to himself, "I miss your touch sweet love." 

Crowley was saddened by the Angel's words, but they also felt so good to hear. Just a few months earlier the act of taking his hands sent him into a panic… now Aziraphale was actually missing the contact between them. Things had changed so much in such a short time, even if the Angel would describe their pace of intimacy as being 'slow.' 

***

In the four days that followed, the routine of showers and couch time continued. There was still limited touch due to Crowley's sensitivity, other than holding the Angel's hand or wrist with his tail, and occasionally placing his head on the Angel's leg, allowing gentle strokes to the top of his head before retreating back to his blanket cave. 

Despite the monotony, Aziraphale continued to dote on him and care for him and rarely left Crowley's side other than to answer the door for food delivery, and to occasionally 'water' the plants. Crowley's eyes may have been affected by his shed, but his hearing was perfectly fine, and he shuddered at the sweetness the Angel lavished upon his collection each day. 

On the 7th day, upon waking from a nap and finally feeling 99% of the way back to normal, he heard some especially upsetting praise coming in from the garden. 

'Aren't you just the most verdant creatures in all of London! Absolutely stunning! I haven't seen such lovely shades of green since my days in Eden. Oh, is that a little spot? Well, we'll just pick this leaf away and let it be our little secret, won't we dears?' 

Crowley felt a slight growl rising up in his throat. Since snakes didn't generally growl, he took it as a very welcome sign that his anatomy was ready to change back to his human corporation. 

When Aziraphale returned to the couch and took his regular seat, Crowley slithered his head out of the blankets and rested it on the Angel's knee trying as best as possible to give him a stern look.

"Oh, hello my dear!" 

Crowley turned his head towards the garden and back to Aziraphale, shaking his head as he returned.

"Oh come now love, it just isn't in my nature to be cross with them, and they've been doing just fine this week without your stern tongue-lashings at them." 

Crowley did his best to sigh and continue shaking his head as it rested on the Angel's knee. 

"Well, I'm sorry my dear but if you want someone to yell at the plants you're just going to have to finish your shed, transform back and do it yourself." 

With that, Crowley popped up his head, and in doing so, the little cloudy caps over his eyes dropped away, effectively completing the shed. He slithered off the couch, and much as he did the first day they met in Eden, he transformed back into his human self, only this time wearing his signature pair of black silk pajamas and facing away from the Angel. 

Aziraphale gasped at the transformation, frozen on the couch for a few moments in giddy shock that his human-shaped Crowley was back.

"Listen here you little green monstrosities! I am about to kiss my Angel like I haven't seen him in a week, but if any of you take that as a signal to engage in immature blooming it's off to the wood chipper on the roof with you… HEAR ME?!?!?!" 

"Crowley!" 

The declaration of his name was a mix of joy to see him and annoyance at his threats, but Crowley didn't care. He spun around, showing smiling, bright, clear eyes to Aziraphale and quipped his best and most suave, "Hey Angel." 

"Oh, my Crowley!" As Aziraphale lunged for him, Crowley actually took his first ever step back from the Angel as a reaction to potential touch. 

"Hold on one moment, Angel!"

Aziraphale froze immediately, concern flooding his face. 

"I am so happy to see you and want to kiss you and hold you so much, but I just need to tell you first that I'm still very sensitive. It's like I have a totally new raw skin, so you just need to be very gentle with me for the next couple of hours, alright? Don't worry, I'll toughen up quickly." 

"Of course my love. Here, take my hands." 

Crowley appreciated the gesture; a full body hug would not feel great right now but taking the Angel's warm soft hands into his own felt like coming home, and the kiss that came next felt like fireworks going off in his head as their tongues gently danced and little moans of desperation and contentment escaped. A plant in the next room, out of sheer terror, refused to allow itself to bud, despite the intense desire to do so in the aftereffects of said kiss. 

They pulled away panting, still hand in hand, and Aziraphale's eyes were still shining so brightly, seemingly shocked and thrilled that Crowley was finally done with his uncomfortable ordeal. 

"Angel I don't know how to thank you." 

"For what my dear?" 

Crowley found himself fighting back some very un-demon-like emotion as he looked into his love's eyes. "Angel… for taking care of me… I… I usually feel so awful and cold and alone when my shed happens. You… you were just so perfect. You kept me warm and you were so attentive to what I needed and… I just feel… I don't know how I feel I can't compare it to anything else. I'm sorry… me and words… you know I can't…"

"Crowley, is it possible you have nothing to compare it to because you can't recall a time where another being took care of you? Because it has been mostly you taking care of me in our old and new 'arrangements'?" 

"But Angel I love taking care of you… it's everything to me… I'm usually fine I don't need…" 

He was stumbling over his words and Aziraphale just smiled and clutched his hands more tightly. 

"My dear, every living thing is in need of care… you included. Oh, Crowley I know you were terribly uncomfortable this week but… I can't help but be grateful for this time with you. It was so wonderful getting to tend to you and your needs when you were vulnerable and well… needed me. I like being needed. Angel and all that. I know how much you've, well, wanted me… in many kinds of ways… oh!" 

The Angel flushed a bit at that, making Crowley feel soft and fond. 

"But… my sweet Demon it's also wonderful to have been able to help you and ease your discomfort, as you've been doing for me. And… well… I'm also happy to tell you that, I've missed you." 

"I know we couldn't speak but I was right next to you all week Angel." 

"I mean… I missed… um… your touch… Crowley." 

Aziraphale seemed a bit embarrassed with a touch of nervousness as he spoke but had clearly been thinking about these feelings for some time. 

"I realized that I've become so very much more comfortable with our touches that I actually missed them very much very early on this week. I think I've been able to see how far I've come in just a couple of months. It felt so strange not to have our baths, sharing a bed to go to sleep, or our snuggles on the couch… your kisses and hugs and even little things such as a hand on my shoulder or, picking a bit of fuzz out of my hair. I missed all of it so very much Crowley. And… I know you're still touch-sensitive right now… but will you allow me one more indulgence of taking care of you tonight?" 

The part of Crowley that struggled with kindnesses being shown to him reared an ugly voice in his head telling him to refuse, but the Angel's eyes were nearly watery with hope, and he'd always been terrible at telling Aziraphale 'no'… so what was the point in starting now? 

"Whatever you'd like Angel… I'm just happy to be with you back in this form." 

"Oh, I am too, love… Crowley may I draw you a warm bath? I was inspecting the full collection of your bath items and I think I can come up with something that will be most helpful to your sensitive skin." 

"You just haven't seen me in the buff in a week, Angel… I see what you're up to." 

Crowley received an eye roll that he was sure would have been a smack had he not told the Angel about his tender skin.

The Demon continued, "Alright, love… draw me a bath… that actually sounds good right about now." 

***

Hand in hand they made their way to Crowley's bathroom. There was no need to miracle the tub bigger as it was already large enough for two celestial entities to enjoy, and as Crowley disrobed, he saw Aziraphale putting great care into adjusting the temperature of the water and dropping in various essential oils and other concoctions into the tub. He was fairly certain his Angel had been planning this in the last day or two while he'd been resting… a nice reunion soak after a week apart. 

When Aziraphale turned around to announce the bath was ready, his breath hitched as he looked upon Crowley's human corporation for the first time in a week. 

Crowley gave a bit of a wicked smile in return. "Come on now Angel, nothing you haven't seen before." 

"I don't believe I shall ever tire of the sight of your corporation my dear; you're far too beautiful not to elicit such a reaction." 

Crowley felt a heat burn into his cheeks at the Angel's words… praise… that was something HE would never tire of from his love. 

Aziraphale approached him and gingerly placed his hands on the Demon's cheeks, looking into his eyes for confirmation that the touch would be alright. Crowley nodded and accepted the tender kiss from his Angel, realizing how much he too had missed these intimacies in the last week. 

"Alright then, dear, why don't you go ahead and climb in. I put in some eucalyptus and other essential oils that should feel nice on your skin. The water should be warm but the oils should cool you down… should be a nice combination." 

"Sounds like someone did some research on how to care for creatures with sensitive skin this week." 

"As I said Crowley, it's rare that I get to take care of you, I wanted to do the best I could." 

"You are the best I could have ever hoped for, Angel. But… are you not coming in with me?" 

"Oh… well… I had thought, especially since you said you were touch-sensitive that you might want the bath to yourself and I could just sit with you and talk… like I did when you were having your steam showers this week…" 

"I think the water and oils will make me more than comfortable enough to have my Angel share my bath." Crowley said this as he eased his way into the tub. The water was the perfect temperature and he felt and smelled the soothing oils as he submerged to mid-chest. As he settled, a slightly wicked idea entered his brain… "Angel, please, won't you consider joining me? And besides, I missed you too and… seeing you take off those clothes so you can come in here with me would be… nice…" 

Aziraphale had a surprised look on his face in reaction to the request, but since them taking their clothes off in front of each other was no longer new, any hesitation he had seemed to fade away after a few moments. "Oh… I see… well, if you insist my dear, I suppose I could."

Crowley was then treated to an exquisite show of the Angel undressing from his everyday outfit. The Demon had only ever seen him take off his pajamas, not his combination of jacket, waistcoat, bowtie and trousers. 

While Aziraphale's movements were methodic and practiced, Crowley felt he was watching something truly sexy. His buttoned-up prim Principality was going through a shed of his own, something that only Crowley was allowed to see. Inch by inch the gorgeous creamy skin of his torso was revealed. And though he had a slight tremble in his hands, whenever he took a moment to meet Crowley's eyes he gave a fond smile, a look of complete trust in his Demon love. It was such an honor. It was so hot. 

When everything was removed but his trousers, the Angel actually locked eyes with Crowley, that rare hungry look appearing in his gaze as he pushed everything down in one motion, revealing all of himself without even a brief moment of trying to cover his body. Something most definitely had changed since their last sexual encounter. Aziraphale was clearly starting to believe that Crowley was attracted to the Angel's body, and he looked to the Demon's eyes for a reaction to seeing him fully nude with no dim to the bathroom lights. 

"Aaaaaaangel… sweet merciful everything have I missed you." 

Aziraphale's smile in response was shy, and he nearly brought his arms up around his middle, but instead held his arms firmly by his sides as he found words to say in return to Crowley.  
"Crowley, if… if you feel this would make you uncomfortable, then we don't have to but… Crowley I would like to… I've been thinking about… um…" 

"Go on Angel… you can tell me what you want… I promise I'll tell you if it will make me uncomfortable." 

"Crowley how… how would you feel about leaning against me… um… in the tub?" 

Crowley was pretty sure his yellow eyes were nothing but black pupils now in response to that request. The Angel had been so adamant the week before that he wasn't ready for full body skin on skin contact between them. This was a shift he had not expected. 

"I… I can hardly think of anything I'd like more, Angel but… to do my diligence I just have to ask… are you… sure? That feels like quite a leap?" 

"Yes, you're right dear… but… as I said I've… well… missed your touch. And, perhaps there is something to the saying that the absence of things makes the heart grow fonder. To be um… specific… I like the idea of you leaning your back against me, and um… sitting… oh goodness… between my thighs." 

The Angel's flush was all over his face and spreading across his neck and chest as well. Crowley, for his part, was already half-hard just thinking about the Angel's offer. 

"Ah, yeah, Angel… that will be fine… I… don't think that will bother my skin much at all. Honestly I already feel nearly better… this bath is making things heal and um… toughen up pretty quickly." 

"Oh, oh good. Well, I'll just slip in then, shall I?" 

Aziraphale gently lowered himself into the bathtub and once he was settled, moved his legs apart to make a space for Crowley, his knees popping up out of the water. Crowley thought he was going to discorporate at the sight. 

He shifted in the water, moving himself backwards, and when he was between Aziraphale's knees but not yet allowing his back to make contact with the Angel's torso, he took one more moment to look behind him. The Angel did look a little nervous, fingertips tapping on the sides of the tub just a little. "Angel, we don't have to…" 

"Crowley, love, I appreciate your concern, and I promise you that this is another situation where I feel quite strongly that if I just try and push past my worries I will be glad I did so. I missed your touch… and… longed for new and different touches from you this last week. There are many things I'm not quite ready for, but, I want very much to feel you lie against me… please?" 

"Oh Angel, with pleasure…" 

With that, Crowley allowed himself to lean back, and certainly didn't hesitate to let out the exceedingly pleased sigh that followed… a sigh that mixed with a similar one coming from the Angel at their joint moment of contact. 

Crowley relished in the soft feel of the Angel's stomach fitting perfectly into the dip of the small of his back, the perfect downy softness of his chest hair between his shoulder blades, and then resting his head perfectly in the crook of the Angel's neck, being met with a kiss on top of his head as he settled fully against Aziraphale's perfect plush body. He knew heaven existed, he just didn't know it existed here and now in his own bathroom. 

"Are you alright love, too sensitive?" 

"Not at all Angel, it just feels good. How does it feel for you?" 

"Oh, just as I'd hoped and more my love… you… well you seem to fit… here against me quite nicely." 

Crowley ached with joy at those words… "May I place my hands on your knees, Angel?" 

"Oh, of course dear." 

When Crowley rested his hands on Aziraphale's knees he felt like he was sitting in the finest throne in all of existence, and when the Angel's hands rested on top of his own, he felt moored into a place of safety. He felt comforted and invincible… it was a wonderful way to feel after a week of pain and vulnerability. 

For a while, they talked, casually touching, Aziraphale stroking his fingertips up and down Crowley's arms quite deliciously and Crowley discovering the Angel's knees were quite ticklish. They laughed and Aziraphale would dip his head down every now and then to kiss Crowley's shoulder and neck, causing him to sigh in contentment. It was lovely and comfortable and he was certain he was going to fall asleep against his sweet Angel… until…

"Crowley, how um… how sensitive is your torso feeling right now, love?" 

The Demon's eyebrow shot up at the question… and he wouldn't have cared if his skin was completely red raw and nearly bloody, he would never have answered that question differently other than to say, "You can touch wherever you like Angel, I'm feeling much better." 

Without skipping a beat, Aziraphale's arms circled Crowley's middle. At first he just held him, seemingly enjoying the embrace, but then his brave Angel's hands began to wander. Fingertips traced tentative little circles along his abdomen and sweet lines up his sternum and to his collar bones. Crowley wanted to make Aziraphale 100% percent aware of how he felt about this development by letting out a long sigh of "Yessssss Angel… oh please keep doing that… all you want… no boundaries tonight… pleeeeease touch me." 

The Angel's soft yet powerful hands didn't hold back after that. They moved up and down his entire front, fingertips just grazing his nipples to tease him. Down his arms, down his sides, gently tickling his ribs, and then down to his hips and the spots where his pelvis met his thighs… then up his thighs to his knees and back down again. Meanwhile the Angel began sucking kisses into his neck and grazing his teeth just the slightest bit at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. Crowley nearly shouted out in pleasure and began writhing against him. 

"Oh Crowley, you… you feel so good… you sound so good… I love making you sound like this…" 

"Oh Angel… Angel… ahhh… will you… oh… please… OH!" 

Without even having to ask, Aziraphale brought his fingers to Crowley's nipples, circling the rosy buds with his fingertips and pinching lightly, making Crowley sing out moans from deep inside himself. He was so hard it was starting to get unbearable… so he gently put his hands on top of Aziraphale's to stop the touches. 

"Angel, that's amazing… but I need to stop you a moment. You're incredible… this feels so good and… it's taking everything in me not to grab on to my effort right now." 

Crowley felt the hands underneath his give off the lightest tremble, but then he felt Aziraphale lower his head to his ear to ask… "Um… love… how would you feel about… well, taking my hand and placing it on… um… oh goodness… Crowley I want to feel your effort… and I want you to help show me what to do… I want to make you come." 

The Demon nearly needed a miracle NOT to come at the Angel's words. He shuddered he was so aroused and overwhelmed by the request. Still, rather than immediately comply, he sat up, turned his head and made sure he was looking right into Aziraphale's eyes before getting final consent. 

"Oh love… are you absolutely sure?" 

There were definitely nerves in the Angel's gaze as he nodded. "I really want to… but I don't… I don't know what I'm doing, and I only watched you that one time, but, if you show me what to do I would love to help you climax Crowley." The smile at those last words was all the Demon needed. 

Crowley turned back around, settled himself against Aziraphale, took the Angel's left hand in his own, and brought it to wrap around his erection, causing both of them to cry out at the stunning newness of the feeling. 

Aziraphale nearly panted in nervous excitement. "Oh Crowley, the skin… it's so soft and lovely, and your effort it's… long and lean and lovely… just like the rest of you. It feels so nice in my hand." 

"Angel, this is going to be over VERY quickly if you keep talking like that." Crowley's shuddering statement broke some of Aziraphale's nerves and make both of them laugh lightly. "Ok, Angel, I'll squeeze your hand to show you the grip I like, and for the rest just let me guide your hand, alright?" 

"Yes love, I'm ready, please…" 

With his hand on top of the Angel's, Crowley started to move, nearly losing his concentration multiple times in the first few strokes because of how incredible the Angel's soft but sturdy hand felt on his straining cock. The feeling of them working in tandem to build his pleasure felt exquisite, and he felt the tension start to leave the Angel's body as he leaned against it, Aziraphale's other hand stroking his chest as they set a pace together. 

After showing him the slight twist of the wrist he liked at the head of his cock, and instructing him on the virtues of the occasional swipe of the thumb across the tip, Crowley let go… of the Angel's hands and of all the sensations he was holding back as he taught Aziraphale what to do. 

He anchored his hands on the Angel's knees and allowed the moans to escape his lips; his pleasure washing over him and mixing with the wonderful feeling of the warm water and the scents of the bath. As he always suspected he would be, Aziraphale was a quick study and was building him towards a stunning climax… and much more quickly than he expected given that his pleasure could be slow to build when he was in the tub. 

"Oh Angel, Angel that's amazing… ohhh… AH! Oh go- sa- anyone… that's incredible… I'm… I'm nearly there already Angel you're so good… ahhhh…"

"Oh Crowley, Crowley you feel so wonderful, this feels so good to do… I had no idea… oh… tell me what you need love… please tell me how to take you over the edge?"

"Just keep talking Angel… and just a little faster and I'll come… Ohhhhh…" 

"My gorgeous Demon I missed touching you… and I've wanted to touch you like this for so long… you're so hard and yet your skin is lovelier than velvet… feeling you come undone against me makes me feel extraordinary… oh let go my sweet Crowley… give in to your climax my heart… banish all your discomfort from the last week and come…" 

"AHHHHHHHHHZIRAPHALE!" 

Crowley shouted out his pleasure and practically convulsed against Aziraphale as he came. Water sloshed about and yet the Angel held him tight throughout the waves of his climax, kissing the Demon's shoulder as he slowly relaxed back against him. 

Crowley placed his hand back on top of Aziraphale's to slow and stop the pumps to his cock, eventually pulling the Angel's hand away and bringing it up to hold against his chest as he took deep breaths, pleasure still humming through his whole corporation. 

As they held onto each other, both letting out contented sighs as they relaxed, Aziraphale spoke up. "Um… not to ruin the mood, dear… but… are we going to need a shower after this bath?" 

Crowley broke into near hysteria… his laugher causing waves in the water around them… Aziraphale eventually joining in. 

"Angel I swear… you come up with the most glorious post-orgasm one-liners." With a few more chuckles, he snapped his fingers on both hands, cleaning the water while at the same time warming it up a few degrees and adding some soothing bubble bath to the surface. He then snuggled down against Aziraphale and brought both of the Angel's arms to wrap around his middle, resting his own hands and arms on top. 

"Angel you're a wonder. I did not expect you to initiate something like that for a long time… it was the most incredible thing I could have imagined for tonight." 

"Oh love, thank you for showing me what to do, that's the real reason everything was so wonderful." 

"No Angel… I might have showed you what I liked but YOU made me come tonight. YOU put the bath together and initiated touching me and exciting me… YOU are the center of my pleasure… please don't sell yourself short, I won't have it." 

Aziraphale nuzzled against Crowley's neck and kissed him, and in a small voice whispered, "Thank you my love." 

The two continued to soak, occasionally kissing and talking, basking in the joy of being together again after the long previous week. Crowley's mind drifting to his list and adding things he didn't expect…

Incredible Hand-Job from Angel: CHECK  
Fooling around in bathtub: CHECK  
Angel caring for Demon in his most vulnerable state and not leaving his side, so great is his love: CHECK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you all enjoyed this little exploration of domesticity between them, ending in some more 'soft hotness' as many of you like to call their activities. The next chapter may be slower to arrive only because I'm heading back to work, but I will crank it out as soon as I can! Happy New Year everyone and thanks so much for all of your incredible encouragement!


	15. Measure for Measure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected occurrence at the Bookshop sends Aziraphale into a bit of a tailspin... leading to a difficult but important discussion with Crowley about the state of their physical relationship. Plus, Crowley opens up more than ever before about the breadth of his feelings for Aziraphale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello wonderful readers. I will not sugarcoat it... this is a difficult chapter. It was tough to write and it was tough to read and re-read for me. But as I've said in other notes, and as I believe deeply to be true, not all moments in a relationship are sunshine and softness. 
> 
> Sometimes you have to have tough talks about tough things. And, sometimes you fall into that nasty nasty trap of comparing your relationship to that of other people's. This is one of those situations. My Azi has anxiety... a few baths and brave moments in bed are not going to make it go away entirely. My Crowley is trying his best to be a supportive partner... sometimes he is just not going to be able to hold his own emotions in.
> 
> I promise there is softness throughout and as always, they are going to be ok... MORE than ok... because it's the kind of talk they need to have to move them forward yet again.

The instant Crowley walked into the Bookshop he sensed something was amiss. 

When you spend several millennia in the act of fomentation, you get a distinct sense when entering a space if disturbances are already present. For a moment he was on high alert, concerned his Angel was hurt, or if someone or something from their head offices had paid the bookshop a visit. 

Fortunately, when he came around the corner to the back room, his Angel was seated alone in his favorite chair, quietly sipping tea and staring at what must have been a very interesting patch of bookshelf given his fixed expression. 

"Heya Angel." 

The Angel nearly spilled his tea with a start at Crowley's greeting. "Oh! Oh, my dear hello… um… welcome… how um… how was your morning?" 

Aziraphale stood to kiss Crowley and the rattle of the tea cup against its saucer painted a clear picture of his anxiety. Instead of leaning in for the kiss, Crowley took the Angel's hand and wrist in his own to still the trembling. He still had his sunglasses on but managed to look at his Angel intently. 

"Angel what's wrong? Did something happen? You're shaking like a leaf… did one of the other Angels visit? Or one of my lot?" 

"Oh, no my dear, its nothing like that just… I'm sure I'll be alright in a moment I just um… Something happened earlier with some customers and… oh it's all so ridiculous I thought I was past some of these anxieties of mine and… I guess I'm just not and… oh Crowley… Crowley I'm not… I'm no good for you love… I can't imagine why you want a relationship with me at all I'm nothing but an anxious fool…" 

With those last shuddering words, Aziraphale let go of the tea cup and it shattered to the floor as he descended into tears. He gripped Crowley's shoulders and buried his face into his chest heaving and crying. Crowley hadn't seen anything like it since the night of their first big talk at the start of their new arrangement. He immediately wrapped his Angel in a fierce embrace. He was absolutely terrified as to what had brought Aziraphale to such a strong state of anxiety… they'd only been apart for a few hours. 

It had been two weeks since the end of Crowley's shed, and they had been lovely. London was getting ready for Christmas and starting to light up with festive cheer. They'd spent nearly every moment of it together enjoying quality time in both of their flats; cooking, drinking, watching movies, gardening, organizing and cataloguing Adam Young's additions to the resurrected bookshop, snuggling like they had to make up for 6,000 years of not snuggling, and even adding a few new lovely things to Crowley's checklist: 

Angel giving Demon a hickey on his neck (and acting super embarrassed that he had, making the Demon laugh): CHECK  
Spooning clothed on the couch: CHECK   
Washing one another's hair in the bath: CHECK 

Their physical/sexual relationship hadn't moved much farther forward beyond those new developments, but as usual, Crowley didn't mind or even feel much of a desire to push. And, he hadn't seen any signs that the Angel was getting antsy either. The two of them were giving each other love and getting each other off, and Crowley was allowing himself to just enjoy each day as it came. They had all the time in the world and they were already so much farther ahead than he'd thought they'd be. 

So, these tears amongst broken shards of teacup were especially crushing to the Demon as he did his best to rock and sooth his Angel to the point where Aziraphale could tell him what was wrong. 

"Angel… Angel whatever it is you can tell me… we can talk through it… we can get through anything you and I, eh? You should cry if you need to though… I hate to see you in tears, but I want you to get all of this out. I love you." 

Crowley heard a very muffled 'I love you too' spoken into his chest just to the side of his heart, and the puff of Aziraphale's warm breath helped to relax the Demon's own panic just a little. 

"Angel, I'm going to let go of you for a moment so I can fix your teacup, and then I'd like to sit with you on the couch if you're amenable… you can tell me what's going on or you can keep letting your emotion out. Does that sound alright?"

Aziraphale inhaled a mighty sniffle and then pulled away, wiping his eyes and nodding. Crowley snapped his fingers and the teacup reappeared on the table in front of the couch full of fresh steaming tea just as Aziraphale took his seat on the couch. Crowley sat next to him and saw that Aziraphale had his face in his hands… something else he hadn't seen in a very long time that crushed his heart and sped up his pulse at the same time. What was the Angel going to tell him? How bad was this about to be? He took off his glasses so he could see Aziraphale's eyes properly. 

"Angel, do you want me to hold you? Or at least hold your hand? You could put your head in my lap if you'd like?" 

Surprisingly, Aziraphale looked up at that last suggestion, nodding gently. Crowley quickly grabbed the pillow next to him and placed it on his lap; both shifting until the Angel was lying on his side, head on the pillow. Crowley was a little worried at this position, only because it meant Aziraphale was staring out across the room and not up into his eyes, but he figured it might be easier for the Angel to say what he needed to say if he didn't have to look directly at the Demon. Crowley gently ran his hand up and down the Angel's arm and shoulder, his other hand in his platinum locks gently rubbing the scalp beneath. 

As Aziraphale scrunched his eyes shut and tried to slow his breathing, it occurred to Crowley that this was the first time the Angel had laid in his lap since that long night many weeks prior; where he'd given Aziraphale the massage to his head and face… just a few hours before their first kiss and a few hours after a disastrous misstep in their touch journey. As he did on that night, he tried to make his touches to Aziraphale comforting and thoughtful in the hope his Angel would open up about his distress. 

After a few long minutes of Crowley stroking his hair and giving him the time to get the rest of his tears out, Aziraphale wiped his face and glanced up at Crowley a moment before looking out ahead of him and heaving a weighted sigh. 

"I know you'll tell me not to apologize Crowley, but, I'm just sorry to have had such a strong emotional reaction to something so silly… I probably have you scared half to discorporation and what I'm about to tell you seems so small…" 

"Apologizing when you don't need to AND calling your feelings silly Angel? Whatever it is that made you weep like this just now can't possibly be small. And you know I accept your anxiety as part of being with you, and I know your anxiety can be triggered by all sorts of occurrences. I can't say I love when these moments happen, but I am always going to do my best to help you through them… or… if I can't help, I can at least listen. I love you, Angel… please tell me why you're upset? You said something happened earlier while I was out, yes?" 

Aziraphale closed his eyes again as if envisioning what happened earlier that day, let out a sigh, and started his story as Crowley continued to gently pet the Angel's hair and shoulder. 

"This, this lovely couple came into the bookshop. Two men. They seemed to be in their mid-twenties. They were very much in love. I could sense it wafting off of them throughout the shelves. It was actually quite a lovely presence in which to be. I asked if I could help them and they claimed to just be browsing, so I went back to my desk. Then… well… in addition to… love emanating from them… there was suddenly… heat… and lust… and although I couldn't see them, I could tell they were doing, well… something slightly inappropriate to be done in a business open to the public. But… it didn't seem right not to let them know I was aware of what they were doing… and, as I turned to just cough and hopefully encourage them to take their feelings for each other elsewhere… I… I saw their reflection in one of the windows of the shop…"

Crowley wasn't completely sure where this was going but wanted to get to the root of Aziraphale's distress. "Was what you saw, in the reflection, the thing that made you upset, Angel?" 

"Oh… it's… slightly more complex than that dear. But I… in the reflection… they were kissing... and I saw one of the men with his hands… um… up and under his partner's shirt… and the other… oh goodness… he appeared to have his hand… um… down the front of the other man's trousers."

Crowley decided that this would be a very bad moment to make a joking comment about how these two humans were essentially acting out a fantasy he'd had for nearly a century about him and the Angel getting frisky in the bookshop during business hours. 

"Alright Angel, was… was seeing them in that state the thing that gave you anxiety?" 

"Not exactly dear… well… partly. Just a second after I saw them, the man with his hand down his partner's trousers was starting to… oh goodness… kneel down in front of him, and then I did indeed let out a rather loud cough… more to let them know I was nearby than anything else. And, well they stopped what they were doing and shuffled out of the bookshop quite quickly after that." 

"Aziraphale, are you upset about interrupting them? Because I don't think you should be. It's like you said… your bookshop is open to the public, and there certainly isn't a sign on the door saying, 'Come in for a Shag'. It isn't wrong for you to subtly suggest they find somewhere else to be." 

"I know dear, but… I sensed… just a touch of shame from them as they left… and I certainly didn't want them to feel that way because of my reaction. And I most certainly didn't want them to think I disapproved of their actions because they were both men."

"Oh, Angel… I'm pretty sure whether they were men, women, a man and a woman, non-binary or even zebras for that matter you would have still given them a 'please don't fuck in my bookshop while I'm sitting here' polite cough. Those two chose to go to that level of PDA in what is essentially your home and you have a right to express personal discomfort at that choice." 

"And see Crowley that… that was the thing I couldn't get out of my head after they'd gone. That was the thing that actually started to upset me. The love I sensed between them… it was very much similar to the love I feel for you. Comfortable but also exciting and new and different than it used to be. I could sense a deep friendship between them that had blossomed into something more. And… that love… and that sense of… wanting… between them, was so strong that they just… they didn't care that they were in my shop and that I was right around the corner. They… wanted and needed each other so badly that they couldn't wait to be somewhere else… they just had to touch and feel and please each other right there in my shelves." 

Tears were starting to prick at Aziraphale's eyes again, and Crowley still wasn't completely sure where his Angel was going with all of this… he tried to continue his comforting touches despite the fact that his own heart was starting to thunder with suppressed anxiety. 

"Crowley I… I found myself feeling so envious of them. They were feeling the same sorts of feelings I have for you but felt no need to suppress acting on them, no anxiety about their contact with each other. They risked being caught, being judged, and still didn't hesitate. Why can't I do that yet Crowley?" 

As the Angel spoke, Crowley could feel him practically shaking against him… he found himself gripping onto his Angel's shoulder in an effort to steady and support him. 

"They did something practically in public that I can't even think about doing in the privacy of our beds without trembling. Why does there need to be… a… a layer of clothing between us for me to feel comfortable with you touching parts of my body with your hands? You talk about how we've come so far and done so much, but… why do I feel like I've hardly scratched the surface? Why do I think about all the things you and I haven't done yet with each other… and there are so many… and get filled with worry… even though you assure me nearly every day that you are satisfied? Why… why isn't my want of you enough to break through my fears?" 

With that last sentence, Aziraphale started to cry again, his face turned into the pillow in Crowley's lap. Crowley felt tears welling up in his own eyes, and, because he just didn't know what else to do, he brought his face down to his lover's shoulder and did his best to wrap his arms around him. His mind felt like a flip book, going through every word in his vocabulary and trying to piece his thoughts together into cohesive things to say to Aziraphale. 

While everything his love had said made sense to him, it felt like so much; his fears were so big, his worries so wide, he found himself terrified he'd say the wrong thing and make the whole situation worse. The only thing he could think to do first, was to try to get Aziraphale to face him.

He lifted his head from the Angel's shoulder, feeling a lurch in his stomach when he saw how his tears had left stains on the baby blue shirt where he'd rested his head. He did his best to push down his own sadness, knowing he needed to be strong for Aziraphale in this dark moment.

"Angel… I know you're upset, and it's alright that you're upset… but do you think you can turn on your back and look up at me? Take all the time you need, but I want to look into your eyes before I say anything else to you." 

Aziraphale's eyes were still shut, but he took the time to nod slightly and seemed to be trying hard to steady his breath and calm his own nerves. Crowley continued to stroke his hair gently, hoping it was helping to sooth him. Finally, after a about 5 minutes, the Angel turned his body so he was lying on his back, head still on the pillow, and he tentatively opened his eyes to look sadly upon Crowley. 

The Demon made sure he had a sweet smile showing when those Angel eyes opened, and let out a shaky but sincere, "Hello, Angel." 

Aziraphale let out a something between a laugh and a sob in response, but returned the smile with a quiet "Hello, Crowley." 

"I love you." 

He almost regretted saying it, because a couple of fresh tears rolled down Aziraphale's cheeks when he responded, "I love you too dear." 

"May I kiss these tears away Angel, please?" 

The Angel's bottom lip quivered as he nodded 'yes' to his Demon, and Crowley brought his lips down to kiss the spots on his cheeks where the tears were lingering… daring to be playful enough to poke the tip of his tongue out to get rid of the second one. When he brought his head back up, Aziraphale was smiling despite the sadness lingering in his gaze. The Angel had his hands laced and resting on his chest, and Crowley gingerly placed his hand on top of the Angel's giving them a squeeze… his other hand still petting at his platinum locks. 

"You're still here, Crowley." 

"Of course I'm still here Angel… why on earth, heaven and hell would I be anywhere else?" 

"Because I'm an anxious mess of a thing. Because every time I take a step forward I seem to take a massive leap back. Because I'm not showing you the kind of physical attention you deserve from a partner." 

"I don't feel that way at all, Angel… I swear to you on all that I am…" 

"We've been together in this new 'arrangement' for months now, and I haven't even let you rest your hand against my chest without clothing in between the two… let alone… all the other things two people should be doing when they're in a romantic relationship…" 

"SHOULD be doing, Angel? Who says what the two of us SHOULD be doing as part of our physical relationship?" 

"There… there was just something about that couple, Crowley. The pleasure they took in each other… the… boldness of their love. I just… I couldn't help but feel that's where you and I should be. Setting location aside… you should have a partner who can't help but pounce on you when you return from being out for a morning. Someone who doesn't feel so crushed by their own doubts that they cannot act on their feelings…" 

"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt." 

Aziraphale's eyebrows shot up at the Demon's words. "'Measure for Measure'…?" 

"You read it to me years ago Angel… one of our drunken nights… I think I had started an argument with you that I liked Shakespeare's comedies because they were just silly plays without any serious things to contemplate… fluff... and so you read me 'Measure for Measure.' I've never forgotten that line… mostly because I allowed my doubts that you would ever return my feelings of love for you to keep me alone and without my Angel for thousands of years."

Aziraphale's gaze gained a saddened understanding, mixed with moved surprise that Crowley had remembered the play, and the feelings it evoked. 

"Angel, doubt is a powerful thing, and it's something you and I very much have in common. I doubted that you could ever find a way to love me in return and I allowed that doubt to torture me worse than anything I endured in hell. And no amount of love I had for you, no matter how much it grew over time, was enough to squash those doubts enough for me to act… until a few months ago. So please, believe me when I say, I have some idea of how you feel right now." 

Aziraphale sandwiched Crowley's hand against his chest between his own, holding onto him tightly as he continued. 

"Angel, I know you have doubts and I know you have fears and anxieties, and it is a perfectly normal, very human thing actually, to compare your relationship to another and wonder if your own measures up. But like I've been saying since Armageddon… we're on our own side, you and me. We get to decide what our words and actions mean, we don't have to answer to anyone anymore. We do things at our pace and of our own decision. There is no 'should' in that part of our relationship, only what we want and need and are ready for… there is only what we 'consent' to do."

Crowley could feel some of the tension in Aziraphale's body start to slip away. He felt his love's body relax more into his own, his head sink more into the pillow, the fear in his eyes draining along with the tears. 

"Aziraphale I let my doubts push me into complete inaction for literal millennia. You have been steadily chipping away at yours every day since this new 'arrangement' began. The night you panicked over my grabbing your hands… you held my hand palm to palm before we said goodnight. The night you panicked because I touched your belly when we hugged… you let me kiss that same belly just a few hours later. The morning you woke up with your first erection considering having me miracle it away… you gave me the honor of being preset for your first orgasm mere minutes later. You are not allowing your doubts to crush you so much that you don't move forward." 

"But love there's still so much… so many things we haven't done or tried… and I know that I'm the reason we haven't… I worry what we've done hasn't been enough for you…" 

"Angel, I have been grateful and thrilled for everything we have done together. Every last piece of it from holding your hand to making you come has been more than I ever thought I would get the joy of experiencing. Angel… this summer… I thought I had lost you forever… and… and you just can't say that you're not enough for me… you can't say that the things you do for me and the way you touch me isn't enough… Because you are my EVERYTHING… and when your bookshop was burning I thought… I thought I'd never SEE you ever again fuck all to TOUCHING you ever again… Angel… Angel please…" 

The Demon suddenly found himself unable to speak, the emotion caught in his throat and the tears welled up and there was nothing he could do to stop them as they began to run down his cheeks. Aziraphale responded by sitting up, turning and wrapping his arms around him in a fierce embrace, both of them crying into the other's shoulder as they clutched at the fabric of each other's jackets. 

It was the kind of crying that felt like a cleansing the moment it started. It was the kind of crying that felt like relief despite the draining of energy it took to let the emotions out. It was the kind of crying that made one want to hold someone so tight they literally merged into one. And eventually, as their tears began to subside, it became the kind of crying that turns into gentle kisses, hands in hair, thumbs brushing across corners of eyes, and stroking the backs of necks… because it wasn't the kind of crying that ends things… but the kind that reminds one that the other is very much worth the tears. 

Eventually they pulled each other into a gentler hug, holding and rocking the other until they mutually quieted. It was Aziraphale who pulled away to look into Crowley's eyes first. 

"My Crowley. I love you so much my dear. And… I'm sorry for the pain you felt in those moments in the bookshop when you thought I might be gone. Even though I know it wasn't my fault I got discorporated. It was so frightening for both of us… and I'll forever be grateful to Adam for bringing me back to you in this form."

"Angel. I know I've said it many times, but now I hope you have a better sense of what I really mean now when I say I'm 'satisfied' in our relationship. I am, really and truly, grateful for any moments, time, touch, words, glances, meals and more I get to share with you. When you almost lose the thing you love most, everything is precious, everything feels like a gift. And if all we had EVER done together in terms of touch had been to hold hands and stop there for eternity, I would truly be just as happy as I am now. Because I have you. That's all that matters." 

Aziraphale took Crowley's head in his hands and kissed him. It was somehow gentle and passionate at the same time… and loving above all else. 

"My dear, in the same way that you want me to stop calling my anxieties 'silly', I would very much like you to stop saying that you 'don't have a way with words'. Because… your words have made me feel safer and more secure in myself and our love than I think anything else could have." 

Crowley, ironically, didn't know what to say in return to Aziraphale's, so he gave him some tender pecks on the lips in response. 

"As always, Crowley, I feel much better now that we've talked. And I want you to know that I believe you. I believe that you are 'satisfied' with our relationship in all the ways you say. And, I believe that you accept my anxieties and doubts for what they are, and you still love me anyway despite them… even though you know they may never fully go away." 

"One hundred percent, Angel. And I will never ever mind taking the time to remind you of those facts when your mind betrays you into thinking I'm not happy in our relationship." 

"Thank you, my love. You know, Crowley, I think what I realized today is that, while we've made many strides together when it comes to feelings about my body… and my… experience, or lack thereof, with sexual matters… I think that third issue I told you about the night we started this new 'arrangement' is still quite true. I'm just… fearful about sex still… or… many aspects of it." 

"There's nothing wrong with fearing the unknown, Angel. You were right that night when you told me about those fears… sex can be used in terrible ways, and it is certainly possible for it to be painful or at least uncomfortable and awkward… even when you navigate it with someone you love. It is completely possible that we could try to do more things together sexually and they won't go well. We just need to make a decision together, when the time is right for us both, if discomfort or even pain is something we are willing to risk in trying to have new experiences." 

Aziraphale had not broken Crowley's gaze the entire time he spoke, and though the Angel still seemed overwhelmed, eyes still red from his tears, he nodded with a steady certainty at Crowley's words. 

"I think… as long as we keep doing our best to talk these things through… and as long as I accept that there will always be unknowns… there is still room for new strides to be made… a whole new breadth of things we may yet experience. There may indeed come a day when I am truly ready for sex with my beloved." 

"Angel, I don't really want to unpack this now, but I want to give you something to think about for a future conversation. I think… just like we made the decision about what 'Making Love' was and what those words and actions meant to us… I think we also need to make a decision together about what our definition of 'Sex' is and what that word means to us and looks like… well… in action. Does that make sense?" 

Aziraphale let out a sigh and nod at that statement. "Yes dear, I do think that's an important conversation to have." 

"Good. And, once we create that definition for ourselves, we can talk more in detail about some of those 'things we haven't done' as you call them. You can tell me which of those things sound exciting to you and which you don't think you'll ever want to try… or what you think you might want to try in the future but certainly not now. No deadlines, Angel, no 'should'… just 'want' and 'consent'… yeah?" 

"Oh my dear, you are so impossibly wonderful. Yes, yes to all you said. Look at that, sun setting already. Shall I get us some tea, dear?" 

In response to his question, Crowley popped up and pulled Aziraphale up from the couch along with him. 

"No thanks, Angel… because, instead, we are going to do something together that couple who came into the Bookshop was brave enough to do." 

Aziraphale looked shocked at Crowley, mouth about to open in protest…

"Aziraphale, you and I are going to go out in public and be romantic partners. We are going to hold hands and hug and kiss if we feel like it, and not be afraid to let other people see and feel the love wafting off of us." 

"Oh! Oh, my dear that… well… I… what did you have in mind, love?" 

"It's the first night of the Leicester Square Christmas Market. I know you love to attend every year. I'm taking you there, on a date. You and I had to be very careful about making any contact in public in the past, Angel… we were concerned about the wrong people seeing us speak. And yes, we've gone out and held hands and given quick kisses since the new 'arrangement' started but… I want to go out and enjoy the market with you on my arm and me on yours. Can we do that, love? No sneaking into rival bookshops for a snog, I promise."

Tears of a very different sort welled up in Aziraphale's eyes and he nodded with great enthusiasm at the Demon's suggestion. 

"I can't think of a more wonderful way to spend an evening, my love. And yes, let's go out tonight and just… be in love. Although, let's make very sure we bundle you up, it will be quite chilly tonight." 

With that, the Angel hurried away to his collection of hats and mittens and scarves, and Crowley let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in. It had been a difficult talk, and he had allowed some of his own walls to break down as said talk progressed. He felt drained, not exactly in the ideal mood for an evening out… but he knew one thing for certain… time with his Angel always made him feel better, no matter the circumstances. 

He loved him, and he knew this night and their future would hold many great things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go. Was that tough? It was for me... but with every fiber of my being I needed them to have that conversation. I hope at least something about their talk resonated with you for the good and that I haven't alienated anyone by taking things in that direction for a chapter. 
> 
> Next time, they'll be out and enjoying themselves in the world, as well as having that important talk about the definition of 'sex' they need to have.
> 
> Thank you as always for your extraordinary words and stories and good wishes! You're all incredible!


	16. Walking & Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A date night, a touch of naughtiness on said date night, and a lovely talk back at the bookshop that ends up being quite the opposite in nature to their previous discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings all! I've been terrible and neglected you all for a week but only because I wanted to write something really sweet to make up for the tough conversation of the previous chapter. So please, have some pure a perfect fluff with just a touch of smutty conversation at the end. It's LONG so buckle up... but I think it will also be quite lovely. Enjoy!

"Do you know their size, sir?"

"Sorry, wot?" 

Crowley was snapped out of his browsing by the question from the jewelry seller at the Leicester Square Christmas Market. The Angel had been lulled away from his side by the scents coming from an artisanal cheese monger one row over, and the Demon was taking advantage of their temporary separation to look at some rather enticing hand-hammered rings. 

"Their ring size… do you know what it is?" 

"Oh, ah… I'm not completely sure, no… but… if I were to get something I'm sure it could be… adjusted fairly easily… or something…"

"Of course sir… please let me know if there's anything I can show you up close from the case." 

"Sure… just to ask… can you make um… custom designs?" 

"Absolutely! Here, take my card… if you get me a design in the next two weeks I can even have it ready for Christmas. Would this be for a special occasion? Perhaps paired with an important question you want to ask?" the seller showed the Demon a quick smirk as they handed over the card. 

"I… um…" before he could answer, Crowley spotted Aziraphale carrying a bag from the cheese monger and clearly looking for him. He gave a quick goodbye, shoving the card in his pocket and dashing to get to Aziraphale before the Angel saw him near the jewelry stall. 

"Angel!" he shouted out happily. When Aziraphale turned to face him, Crowley's heart nearly stopped. The scene looked like something from a movie, happening in a kind of slow motion usually reserved for romantic comedies. The Angel stood in the center of a long row of merchant stalls decorated with festive holiday lights, white coat, scarf and shopping bags flaring out as he spun around, white earmuffs and matching mittens, a perfect light dusting of snowflakes stuck to his platinum hair, free arm reaching out to him… his Angel looked like something from his dreams come true. The world sped up again as Crowley walked into a sweet embrace; lips coming together in a gentle kiss, the Angel's arm wrapping around his waist, Crowley pulling away to brush some snowflakes from his brow… perfection. 

"My dear, this lovely little snowfall… is this your doing?" The Angel was positively beaming. 

"Oh, you know, just a quick demonic miracle…" 

"Mmmmm… yes these lovely gentle not too terribly cold flakes that aren't sticking to streets or anyone's car windows and not causing any harm whatsoever other than to be pretty… positively EVIL of you my sweet Demon." 

Aziraphale punctuated his teasing with a quick peck to Crowley's nose prompting him to respond with a guileless "Shaddup…" 

With giggles from the Angel, they linked arms and made their way towards a booth selling all kinds of wonderful warm drinks. The last hour had been nothing short of blissful, causing Crowley to learn that so many things he dismissed as being 'ridiculous pointless expressions of holiday commercialism' were really rather lovely when enjoyed with a friend/partner/lover. He'd never really understood the appeal of Christmas Markets in general until walking around one with the Principality Aziraphale. 

Because the Angel had attended this market every year since its creation (in the 1840s and thank goodness it was busy enough with enough merchant turnaround that no one seemed to notice he'd been going that long without aging a day), he had a strong sense of where things were located and various merchants he enjoyed visiting. He'd taken Crowley to a booth with the most fantastic cured meats and mince pies, a vendor who dealt in cacti that only flowered at Christmastime, a lovely couple who made fantastic homemade salt mixes and soaps for the bath, and the owner of the shop that sold just socks around the corner from AZ Fell & Co. was there with a wide variety of festive pairs. 

It had been lovely, and they were genuinely fulfilling their promise to have a night out to 'just be in love' without a care to being in public view. They didn't hesitate to hold hands and kiss and put an arm around the other while browsing at a booth. If anyone was staring at them, it seemed only to be for their absolute (and they would say charming) oppositeness. One dressed in nearly all white, fuzzy warm materials, rosy cheeked and beaming a smile bright enough to light the whole Market… the other in all sleek black lines, wool cap and gloves and boots, looking like he'd walked right out of a winter-wear high-fashion show in Paris. They were quite the pair, and somehow fit perfectly. 

Their love did indeed waft off of them… and seemed to have an effect on all they passed. Couples held each other a little tighter, friends who 'could be more' looked at one another in a new light, older couples found a new pep in their step, one pairing on a first date felt the sudden urge to have their first kiss, and those content to be on their own felt a blooming of greater self-confidence as they shopped to treat themselves. 

After purchasing two steaming cups of mulled wine and sipping them down as they enjoyed the general atmosphere of the market, they turned down the final and less crowded row, sighing in contentment. 

"Oh love, thank you." 

"For what, Angel?" 

"For… everything… that was… well… a difficult conversation we had earlier, but… it's one I'm glad we had." 

"I am too Angel. Look… I'm just as new at being in a relationship of this kind as you are, eh? Yes, there are loads of things I've experienced that you haven't but… I don't have all the right answers… we'll both have days like the one we had today… and we just need to be ok with that and you know… keep communicating when something's wrong." 

Aziraphale answered by planting a sweet kiss on Crowley's temple, right on top of the little snake he'd always been so fond of in that spot. 

"You are the only one I'd ever want to navigate all of this with Crowley, through the good and the difficult. You're… well, in addition to my love, you're also my best friend… and… best friends can get through anything, right?" 

Crowley answered by pretending what Aziraphale had just said didn't make him want to cry from how hideously sweet it was and giving an identical kiss to the Angel's temple.

"I suppose you can look at it that way Angel, sure." He looked into the Angel's eyes above the rims of his glasses and knew that his own had welled up… but because the Angel was also his best friend, Aziraphale didn't make note of or tease him for it. 

"Well, my Angel best friend, I am most unfortunately out of mulled wine at the moment, which is something we might want to remedy." 

"Oh yes, I'm about a sip away from being in the same boat, love." 

"Hand me your cup then, I'll go back and see if they do refills…"

"Oh Crowley…" 

"Angel?" 

"Your hands dear, what happened to your gloves?" 

"Shit… must have taken them off at some point when I was paying for something… sorry to lose them Angel I can miracle up…" 

Aziraphale looped his shopping bags onto his arm, made their cups disappear with a wave of his hand, and took Crowley's cold gloveless hands into his own. 

"Oh Crowley the gloves hardly matter I'm just worried about your poor hands. They're absolutely freezing, I can feel through my mittens." 

"Challenges of being cold blooded and poorly prepared Angel. I'll be fine I'm sure they'll warm up in a minute." Of course, now that he noticed his hands were bare, he did start to feel a chill going through his whole body and even shivered slightly as the Angel tried to rub his hands back to warmth between his snowflake-covered mittens. 

Aziraphale had a sudden strange expression on his face, his eyes darting down at Crowley's hands and somewhere off to his left. There was a slight tremble in his hands, and just as Crowley was about to ask what was wrong, Aziraphale was pulling him away from the row of stalls towards a small alley between the buildings on the other side.

As they came around a corner, where they were somewhat out of sight of the final row of market stalls but not completely, Aziraphale came to a stop, leaning against a brick wall and still staring with great unknown intention at his Demon. 

"What are we doing here Angel? Are you alright, do I need to…" Crowley pulled a hand away from Aziraphale to snap them back to the bookshop. 

"No wait! I'm… doing something 'in the moment', Crowley… I'm… not letting doubt stop me from something I want…" 

With shocking swiftness, Aziraphale flipped the tops of his mittens off to reveal the fingerless gloves underneath and reached under his scarf to undo a few of his shirt buttons above his waistcoat. Crowley was so shocked he barely had words to encourage or protest what was happening. 

"Angel, what…" 

Before Crowley could finish, the Angel took the Demon's trembling hands, and tucked them into his shirt where it had been unbuttoned, so Crowley's bare hands lay against Aziraphale's warm chest nestled in impossibly soft small curls of platinum hair. 

They both inhaled sharply at the contact; Crowley from the warmth, Aziraphale from the chill, and both from the absolute shock that it was happening. 

Bare hands on a bare chest: CHECK  
Doing something slightly naughty in a public alley: CHECK 

Crowley smiled and even let out a little laughter in his surprise and joy of the moment. 

"Angel! I'm… are you… sure you… MMPH!" 

His concern was met with a passionate kiss and an even tighter press of his hands against the Angel's chest. His whole body felt awash in warmth at the combination of the touch and the kiss, and he even felt some sparks of heat as he thought about the whole situation they were suddenly in. 

As had been the case before… the Angel had been in a state of terrible anxiety, they'd talked the situation through, and now he was taking a leap; allowing Crowley to touch his hands to his strong beautiful bare chest and not waiting until they were behind closed doors to express his love for his Demon physically. The power of communication indeed. 

The lovely moment in the flurrying snow was suddenly interrupted by a polite but loud clearing of a woman's throat. 

The celestial entities pulled away immediately turning to face not one but two women standing a few feet away from them. Fortunately, the Angel's scarf was covering the spot where his shirt was open. 

"Oh my goodness… I am so SO sorry to interrupt but, um… you left these at my stall earlier and my wife and I were just trying to find you before we packed up for the night." It was the woman from the jewelry stall Crowley had visited earlier with another woman standing right behind her smiling sheepishly. Crowley couldn't help but notice that they had a similar clothing scheme to him and Aziraphale… the jeweler dressed in all black head to toe and her wife in various beige plaid patterns. 

"Oh, ah… no trouble at all… was looking for those a moment ago actually. I'm um… Anthony, forgive the cold handshake… and this is my um… boyfriend, A.Z."

The Angel gave Crowley a quick pleased glance at the title, his cheeks turning an even darker shade of red than they had been after being 'caught' in the alley by the two women. "How do you do?" 

"Hi… we're Cat and Cora." 

"Like the chef," said the jeweler's wife.

"Wait, A.Z. like the bookshop up the street A.Z.? A.Z. Fell?" 

"Yes, that's me!" 

"Oh, and Anthony, you must be the Co.? Right?" 

All four of them laughed a bit awkwardly but genuinely as well. 

"Well, um… thanks for bringing my gloves back." 

"Sure thing. We'll stop by the bookshop sometime and say hello, maybe buy some gifts for our bookworm friends for the holidays."

"We'll try to shout 'hello' and stomp our feet real loud when we come in, so you have plenty of warning that we're interrupting." 

"CORA! I am so so sorry gents she is the WORST!" Cat gave her wife a similar playful smack on the shoulder to the kind Aziraphale often gave Crowley, prompting Cora to let out a loud "Oi!" 

The two of them walked off hand in hand, waving as they went. 

Crowley and Aziraphale turned and looked at one another… then burst into fits of laugher, leaning their foreheads together and nearly crying in their hysteria. 

"Oh Angel… I love you so much… can I please snap us back to the bookshop now?" 

"Allow me, my dear." 

A swirl of golden energy whirled around Crowley's head and then he unceremoniously flopped onto the couch in the back room of the bookshop in unison with Aziraphale. When they made eye contact, another round of laughter ensued. Aziraphale had been kind enough to dry their hair of the snowflakes and hang all their coats and other accessories away. Crowley was a little saddened to see the Angel had re-buttoned his shirt as part of his miracle transport, but he didn't want to push. 

As their laughter died down, Aziraphale reached for Crowley's hand, which the Demon took gladly. 

"Well, my dear, that was slightly embarrassing to say the least." 

"It was absolutely hilarious… serves me right for allowing a naughty Angel to drag me, an innocent Demon, into an alleyway to 'warm up his hands'… Oi!" There was no malice in the teasing or the corresponding smack, just more sweet laughter as the adrenaline that coursed through their corporations evened out. 

"Oh goodness…". Aziraphale's cheeks and ears were still quite red and not just from the cold, but he didn't seem to be distressed which made Crowley glad.

"Look at you Angel, an absolute wonder. Here you were beating yourself up over kicking some nice randy lads out of the shop for getting frisky and a few hours later you can't help but unbutton your shirt and kiss your demon where anyone can stumble upon you." 

Aziraphale's shy smile made Crowley grin like an idiot in return. "Kiss my 'boyfriend' you mean, dear?" 

"Ah, Angel, what else was I supposed to call you? My celestial lover…?" 

"No, my dear you misunderstand, I quite liked the sound of it… at least it sounded nice in the moment under those circumstances." 

"I hope they do come visit the shop… and I hope I AM kissing you in the shelves when they do." 

Before Aziraphale could answer, Crowley leaned in for a kiss, the Angel meeting him halfway. The Angel tasted faintly of the mulled wine… sweet with notes of citrus. Pulling away, Crowley wrapped his arms around Aziraphale's shoulders, tucked his face into the crook of the Angel's neck and spoke to him softly. 

"Angel… I hope you don't feel bad about what happened back there at all… I hope it didn't make you anxious… because I love that it happened… even if it was a bit unexpected to be discovered like that…" 

Aziraphale circled his own arms around Crowley and kissed his head before answering, "Oh love not at all… at least not anxious like I was earlier. And, well, I realize now that the sense of 'shame' I sensed from those two men who were here earlier wasn't really shame at all… more just embarrassment at being… well… caught. Oh Crowley, there was just something about tonight. Something that felt so different and wonderful. The whole atmosphere of where we were and your company it… well… it made me want to put your hands on me and snog you in an alley! Oh!" 

Crowley chuckled lightly as he felt a hand leave his waist and travel to the Angel's mouth. Crowley pulled away and kissed the adorably embarrassed Angel's knuckles. When Aziraphale pulled his hand away, he locked eyes with the Demon's. "Crowley… I… I didn't want to wait until we got home to show you affection… and… and show you that I still very much want to take leaps… the feelings I had, the instincts, they were just so wonderfully strong." 

Crowley surged forward to give the Angel another kiss, Aziraphale's hands traveled up the Demon's chest and stroked him gently across his pecs until Crowley pulled away.

"That's the thing Angel… the more time we spend and the more we do together… I think… the more we'll want each other. The more in-love we'll be. This 'arrangement' is still very new if you look at our shared history. I think because we've known each other as long as we have we lose sight of just how new a 'couple' we are sometimes." 

"So very true dear." Aziraphale continued to rub his hands up and down Crowley's chest, making the Demon close his eyes and hum as he gently ran one of his hands up and down the Angel's thigh in return. He still couldn't believe this kind of touch was becoming so comfortable for both of them. It was incredible to lean back and just let Aziraphale pet him like this sometimes. 

"Crowley, love?" The Angel's hands stopped, prompting Crowley to open his eyes with concern. 

"You ok, Angel?" He noticed his hand was somewhat higher on Aziraphale's thigh than he'd intended it to be and he quickly pulled it away. 

"Oh yes dear I'm fine! I'm sorry I didn't mean to discourage your touch… I just… well… I know you said you wanted to save this conversation for another night but… Well, how would you feel about talking just a little bit about… um… that definition we need to come up with?" 

"You mean our definition of sex, Angel? I mean… we certainly can… it's a subject I'm always game to discuss but… the reason I suggested it for another time was because of how upset and anxious you were earlier today, and I just didn't want to… well… have the conversation go in a direction that might make it worse…" 

"And I agreed with you earlier love… but… well… what can I say? I'm full of mulled wine and a wonderful evening and my love for you and now… well… I'm feeling brave and want to discuss the subject." 

Crowley understood where his love was coming from… sometimes a warm close night like the one they'd had made things you seemed afraid of, even hours before, seem so much more surmountable. 

"You're always brave my Angel. Alright yes… let's talk about some things… but only if you promise to tell me if you want to stop." 

"Cross my heart dear." 

"One very important question before we start… do you think this is a cocoa conversation, a tea conversation or a wine conversation?" 

"Oh, definitely wine." 

Crowley nodded and snapped a merlot he enjoyed plus two glasses into existence from the bookshop wine cellar. 

They took a moment to toast and enjoy the first sip. "Alright Angel mine… what do you want to discuss?" 

Aziraphale definitely had a look of trepidation on his face despite requesting the conversation, but he bravely pressed on. "Well… I know we talked about making love, and that is something we've certainly been doing for a couple of weeks now… but I suppose I want to talk about us having sex and how we want that to happen… and the ways it can happen… and… when we think we want to try to make it happen… and what will happen while it's actually happening… and… goodness it sounds like I want to talk about many many things and this conversation could go on for some time." 

"Two things Angel. First, we do not need to figure everything out tonight. In fact, if we do try to figure everything out tonight, I am going to get immeasurably grouchy because I was looking forward to sleeping later this evening, preferably wrapped around you in some capacity in your bed." 

Aziraphale laughed lightly, the Demon's words seeming to take away a bit of his tension. 

"And second, I'm interested to hear why you think we're not having sex already…" 

At that statement, Aziraphale's eyes flew open and he was almost huffy as he responded. 

"Well… my dear… we… well we haven't had sex yet… as least not to my understanding of what sex actually is. There's been no… well… penetration of any kind… oh goodness…" 

Crowley made a mental note of Aziraphale's slight discomfort with the word 'penetration' as the Angel gathered himself and continued. 

"As I've said dear, I have no practical experience, but I do have a concept of sexuality and virginity and matters of that nature from what I've read and even in some cases observed and… well I don't believe we've been having sex… at least… I don't think so…" 

"Angel you say we've been making love for weeks and I agree with you. But tell me this… if someone were to ask you what the most… for lack of better phrasing, "advanced" sexual experience we've had together so far, what would you tell them we have done?" 

"Well I would start by telling them they are being very forward and it's none of their business." 

They both had a nice laugh at that one as they took a moment to sip their wine. 

The Angel continued, "And… I suppose if I was being purely clinical I would say… we are giving each other orgasmic release through manipulation with our hands." 

"So… hand jobs…" 

"Crowley!"

"It's what they're called Angel! We have to call things what they are… or at least find vernacular that isn't quite so dense as what you used just now to say we rub each other off." 

"Those words just don't sound very romantic…" 

"And 'orgasmic release through manipulation' does?" 

The Angel sighed, "Touché, dear." 

"Alright Angel, so, granted it's been without penetration, but we have been getting each other off? Right?" 

"Yes, we have, and it has been lovely." 

"But you don't think of those actions as sex?" 

"Well… I… well now I'm not sure…" 

"Apologies for using them as an example but, Cat and Cora, that lovely couple who interrupted us. Let's say the only physical romantic activity they've ever had in their lives has been with each other, and, the sexual activity they engage in as a couple involves zero penetration… because not everyone is in to that sort of thing. In other words the only thing they do together is 'orgasmic release through manipulation'… are you saying Cat and Cora don't have sex? That they're both 'virgins'?" 

"Goodness… well… well no… no that assessment doesn't seem quite right at all now does it?" 

"To be honest Angel, even as time has gone on and attitudes have changed and evolved and then changed and evolved yet again… 'virginity' continues to be a really REALLY messed up concept… in lots of ways. At least in my opinion… dunno… it's always been one of those things that sort of bothered me."

"How so, dear?" 

"Too many to count, especially if I want to sleep tonight. But, if I had to sum it up I don't like the way virginity and worth are related to each other. I mean, look at you Angel… you have tremendous anxiety about physical and sexual touch between us… and you love and trust me. I can't imagine you defining yourself as a 'virgin' doesn't play into your insecurities." 

Aziraphale looked thoughtfully at Crowley, and also a little bit sad. 

"I suppose you're right love… my insecurities around my lack of sexual experience have most definitely held me back. Are… are you saying my concerns aren't unique?" 

"Oh Angel, not at all! So many humans get nervous and fearful that they aren't 'good' at sex or experienced enough… I'm sure even you know there's a lot of 'how to be good in bed' literature out there… but honestly, I'm thankful you haven't read any of it because the vast majority is absolute rubbish."

"Despite my inexperience, I still managed to sense that what you say is true, dear. If only by the titles… "Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus"? how preposterous! Well… then… what, in your opinion dear, does make one… good at sex?" 

"You are already good at sex Aziraphale." 

The Angel looked confused and managed to redden up with tremendous swiftness at the Demon's declaration. 

"Angel, you would know if I was blatantly lying to you? Right?" 

Aziraphale was still a bit flustered but nodded in response to Crowley's question. The Demon took a moment to kiss him on each of his reddened cheeks before continuing. 

"Angel it's not really about being 'good at sex' in some broad general way, it's about learning your partner and their preferences and being with someone who wants to learn yours in return. And, Angel, you are absolutely, with all that you are, trying to be a good partner to me."

"Oh love, you… you promise that's how you feel… despite my slow speed?" 

"Aziraphale, I promise that is how I feel. How couldn't I? You're a quick study… so in a relatively short time you've become a phenomenal kisser, you touch my body in ways that drive me wild, you observe the way I touch myself, so you can take over with what I like, and if you don't know what to do, you are more than willing to let me show you. I am not exaggerating that you are giving me the best sexual experiences of my long 'experienced' life. You care about my pleasure and you truly love me. You push through your own insecurities and fears all the time to move us forward even though you still feel like you're holding back. And when it comes to all those things we haven't done, I know that once we keep trying and learning and consenting, you'll be good at all of them too. Not just good, extraordinary."

Aziraphale crashed into him with one of those phenomenal kisses, hands in his hair and pulling him closer, causing Crowley to moan against his lips and whimper slightly when the Angel pulled away. 

"Oh… my dear… please, um… can we talk about a few things and then… perhaps… head to bed?" 

Crowley barked out a laugh at the request, then pecked his Angel on the lips before asking, "Alright then… so… let me ask you this… what are some things you would like to do to help you feel just a little more like you and I are 'having sex' as opposed to 'making love'? We decided 'making love' for us is a lot of lovely touching and kissing and an orgasm or two through 'manipulation with our hands.' So… What could we do together that would make you feel like we're making leaps forward in our sex life?" 

"Well… I… and not to say tonight is the night but… I do think I need… for myself… to be able to be completely naked with you in bed… not just the bath… and… willing and wanting to let you touch all of me with your hands. No barriers."

"Alright… well… you made a big move on that front tonight already with warming up my hands against that warm beautiful chest that I'm so fond of… so I don't think we are too terribly far away from that scenario."

"And… I think… even though I'm not fully sure how possible this is… I like the idea of us having um… orgasms simultaneously. Or, close to simultaneously. How… how possible is that?"

Aziraphale was clearly fighting some nerves in this conversation, but Crowley was genuinely impressed by how specific the Angel was trying to be about what he wanted. 

"In my experience, coming at the EXACT same time can be elusive… loads of factors in play, but there are plenty of things to do where the goal is for us to have the release very close together. Is it that you like the idea of us both being in a state of 'splendor' at the same time, Angel?" 

Aziraphale nodded sweetly, and leaned his head on Crowley's shoulder settling against his side. Crowley put his arm around the Angel's shoulders and kissed the top of his head. 

"It's certainly a fine goal to have Angel, so long as you don't feel disappointed if it isn't to-the-second, yeah?" 

"Of course dear… I just mean… I like the idea of us feeling those intense feelings together and… holding each other in the aftermath. So… what are some ways we can achieve that with our current corporations and efforts?" 

"Well, Angel… you know I like my lists… shall I list some things we could do together?" 

Aziraphale giggled at the suggestion and snuggled even more against his Demon's side. 

"Please." 

"Alright, stop me if it gets overwhelming… or, even beyond that, do you want to give me some kind of rating for how interested you are in the suggestions I give?" 

"Oh what an interesting idea dear! You mean a scale of 1-10?" 

Crowley giggled wickedly, partially from the wine they'd drunk and also with his terribly clever idea. 

"How about this… if you REALLY want to try something, say 'Crepes'. If you sort of like the idea of something but have concerns or questions, say 'Tadfield.' If you want to try something but at some point farther in the future say 'Nutter'. And If you absolutely NEVER want to do something, say 'Gabriel'… Oi! Alright I probably deserved that smack…"

"Fine fine… we will go with your silly system, Demon."

"Thank you, I thought it was terribly clever. Ok, things that can get two celestial entities off together… Well, if we still aren't quite to the point where you want full body touch, we can be next to each other in bed and wank at the same time, or we could wank each other off at the same time. That might actually get us pretty close to the mutual splendor you're seeking."

"Crepes!" Aziraphale's fingers were fidgeting a bit but it appeared to be more with excitement than nervousness. "Yes dear that does sound lovely, and something I'd be comfortable with right away… well… I mean… when the mood strikes…" 

"Cheeky Angel… alright… now here's a bit of a graduation from that. Does the word 'Frottage' mean anything to you?"

"Oh yes! I have a many volumes of artwork of that nature." 

"Artwork?" 

"Yes… frottage is when you do a rubbing of an object such as a leaf or flower with paper and charcoal or perhaps a pastel to create an image of the object under the paper …" 

"Angel you might need another bottle of wine after I tell you this but… Frottage has another meaning." 

"How so, love?" 

"Well… it involves rubbing alright. There are several versions… but it's basically when two people rub against each other until one or both orgasm… and those people can be clothed… or not clothed as the case may be."

"Oh… oh that is a very different definition indeed! Um… well… I supposed my answer is Tadfield." 

"Fair enough, what are your concerns?" 

"Well, the clothed version sounds a bit messy and I wonder if that kind of friction can be unpleasant depending on what one is wearing."

"Not completely unfounded concerns… in my experience it's one of those 'in the moment' sort of things but doesn't have to be. If we were both wearing our regular pajamas I bet it would be quite nice." 

Aziraphale hummed in response, leading Crowley to assume this was leaning more towards Crepes than Tadfield. 

"Um… Crowley… for the not-clothed version…" 

"Yes, Angel…" 

"I have a question, and my concern will depend on the question's answer…" 

"Fire away, Angel." 

"If we were to be… unclothed when we did this, and had the efforts we have now… am I correct in assuming that 'frottage' would be the act of us um… rubbing our efforts together?"

Crowley waited a beat for Aziraphale to get embarrassed and cover his mouth… but it didn't happen… which he took to be quite a promising reaction from the Angel. 

"Yes Angel… that's basically what it would be. If you want details, which I think you'd appreciate in this case, I would probably miracle up the almond and cherry seed oil we like, and I'd take both of our efforts into my hand and rub them together. We'd be in a position where both of us were comfortable, and you could even be the one to… well… guide us along if you wanted." 

"I um… understand dear… um… the only thing that would keep me from being fully committed to that idea is being ready to take all of my clothes off with you. But, as you said… I don't think we are very far away from that point. So, let's just say that when I do, I would like to do that very much. So… my answer is 'nearly Crepes'! 

Crowley laughed at how purely adorable that final response was and curved his head around to kiss his Angel's lips. "I love you so much. And yes, all of that sounds good to me, Angel. Ok, now do you want to talk about other means of having sex that don't involve penetration or do we move on to that category of activity?"

"How many other forms on non-penetrative sex are there dear?" 

"Well, there's playing with sex toys, like vibrators and…" 

"Nutter! I mean… that sounds like… oh I don't know Crowley I'm not totally against the idea but…"

"You don't need to explain, Angel, we can put whatever you want in whatever category you want. There's intercrural sex, which is in the frottage family, basically where you rub your erection between a partner's thighs." 

"Is there a category for not being against something but it doesn't directly jump out as appealing?" 

"'Heaven'?" 

Crowley braced for a smack but instead got a lovely belly laugh from his Angel, and he gladly joined in. 

"Oh my sweet serpent… fine, 'Heaven' to that one then…" 

"And then, of course, there is oral sex, which can be both penetrative and non-penetrative." 

"Yes… that is a Tadfield, but definitely bordering on Crepes because… well… I admit it is something I have thought about doing and the concept sounds as though it can be very pleasurable." 

"For many it's their favorite and most pleasurable form of sex… but of course there are others who don't care for it at all… you never know Angel." 

"Indeed, dear. My concern is that this act seems to… well… require a bit more um… skill… than other things we have discussed." 

"Hmmmm… skill is a strange word Angel… again we are moving into 'good at sex' territory with that. I would say it takes more 'care' than 'skill'… a touch more attentiveness is required…"

"Yes, one needs to be careful about the placement of teeth and the enthusiasm of their actions lest the gag reflex is activated." 

If Crowley had been holding a wine glass, he absolutely would have dropped it to the floor. Aziraphale must have felt the Demon stiffen in shock against him because he let out a reassuring laugh.

"Don't forget my dear, I was a member of a discreet gentleman's club at one point while someone was taking a very long nap." 

"We were fighting I was beside myself I'm over it now and I love you now tell me who told you about teeth and gag reflexes, please." 

"As I've said before, I'm not ignorant of many parts of the actual mechanics of sexuality, and although I never partook personally I certainly overheard some interesting conversations and even walked into a room I shouldn't have walked into once or twice in my time there." 

"Understood. Well, Angel you are right that there are mechanics involved and I think it's one of those things we could talk out in detail while trying it for the first time… or… one of us would do the talking… the other would be a bit occupied… Oi!" 

With that, Crowley did get the playful smack… the Angel could be unpredictable… Crowley loved that about him. 

"Well, my dear this has all been quite informative… and… I don't know that I'm ready to talk about, um… acts of penetration or rather intercourse yet if that's alright…" 

"Perfectly fine love… we have a lot of new things to think about and try when you're ready. And hey, you didn't say 'Gabriel' to anything I suggested so that definitely makes tonight a win, eh?" 

"Indeed, my dear. Well, I know SOMEONE is going to be grouchy if he doesn't get a good night's rest." 

"Mmmmmmm… Angel loves me so, doesn't he folks?" 

With that happy hum, Crowley snapped them into their silk pajamas, rose, took Aziraphale's hands and pulled him from the couch and flush against him in a smooth motion, kissing him soundly before pulling the Angel by the hand up to the bedroom. 

Despite the fact that just hours before they'd been in each other's arms in tears, Crowley felt supremely contented. It had truly been one of their most wonderful nights as a couple… and his anticipation of what could happen now that they'd spoken in more detail about all kinds of fun things to add to the list made his head swim. He couldn't wait to see what the days and weeks ahead would bring for them. 

Affectionate winter date night: CHECK  
Frank discussion about non-penetrative sex: CHECK  
Falling even more deeply in love with the Angel today than he was yesterday: CHECK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! New things to try! And I promise they will try some of them in the next few chapters. As always, I am so grateful for your stories, comments, feelings and all the other gloriously wonderful things you share with me. Much love!


	17. In Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dream leads to some very new and wonderful experiences between the two celestial entities... with a bump or two along the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for only getting out one chapter per week... the grind at work has been rough since the holidays ended. TW for some continued body image issues that Azi faces, but I think you'll be especially pleased by the result of him facing said issues in this chapter. Also, if two human-shaped being ruthlessly tickling each other is not your thing, you might want to skip this one.

They were walking down a hallway at the Ritz, sated and happy. Aziraphale from an impressively plated beef wellington, and Crowley from champagne, a few bites off of the Angel's plate, and a shockingly well-made espresso… when Aziraphale grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket and yanked him through the doorway of a small unused banquet room, slamming the door and then slamming Crowley against said door with a searing kiss. 

Crowley didn't even have time to protest or check-in with the Angel as Aziraphale pressed the whole of his body flush against the Demon, soft strong hands yanking his shirt from his trousers so he could run his hands up and all over his bare torso underneath. The Angel moved his knee between Crowley's legs and rubbed his thigh against his quickly hardening cock, causing the Demon to moan and whine through their kiss. Crowley's own hands made their way down to the Angel's ample arse, giving him a tight squeeze and sending the Angel's thigh rutting between his legs into overdrive as he moved more and more frantically against him.

The Angel broke the kiss and just as Crowley was about to speak, Aziraphale grabbed the lapels of his jacket again, this time pulling him away from the door, gently but firmly easing him down to his knees, then effectively pushing him over at the shoulders so the Demon was lying on his back on the carpeted floor. Quick as anything Aziraphale was straddling him, rolling and grinding his hips against him and latching onto his neck to suck delicious bruises all along the sensitive skin of his throat; Angelic hands pinning Crowley's arms above his head. 

Crowley was in absolute ecstasy, grinding his hips upwards against Aziraphale's. The only word he found himself able to utter was "Angel, Angel, ANGEL… Ohhhh…" 

"Crowley? Crowley? Love? Love are you alright? Crowley!" 

Crowley felt very distinctly, and very suddenly, like he was falling back into his body. It wasn't a very pleasant feeling, given his history with 'falls' and it felt like a sharp opposite to the incredibly sexy images in his mind from just moments before. His eyes flew open and he felt himself thrashing about in a huge pile of sheets and heavy blankets, Aziraphale looking down at him and gently squeezing his shoulders.

He pushed himself up with a start, so he was facing the Angel. "Aziraphale! Is… is everything alright, are you ok? I just… I um…" He was sweating, heart thundering and Aziraphale circled his arms around his shoulders. 

"Darling Demon I'm fine! You were thrashing about in bed and moaning like you were in pain. I thought I heard my name at one point like you were searching for me. I assumed you were having a nightmare, so I woke you. Are YOU alright dear? I can feel your heart beating…" 

Crowley sighed and settled into Aziraphale's embrace, arms circling his middle. He appreciated the comfort from his Angel, but felt a bit guilty about accepting it, since he was having the exact opposite of a nightmare. Had it been a month earlier, when he was still actively hiding how aroused the Angel made him by miracling away his erections, he probably would have told a small white lie that he had indeed been having a nightmare. But the two had spoken so frankly and honestly earlier that night about sex and the future of their physical relationship that he just couldn't bring himself to fib. He pulled away from Aziraphale's hug so he could look into the Angel's gorgeous if concerned blue gaze. 

"Oh, Angel this um… this is a bit embarrassing… I'm fine, I'm more than fine. I was um, having a bit of an… erotic dream…" 

"Oh… OH! Oh, Crowley I'm… um… I'm sorry? Should I be sorry? Yes, I probably should be sorry to have interrupted something so pleasant." 

The Demon pecked his Angel's lips and brought a hand to his cheek, finger tips stroking his scalp beneath his platinum hair… Crowley knew Aziraphale loved when he touched him like this, that it could often calm him down in moments of minor anxiety. 

"No need to be sorry Angel… especially since you were my co-star in said erotic dream…" 

The moment he said it in that teasing tone, Crowley realized he might have made a terrible mistake in pushing himself to be honest. Aziraphale had indeed starred in his dream, but as the memories of the specifics of the dream started to flood back, he recalled that the Angel had been doing some very un-angelic things to him… and not just un-angelic, but things he knew his Angel was NOT ready for. He suddenly became terrified that Aziraphale would interpret his dream as Crowley's ultimate desires and feel pressured to act upon them. 

"Oh! Do you want to tell me what we were um… doing in the dream, dear?"

Snap decision time. Be completely honest with the Angel and risk upsetting him or be slightly less honest with the Angel and leave out some of the more detailed… well… details… 

"Um, we were at the Ritz…" 

"Oh, how lovely! We really should go again soon they do an absolutely wonderful holiday high tea for Christmastime." 

"Of course… um… anyway we were walking out of the dining room and then um… started kissing, and, kissing some more, and um…" 

"And apparently, we started doing things you're nervous to tell me about because you're rubbing the fabric at the bottom of your pajama top like I do when I'm nervous, dear?" 

Crowley suddenly looked down and noticed he was indeed copying the Angel's most classic habit to temper his anxiety. When he looked back up, Aziraphale had a knowing look on his face, a look that said, 'I know you're holding back and now you need to tell me the truth.' 

Crowley heaved a nervous sigh and made no move to take his fingers away from the silk fabric under his thumbs… until Aziraphale took the Demon's hands away from his black pajamas to hold his hands in his own. 

"Crowley, I love and appreciate your concerns for me and my comfort so very much. I promise I won't get upset by you describing a dream you had about me. I can't promise what my comfort will be, but I'll never get more comfortable until I confront the things that make me anxious. This bed is a safe spot for both of us… so… just tell me what you dreamed… please?" 

"You're right Angel… I'm sorry… I need to trust you more and trust that you'll still love me even if I accidentally make you uncomfortable. I just… I hate the idea of doing that Angel, by accident or otherwise." 

"I know my sweet Tensity… please don't worry…" 

"It wasn't even that crazy… we… we were walking down the hallway from the dining room and you just… grabbed me by my jacket and pulled me into one of the little ballrooms along the corridor and you… well you threw me against the wall and you were kissing me and… and grinding against me…" 

"Grinding? Is that… oh… oh never mind yes I think I can discern what that is…" 

"Yeah… it's basically what it sounds like. Um… and then, after the kissing and the grinding against the door… you um… you basically… very gently… threw me on the ground and straddled me and continued what you were doing against the door but on the floor. And that's when you shook me awake." 

Crowley looked back up into Aziraphale's eyes and was surprised to see a small smile turning at the corners of his mouth. 

"Well… um… that is quite a dream Crowley… I'm sorry I woke you from it… I'd have been interested to know what Dream Me would have done next." 

Crowley was not going to say so, but this was definitely one of those rare moments where he saw the ever so slight wickedness that lived deep within his Angel rise to the surface. It was something he had suspected all along ever since the new 'arrangement' began. Aziraphale most likely WAS the kind of Angel who would want to fulfill the fantasy Crowley had in his dream… it was just going to take him time to get to a place where he was comfortable enough to do so. Fortunately, Crowley had plenty of time. 

"Oh, believe me, Angel, I very much wanted to know too." 

At that, the wickedness vanished, replaced by the Angel's more typical shy smile. Crowley leaned in for a sweet lingering kiss. "I'm glad I can tell you what my dreams are, Angel… and they're just dreams, yeah? Not an instructional manual." 

"Well my dear, if anything your dream just sounds like a graduation of what happened last night with our… um… moment… in the alley." 

"Very true, Angel… but you and I both know you wouldn't DARE do anything to potentially tarnish our reputation at the Ritz… imagine us getting discovered in that scenario." 

"Hmmmm… I do have a long-standing relationship with that specific dining establishment… but… aren't we lucky that London is a big city… and we have so much time… and there are so many restaurants." 

Crowley gave the Angel his most scandalized look along with a hugely overdramatic gasp, causing Aziraphale to let go of the Demon's hands and start mercilessly tickling at his sides.

That was new. 

Crowley squirmed and squeaked at the attack and tried to push Aziraphale's hands away, forgetting that his Principality was both quicker and stronger than he thought. In the seconds prior to launching his counter-attack, he thought to add this lovely moment to his list of firsts. 

Tickle fight in bed: CHECK

"That's it, Angel… unless you yell 'Anthony J. Crowley' at me, I'll show you no mercy!" 

The Demon was indeed merciless. 

Despite Aziraphale's strength and valiant attempts at pushing Crowley back with one hand while launching an assault on his abdomen with the other, the Demon was able to slither away and send the Angel into a fit of delighted giggles as he tickled the backs of his knees. He swiftly avoided the Angel's playful kicks and before either of them knew it, they were a tangle of limbs and blanket and breath and laughter and fun and happiness practically rolling around in the Angel's bed. 

They didn't notice, for they were too busy with their reveries, but the wings carved into the headboard above their heads began to glow at the tips; a soft baby blue light on one side, a warm glowing yellow on the other… a celestial reflection of the celestial joy swirling around on a bed made by Angelic miracle. 

After several minutes of gleefully torturing each other's corporations on necks, sides, armpits, crooks of elbows and other sensitive places, Crowley noticed that Aziraphale's pajama shirt had rucked up a bit and he was actually gently tickling the Angel's belly… skin to skin. He was so taken aback by the realization, and the fact that Aziraphale was laughing and not asking him to stop that he let his guard down in the tickle fight. The Demon was suddenly on his back, arms pinned above his head… and Aziraphale straddling him and holding him down… essentially recreating the dream he'd been having just a short time earlier. 

Angel straddling Demon: CHECK  
Angel pinning Demon down on a bed: CHECK

Crowley was totally overwhelmed as he breathed heavily, looking up into Aziraphale's gleeful eyes. 

"Does this mean I win dear?" the Angel chuckled as his breathing slowed. 

"You may have won the match Angel, but I'm the clear winner in this position." 

It was as if something clicked and Aziraphale suddenly realized the exact position he was in on Crowley's body… and the expression that followed wasn't a good one. He immediately let go of Crowley's arms and sat up still straddling his lap, looking nervous and confused as to what to do next. 

Crowley took Aziraphale's trembling hands in his and tried to stop whatever panic might be about to ensue. "Angel, what's wrong? It's ok…" 

"I… um… I just realized I was pinning you down and… and that's something we've never talked about, so I thought… I thought I could be crossing a boundary and um… I'm thinking now that I might be a bit too heavy… on top of you like this… I'm sorry… I…" 

"Angel it's ok! It's truly ok… If YOU are uncomfortable you should climb off of me but I'm not, I promise you… and you absolutely did not overstep, though I appreciate you being concerned. And you are definitely not heavy… it actually feels so good to have you sitting on me like this. You've sat on my lap on the couch before, remember?" 

"I know dear… this just feels so different… I… I'm not sure if I'm comfortable or not… um…" 

"Then it sounds like you should climb off until you do feel totally comfortable love." 

"I'm sorry Crowley…" 

"Angel Angel PLEASE don't be sorry, go ahead and climb off and lie next to me? Does that sound good?" 

Aziraphale let out an unsteady breath filled with both relief and sadness, and once he climbed off, both entities laid on their sides, hands still threaded together, the Angel's face buried in a pillow.

Crowley let go of one hand and laid it on the back of Aziraphale's head in an attempt to comfort him. He said nothing, just giving Aziraphale a moment to process what happened. 

"Crowley this blasted BLASTED body and head of mine!" The Angel gave a muffled shout into his pillow, trembling with more anger than nervousness and Crowley ached for him… wanting to interject but pausing so the Angel could let all his feelings out. 

Aziraphale turned his head so he could look at Crowley, a look of pure frustration on his face.

"That was so lovely… everything we were doing was so wonderful and thrilling and I was completely fine… I even felt your fingertips on my stomach and I didn't care… it felt good… and then I was… on top of you and something just… and my heart started beating so fast and… just… DAMN IT ALL! Crowley why does this keep happening?!" 

Crowley thought tears would come… but they didn't… Aziraphale was genuinely upset at himself… or… rather, upset for having a negative reaction to something new between them. 

"Oh my Angel… I'm so sorry… I'm sorry your mind and body 'betray you' as you put it. But are you sure that's what's happening? Were you really enjoying yourself before? You weren't just…" 

The Angel was a little calmer, but no less upset. "No, Crowley I truly was enjoying myself. You've heard my nervous laughter and my real laughter, you know the difference dear." 

"I do… just making sure." 

"I guess I just… I don't know…" 

"Do you think you know what made you the most nervous, Angel? So we know for the future?" 

"I think it was… well… me being on top of you. I know you like my body Crowley, and, I'm so so very close to being ready to have your complete touch, skin to skin, no restrictions… but… I guess I still worry about my… well… weight… I can't imagine it's… comfortable to have a bigger…" 

"Angel I'm sorry I have to stop you. Angel you on top of me just now… THAT was my dream tonight… THAT was my fantasy that had me moaning in my sleep, remember? Aziraphale unless my body and mind are betraying me, and I am 100% certain they are not in this case, I want you on top of me… both when I'm awake and asleep." 

"I… don't want to… make you physically uncomfortable though… I don't want to… crush you…"

"I've dreamt of you becoming my Angelic blanket for millennia, Angel… of being literally engulfed by your love… wrapping my arms and legs around you and your warmth zapping every chill out of my cold-blooded body. When you feel ready and confident, I can't wait for what just happened to happen again. And, on the off off OFF chance I ever felt uncomfortable in that scenario, I would tell you, or, even better, I would just roll you over so you could have a turn at having someone you love on top of you."

Some of the frustration and sadness left the Angel's gaze; it was as if he was imagining Crowley's description of them literally rolling around together in bed. 

The Angel sighed quietly and leaned into the Demon's hand on his cheek. "That sounds so wonderful Crowley. I admit that… I've thought about you um… lying on top of me as well on occasion. Everything we talked about last night sounds so wonderful too. I wish every part of this blasted corporation would comply with what I want."

"Hey, be nicer to that corporation of yours, yeah? Because I love it, every part. I especially loved learning how ticklish it is behind the knees just now." 

Aziraphale's playful smile from earlier started to peek through. "Wiley Old Serpent, torturing innocent Angels… you're just trying to get another commendation from your former employer."

"Bastard Angel, abusing the rib cages of innocent Demons while they're trying to rest in bed… you just want a new flaming sword." 

Crowley darted a wicked look down to Aziraphale's knees and then back to his blue eyes… it was meant as a request for permission to try again. 

"Crowley, don't you dare…" 

"You're supposed to call me by my FULL name to call off my ministrations in this scenario, Angel." 

"Oh… Oh I'm aware, dear." 

Before Crowley could fully process Aziraphale's words, two Angelic hands thrust forward to launch a counter-attack on the Demon's ribs again. They almost immediately fell back into a cascade of uncontrollable giggles and tickling touches all over their bodies. Crowley was a little more cautious this time, willing himself to pay greater attention to the Angel's face and body language to make sure he didn't push him into a place of accidental discomfort again. But Aziraphale was losing tension and worry from his body as their fun continued… he seemed determined to try this new experience with his love again, and to will the anxieties inside of him to stay away. Crowley wasn't sure what the result would be, but he was so proud of him for trying; he was just so fully blown away by his bravery. 

Crowley decided to try and give Aziraphale a little more conscious control over how this next fight would end and after a few more minutes of exquisite play, suggested, through ragged breath "You know… Angel… you could just… AH!... Let me win…" 

"Ha! What… does you winning… look like dear?" 

"Me, climbing on top of you… if that's something you really want…" 

Aziraphale's tickling had a momentary pause before continuing as he went for Crowley's stomach, and he raised his eyes to meet his Demon's. 

"I think if you… EEEP!... tried to do so now, I'd be… flustered enough to cry out your full name…" 

The Angel's eyes were beaming with excitement, even if there was a tremble to his body beyond the constant movement of their tickle fight. Keeping eye contact, Crowley gently went for Aziraphale's collarbones, ever so slightly pushing him back with his fingertips, until the Angel was on his back on the bed. Crowley swung his leg over Aziraphale's lap to sit on him, fingers moving to the Angel's neck just as he heard his love cry out "Anthony J. Crowley!"

With laughter and deep breaths coming out of both of them, Crowley laid his hands flat on Aziraphale's shoulders and the Angel brought his own hands to the tops of Crowley's thighs; both of them resting, comfortable and content as they tried to get control of their breathing and relax heir thundering hearts. 

As Crowley was still catching his breath and controlling his laughter, it was Aziraphale who piped up, with an unexpected heat in his voice, "Oh… oh this… this IS nice… isn't it?" 

Crowley opened his eyes, looked down, and let out a gasp. His Angel looked stunningly beautiful. Hair mussed, pajamas disheveled, a lovely flush to his cheeks and throat where his pajama top was open at the top button. 

"Yes Angel… yes it's very very nice." 

"Is it um… what you imagined it would be like, dear?" 

"Even better Angel." It was. Crowley had sat on the Angel's lap on the couch in the bookshop for a few brief moments but had never straddled him like this. The Demon closed his eyes and sighed in pleasure as Aziraphale gently ran his hands up and down his silk-clad thighs. He took a moment to savor the plushness of Aziraphale's hips between his bony knees and the warm comfort of sitting on his strong thighs. It took everything within him not to rock his hips against his Angel in pleasure… and as those very words 'rock' and 'pleasure' entered his thoughts, he suddenly realized that in the midst of their tumble in bed, he'd gotten hard. 

Before he could address it, he opened his eyes and noticed Aziraphale looking in the general direction of his pelvis, the hands that had been stroking his legs stilled. 

"Um, Crowley?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Um… forgive me for being forward dear… but is um… is that your effort I feel? Against my belly?" 

"Um… yes… it is… I guess I really enjoyed all this rolling around in bed with you. Um… does it bother you Angel? To feel it?" 

Aziraphale's breath seemed to be quickening, and Crowley was preparing himself to climb off of his love, but the Angel looked up at him with genuine pleasure and trust in his eyes.

"No love, no it doesn't bother me… it um… feels… nice… OH!" 

Up shot one of the Angel's hands to his mouth, causing both of them to gently laugh at the knee-jerk reaction. After the moment passed, Aziraphale returned his hand to Crowley's thigh and moved his mouth like he wanted to ask something but couldn't bring himself to do it. 

"What is it, Angel?" 

"Oh Crowley will you… will you please come down here and kiss me? Um… in the position you're in now?"

Snogging while Straddling: CHECK 

Crowley leaned down and kissed him with complete abandon, hands in his platinum hair. They were flush against each other, and Aziraphale's hands and well-manicured nails were tracing delicious patterns all up and down his Demon's back, shoulders and sides. Crowley could only moan and deepen his kisses in response. Feeling the Angel's warm body pressed against his felt incredible, and clearly the Angel was enjoying having Crowley blanketed on top of him… not a tremble to be felt… that is until he abruptly ended the kiss saying, "Crowley?" 

The Demon popped up immediately, looking down at him and preparing yet again to move off of Aziraphale in an instant if he asked. "Angel?" 

"Love… um… would you consider… unbuttoning your pajama top…" 

"I'd love to Angel…"

"…with me…?" 

Crowley was fairly certain his lungs had stopped breathing and his heart stopped beating within a millisecond of hearing those final two words, 'with me'. 

"With… with you Angel? Are you… are you completely…" 

"I was just remembering our first bath together, dear. I remember how when we made the choice to fully disrobe, we did so together. I… think that's the way I'll be able to make this leap, if you do it along with me. I'm ready Crowley, I want to feel what it's like to press my chest to yours." 

Crowley could still feel the tremble in the Angel's body, yet his words felt sure and fond. He reached up to his top button, and Aziraphale mirrored the action, and one by one, in tandem, they worked their way down until the shirts hung open. Crowley thought Aziraphale looked gorgeous lying beneath him before… but now he looked positively sinful, and there was only a small amount of skin showing. The view of the rosy hue of him against the white silk made the Demon's mouth go dry, yet somehow, he found the words to continue. 

"Oh Angel… what do want? What can I do?" 

"Do you want to touch me Crowley?" 

The Demon allowed that question to linger in his head and reverberate through his mind for a moment. It was the crux of the entire new 'arrangement'… the complete summation of every desire he'd had since the night of their life-altering talk at the bookshop. All he wanted was to touch his Angel, in every way the Angel could let him. And yet, in all of this journey they'd taken so far, Aziraphale had never actually asked him THAT specific question. It had nearly always been Crowley asking if he could touch, or asking if the Angel wanted to touch him, or Aziraphale taking his hand and placing it where he wanted on his beautiful nervous body. Something about the question felt so big and all-encompassing… his answer sounded like a massive exhale of breath and love and wont. 

"YES. Angel. Yes, I want to touch you, please may I?" 

Aziraphale nodded firmly, despite the tremble. He was nervous, Crowley could tell, but more over the magnitude of the moment than anything else. 

"Yes dear. You may touch… and kiss… and hold… and… oh, help me out of this would you, I don't want to sit up or move you from your wonderful spot." Aziraphale moved to shrug out of his shirt from his prone position on the bed, and as he did so, Crowley threw his own top off onto the floor, and helped pull the Angel's out from under him so they were both gazing at each other shirtless. 

Crowley suddenly felt his heart pounding in his chest, and between his legs for that matter. He found himself strangely paralyzed. Here he'd been given permission to do something he'd thought about for so long, and yet when he raised up his right hand to reach towards Aziraphale, he found that he was the one who was really trembling. 

The Angel looked up at him concerned. "Crowley? Are you… alright my dear?" 

"I am… Angel… I just… this is something I've imagined for so long… and… remember that first time you were over at my flat? In my bed? And you didn't know how to begin? I think that's where I am. I've wanted you for so long and I just don't want to… mess anything up and I want it to be good for you and I…" 

"My dear, do you remember what you suggested to me in that moment in your room?" 

"Remind me, Angel? My mind is too addled by how gorgeous you look right now…"

Aziraphale blushed, and, as he had in other situations where they'd taken large leaps, he actually seemed to be relaxing and finding a kind of comfort in Crowley's nerves; as if his Demon's trepidation made him feel less alone, and therefore more confident. 

"I believe you suggested we do something we'd done many times before… and kiss." 

"Did you respond by telling me I was a genius Angel? Because that's what I feel like telling you now." 

Aziraphale giggled at Crowley's words, and the tremor in his hand melted by half at the sound. 

"Kiss me Crowley, please?" 

"Oh Angel, with pleasure…"

Before Crowley could reach Aziraphale's lips, their entire upper torsos made contact for the first time, and both of them let out delicious gasping moans at the sensation. Crowley leaned his forehead against Aziraphale's, taking in the feeling of his impossibly warm skin against his own, their light dustings of soft chest hair intermingling, the swell of the Angel's belly against his own sending delicious tingles up and down his spine… it was almost too much to bear. 

"Angel, my love, put your arms around me? Please? Hold me to you?" 

"My dear boy I'd love to." 

They both moaned out again as Aziraphale's arms circled Crowley, laying his hands in the area where the Demon's wings would spring from his body if they weren't in the ether. Crowley braced himself on his arms on either side of Aziraphale's shoulders and tried to hold on to his Angel as best he could from his position. 

When Crowley pushed himself up a little to look into the Angel's eyes, he noticed they were slightly watery, but it was actually Aziraphale who craned his head up to kiss a tear that was about to drip off of the Demon's cheek. 

"Are you alright my Crowley?" 

"Oh yes Angel… this is just… a big deal, yes? A very big deal. I love you, I'm so happy." 

Aziraphale smiled and laughed a little in quiet but profound joy, and answered by pulling Crowley's head down to finally start their intended kiss. 

From there, Crowley's complete and thorough worship of his lover's upper body began. He knew that one day, when this volume of his list was published, this page would be written in gold lettering for its profundity. Nothing they had done so far together in their physical and sexual relationship had felt as important as this… as his wonderful anxious Angel allowed him to fully explore the parts of his body about which he was most insecure. 

Stroking, Kissing, Licking, Nibbling the Angel's…  
Shoulders: CHECK  
Collarbones: CHECK  
Chest: CHECK  
Nipples: CHECK  
Rib Cage/Sides/Flanks: CHECK  
Upper and Inner Arms: CHECK  
Waist/Hips: CHECK  
Belly: CHECK

Special mention went to…

Dipping his tongue in the Angel's Belly Button making him squeal in a completely indeterminate tone: CHECK 

Throughout all of these actions, Aziraphale let out the most glorious sounds. Moans and gasps, and soft utterances of the Demon's name and many nicknames. When Crowley was playing with Aziraphale's nipples he was certain the other Angels could hear those specific moans all the way up in heaven. 

Throughout it all, the Angel kept his own hands on Crowley's shoulders or head, and every now and then the Demon brought his hand up to hold onto one of Aziraphale's so the Angel would feel grounded and safe. Every few minutes Crowley would check in, make sure Aziraphale was still feeling good, and every time, his Angel would look right at him and nod, making sure there was no room for doubt. 

After the moment where Aziraphale could not determine if he had liked the attention Crowley paid to his belly button, the Demon found himself looking down at the single greatest spots of insecurity on his Angel's body. He was looking at the little shimmery stretch marks that started on his lower belly and sides and dipped into the waistband of his white pajama bottoms.

The Angel had said he could touch and kiss everywhere… but he felt unsure of what to do here. He didn't want to cause anxiety, especially not after the last few minutes of pure, beautiful, wanted touch between them. But he also didn't want to ignore these spots and make Aziraphale feel as though he didn't love every part of his body. He thought back, as Aziraphale had earlier, to the night of their first bath. How he'd told the Angel he couldn't wait for the day that Aziraphale would be comfortable enough to let him trace the marks with his fingertips… and follow with his tongue. 

He opted to risk it. 

He brought his middle and index fingers up to two of the marks just to the side of the Angel's belly button. The little indentations looked like they had gold and silver leaf flecked inside them. They were absolutely beautiful, and he gently traced his fingers along them.

Crowley both heard and felt the sharp intake of breath in response from his Angel, but couldn't read if it was a distressed or pleased sound… it was somewhere in between. He looked up into Aziraphale's eyes, which had mostly been closed in pleasure during Crowley's explorations. 

"Is this ok Angel? I can stop if you…" 

"Um… no dear, I… don't know how I feel. It… feels good… your touch… I just… still don't like those spots on my corporation very much." 

"I wish you could see up close how pretty they are Angel, I'm certain you'd want to spend a whole day tracing and kissing them too."

Aziraphale let out a sweet nervous sigh, and Crowley brought his other hand up to take hold of one of the Angel's.

"Hold on to me, and tell me to stop if you want to stop, yeah? I… I just want to see if I can make you feel good on this part of your body. May I try Angel?" 

Aziraphale looked at him and nodded, squeezing his hand at the same time to give him assurance to move forward. 

With that, Crowley did indeed do as he'd promised he would many weeks ago. He gently and lovingly traced every mark he could see with his fingertips, feather light touches along those beautiful spots, followed by the gentlest kisses and licks he could manage. As he worked, taking his time with each mark, Aziraphale let out sounds and moans that were very different from the ones he'd made before. These sounds were sweeter, gentler, and almost had an air of surprise to them. 

"Oh, oh Crowley, I… they're so sensitive… oh… oh… you're making me feel so… oh… warm dear… I… oh…" 

Encouraged by these reactions, Crowley continued his worship, moving his mouth away every once in a while to respond and encourage with his words; often punctuating said words with more kisses. 

"So beautiful, Angel. So sweet… and soft… I love you… so much." 

Suddenly, the Angel's moans turned into a sharp cry, almost a sob, and Crowley heard a word that made his stomach lurch. 

"Oh… Crowley… Crowley STOP!" 

Crowley was up in an instant, scrambling to Aziraphale's side, and almost immediately saw the tears in his sea-blue eyes. He steeled himself to face whatever trauma he'd just caused his Angel. 

"Angel!? Angel I'm sorry… I shouldn't have pushed you… I'm such an idiot… MMPH!" 

Suddenly his Angel was kissing him with tremendous passion, despite the tears. Aziraphale was clearly full of emotion and chose to express said emotion by leaving wet, adoring kisses all over Crowley's face then pulling him against him into a tight embrace. Crowley noted again just how good it felt to have their chests pressed together before asking, "Is everything alright love? What happened just now?" 

"Oh… oh Crowley dear I just got so overwhelmed. But… in a very very good way, I promise. What you were doing felt so good, and my skin felt so sensitive, and… well I was just looking down at you, kissing and touching me and I suddenly felt dizzy. It was… like a different kind of anxiety… a good kind? Does that make sense?" 

"I think so Angel. You're sure it wasn't a bad thing?" 

"It truly wasn't love. Like you said, this was a big step… and I think it just hit me that I was allowing myself to feel pleasure from a part of my body that has only given me anguish. I have no other word for it, I was just… overwhelmed."

"I understand Angel. You're right, this was a lot, and I'm glad you didn't push yourself too far or encourage me beyond your comfort. I'm glad you felt good… it felt so good for me to touch you. Thank you." 

Aziraphale was looking at him fondly, but a sudden thought seemed to come to him and turn his gaze from pleased to concern. 

"Oh but, um… Crowley… you… you were um… hard a while ago… are you still? Do you need me to…?" 

Crowley interjected to stop his Angel's fretting as quickly as possible. "Everything is fine Angel, there's nothing you need to worry about."

"But… I don't want you aching or uncomfortable… and I don't want you to have to miracle anything away… just give me a moment and I'll…"

"Angel look at me." Crowley took both of Aziraphale's hands in his own and looked directly into his eyes, his tone sweet yet serious. 

"Me having an erection never has, and never will, obligate you to do anything about it. I know you, Aziraphale. I'm looking at you now and I can tell you're still feeling overwhelmed with everything that's happened between us this morning and now is not a good time for you to do anything about any erections I might have. Also, I will remind you that my erections are renewable resources… we can leave them be and they will return when the timing is better."

Aziraphale let out a sweet, and slightly relieved bark of laughter at Crowley's words, and pulled him into several gentle pecks against his lips. 

"What I am most overwhelmed by at the moment is my love for you, dear. Oh Crowley, I don't know if I'm saying this right but… thank you… for… well, stopping when I asked. I know you have always told me you would… but… saying those words is one thing… putting them in practice is another. Thank you for making my comfort so important to you."

"Angel I know if the tables were turned you'd do the same for me… not to mention it's the decent fucking thing to do." 

Aziraphale leaned in for more kissing, which turned into a gentle embrace and the continued gentle enjoyment of feeling each other's bodies skin to skin. Their touches were lazy and sweet and perfect… so one could imagine the Demon's surprise when the Angel pulled away and abruptly declared…

"Anthony J. Crowley, this Saturday night you are going to take me to the Ritz, we are going to wear our finest top hats and tails, we are going to check in to their nicest hotel room, and then we are going to have sex!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That last sentence Azi says, that's what you have to look forward to for next time! I have to give a nod of thanks to the awesome THETTE whose comment on this story after Chapter 11 inspired Crowley's wonderful pep talk about erections... Thanks so much! More soon!


	18. Puttin' on the Ritz (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saturday arrives... and Crowley & Aziraphale are ready to take their biggest step together yet. Will their nerves get the better of them? Will anything get in the way of their plans? Will their night at the Ritz be as magical as they'd hoped?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings all! This is indeed a Part I... mainly because I'm still working on finishing this part of the story and it was reaching an absolutely gargantuan length. I promise you will not have to wait a week to see how it all ends... but I want to make sure the second half is everything I want it to be for them before I publish. Please enjoy this first taste of their magical night together!

"Master Crowley, shall we to the Ritz?"

"Why yes Lord Fell, would you do me the honor of taking my arm?"

The two celestials chuckled haughtily at one another, half in sarcasm half in affection, linked arms, and began walking down the two glorious floodlit London blocks that stood between them and the Ritz. Crowley didn't trust the valet at the finest hotel in London to park his beloved Bentley, so he had found a lovely secluded spot, and put up a protection miracle where any cop or parking attendant would suddenly become riddled with a hacking cough if they came within 6 feet of the car.

It was a crisp December afternoon, and while both were feeling elated over the plans that lay ahead of them, with a touch of nerves for good measure, Crowley thought back to the declaration from the Angel that had landed them in this very moment in this very location… 

*** 

When Crowley opened his eyes for the second time that morning due to the Angel shaking him by the shoulders, it was not because he'd been in the middle of a dream. Rather, Aziraphale had just made an announcement that in 6 days time, they'd be going to the Ritz, having dinner, then having sex… which of course had caused Crowley to lose consciousness and roll completely out of the bed and onto the floor of Aziraphale's bedroom. 

Fortunately, the only injuries sustained were to the Demon's ego, and a somewhat nasty bump on the back of his head, which the Angel was kind enough to heal as soon as Crowley was able to form words again to alert Aziraphale to the presence of said bump. Crowley had assured his Angel that he was alright, just shocked and elated to the point of lightheadedness by Aziraphale's suggestion. Once he had his wits about him, the Demon had asked 'what exactly do you mean when you say we are going to have sex on Saturday night at the Ritz?" 

When Crowley asked this question, it was a Monday. At first, he thought this would be problematic, because there would be so many days for anticipation and anxiety to build as they waited for Saturday to arrive. However, the fact that they had 6 days until the event took place actually ended up being a huge positive. Now they had time to discuss the exact details of what would happen on this special night together… and discuss it they did. 

They planned the details at each of their flats, in hushed euphemisms in their favorite pub, both drunk and sober on the couch in the bookshop, and Aziraphale made one suggestion in St. James that scandalized some of the nearby ducks. They made plans and then changed them, and then changed them again, and then acknowledged they might even have to change some of them at the last minute… but through it all, they were glad they talked it through, knowing they'd be so much more nervous and anxious if they hadn't. 

The plans were these… divided into two lists… one Practical and one Intimate. 

The Practical Plan for Saturday Night at the Ritz 

1\. They would indeed wear their formal finest… tuxes, tails and top hats.  
2\. Instead of dinner, they would actually go late afternoon/early evening for Christmas High Tea, something Aziraphale had been looking forward to anyway. Also, tea was better than a heavy dinner given their plans for later.  
3\. They would not stay in the finest room at the Ritz because after looking up what said room looked like on Crowley's phone, they decided it was hideously ugly and they had no need for a dining room that seated 12 people or 24-hour butler service. Instead they opted for a lovely suite with a very large bed and bathtub on the top floor of the hotel, so there would be no heavy feet walking around above their heads.  
4\. They would retire to the room after high tea and promptly place the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door BUT, not before ordering a lovely breakfast to be brought up in the morning.  
5\. They would check out at 11:00am… because check out time was at 11:00am. 

The Intimate Plan for Saturday Night at the Ritz

1\. They would tour the room so they knew where everything was located and so they felt as comfortable in the space as possible. If either of them felt uncomfortable, the plan would be scrapped entirely, and they would head back to one of their flats.  
2\. If they wanted to stay but felt nervous, they would take a bath together to help them relax.  
3\. If/when they felt ready to begin, they would undress each other, because Aziraphale felt this would be a lovely intimate way to ease into things and Crowley assured him he was correct.  
4\. They would embrace fully in the nude, something Aziraphale felt strongly they needed to be able to do if they were to move forward with this plan at all.  
5\. They would engage in activities with which they were already experienced and comfortable… including but not limited to touching, kissing, licking, and nibbling each other's bodies with the intention of causing arousal  
6\. (Crowley insisted that point #5 could have just been called 'foreplay' but Aziraphale insisted on the specifics and requested that #6 on the list explain this point.)  
7\. Because he never had before, Crowley would make physical contact using his hand(s) with Aziraphale's effort as part of their foreplay, but not with the immediate intention of causing release.  
8\. They would consider, if the mood felt right in the moment, trying certain aspects of oral sex, mainly as a means of foreplay, but not with the intention of causing release.  
9\. If all other intimate steps were successful and both were still feeling comfortable and ready, they would attempt an act of frottage by means of rubbing their efforts together with the intention of a near-simultaneous orgasmic release.  
10\. These acts, in more or less succession, would make the Angel Aziraphale feel as though he and Crowley had engaged more fully in mutual pleasure, or 'sex', and would thus fulfill the Angel's request of "going to the Ritz on Saturday night and having sex."  
11\. There would be so so so so SOOOOOO much cuddling and holding and kissing afterwards, no matter which acts from the list above were accomplished.  
12\. Both celestial beings acknowledge that a wide variety of factors could play into an inability to complete this list in this order and they would be flexible and loving and understanding towards one another if anything came up that prohibited the list's completion. 

Throughout the six days leading up to the event, they still engaged in wonderful intimacy with each other despite the gathering nerves over their upcoming Saturday night plans. 

They still bathed, and explored, and touched… they did something they'd talked about doing that ended up being both wonderful and an instructional refresher: 

Masturbation while lying next to each other in bed: CHECK

Also, now that Aziraphale was comfortable with Crowley making physical contact with his chest:

Sleeping in bed shirtless: CHECK  
Cuddling and spooning shirtless: CHECK  
Demon head on bare Angel belly while Angel reads to Demon: CHECK 

And, something that felt like an odd oversight but neither had actually done before: 

Snogging with hands on each other's arses: CHECK 

Crowley learned that giving the Angel a proper squeeze in that general area while kissing generated some particularly delicious sounding moans. 

These further growing intimacies made the plan for Saturday feel a little less daunting, but Crowley, Tensity that he was, still did some fretting when he was away from the Angel. 

There was certainly a part of him that worried they were being too ambitious. He wasn't too terribly worried about the sexual acts they wanted to engage in. He was genuinely excited for those new moments to happen. He was more concerned that Aziraphale would find himself feeling too anxious to follow through on all or part of the plan, and that the Angel would feel disappointed in himself for asking something of Crowley that he wasn't able to fulfill when the time arrived. 

Crowley made a point, at least once or twice a day, to assure Aziraphale that they didn't NEED to accomplish all of the items on their list for Saturday, and Aziraphale kept reassuring Crowley that while he was sure he would have some nerves, he wanted to try. 

And so… both too quickly and with the speed of a snail, Saturday afternoon arrived. 

***

The high tea was actually quite lovely. Scones with sugar-plum jam and eggnog cream, succulent ham and turkey finger sandwiches, chocolate peppermint shortbread, mini sticky toffee puddings, and plenty of champagne to go along with the actual 'Christmas Blend' tea. 

Crowley was not a big eater, but the festive themed small bites were tasty, and they made the Angel hum with delight. The whole spread, plus the tasteful holiday decorations in the dining room, seemed to temper some of Aziraphale's anxiety over the evening's planned activities… the whole combination of factors was making Crowley feel a little less nervous too.

They toasted the world, and each other, and as they finished the final swallows of champagne from their flutes, their server appeared to tell them the bill had been sent to their room, and said room was ready for check-in. They both froze for a split second, before giving their thanks and leaving a more than generous tip on the table. 

As they walked down the hallway away from the restaurant, butterflies started to grow in the Demon's belly. Crowley couldn't help but joke as they walked past a few empty ballrooms on the way to the elevator that they could just 'take care of business on the floor and not bother with a room.' He received a deserved smack for the comment, but also a smile from an Angel who was clearly fighting nervousness of his own. 

Wordlessly but not awkwardly, they made their way up to their suite, each offering to carry the other over the threshold when they got to the door and graciously declining; perhaps afraid they would each drop the other in their anxious excitement. They finally walked in, and Crowley upheld one of the first items on their carefully crafted lists before allowing the door to close: placing the do-not-disturb sign on the door handle. 

The door clicked behind them, Aziraphale turned to face Crowley… and both of them burst into sweet laughter as they looked each other up and down, not quite knowing what to say at the start of this potentially monumental night. 

"Oh, my dear… we do look like proper penguins, don't we?" 

"You're the loveliest most Angelic penguin I ever saw, Aziraphale." 

"It was a nice idea but not exactly the right attire for Christmas High Tea… was it?"

"Those were some exceptionally interesting looks we received, yes. But… I think you look bloody fantastic Angel." 

The Angel flashed him a flushed smile. "Oh, Crowley as do you… I'm especially surprised and honored that you would wear a white bowtie for me." 

"The fact that you're in a black suit jacket is practically scandalous, Angel… and sexy as fuck if you'll pardon my language." 

"Well dear, since we're here now and there's no need for formalities, shall I slip us into something a little more comfortable before we tour the suite?"

"By all means." 

Crowley felt the whirl of Angelic energy around him and was immediately comforted by the feel of his regular set of silk pajamas, with the added touch of the white fluffy bathrobe from the Ritz to mark the special occasion. Aziraphale was similarly adorned, and he could see both suits hung nicely in the large oak dresser in the corner, their top hats sitting next to each other proudly on a shelf. There was a part of the Demon that had imagined undressing the Angel from those specific clothes piece by piece… but he realized that Aziraphale probably cared so much about that tux that he would be distracted by the precious items getting tossed to the floor or not folded correctly. 

"These are considered the best hotel bathrobes in Europe dear, I hope you don't mind." 

"Not at all Angel, though I admit I am looking forward to taking yours off of you later…" 

Aziraphale smiled and giggled… but nervously… before suggesting they investigate the bathroom. 

Crowley wanted to punch himself in the head for making the comment. He knew it was too much the moment it left his lips. Now he was even more nervous than he had been before. This night wasn't just about them expanding the breadth of their sexual experience, it was about giving the Angel a loving wonderful night he'd remember… and here Crowley was using pickup lines like some horny bastard in a club. 

As they stepped inside the enormous bathroom (no miracles would be needed to make sure the tub fit the two of them) Crowley was about to apologize for his words when Aziraphale took his hand and brought it to his lips in a gentle kiss. "I'm nervous too dear." 

Crowley wanted to respond but Aziraphale beat him to it. 

"You know, even with all the preparation one does for various events in life, things never quite go the way you plan, yes? We made what we thought was a very good plan for dealing with the Antichrist and then we ended up figuring everything out about a week before the end of the world."

"A week, try a couple of hours, Angel." 

"Well, exactly love. I guess I'm just saying… well… you seem to be just as nervous as I am about tonight and… we have the list but… we can also just figure things out as we go too… yes? It's like you said this week… it's alright if things go a bit different than planned."

Crowley let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in. "Sounds good Angel and… I'm sorry for that dumb comment I made about getting you out of your robe." 

Aziraphale's face fell at the apology. "Oh Crowley… I'm sorry if I've made tonight such a heavy thing that you feel you can't tease me a bit." 

Crowley saw where all of this was going… at this rate the two of them would be apologizing to each other all night instead of enjoying each other the way they wanted to. They really were so deeply similar sometimes. 

The Demon leaned in and gave his Angel a loving sound kiss, then took both of Aziraphale's hands in his own. "Angel, we'll approach this night the way we've approached everything we've done so far. We'll do our best, and if we misstep we'll talk about it and make sure everything we're doing is wanted. And… we'll both make sure that we aren't afraid to tease, and we'll both remember that this night isn't supposed to be heavy… it's supposed to be… well…" 

"Joyful." Aziraphale punctuated his word with a kiss. 

"Euphoric." Crowley returned the kiss.

"Pleasurable."

"Gratifying."

"Jubilant." 

"Passionate." 

"Rapturous."

"Rapture makes me think of getting sent up to Heaven Angel and I don't think either of us want that to happen tonight." 

"Tender, then? Doting? Amorous? Attentive? Romantic?

"Us, Angel." 

"Us, darling Demon."

"Our side. Our rules." 

"Our wants. Our needs." 

"I'd like to go back to the bedroom if you'd be alright with that Angel." 

"I'd like that very much… even though when you said the word 'bedroom' just now my heart started beating twice as fast." 

"Mine too Aziraphale… but it doesn't matter… because I love you… we just need to begin, even if we're nervous." 

"I love you too. I suppose we won't know what will happen until we try." 

"Trying and learning, that's all this is, just with lots of potentially new things. We did say that if we felt we needed to relax more we'd bathe first… do you want to see if that calms your heart a bit?"

"You once told me that I would eventually learn the difference between a nervous beating heart and an excited one… I'm pretty sure I'm more excited than nervous. We can have a bath later if that's alright?" 

"Perfectly alright with me Angel." 

Aziraphale gave Crowley a tender kiss, and then pulled them back into the bedroom and towards the massive king-sized bed. When they were both standing to the side of it, facing each other, they took a deep breath in tandem… and laughed again. 

"Come on now Angel we have to keep it together!" Crowley giggled. 

Aziraphale's laughter was a little shaky still, but it also sounded full of anticipation. He was ready, Crowley could sense it in his corporation's bones. 

"Well dear, you're the naughty Demon who said he wanted to take my robe off of me." The Angel spread his arms, welcoming Crowley to start.

"And after I take off the robe, Angel?" 

"Then you may unbutton me, and when you're done, I will do the same to you." 

As Crowley reached for the belt that held Aziraphale's robe closed, the Angel gently took his hands. "But… two important things first, dear." 

"Yes, Angel?" 

"Well, first, you have to take your glasses off please." 

Crowley was slightly shocked to discover that the Angel was right, he did still have his glasses on. He was usually good about taking them off when they were at either of their homes together, but, perhaps as a testament to his own anxieties about the night, he'd left them on… a small barrier put up in his fear of disappointing or hurting his Angel. He quickly snapped them into the pocket of his tuxedo jacket in the wardrobe. 

"Done. Other thing?" 

"I don't want you to be afraid to ask me for things tonight." 

Those words shocked the Demon even more than the fact that he'd left his glasses on. He wasn't sure why, but something about the way the Angel had made the request made his heart flutter. 

Aziraphale placed his fingers underneath Crowley's chin, pushed his gaping mouth closed, and kissed him gently but with intention on the lips. "I know there are still so many firsts for us to go through… there will be many more even after tonight… but I don't want everything we do to just be about me and my comfort. I am learning how to be a sexual being and you already are one… I can't guarantee my answer will always be yes… but if there is something you want to try or a way you want to be touched, you can ask me… alright?" 

The darker parts of Crowley, the awful little self-loathing voices deep inside of his tortured soul told him that what the Angel was saying couldn't possibly be true… and that if he did try to ask for something he wanted he would just fuck everything up that he'd been trying to build with his love. But Aziraphale's blue eyes were so kind, and trusting, and full of intent… he shoved all of those awful feelings of self-hatred and fear away and simply said, "Yeah… yeah alright." 

"We already have our plans and our boundaries and hopes for tonight so, let's do our best to give each other pleasure along the way. I love you Crowley. Will you please undress me now?" 

"Oh Angel, with pleasure…" 

The Demon's hands definitely had a slight tremor to them as he untied the knot holding the bathrobe to his Angel, but the sincerity on his lover's face, the genuine excitement he showed in his eyes beyond his worry, gave him the confidence he needed to keep going. He allowed the robe to fall, and for the first time, started unbuttoning Aziraphale's pajama top. 

"You know dear… even though a big part of tonight is about… well… not being afraid of touching skin to skin… I think will always like the feeling of silk on this body… that's not strange or silly is it…?" 

"Absolutely not Angel… these will always be our pajamas… and any time you want pleasure with them on you just say the word."

"Thank you love." 

By the time their little conversation ended, the top was hanging open and Crowley looked to his lover's eyes for permission to push it off of his body. Through a smiling gaze, the Angel nodded, and Crowley gently pushed the top off of Aziraphale's shoulders, watching it fall to the floor in a lovely heap. The Angel gasped at the sudden feeling of being exposed, and perhaps partially from the feeling of the silk sliding off of his body. Crowley would indeed remember that for the future.

"You said I could ask you for things, right Angel?" 

"Yes dear." 

"May I hold you and kiss you for a bit like this? That way you can feel the silk of my shirt against your skin?" 

"Oh, Crowley that sounds wonderful."

The Demon snapped the fluffy robe away to the bathroom, then started by wrapping his arms around Aziraphale and pulling him flush against him. The Angel let out a sweet gasp at the contact, and ran his hands up and down Crowley's back, nuzzling into the collar of his shirt at the crook of his neck. Crowley allowed his own hands to roam and took in the smoothness of his Angel's back and the even softer skin at his sides. He was going slowly, savoring the feel of his love and staying ultra-vigilant of Azirapahle's comfort too… until the Angel slipped both of his hands down to the Demon's arse and gave him a tight squeeze. 

The Demon let out what could only be described as a loud yelp followed by a strong "Oi!" 

Crowley did feel Aziraphale shake a bit under his touch… but in wicked delighted laughter. 

"I'm sorry Crowley," the Angel chuckled, "I just couldn't help it… you feel a bit tense and I wanted to feel that part of your body covered in silk." 

Crowley allowed a moment of relief to coarse through him… his Angel was holding to their promise to each other already… he was being playful… bringing joy into their night from the start. He loved him so deeply. 

The Angel's hands were still on his backside when Crowley decided to give his love a little push, "The question is, Angel, would that part of my body feel just as nice without the silk in the way?" 

There was a pause, and then the Demon felt the Angel's hands rise up to the waistband of his pajama bottoms. 

"Only one way to um… know… dear…" and Aziraphale sank his hands down to cup Crowley's arse in his bare hands, eliciting a very different sound from the Demon than the previous squeeze. 

"Ohhhh… Angel that's nice…" 

Aziraphale gave a breathy response. "It is dear… oh, Crowley we should kiss now." 

Crowley gladly obliged. As he kissed his Angel, tongues dancing and exploring, he felt the Angel's warm wonderful hands gently knead at him, but also travel along his hips, up to his waist, and down the fronts of his thighs, careful to avoid direct contact with his groin. The Angel was already learning to tease him in the most wonderfully wanted ways. 

Crowley continued his own touches and kisses, moving his hands to the Angel's chest, and his mouth to Aziraphale's neck, throat, collar bones, and then down to give one of his nipples a flick of his tongue, while brushing his thumb over the other. Crowley felt Aziraphale dig his fingers into the Demon's hips a bit at that last move along with beautiful moans, and it started to occur to him that all of this might be over quite quickly at the rate they were going. Neither could ignore their half-hard efforts starting to make their presences known. 

"Angel…?" Crowley noted that the word leaving his lips sounded almost like a purr, and it made Aziraphale smile as he looked at him. 

"Yes my sweet serpent?" 

"Everything alright? Do you want to move things onto the bed?" 

"More than alright dear, thank you… and thank you for all this attention you've given me… I think before we move to the bed I'd like to finish the um… undressing part here, while we're standing. Taking clothes off when one is already in bed always seems to be a challenge… yes?"

Crowley laughed at that. Aziraphale's lack of experience with sexuality actually made him hyper-perceptive in some ways. "You're right, Angel… if I had my typical jeans on right now and we were on the bed, me getting out of them would be a comical sight." 

"My dear boy those jeans are so tight I imagine it would be comical seeing you get out of them standing up as well. I SAY!" 

Crowley responded to the tease by tickling the Angel's ribs. Aziraphale grabbed the Demon's hands, and as his giggles died down, he started kissing Crowley's knuckles one by one, then turning the hands over to place tender kisses on each fingertip, the center of his palms, and the pulse points on his wrists. Crowley was frozen in the tenderness of the action, and Aziraphale spoke loving words to his Demon as he gave his sweet methodical kisses. 

"I do so love your hands, Crowley. They are so sweet to me, they are so patient and never try to do more than I want them to. They can be feather light in touch, and strong and pressured when giving me massages to ease my tension. They have a softness to them and a strength as well and can be wicked when they tickle me. I'm so grateful for these hands… they've taught me how beautiful touch can be… how something I've feared for so long can bring me such pleasure and comfort." 

When his Angel looked up and met his gaze, Crowley allowed one of the tears that had welled up in his golden eyes to fall. Any words of kindness or praise from Aziraphale meant so much to him but hearing his lover's appreciation for how careful he tried to be with his touches meant the world. And, helped zap away much of his remaining anxiety about the evening. He believed his Angel truly knew he would never intentionally overstep boundaries, and he would always treat his greatest love with tenderness and care and attention to his wants and needs. 

He wanted to get back to the list… he wanted to give Aziraphale everything. 

"Oh Angel… I love you so much… thank you… um…"

Before he could finish, Aziraphale gently dropped both of his hands, and began unbuttoning Crowley's pajama top. Crowley didn't speak, he was still wrapped up in the emotion of Aziraphale's words about his hands, but he looked down with reverence and pleasure at how his Angel carefully undid each pearl button, not a tremble in his hands to be found. 

When the top was hanging open, his Angel leaned down and pressed kisses all down the center of the Demon's chest where his skin was exposed, which made Crowley's insides liquefy even more than the kisses to his hands. 

"You're really spoiling me tonight, Angel." 

"My love I'm only trying to give you a small fraction of the doting love you've given me since our new arrangement. I just want you to know how precious you are to me." 

Crowley lifted his hands to shrug out of his pajama top, only to have Aziraphale beat him to it. He also found himself shuddering at the feeling of the silk falling off of his back and shoulders; perhaps the feeling of silk on his skin would always be special to him too. Crowley opened his arms to welcome Aziraphale into them, but when he caught the Angel's gaze he noticed just a slight hint of increased nerves. 

"Ok, Angel?" 

"Crowley I'm ready… I'm… I'm nervous but ready, can we… can we go ahead and completely disrobe and… embrace?"

Crowley felt his heart jump into his throat but willed himself to respond. "Yes, Angel. I would like that very much. How do you want to disrobe… what will make you most comfortable?" 

Aziraphale took a steeling breath, and moved towards Crowley, taking the Demon's hands and placing them on his hips, and then he placed his own hands in the same spot on Crowley; gingerly dipping the tips of his thumbs below the waistband of the pajamas. 

"The first time we saw each other without clothes we did this part together dear, remember?" 

Crowley remembered… and he realized just how monumental the night of their first bath really was; what a massive step forward that both of them kept thinking back to and drawing courage from. 

"I do, Angel, shall we do this at the same time then?" 

"Please, Crowley." 

There was no countdown needed, no other final confirmation… purely on instinct, they leaned in, captured each other's lips in a passionate kiss, slipped their hands beyond their waistbands along each other's hips, and pushed their pajama bottoms to the floor. 

They weren't flush against each other yet, but both gasped mid-kiss at the stunning vulnerability of the moment. In the sudden heat he felt radiating off of both their bodies, Crowley was elated… his head was swimming… he saw stars behind his closed eyes, the nebulas he'd created in his days as an Angel… he felt a massive swell of emotion within him at the gravity of this anticipated moment, and moved towards Aziraphale to make incredible first contact between their naked forms, contact he'd dreamed of for most of his days on Earth, 6,000 years… 

…and he lost his footing in the pool of fabric around their feet, slipped on the silk, fell with his full weight against an unsuspecting Aziraphale, who then lost his own footing and slipped, falling backwards onto the carpeted floor with Crowley falling on top of him with a massive "OOF!" 

A second after they fell, frozen in place at the absolute shock of what had happened, and just as Crowley was about to shrivel into a ball and die of embarrassment, Aziraphale let out the most glorious and appropriate reaction possible: "FUCK!" 

... to be continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! Can our celestial heroes recover from this literal misstep!? Will they accomplish everything on their lists!? Did Crowley remember or order breakfast?!?!?!? I promise you will find out soon!


	19. Puttin' on the Ritz (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We pick up where we left off... with our heroes lying in a heap on the floor of their hotel room at the Ritz. Will the night be saved and will they accomplish their goals for the evening?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut is here. Long live the romantic, tender, full-of-love, tooth-rotting smut. You've earned it... and so have they.

They were both in absolute hysterics. 

Crowley laughed so hard he cried into Aziraphale's chest, hands on his shoulders, and the Angel brought his arms up around the Demon with his face buried into the auburn locks on top of his head, equally unable to speak and practically howling with mirth. 

When Crowley thought he'd calmed down enough, he looked up into Aziraphale's eyes, which only caused them to fall back into another fit of laughter. As they calmed down a second time, Crowley rolled off of Aziraphale and laid to his side, still keeping contact with an arm across his chest and tangling his legs with the Angel's. 

With a few residual giggles in both of their voices, they assessed for any damage. 

"Angel, I'm so sorry… I didn't hurt you, did I?" 

"No dear… knocked my elbow a bit hard on the way down but it's better already. Are you alright?"

"Yeah… other than what I think will be a bruise on my knee you were an excellent cushion for my idiocy." 

"I suppose getting undressed for sex can be dangerous whether one is on or off the bed?" 

All Crowley could do in response was laugh some more. He thought back to their list and this was most definitely not on it… which only made him laugh harder. 

"What was the exact wording of this step we were taking on the list, Angel?" 

"I believe we said we would embrace fully in the nude, dear." 

Their laughter surged again. 

"Well, we've never gone about doing much of anything the easy way, have we Angel? Now we have quite a story for how we ticked this moment off the list, eh?"

"Indeed, my love. Oh goodness. Well… what matters is, we accomplished that step… so… Good for us!"

The way Aziraphale said those last words teleported Crowley's mind back to the early 1600s, when the Angel had told Hamlet in his most encouraging tone to 'Buck up!' It made him feel positively gooey inside with love, so he grabbed onto Aziraphale's shoulder, and pulled him flush against his body so they were both on their sides on the plush carpet, each with an arm around the other. 

Now, with this contact, they could actually feel the electricity and warmth and wonderful softness of their bodies against each other with no boundaries. They both let out long happy hums at the joy of the connection, nuzzling against each other and taking in the new sensations. 

"Oh, Crowley you feel marvelous dear!" 

Crowley could have wept, not just from how monumental the moment was, but from how little nervousness he sensed in Aziraphale. 

Crowley answered with a kiss, shifting his body as he did so and causing just the slightest bit of friction from their chests to their feet and everything in between and oh… oh that DID feel marvelous didn't it? 

"Angel mine, as lovely as it is down here, how do you feel about making a second attempt at getting onto the bed?" 

Aziraphale answered with a laugh and a snap of his fingers, instantly transporting them onto the decadently high-thread count bedding in the same position they were in before. Their heads disappeared from one another into the plush pillows for a moment, causing more giggles as they tried to prop themselves into a comfortable position where they could reach each other for easy kisses and touches. 

Crowley was absolutely relishing in these slightly awkward moments they were having… they were some very special 'firsts' for his Angel that he hadn't even considered adding to the list. They served as strangely important milestones in the journey of coming into one's sexuality.

Undressing each other: CHECK  
Falling over while trying to engage in sexy activities: CHECK  
Things not going the way you thought they would, laughing about it, and kissing and falling more deeply in love with each other: CHECK

"Hope you didn't mind the miracle Crowley, I just didn't want to risk either of us having another 'getting into bed' accident." 

Crowley smirked at the Angel's teasing smile. "Bastard Angel." 

"Wiley Old Serpent." 

They fell into a lovely long kiss, and a languid exploration of each other. Their bodies still felt so very new under their hands. Smooth planes and soft swells… the sensation of skin shivering at a touch and goosebumps popping up… ticklish downy hair on chests and bellies and lower… knots of muscle and bumps of bone. With each touch they learned something new; something to do again and something to avoid, something to tickle and something to scratch, something to nip and then sooth with a lick or kiss. Through it all they hummed and giggled and groaned and sighed in the lovely newness of it all and felt a thrilling joy that they could make each other feel this way whenever they wanted, as long as they wanted… forever. 

Neither of them had a strong sense of how long they'd been engaging in these wonderful touches, but a thought suddenly wormed its way into Crowley's mind that there were a few items on the list they'd wanted to get to, and he wanted to at least suggest them to the Angel. 

Through the pleasurable haze of the Angel nibbling on his collarbones, Crowley let out a gentle, "Aziraphale, love?" 

"Yes, Crowley? Are you alright dear? That wasn't too hard was it?" 

"No no Angel, it's wonderful I'm sorry to stop you, I just wanted to check in. Are you alright?" 

The beaming smile of gratitude and love Crowley received was nearly blinding. "Oh, my sweet love yes, yes I'm doing wonderfully. All of this is so lovely… um… I know there are some things we meant to get to tonight… but… I'm just not sure how to begin. That seems to be a running theme with us isn't it?" 

"It's perfectly alright love." Crowley brushed his knuckles across the Angel's cheek then placed his hand in that 'comfort spot' Aziraphale liked so much on the side of his face, fingers in his hair and scratching the back of his neck. 

"Well, Angel, to review… we said that I should make some contact with your effort with my hands. Honestly I think we've made some contact already." 

Aziraphale darted a glance down their bodies, his cheeks turning red at the sight of both their efforts, hard and straining against their bellies. Surely, they'd rubbed up against each other a bit but not with purposeful intention. And intention was everything… 

"Yes dear, I… definitely feel I'm ready for that if you are." 

"I am Angel… um… and I'm going to ask you this, because you told me to ask you for things tonight, but I ask with the reminder that you should always tell me 'no' if you're uncomfortable…" 

"I WANT YOU TO PUT YOUR MOUTH ON MY EFFORT! OH!" 

For the first time that night, Aziraphale brought his hand flying up to his mouth, and for the first time ever, Crowley did the same. They both paused for a moment, eyes locked and in a state of shock, and, for the umpteenth time that night, Crowley started laughing. 

"Cheeky naughty TEMPTING Angel! How did you know that was what I was going to ask? I might have been asking if we could have tea while I made love to you for all you know!" 

Aziraphale whined his answer a bit in embarrassment. "Well, it was what you were going to ask wasn't it? And I just thought about it and… and I got so excited… and… oh Crowley…" 

"Oh sweet Angel of course that's what I was going to ask." Crowley gave Aziraphale several soothing kisses as he placed his hand back against the Angel's cheek. "Are you completely sure though?" 

"I um… don't want it to be to um… completion… and again I'm not sure I'm ready for my effort to be fully… inside… oh… Crowley this is so awkward to say…" 

"I know exactly what you're asking for Angel. I just want to kiss and lick and tease you there a little to see if you like it at all, ok? And if I do anything you don't like I'll stop immediately, alright?" 

Aziraphale let out a sweet nervous sigh. "I love you Crowley… no matter how much I learn and get used to new things I will always be so grateful for your tender care with me." 

"I'll always take care of you Angel, and I know you'll always do the same for me." 

With that last sentence, he rested his hand on the delicious curve of Aziraphale's hip, running his finger tips in gentle circular patterns. 

Aziraphale's eyes took on a gaze of intention… it was a look Crowley was just beginning to get used to… a look that said 'I'm nervous as anything… but I want you… and I'm ready' 

The Angel gave Crowley a kiss, placed his hand on top of Crowley's and pushed the Demon's long lovely fingers down to his cock. 

As they had before in these bright new moments of intense contact, they both inhaled sharply; Aziraphale at the sensation of the Demon's fingers circling around him, and Crowley at the hard velvet heat of his lover's effort. 

"Oh! Oh Crowley I… Oh my dear…" 

Crowley held him gently, just savoring the feel of the Angel's perfect skin in his hand. He kept his touches feather light as he moved up and down for a few strokes, then reaching down to cup Aziraphale's bollocks for a moment, eliciting a groan very uncharacteristic of an Angel. He gave a gentle squeeze and suppressed his laughter as he saw Aziraphale's eyes widen dramatically at the touch, only to clamp back shut in pleasure. The Demon resumed his gentle strokes to his cock, watching the Angel slowly start to come apart. Aziraphale was panting and making little moans, and gently moved his hips in reaction to Crowley's increase of pressure and speed. 

Seeing his Angel in this state of bliss, Crowley sensed that now would be as good a time as any to introduce his Angel to what his talented tongue could do… but he didn't want to surprise him and cause unnecessary stress. 

"Angel… try to stay just like as you are now… just relax and feel what I'm doing, and if you want me to stop at any time just say. Can you roll onto your back for me please?" 

Aziraphale nodded with his eyes still closed, his breathing becoming a bit shallower… but he rolled onto his back without hesitation, and even thought to spread his legs a bit without prompting. Crowley positioned himself between Aziraphale's thighs, and the Angel actually whined a bit when Crowley let go of his cock to do so… an excellent sign. 

The Angel's whines were short lived, as Crowley began a series of absolutely sinful kisses, licks and nips to his lover's inner thighs. Aziraphale squirmed a little on the bed and fisted the sheets in his hands to stay grounded, letting out tantalizing moans as Crowley continued these new actions on his body. 

"Alright still Angel?" 

"Oh… Crowley it's… lovely and ticklish and I want more I… ohhhh… please don't stop dear…"

Another excellent sign. Crowley continued his ministrations with his mouth, and moved his hands to the Angel's hips, pushing him gently into the bed so he could feel for any sudden nervous trembles in Aziraphale's body. After sucking a tiny bruise into the soft spot where the Angel's thigh met his pelvis, eliciting an incredible moan and the need to hold the Angel's hips down even more against the bed, Crowley rested his head on the Angel's right hip just to the side of Aziraphale's straining cock. 

"Hey Angel? Could you open your eyes for a moment please?" 

Aziraphale did indeed open his beautiful blue eyes, pupils blown wide at the sight of Crowley resting against his body. 

"Oh… oh Crowley… you look… you're absolutely radiant I…" 

"I wanted you to see what I do next with your own eyes Angel, make sure it's something you like… I love you… don't be afraid to tell me to stop…" 

With that, Crowley took Aziraphale's effort in hand, and licked a long delicious stripe up the underside of him with the flat of his talented tongue… base to tip… gently flicking his tongue to lap up the dot of precum at his slit. 

The Angel's eyes managed to widen even more as he keened out, with overwhelming enthusiasm, "Ahhhh! Crowley I… I like… I definitely like! Ohhhhh…." The Angel couldn't keep his eyes open anymore at what was happening, and he threw his head back against the pillows behind him, mouth open in ecstasy, moaning out celestially joyful sounds as Crowley continued licking around the crown and tip of his cock. 

The Demon gave a few more licks and gentle sucking kisses to the Angel's shaft, feeling encouraging pulses and twitches as he did so, the Angel continuing to make wonderful sounds above him. He made sure to look up every once in a while, making sure what he was doing wasn't crossing a line into discomfort. It was not the first time he'd done this for another being, though it had been quite a while, but he'd never received such a glowing reaction to his ministrations. Aziraphale's love and trust and vulnerability were creating a radiating joy in the air around them, spurring him on even though he knew Aziraphale didn't want this to be how their experience this evening ended. 

Just as he had that thought, Aziraphale, so much more aware of his own body's signals now than he'd been even a few weeks before, brought his hand down to gently rub the top of Crowley's head. "Crowley? Crowley this is so wonderful but… oh… please stop?" 

Without skipping a beat, Crowley moved away and quickly climbed back up the bed, so he was at Aziraphale's side. The Angel was breathing heavily, his eyes looking blown wide and emotional… he was clearly overwhelmed but didn't seem anxious… yet another excellent sign. Aziraphale turned into Crowley and buried his face in the Demon's neck. Crowley embraced him tightly and rubbed gentle circles into his broad back. 

"I take it that was good Angel?"

Aziraphale leaned back so he could look into his lover's golden eyes. "Yes! My dear… oh yes… I just… the feeling was so intense and… I was getting so close and…"

"It's alright Angel… it's always alright when you tell me to stop. I was going to suggest stopping just a little after you asked me to anyway… I know you didn't want me to keep going until you came."

"Thank you love… I just… I enjoyed that very much… but I want us to try to… come together tonight… I know it may seem silly but…" 

"Nothing you want is ever silly, Angel… and it definitely isn't silly for you to want us to orgasm together. It's a lovely thing to want, something I want to try for too." 

"I love you, Crowley… I hope I haven't um… spoiled the mood or anything…" 

"Um… Angel you can probably tell, if you took a moment to look down, that nothing has been spoiled at all."

"Oh my…" 

In the Angel's overwhelmed state over his first foray into oral sex, he hadn't noticed Crowley's warm, swollen cock resting in the crook of his own hip... 

"Is… this ok Angel…I could move if you… SATAN!" 

Apparently, the Angel didn't mind at all, because he'd reached down and started stroking Crowley's cock, looking intently at his face to make sure he'd made the right move. 

"No need to bring him into this dear." 

The wicked look on Aziraphale's face sent a surge of heat through Crowley's entire corporation, and for the first time that night, he allowed his own eyes to close and let pleasure wash over him as the Angel continued the wonderful firm strokes to his effort. 

As the Demon started to feel the tell-tale tingles in his legs and feet that he wasn't far off from climax, he also noticed that Aziraphale was gently, almost absentmindedly, rutting his own effort against Crowley's belly. He opened his eyes to see his lover in a state of bliss and pleasure and want… the Angel's instincts were taking over, as Crowley knew they would, pushing Aziraphale's anxiety away just enough to allow himself to give in to what he really wanted. The moment was now, and Crowley was going to help him take the leap. 

Through ragged breath, Crowley asked, "Angel, I feel… so good… like you wouldn't believe… I… if you're comfortable… I want to climb on top of you… and I want to try what we talked about… do you think you're ready for that?" 

For a spilt second, Crowley saw the flash of fear in Aziraphale's blue eyes… the nasty voice inside him that told him not to want these things, to not give in to the pleasure and intimacy and trust he found in Crowely… but with a quick shake of the Angel's head he saw the moment slip away, replaced by only love and trust and a touch of determination. 

"Yes Crowley… I'm ready… for all of what we talked about… take the lead love… I promise I'll tell you if I want you to stop." 

Crowley leaned in for a quick, searing kiss. "I love you so much Angel. Alright… go ahead and lie back, ok? Make sure you're comfortable first." 

Aziraphale appeared to be half out of his mind in a combination of anticipation and pleasure, but he managed to lean back and puff up the pillows behind him. He gave Crowley the sweetest smile when he was done. "I love you too, Crowley." 

Crowley gingerly straddled Aziraphale's hips and adjusted himself so their efforts were slotted together, causing both of them to moan out in pleasure and sensitivity. Crowley leaned down, took Aziraphale's head in his hands and kissed him, the Angel's arms circling his neck in response. It was the kind of kiss they'd shared dozens of times, but it served the purpose of keeping his Angel comfortable; a familiar intimacy as a backdrop for the introduction of something new… and as the kiss deepened, Crowley began to roll his hips against the Angel's, starting a wonderful friction between their bodies. 

Aziraphale moaned into the kiss, and more quickly than Crowley expected, started moving his own hips in response… within a minute they had a lovely rhythm going. Other familiarities continued with touches and kisses to anywhere they could reach, and just as Crowley was about to ask Aziraphale if he was still ok, the Angel actually reached down with both hands, grabbing Crowley's arse and pushing the Demon down more firmly against him.

"CHEEKY ANGEL!" Crowley shouted in a huffing breath… looking down at him with wild eyes. 

"I feel… so… incredible Crowley… I… Ohhh… how… how close are you love…?"

"I'm nearly there… ahhh… Angel… you…?" 

"I think this is… Oh goodess… where we… go for the gold… as you put it dear… ahhhh…" 

"Ok Angel… here we go then… trust me?" 

"Completely, my dear lovely boy…" 

Crowley saw in his Angel's eyes that he meant it… so he braced himself on his knees and left elbow, snapped his fingers on his right hand causing their favorite oil to appear, reached between them, and took both of their leaking aching efforts into his hand. They didn't just gasp at the connection, they let out something between a shout and a moan and a curse and a sob and a laugh… they lifted up a joyful noise… their most passionate sounds to date. 

Crowley began his gentle thrusts, in perfect tandem with his strokes, and saw Aziraphale's eyes roll back in pleasure with a positively gleeful smile, cheeks rosy and happy, continuing to let out glorious building moans in the intensity of the experience.

For his own part, Crowley tried to keep his eyes open despite the overwhelming pleasure. He wanted to keep them open, so he could see with his own eyes what he'd imagined in his mind countless times… his beautiful Angel underneath him, writhing in ecstasy as they moved together, chasing climax. He leaned down to kiss him, his free hand brushing through Aziraphale's platinum locks… there was a sheen of sweat on his forehead that made him glow in the gentle light of the room. 

Aziraphale had kept his hands firmly tangled in the bedding below him, likely trying to anchor himself to something in his bliss, but with Crowley's kiss he brought his hands up to the Demon's waist and sides, stroking him gently and urging him on at the same time. 

The Angel suddenly broke the kiss with a sharp call of "Crowley!?"

Crowley kept his hand on their efforts but raised himself up and stilled his movements so he could make sure the Angel was alright. "Aziraphale?" 

"Oh! No please don't stop, please… I… I just wanted to look at you a moment… please…" 

Aziraphale's eyes were wild… he was so in love and so turned on and so overwhelmed at the same time… the combination kept Crowley frozen for just a moment longer until he heard his love say through heavy breaths, "Oh my sweet Crowley… oh my dear you are so stunning… look at you… absolutely beautiful… I love you." 

Crowley began to move again, trying not to let his emotions crush him to the point of inaction…. "I love you too Angel… more than anything on any plane of existence… you're my everything… and there are no words for how insanely fucking gorgeous you look right now… you're glowing Angel… no really you're actually glowing…" 

The last time Crowley had seen something like this was the morning of Aziraphale's first orgasm… an ethereal haze that hung around his entire corporation… a true sign of what a monumental act they were experiencing together… and also a sign they were probably getting close to the finale. 

"I feel… so good love… so so so good…" 

"Hey Angel…" 

"Y-yes dear…" 

"You're having sex…" 

Crowley wasn't 100% sure why he felt the need to state the obvious in this moment, but the look of recognition and unbridled joy on Aziraphale's face in response showed him his instinct to say it out loud had been right. 

"I… am… I am… yes… with you… oh my Crowley… WE are having sex… we… oh my…" 

"That thing you were so afraid of… for so long Angel… it's happening. You've been so brave to push past your fears… and I'm so honored you're letting me be the one who's with you for this… I feel so good too… I love you so much… AH!"

Aziraphale placed his own hand on top of Crowley's where he was stroking their efforts together, giving a sharper squeeze and increasing the pace… and the Demon knew his Angel was going to hold on right along with them as they reached a point of no return…

They didn't need to ask if the other was ready… the need for their release to happen in perfect unison seemed to melt away as Aziraphale locked eyes with Crowley. The glow Aziraphale had been giving off began to surround both of them… a swirl of light and a hum of energy and a smell of ozone and a feeling hot as fire and cool as a wisp of cloud. 

They sang out together in other-worldly pleasure as their climaxes hit them… Crowley first… Aziraphale making sure the strokes to their efforts continued with his soft strong hand… and the sight of Crowley's release sent Aziraphale over the edge just a few moments later, both of them spilling onto Aziraphale's belly, and Crowley fully collapsing, this time with purpose, on top of his lover. 

For some time, there was only their breathing… only their arms around each other… only absentminded kisses against any spot their lips could reach… only their legs slotted together… only their skin cooling anywhere they weren't touching… only relief… only love… only them. 

Wordlessly, when the moment seemed right, Aziraphale snapped his fingers to clean them up and deposit them in the same position, just under the covers of the soft wonderful bed that had served them so well. Crowley moved to look into the Angel's glittering happy eyes, and it was all he needed to move on to the final point on the list… so so so so SO much cuddling and gentle kisses and just holding each other as they continued to come down from their euphoria. It was absolutely perfect… until it suddenly hit Crowley what he'd forgotten… 

"Breakfast! SHIT!" 

"What dear?", asked a hazy Angel. 

"I forgot to order our bloody breakfast for tomorrow Angel… I'm sorry… let me just… MMPH!"

Aziraphale stopped Crowley from both moving and talking with a passionate loving kiss, before rolling them both to their sides and practically burying himself against Crowley's chest, arms firmly circling around him. 

"I don't care about breakfast my love." 

"You don't care about… hold on… did something happen in all of that Angelic swirling energy business? Did some other entity swap bodies with my Angel… OI!" 

The smack to his bottom told him no, it was still Aziraphale in bed with him… even if it was the first time that had ever happened… 

Gentle spank: CHECK 

"I don't know if I'll ever care about breakfast or any other earthly pleasure ever again for as long as I live… because that was the most beautiful wonderful thing I could ever have imagined my love… you are extraordinary." 

Crowley allowed his surprise and anxiety over forgetting part of their list to completely melt away at the Angel's loving words. He was quickly able to return to basking in their afterglow. 

"Besides… I'm sure we can just call in the morning when we wake up… or just go somewhere else for some morning nibbles…" 

"THERE'S my Angel… I knew he was somewhere inside this gorgeous creature who's feeling completely blissed out of his mind from having wonderful sex with his Demonic lover." 

"Crowley is it… oh… never mind…" 

"What, Angel?" 

"Would it be strange to call what we just did my… well… our 'first time'?" 

"Remember Angel, we get to decide what things mean in this relationship. If what we did tonight is what you want to think of as our first time, then I'd be more than happy to call it that too." 

"I know there are many more things we've yet to fully experience dear, but…" 

"Angel that was incredible, and monumental and very different from anything we've done before… I think 'first time' is a lovely thing to call it… and we can definitely call it 'sex' as well, yes?" 

"Absolutely. Sex… I have had sex… my word…" 

Crowley peppered his Angel's head and face with kisses and squeezed him closer.

"And I have had sex… with the being I've loved since the beginning of time… so this is absolutely a very big FIRST for me tonight too Angel." 

"It's settled then. Oh my Crowley I love you." 

"I love you too Angel. Happy 'first time.'" 

"Happy 'first time'… how tired are you my love? How would you feel about taking advantage of that gorgeous bath tub? I know we're already clean but…"

"Sounds glorious Angel, and if I fall asleep against you in the tub so be it." 

"I may have already miracled the book I was reading back at the shop into the bathroom." 

"Perfect." 

"Perfect." 

Embracing naked: CHECK  
Beginnings of oral sex: CHECK  
Frottage: CHECK  
FIRST TIME: CHECK 

Eventually, they would get up and enjoy the same rituals they had since the beginning of their new 'arrangement'… but for a few moments longer, neither of them chose to move. They were still too busy enjoying the thrill of the leaps they'd made together, and daring to dream of what might happen in the days, weeks, years, forever to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahoo!!! LOOK AT THOSE BEAUTIFUL BRAVE BOYS! This was a big night, but as they both noted, there is so much more for them to do and experience. 
> 
> So you are warned... I have something special planned for Chapter 20, and then I am going to take a break until the end of February. I'm going to be travelling in Europe with my wonderful husband and we promised each other we would leave our computers at home. :-) . But this story is not over so worry not!
> 
> Much love as always for your incredible encouragement, messages, analysis and enjoyment of my boy's journey. You're the best readers a gal could ask for!


	20. The Perfect Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley makes an unexpected discovery during his and Aziraphale's first Christmas as a couple and their intentions for a quiet subdued holiday definitely do not go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who wants some Christmas in February? I know I do... so you're getting it too! Here's a Christmas gift for Valentine's Day readers... I hope you enjoy!

Crowley often had bad ideas. 

He'd been quite good at planting bad ideas in human and demon brains alike over the millennia… though the worst of their worst thoughts usually popped up on their own… leaving him to just sit back and take enough credit to keep him in his lovely assignment on Earth. 

But this idea… this was awful even for him… and he would be the one to suffer the most for it, not some unsuspecting human soul. Anthony J. Crowley was back at the Leicester Square Christmas Market, on Christmas Eve. He'd told the Angel he wanted to pick up a jug of the mulled wine they'd had at the Market on their date a few weeks prior… but in reality, he was there among the frantic crowds of people trying to make a perfect Christmas happen with just hours to go, picking up a last-minute gift for the Angel. He hadn't intended for it to be a last-minute gift… but it was something that needed to be specially made, and this was his very first chance to pick it up, just under the wire. 

The gift in question was a ring. 

Rings are funny things. At their core, they shouldn't be as important as they are. After all, they are just little circles of metal meant to go on a metacarpal (or tarsal in some cases… or more exotic locations… anyway…). Said circles of metal can be dirt cheap, cost two month's salary or be precious enough to belong in a museum. Many of them are not so much about the cost, but about a memory, a moment, a promise… very deeply human things, rings. 

And… it's not that Crowley didn't want to give Aziraphale a ring… it's not that he didn't want to give the Angel something symbolic of what the last few months of the new arrangement had meant to him. He wanted his Angel to remember this 'first' Christmas together in this new relationship. He wanted to see the look on Aziraphale's face the moment he opened the box and saw the design Crowley had painstakingly come up with. He wanted to promise Aziraphale that they'd be together until either of them didn't exist anymore… that his love for his Angel would only grow. He wanted to fulfill every promise he'd ever make… he wanted to give him everything.

But… again… rings are such human things… and they were not human. Crowley didn't NEED a ring to communicate all of those feelings and promises a ring can symbolize. He didn't want a ring to be some kind of replacement for the love and devotion he wanted to show in actions and words. He wanted to endeavor to show Aziraphale how much he cared for him in everything he did and in every moment they spent together, just like he had from the beginning of their romance. 

And so, a couple of weeks ago, when the opportunity came along to actually give his Angel a ring, he'd waffled. 

***

At the tail end of their evening at the Ritz, while they soaked in the tub and before Crowley fell asleep against the Angel's chest, they'd talked about plans for their first Christmas as a couple. They had decided they'd spend it quietly at the bookshop… no frills. They'd treat it as most other nights, maybe with some special nibbles and a movie marathon to make it just a little more festive… maybe a small tree with some baubles on it… but that was it. 

The Monday after their weekend at the Ritz, Aziraphale had been so content, so energized, so overwhelmingly happy, that he'd done something truly shocking as a result… he opened the bookshop… at 9:00am… on a MONDAY… a couple of weeks before CHRISTMAS. Crowley mostly hid in the back, trying to sneak kisses when the Angel wasn't occupied, and they were indeed in the middle of one of those kisses when the shop door opened and they heard some rather loud hacking coughing coming from a woman as she entered the door. 

"Cora will you STOP!?"

Giggling ensued, and both celestial entities were genuinely happy to see that Cat, the jeweler from the Christmas Market, and her wife had indeed stopped by the bookshop to do some holiday shopping as planned.

As Aziraphale ('A.Z.') busied himself with Cora trying to find some special tomes for her family members, Cat snuck to the back of the shop to chat up 'Anthony' about his recent visit to her stall in the market. She'd asked if he was sure he didn't want something custom made like he'd asked about the last time he saw her. 

"You didn't email me any design ideas, did you?" 

"Um… no… we had a bit of a busy week last week." 

"Gotcha… so… just to say… if you emailed something to me in the next 48 hours I could probably have it done on Christmas Eve…"

Crowley must have given her a sharp look in response because she immediately backpedaled…

"No pressure or anything! I promise… I can just tell there's a lot of love between you two, and he just seems like the type who appreciates… well… fine things." 

Before Crowley could respond, Cora called to her wife from somewhere in the shop to come approve of some selections she'd made. Cat winked at the Demon and mouthed 'email me' as she walked away. 

For 24 of the 48 hours after that, the waffling took place as Crowley weighed the essential questions in his mind about rings and what they mean… but at lunch the next day, a small moment tipped the scales in favor of giving the Angel this symbolic 'fine thing' as Cat had called it… 

They were at lunch, a little hole-in-the-wall Chinese noodle place Aziraphale loved where they served decadent bowls of noodle soups with roast pork (they also served roast duck but both of them knew they wouldn't be able to look at their feathered friends in St. James Park with clear consciences if they ordered that specific dish). The Angel had been slurping his soup with a touch too much enthusiasm and was wiping his mouth with his napkin, and that's when Crowley noticed it… how bare Aziraphale's left hand was. 

He'd worn a pinky ring on his right hand for many years, and somehow, the lack of any adornment on his left hand felt strangely out of balance. Crowley wanted to place something on that sweet, gentle, soft, strong, loving hand that kept the Demon steady, communicated comfort, and drove him wild with teasing touch. That hand needed a ring… deserved a ring… the humanness of the gesture be damned. 

*** 

The act of picking up the actual ring, once Crowley moved through the throngs of people, had been fairly painless. Cat had seen him coming from several stalls down and had the ring already placed in an open red velvet box, with the box sitting on top of a printout of the design Crowley had drawn two weeks prior. He'd created the image in the back seat of the Bentley with a miracled set of colored pencils after lying to Aziraphale telling him he had 'important plant errands' to run. He'd then 'emailed' the design to Cat (causing a file of the design to appear in her inbox) and waited anxiously for her to confirm she could have it done by Christmas Eve.

The finished product in the box was absolute perfection, and while he still had nerves regarding the Angel's reaction, Aziraphale wouldn't be able to deny what an exceptionally crafted piece of jewelry it was. He thanked the jeweler profusely, stood in a line for far too long to pick up the mulled wine, and made his way back to the bookshop to start their quiet Christmas. 

He didn't even need to snap his fingers to open the front door, it knew to open for him at this point, especially if his hands were full. It wasn't until the door slammed behind him that he realized a holiday wreath that hadn't been there an hour before was hung at the center. 

"Angel? What the…"

There were MANY things in the bookshop that hadn't been there an hour before when he'd gone out for the mulled wine. Aziraphale, true to the song, had thoroughly decked the halls (and nearly every shelf) of the bookshop with boughs of holly and perfectly tied red velvet ribbons. A festive mechanical train made a figure eight around two of the book displays. Further back was an 8-foot high Christmas tree, covered top to bottom in festive baubles, ribbons and ornaments and there were at least 3… no… 5 sprigs of mistletoe hung in various strategic locations where the two celestials spent most of their time. It was gaudy and over the top and the exact opposite of what they'd discussed… it was perfect. 

"Angel! You mad bastard, you've been busy, eh?" 

For a split second the Demon panicked when he didn't hear an answer or feel Aziraphale's direct presence in the shop, but by some force beyond his control, he felt his eyes drawn towards the Angel's desk, where there lay a bright red piece of paper with 'Crowley' written on top. Crowley unfolded the note and read… 

'Dearest Darling Demon- I know we said we would keep things simple tonight, but when you went out for the wine I just felt an overwhelming need to gussy things up a bit in here. I hope you don't mind. It's our first proper Christmas 'together' and I just couldn't help myself. Also, I was craving some very specific nibbles and have gone out to fetch them. Please get comfortable and heat up the wine for us to enjoy when I return. I love you my dear, ~ Your Azi'

Crowley smiled fondly, folded the note and snapped it away to a drawer in his own desk in his own flat; a spot where he was starting to collect little keepsakes of his and the Angel's romantic relationship. He also allowed his heart to feel a little leap at Aziraphale signing the note 'Azi'… it was a nickname he'd always wanted to call his Angel, but Aziraphale didn't seem the type to appreciate shortenings of his name. He would use it sparingly, 'Angel' would always sound like the ultimate endearment for his lover… but every once in a while, an "I love you, Azi" would feel wonderful to say. 

He was about to turn around and admire the Angel's lovely decorative surprise, when he noticed an open book that the red note had been lying on top of. He wouldn't have paid it any mind, the Angel often had open books lying around the shop and the flat… but seeing the words 'experiment with fellatio' in handwritten cursive that looked a great deal like Aziraphale's writing nearly made his eyes bulge out of his head. 

Crowley felt his second bad idea of the night formulating in his mind… though this bad idea was FAR worse than the previous one. But, Demon that he was at his core, he just couldn't help himself. He picked up the book and read the entire dated entry on the page…

'December 21st, 2019- I wanted so badly to spoil Crowley today. My dear Demon has always done so much to ensure my comfort and pleasure, and as a result, I often ask that he "take the lead" in these sexual endeavors of ours, though everything we've done has been very much wanted and mutual. I admit that part of my reluctance to "take the lead" or even initiate sexual touch between us is rooted in my own anxieties which I am still very much in the process of tempering. And Crowley has always been so respectful and patient. However, today, I found myself feeling rather brave; much as I did the day I went over to his flat after our three-day separation this autumn, or when he completed his shed a week later. 

'I had just locked up the shop and Crowley was in the back sitting in my armchair looking up delivery options for our dinner at my request. When I saw him there, looking through his phone, I'm not sure what came over me but… he just looked so… dashing. His stunning profile, the richness in the red of his hair, his sinuous body… but what really took over my gaze were his lovely forearms. He'd rolled up his sleeves above his lovely elbows and I could see the light dusting of red hair across his arms, and for some unknown reason I felt a flush grow upon my cheeks, as well as the general groin area of my corporation.'

'I must have been staring at him, because he suddenly looked up, confused and concerned I assume by the look on my face. My dear boy is always trying his best to read my expressions to make sure I'm alright. He is so wonderfully attentive in that regard. As he would do for me, I made my intentions in the moment clear. I asked if I could sit on his lap while facing him and kiss him. He responded with that wonderful expression on his face that I love; the one where he looks surprised and absolutely thrilled but is trying not to look like he is surprised and absolutely thrilled. After he gave his consent, I mounted his lap.' 

'I was certainly a bit nervous, as I often am when I try new things in the realm of touch and sexual touch between us, but his hands went to my hips to keep me steady and I reached down to run my hands over those lovely forearms while we kissed. After a few moments of this, my nerves were replaced by that familiar warmth in my chest… the warmth that comes along and dulls my trembling and often saves me from my anxieties. It may be silly to think of it as such, but I do believe that warmth is Crowley's love; his for me and mine for him. It doesn't always work; I supposed I will always be the nervous creature that SHE made me to be, but I am so grateful for the moments that warmth appears and carries me through the fear and into bliss.'

'As we continued to kiss and touch, I felt the passion of the moment building, so I took a moment for a frivolous miracle making sure the bookshop was thoroughly locked and no one could see anything through the windows. Crowley took a moment to break the kiss and ask about my boundaries for this encounter, at which point I told him of my intentions. I told him I wanted to become more comfortable with us making love with my body on top of his with a desire to overcome my ongoing anxieties about my weight; hence my straddling his lap in the chair. I told him I wanted to experiment with fellatio similarly to how he had done during our evening at the Ritz but not to completion. Finally, I told him I wanted to end the encounter with my mounting him again on the chair and rubbing our efforts together to a state of mutual climax. Crowley was very amenable to this list of items. He does so love lists, my Demon.' 

'He consented to my suggestions, again showing his 'I'm thrilled but don't want you know how thrilled I am' expression. We kissed and touched a while longer, and I started to feel that both of our efforts were in a state of excitement, I found my hips moving against his own almost automatically; it is truly fascinating how these corporations are designed! Crowley was quite right that SHE made them to experience pleasure and naturally move towards climaxes of said pleasure. Because I was still feeling quite bold, and frankly because I selfishly wanted to make sure my clothing didn't become too crumpled as our endeavors continued, I asked if I could simply snap away our clothes to the wardrobe in my bedroom. Again, he was quite amenable.'

'The sensations that came next, of suddenly being quite nude together, were broad and overwhelming. I felt the chill in the air, mixed with the heat from the fireplace along my right side, mixed with the heat of our bodies where skin touched against skin, mixed with the exceptionally sharp heat of Crowley's effort pressed against my belly, and a combination of thrilling joy at being in his embrace, and the all too familiar nerves I feel every time I'm fully naked in his presence.' 

'I do so wish those nerves would fully dissipate. Crowley and I have been nude together so many times since our new 'arrangement' began, and yet there is always a part of me that worries he will fully notice my body's flaws and turn away. He never does. He always looks upon me with desire but also reverence, like I am something precious. My head tells me his look is false. My heart tells me his love and admiration for my physical form is absolutely true. I fear I will always be at odds with my heart and head on this specific point.'

'Fortunately, the warmth quickly spread all around me as his familiar exquisite hands ran across my body. I pulled away from our kisses and looked down at the floor below the chair, knowing I was probably going to need to shift positions if I was going to attempt the second item on the list. Crowley seemed concerned for a moment and asked if I actually felt comfortable being on my knees for this act. I snapped my fingers to bring a nice plump pillow into existence and assured him I would be alright, but his expression remained. I realized his concern was less for my knees, though that also mattered to him, but more for the dynamics and implications of the position itself: me on my knees in an act of pleasing him sexually.'

'I am so grateful that Crowley still thinks of all of the concerns I expressed to him on that first night together when our romantic 'arrangement' began. It is indeed true that I had several trepidations going into a romantic physical relationship related to the way I had seen sex used in instances of power and abuse among humans with hardly a shred of consent to be found. But I assured Crowley that as our relationship has grown, and my trust in him along with it, that I felt comfortable to try this act in this position, and that if I felt uncomfortable in any way, I would be able to communicate that to him and we would stop. Crowley has never shown me anything less than the utmost respect for my needs, and I assured him that I did not see this act in this moment as an act of subjugation, but rather as simply giving him pleasure while he relaxed in a comfortable chair.' 

'Content with my words, he very sweetly held on to me and helped ease me down to the pillow on the floor, keeping his eyes on my expression to search for discomfort of any kind. He must have seen the touch of nervousness that remained in me despite my determination, because he told me to just 'relax and kiss and play and taste to see if I liked what I was doing' and that there was no pressure to continue if I didn't. I sometimes find myself aching in my heart for how tender and accepting he is. I love him so very much.' 

'I did not 'go for the gold' though I was certainly tempted to as I found myself at eye-level with his gorgeous effort. But as he had done for me at the Ritz, I concentrated on giving kisses to his legs and thighs… something I hadn't really done before that he very much enjoyed. He made the loveliest sounds as I continued my kisses up to his hips and the junctures where his thighs met his pelvis, and when I looked to his effort, I noticed a few dots of ejaculate on the tip of his phallus. Crowley has told me that 'phallus' and 'ejaculate' are not particularly 'sexy' words, and that his preference is that these things be referred to as 'cock' and 'come/pre-come'… so I will attempt in this account to refer to them as such.' 

'I found in this moment, faced with him in this aroused state, that my nerves were quite dulled by my desire to make him feel as wonderful as he had made me feel the night at the Ritz. So I copied his first action from that night, and took his cock into my hand, and allowed my tongue to lick from the base of his effort to the tip, tasting his come for the first time. As an entity with fine tastes in general, my Crowley's taste did not disappoint. He tasted earthy and metallic, with light touches of sweet and smoke, and an essence entirely him. While I have no other tastes to compare it to, it was most exquisite.' 

'I must have been having a more enthusiastic reaction to tasting him than I perceived, for I suddenly noticed that he was arching off of the chair as I kissed and licked at the head of his cock. He was calling me by name and breathing quite heavily, and uttered praises that appeared to be rooted in surprise… I must have been doing very good things for him to deserve such words and found myself swelling with pride. My effort was swelling as well. Crowley has mentioned to me that sex is something that involves all the senses, that sight and taste and sound play into arousal as much as touch, and he was very correct again on this point. The more I allowed my tongue and lips to explore his wonderful silky warm effort, the more wonderful sounds he made and the more I found my own arousal building.' 

'As I had done to him that night at the Ritz, he gently patted the top of my head asking me to cease my ministrations because he was reaching his climax and very much wanted our encounter to end with the third point on our list for the evening. As I mounted his lap again, he assured me that I had done well and had given him a great deal of pleasure. The size of his pupils, the heaviness of his breathing and the exceptional brightness of smile very much seemed to confirm his words, and made me feel very ready to continue towards our shared climax.' 

'Our wonderful act of frottage, which resulted in lovely orgasms for us both, does not require a detailed description as it was similar to other experiences we've had, which I have already written of in great detail earlier in this journal. However, I did find it quite enjoyable to 'take the lead' and hold both of our efforts in hand during said act. It was almost as satisfying to watch my hand in motion as it was to feel the sensation of the friction. It was most exquisite and something I will have limited concerns about doing in the future. Another victory against my anxiety!' 

'I do want to reach a point where I am comfortable with both of us exploring oral sex further and taking each other's efforts fully into each other's mouths. I know Crowley has told me not to worry so much about 'technique' in our sexual endeavors but I do feel this is something I will need to investigate a bit future on my own before I gather the courage to do so. But this initial exploration tonight was very pleasurable.'

'Then of course there is the rather large proverbial elephant in the room; acts of sexual penetration. Crowley has assured me many times that it is not something he 'requires' for sexual satisfaction. This is a relief as it is a subject that still causes me anxiety… and yet… I do find myself deeply curious. I want very much to experience all aspects of sexual expression with Crowley. I have allowed my mind to wander to imagine acts of penetration for both of us and, dare I say, with our current and different configurations of efforts.' 

'I am hopeful that, in the new year, we will have further conversations of this nature and experience some of the acts of sexual pleasure we discuss in said conversations. I love and trust Crowley completely, no matter how much my anxiety can betray that fact, and I especially hope my rather grand Christmas present I've planned to give him will demonstrate my commitment to our future together.' 

'As a final note, when our act of frottage was complete, we actually managed to sleep together in my armchair in that position, me on top of Crowley, and it was quite pleasant. I should consider napping with him more often in locations other than the bed and couch. I am also hopeful that I will have fewer trepidations when it comes to placing my weight upon him when we snuggle or sleep together. ' 

~Sincerely, A.Z. Fell 

When Crowley had experienced this night, and Aziraphale's account was 100% accurate to said experience, Crowley's entry in his own mental journal read something like this: 

Snogging naked in chair: CHECK  
Beginnings of oral sex, Angel to Demon: CHECK  
Chair sex/frottage: CHECK  
Post-coital sleeping in chair: CHECK 

He felt a strange combination of elation (that the Angel was also keeping a list), shame (over the fact that the Angel's account of their encounters was so much more elaborate and beautiful than his crude list) and general humorousness (that, yet again, they were so deeply similar and both keeping a 'secret' account if their touch journeys). He was allowing himself to have a laugh as he thumbed through the pages of the book when he was suddenly interrupted…

"Oh good, I was so hoping you'd be tempted by the book lying open like that my dear." 

Crowley dropped the book on the desk and whirled around to see his Angel behind him, a large paper bag from the Ritz in his hand and already out of his overcoat. 

"Please my love, before you apologize or give an explanation let me please confirm that I wanted you to find the book." 

Aziraphale put down the bag and crossed to Crowley to wrap his arms around his middle. Crowley quickly returned the hug and let some laughter escape as he gently squeezed his love.

"I figured you weren't the type to just leave a book open like that if you didn't want it to be found, Angel, but I did feel a bit guilty at giving into your 'temptation.' I must be rubbing off on you, that was quite a demonic move." 

Aziraphale returned the squeeze and the laughter. 

"Oh my dear… I just felt that you should know that I was keeping a journal of our, well… activities. All these new experiences have been so very special for me, and though my memory is quite excellent, I wanted to make sure I always remembered the little details of how we grew into intimacy together." 

"If I'm being completely honest, Angel, I've been keeping a list too. It isn't even close to being as detailed as your account, but I've also been checking off all the wonderful things we've done as we've gone along." 

"You know Crowley, if you take one big step to your right we'll be under a sprig of mistletoe." 

The Demon happily obliged his Angel, and took the step, their lips meeting in a joyfully enthusiastic kiss immediately thereafter. 

The next several hours were spent a bit differently than either of them had imagined when they'd planned their 'quiet Christmas,' but it was still quite perfect. The nibbles Aziraphale had gone out for consisted of the amazing pastries and sandwiches they'd enjoyed at the Ritz during their Christmas high tea. They also had the mulled wine, followed by some excellent scotch from Crowley's collection, and instead of movies, they flipped through Aziraphale's journal, essentially reliving their touch journey as seen through the Angel's eyes and experience. It was an unexpected and lovely gift for Crowley to enjoy. 

As they reached the end of the book, Crowley suddenly remembered the box in his pocket, and as he listened to the Angel's delighted giggles as he closed the book and got up to place it back on his desk, the world slowed down all around Crowley; just as it had the night at the Christmas Market when Aziraphale had turned around as if in slow motion and beamed that glorious smile at him. 

Suddenly, in this simple innocuous moment, rings didn't seem like such silly things anymore. Rings seemed like the perfect thing to give to the one entity that knew you best in the world and beyond. They seemed like the ideal way of showing commitment and care and that your love would never extinguish, only grow over time. They seemed like the only way to truly say 'I want to be with you forever, there is no one else who loves and knows me as well as you, and through all of time and space, there will be no other love like ours.' 

When the Angel turned back around, Crowley was on one knee.

"Angel, Aziraphale. I know what I am about to ask is so very human, and you and I are nothing of the kind. But, humanity has always been the thing that has brought us and kept us together. We so love the world that we've put everything on the line to save it, including our own existences. And… Angel as long as I live on this earth, I don't want to spend another moment on it away from you and your love. I want to do a deeply ridiculous, deeply flawed, deeply perfect thing to show you that I'm committed to you and to US forever. Our side, until nothing else exists. My precious perfect Principality… will you do me the honor of marrying me?" 

Crowley popped open the box, Aziraphale's hands flew to his mouth, and twin tears of pure shock and joy spilled out of his eyes. The Angel took a moment to look down at what Crowley had designed for him. It was a white-gold band with two wings etched into the center, one with just a pure outline, and the other with deeper etching in the metal to make it appear darker than the other. At the tip of the lighter wing, there was a blue sapphire. At the tip of the darker wing, a lovely yellow piece of amber. At the center, between the wings, a gorgeous emerald, representing the union of their eyes and souls: the fire and sky burning together to form the beautiful Earth where they met and fell in love. 

Aziraphale fell to his own knees and threw his arms around Crowley, crying into his shoulder and shouting "Yes! YES! Oh my dearest darling love YES. Of course I will marry you!" 

They pulled each other into a kiss, which Crowley only broke so he could place the ring on Aziraphale's left hand. It fit perfectly. Thank goodness for Cat and her ability to pick out the right ring-size with just a quick look at the recipient's hands. 

They embraced again, still on the floor and kissing, their gleeful tears melding together on their cheeks. 

When Aziraphale pulled away, he looked at Crowley with tremendous joy, but also with an sense of anticipation that Crowley couldn't quite place. 

"What is it Angel?" 

"Oh Crowley, this is so marvelous, and… well… it's made me considerably less nervous about the gift I'm about to give you for Christmas." 

Crowley suddenly remembered back to the Angel's final journal entry, about a gift that would 'demonstrate commitment to a future together.' Had Aziraphale been planning a proposal of his own? 

"Oh Angel, you didn't have to get me anything…" 

"Well dear… um… I'm glad you feel that way… but it isn't so much a gift for you as it is a gift for us… and it's well… I don't know exactly how you're going to feel about…" 

"Angel, I'm sure whatever it is I will absolutely love it… you don't need to…" 

"I BOUGHT US A HOUSE!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I hear a WAHOO? Chapter 20 deserved to have some BIG THINGS happen, so happen they did! Our story is starting to come to a close, I think I only have a few chapters left for this specific journey, but worry not, I already have ideas bubbling for the future. You will not likely see anything new until March, but I promise to be back soon. In the meantime, enjoy and I hope life is treating all of you well!


	21. Long Talks on the Beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley settle in to a new chapter of their lives in a new location...but said re-settling has lead to some stagnation in their relationship. A long walk and talk on the beach gets them back on track.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnnnnnd we're BACK! It's been a while, I know, but a break was needed in my personal life. Our boys are back and it's time for another one of their lovely, tender, sexy talks to get them to move forward again. I hope you will enjoy these new chapters as they experience a new level in their domestic bliss!

The phrase "I like long walks on the beach" was actually created by one Anthony J. Crowley. 

He'd seen the human invention of 'video dating' in the early 1980s, likely created by well-intentioned Angelic forces to help human souls meant to be together get a little push in actually finding one another. He swore the concept had Gabriel written all over it but Aziraphale wasn't entirely sure. 

Wanting to spread some light foment, mostly for his own amusement, Crowley had implanted that phrase into the psyches of untold thousands of CIS heterosexual men, so they would THINK it was a phrase CIS heterosexual women actually liked to hear, but couldn't be said without making said women queasy at the utterance of the phrase. 

Crowley had found it quite clever… but his employers downstairs weren't appreciative of its subtlety, or simply didn't get it. Ah well, good thing he was now engaged to a celestial entity who could actually appreciate his wit, even if it was slightly ill-intentioned. 

At this exact moment, he and his Angel fiancé were enjoying a truly stunning long walk on the beach, a short walk away from their new weekend cottage in the South Downs. Over a month had passed since Christmas Eve and Crowley's proposal, along with Aziraphale's extraordinary gift of the cottage as a shared home in addition to their London properties. While both enjoyed their respective spaces in the hustle and bustle of the city, this new home away from home was proving to be a wonderful place to truly call theirs. 

On New Year's Eve, after a long week (even with miracles) of packing up a certain amount of 'stuff' from their flats and taking advantage of after-Christmas sales for various items, they'd toasted to the world and the new calendar year to come while plopped on their new couch in their new box-filled living room. Aziraphale had called the space a cottage the week before when he'd given Crowley the surprise, and it was still the name they gave to the property… but it was quite a bit bigger than the title would imply. A more appropriate term might be a one-story manor. It was a very long home, with several rooms that in most cases would be used as bedrooms… but for two entities alive since before the first humans walked the Earth, ones not too terribly keen on visitors, the rooms were spaces to fit all of their Earthbound hobbies and needs. 

The Angel had his wing of the house and the Demon had his wing (so to speak). On Crowley's side there was a door leading out to the driveway where he kept his precious Bentley, a gorgeous greenhouse and a stunning garden in the back. The soil was rich, there was an apple tree at the far edge (a perfect touch) and a view of the sea. Inside, he had a room for his study and television viewing with a couch big enough to accommodate the Angel for movie nights and his entire lanky form for midday naps. Plus, an additional room for certain plants that didn't require the greenhouse or outdoor life; mostly cacti and succulents. On the Angel's side, there was a massive room for a library/study with floor to ceiling shelves, as well as another room for his office needs and book repair/restoration. Both rooms contained oversized plush chairs for long reading sessions; chairs that could easily accommodate a Demon in need of attention and cuddles. 

At the center of the house there was a massive open floor plan that accommodated their living room, dining room and kitchen with even more comfy seating options. While each of their respective wings were decorated purely to their own tastes, these spaces were a mix of the two of them. The kitchen could have been a copy of Crowley's with all sleek lines and stainless steel, but with touches of tartan towels and a plump colorful kettle on the stove. The couch was plush and comfortable, with but with a sleek marble coffee table in front of it. 

This same blend of the two of them flowed into their bedroom at the back of the house with a beautiful bay window facing the garden, the apple tree and the lovely view of the sea. For a few hours a day, the padded seating area beneath the window was flooded with warm sunlight… perfect for when Crowley was in the mood for one of his snake-naps. 

They had purchased a new bed together prior to their move but had made the very appropriate decision at the last minute to put the new bed in Aziraphale's room in his London flat, and move his beautiful Angel-Wing bed to the Cottage. They'd had their first kiss in that bed among many other beautiful moments in their new 'arrangement'… They couldn't imagine a better new home for such a precious item. 

Finally, special attention (and more miracles than they probably should have used but they didn't want a bunch of nosy contractors in and out of the space) was paid to the design of the bathroom. A gorgeous state-of-the-art steam shower even bigger and better than the one in Crowley's flat was installed, next to a stunning clawfoot porcelain bathtub that could hold both of them comfortably for hours of soaking. A whole wall of the room had built-in shelving and was designed to look like an old apothecary's shop containing all of their bath time oils, soaps and more. 

It was all, in every way possible, absolutely perfect. 

They took a few days after New Years to actually do all the moving and unpacking and had now settled into a comfortable if new routine in the last few weeks. They were in London Monday-Thursday to tend to their individual business, Aziraphale actually committing to keeping more regular hours those four days at the Bookshop, and then on Thursday evening after closing, or early Friday morning if Crowley didn't have the patience for evening traffic, they would head to the cottage to return Sunday afternoon or evening to begin the routine again. It was quickly turning into the best decision they'd made since agreeing to pursue a romantic relationship. 

It wasn't until now, a few weeks into this new adventure in domesticity, that Crowley realized just how tense their life still was in London, despite the success of their trials in Heaven and Hell. They had not been visited by their former employers, but the threat that they could still be sought out was always in the back of the Demon's mind; eating away at his comfort levels just enough to keep his nickname 'Tensity' deeply apt. No one knew they had a home here… it felt like a safehouse of sorts, and it was helping Crowley unwind in ways he didn't know he needed to be. For the Angel, it was a new 'project' and one that helped to temper some of his own anxieties. 

With so much to concentrate on with getting the cottage in order and rearranging their lives to accommodate this new piece of their 'arrangement,' there had not been much appropriate time for conversation regarding their engagement or even the status of their touch journey. This had been fine with Crowley; there were so many new things to do and get used to. But now that they had settled a bit, and he was enjoying the new relaxed/secure feel of their life together, he was hoping he and the Angel could try to talk about those subjects in more detail. 

They continued the kind of sexual expression they'd enjoyed since their big night at the Ritz, but nothing really new had been added to the list since their pre-Christmas romp in Aziraphale's armchair. Crowley was just beginning to sense the familiar restlessness Aziraphale would fall into when things hadn't progressed between them. The Demon would always find it fascinating that while the Angel was the one with touch-sensitivity, he was also the one who was more likely to grow frustrated when they went long periods of not trying new experiences together. 

Not wanting things to fester and cause greater anxiety for his love, Crowley brought up the idea of having a relationship check-in at some point during the weekend, and his Angel had been very much amenable. So, here they were on the beach on a sunny cold Friday morning… an ideal environment for a long talk, as well as a long walk. 

Aziraphale was investigating an interesting patch of sand containing shells and some lovely bits of sea glass, when Crowley snapped his fingers to make a blanket and stack of plush pillows appear just a few yards behind them. The Angel looked up to see the display behind his fiancé and broke into a smile as radiant as the rising sun. 

"Oh my dear! That looks like a lovely place for a cuddle!" 

"Figured you'd like it Angel. Shall we watch the waves and chat a bit?" 

Aziraphale gave out a fond and slightly relieved sigh. He clearly had wanted to talk about some of these big subjects on Crowley's mind as well, but had also been too caught up in the distraction of recent events to focus on said subjects. For two celestial entities, their relationship was becoming more and more human by the day. 

"Sounds lovely my dear. Let me just get comfortable on the pillows and then you can lean on me…"

"Hey, Angel… you can say no of course but, how would you feel about me being the 'big spoon'?" 

The Angel had a momentary pause, a slight falter in his expression, and because Crowley knew him so well, he knew exactly what thoughts were racing through Aziraphale's head. 

As many strides as they had made, his Angel still had concerns about his weight and size. Since he considered himself the 'larger' entity between the two of them, he was considerably more comfortable with being the 'big spoon' when they cuddled, whether it was in bed, the bath or elsewhere. Aziraphale also wasn't completely comfortable putting his full weight on top of Crowley when they were lying in bed. They'd had some enjoyable experimentation when both were sitting up, the Angel in his lap and facing him, but that was about as far as they'd gone in that arena. Crowley was hoping that a cuddle while they looked out at the crashing waves would ease Aziraphale enough to relax against him. 

"Oh… um… of course dear… but… you're sure you won't…"

"I can't think of a single thing we could get away with on a public beach that would make me happier..." 

Crowley received the eye-roll he was hoping for, along with a small droop in the Angel's tense shoulders. 

"I just… wanna hold you is all…" 

Crowley crossed to the beach blanket, propped himself up on the pillows, and stretched his arms wide to welcome Aziraphale into his embrace. Aziraphale's expression melted into lovely fondness, and the Angel crossed to the blanket and sat between his fiancé's legs, tentatively leaning against Crowley's front. Even through the layers of their clothes and heavy overcoats the Demon could feel a lovely warmth radiating off his Angel. He wrapped his arms around Aziraphale's middle, his arms on top of the Angel's, weaving their fingers together through their gloves. 

Aziraphale was tense for just a moment, but then settled against Crowley with a sweet sigh. 

"Dear boy… You promise I'm not…" 

"You leaning against me right now is the best feeling in the world fiancé mine, I promise you." 

The Angel giggled with pure joy every time Crowley used that lovely word, fiancé, and allowed himself to wiggle a bit against his love. 

Cuddles on the beach with Demon big spoon: CHECK 

"Oh Crowley… I know we haven't talked much of our engagement, but… I swear to you it's only because I can hardly believe it's happened… I'm just so happy I can barely clear my mind enough to think through what we'd want our wedding to be or look like…" 

"Only thought on my mind about it has been whether to wear a tux or a dress honestly… I haven't thought through many details either Angel… you might say we've been a bit busy since Christmas." 

"We have indeed love. I know there's no rush. I just want you to know how thrilled I am and I'm so looking forward to calling you my husband when that day comes. And… for what it's worth… I think you'd look LOVELY in either a tux or a dress… perhaps we could find a way to combine the two?" 

"Kilts are nice… always been a fan of the Scots, me. Summer wedding in Edinburgh might be quite lovely come to think of it…" 

Aziraphale gave a lovely yet noncommittal hum at the idea. Crowley was content in waiting for just the right time to set plans into motion for their full commitment to each other. He'd shown nothing but patience for the physical strides in their relationship and things had been progressing farther than he ever thought possible in less than 6 months. He knew if he continued to show the same kind of patience, their wedding and marriage would follow a similar course… it would come when the time was truly right for both of them. 

Crowley nuzzled his nose into the nape of Aziraphale's neck, inhaling the scent of him and squeezing him tightly. It was so rare that he got to hold and rock him like this. Silly as it may be to think, it made him feel like he was protecting his Angel; shielding him from the fears and anxieties that crept into his best friend's brain and made him think he wasn't worthy of being the 'little spoon.' Aziraphale shivered a bit as Crowley turned his nuzzles into kisses, and the Demon felt a sharp tap on top on one of his hands. 

"My dear! As you said we are in public! If you keep up your kisses I shall be in a state that passersby may not appreciate." His tone was firm, but he made no move to pull away from his Demon and had actually given Crowley a segue he was looking for. 

"I'm sorry Angel… just can't help myself sometimes. Love you, want you and all that. Also, I know we've been preoccupied with the move and our new routine, but I've also been sensing your restlessness again… the kind that pops up when things have been a bit quieter between us physically. I'm happy, truly, as always. But I just don't want us to neglect talking through what you want and need just because we've been busy with the cottage." 

Aziraphale gave a wistful sigh, but also snuggled down against Crowley at the same time, as though he was settling in for the conversation. 

"You know me too well my dear Demon. You're correct of course, I've been a little bit restless. Some of it has certainly been the move, but also because… well… we've basically experienced all the milestones from our last conversation concerning sexual activity between us… thus it's clearly time for another conversation… but I've been well… putting off that conversation due to its potential contents… um… which is to say…" 

"You're nervous because we haven't talked about acts of penetration between us yet and penetration scares the living hell out of you Angel?"

The Angel sighed in both contentment and minor annoyance at being so very 'known' by his fiancé. 

"Yes, love. Yes I suppose that's a way of putting it." 

"May I rub your shoulders a bit Angel? I think we get through these tougher conversations easier when one of us is petting the other." 

Aziraphale gave a sweet chuckle to that and scooted forward on the blanket so Crowley would have better access and leverage to rub the Angel's shoulders and back. The Angel hummed as Crowley began, and as the Demon felt some tension slip away, he launched into the pep talk that had been rolling around in his brain for the last few days. 

"Angel I've said it before, I've meant it before, I'll say it again, and I'll mean it again… we don't need to have penetrative sex if it's something you don't want. You and I have been turning each other on and getting each other off so beautifully for months now and I am so deeply happy and satisfied. Really." 

"I know dear… really I do… I believe you. And part of me wonders, given my anxiety, why my curiosity continues to be piqued. But… well… piqued it is. They are thoughts that excite me as much as worry me and they simply won't leave this head of mine." 

"What do you think it is you fear most, Angel? Discomfort? Pain? The whole idea behind parts of our bodies being physically inside each other?" 

"Yes, yes and… well… no… the last thing you mentioned… us being um… inside each other… Oh dear…"

The Angel hadn't covered his mouth in embarrassment in a while… Crowley couldn't help but be a little tickled to see the action return… it was still just so cute. 

"The idea of us being... well… connected like that, as an idea, is actually very appealing… but the first two, the pain and discomfort part, do indeed worry me." 

"Angel, not to push but, you've also been concerned and resistant to letting me… take your effort fully into my mouth. Are you worried about pain and discomfort with that? Because I assure you… on my end I would feel neither…" 

"Oh my dear, you're right and you'll probably find my reasoning… that word that starts with an 's' that you hate when I say…" 

"I do hate the word 'silly' Angel but I will continue to promise you that your reasoning for your anxieties will never seem silly to me." 

"Well, to be honest love, it's the… only sexual act we've done where we aren't… well… facing… no, well… level with each other… and… oh… Crowley this is so difficult to describe…" 

Something clicked in Crowley's head that he'd never thought about before. "Oh… Angel… is it that we're literally less level… as in we wouldn't be directly facing each other when we orgasm?"

"Yes! Clever clever boy yes…" Aziraphale turned around so he could face Crowley. "… I do believe you've nearly cracked it… Crowley when I… well… climax… every time I have you've been right there, eyes gazing directly into mine, ready to give me a kiss and hold me to you when I'm at my most vulnerable. And… I suppose there is something well… unappealing about having that climax when most of your body… and your eyes are… away from mine." 

The previous click in Crowley's head turned into a full lightbulb blazing to life. He hadn't realized just how important it was to Aziraphale that they be face to face, or nearly thus, during such vulnerable moments. Because his Angel had so little experience to go on, he didn't realize that a couple could still feel deeply connected even if one partner wasn't directly facing the other. Again, he was fascinated by what Aziraphale noticed about sex, being both inexperienced, but deeply intelligent and intuitive. 

"So… tell me if I have indeed cracked this Angel… you feel, if either of us took the other completely into each other's mouths, the pleasure would be so intense that we wouldn't be inclined to stop, and climax would happen, but there would be a loss of connection between us during said climax because of how we'd be positioned during the act? You feel deeply vulnerable during orgasm, as do I, as do many… and you're worried we won't feel as emotionally connected to each other if we reach completion that way?" 

"Yes, my Crowley! Yes, that is the best explanation I can think of!" Aziraphale wrapped his arms around Crowley's neck, giving sweet pecks of gratitude to his cheeks and temple. 

"Ok Angel… I think I understand. Yes, that is valid. I guess the only thing I have to say to that concern is that it would be my absolute pleasure to prove you wrong." 

Aziraphale gave his Demon a quizzical look, but one that certainly urged him to elaborate. 

"I really do think that I can make it so any oral sex we share can include the emotional connection you need. I know it isn't the same as other sex we've had… being able to nuzzle and kiss and check in at any moment… but there are other things we can do, other ways for you to know I'm really WITH you, as you reach that peak. We don't have to do it ever if you don't want… but I just want you to know I'd do everything in my power to make sure those needs were met for you." 

Aziraphale crashed his lips against his fiancé's in a genuine loving kiss… the sounds of the waves in the background made Crowley's heart flutter even more than it usually would during such a beautiful meeting of their mouths. 

"Oh my sweet love… as always… we talk and bring words to my feelings and as a result, my anxiety eases. I am open to us trying what you describe in the near future." 

"Remember our rating system Angel? What do you rate something you're truly ready for versus concerned about?" 

"My dear you can take oral sex out of the 'Tadfield' category and into the 'Crepes' category of activities I'm ready for." 

Now Crowley leaned in for a kiss, squeezing his love's shoulders and playfully nipping at Aziraphale's delicious lower lip. 

"Alright Angel, we have a lovely full weekend ahead of us… and an infinity of weekends ahead of us if SHE is kind to us… so I'm sure we'll find a right time to see if I can live up to my word."

"I know you'll try your best to do so love… as you do in all things… and I know that if it doesn't go the way we want, that will be ok too." 

"Trying and learning... we'll keep doing it forever Angel." 

For a minute or two, Aziraphale seemed to care very little about potential passersby on the beach… he kissed Crowley with a passion unaware of the outside world… gloved hands in his lover's copper hair, kissing him as if they'd been apart for a year just before said kiss. 

When their lips parted, Crowley thought he'd give one more push since the conversation had been going so well. 

"Alright Angel… do you want to stop our talk here, or do you want to go for the conversational gold? Do you want to talk about steps we can take beyond oral sex? Just to introduce the ideas and get a real sense of where your comfort level is?" 

Crowley was pleased to sense no tremble in his fiancé's hands as he held them. There was a bit of nervousness in Aziraphale's eyes, but he quickly nodded asking, "I believe so dear… no use putting it off and just prolonging my anxiety of discussing the subject. Remind me of the four comfort levels we came up with in your 'system.'" 

"My impossibly clever system you mean, Angel? Alright… 

"'Crepes' is an enthusiastic yes.  
'Tadfield' is yes but with some concerns that we can discuss  
'Nutter' is something you aren't against but want to think about it for the future  
'Gabriel' is absolutely not, no way ever in heaven, hell or in between" 

"Thank you for the reminder Crowley… I have a feeling that most of my answers are going to fall into the 'Tadfield' or 'Nutter' category." 

"That's fine Angel… I'm ready to discuss or not discuss anything and everything. As you're well aware, I've pretty much done it all, so I will do my best to give you as much information as possible." 

"Thank you dear. Um… before we talk about specifics. My worries about pain and discomfort with acts of penetration… how… well… warranted... are they?" 

"Well Angel, I'll be honest and say that pain and discomfort are reasonable… well… reasons for having concerns about those aspects of a sexual relationship. Have I ever had moments of pain and discomfort while I was having sex? Yes. Was the experience often worth having despite those moments of unpleasantness? Also yes." 

"I assume those um… painful experiences came from being… oh goodness… on the… receiving end of the penetration?" 

"Yes, but… not exclusively. The person doing the penetrating can experience discomfort at times… literally and also emotionally… especially if you're worried that the person on the receiving end isn't comfortable with what you're doing, or you're causing the discomfort or pain. As I've said so many times Angel… I'll get no pleasure from your discomfort, so it is something I would do everything in my power to prevent."

"I see." 

Aziraphale was clearly in a heavy state of processing Crowley's information… as was often the case when he was trying to grasp something totally new. 

"You know, Angel, if pain concerns you so much… we do have… miracles… on our side… ones that can ensure that those feelings wouldn't be present…" 

Crowley knew what his Angel's response would be the moment he allowed those words to leave his lips… 

"Believe me darling, I've thought of that. But… I want our experiences to be as… well… authentic as possible. I would want us to endeavor to do things… well, the human way. I wouldn't want to use our extraordinary abilities to take away from the full and real experience of a sensation… if that makes sense." 

"It absolutely does Angel. You're right. There are a couple of things that a quick miracle can make easier, and I have used those little tricks on occasion, but I'm not really one for eliminating authentic sensation from an experience like that. And… it's difficult to explain… but sometimes the pain that comes from penetration is… well… part of it? Damn it all, this is another one of those things where if you haven't had penetrative sex…"

"The aching! Right?"

Crowley saw a very positive lightbulb going off in the Angel's eyes. 

"The aches I've felt from the… wanting of release… they make me uncomfortable but, are part of what leads towards the pleasure of orgasm?" 

"That's an excellent example Angel. Ok… if this description is too much, please tell me, alright?" 

"I will dear but, as we said, we need to talk about this if we are going to consider it in the future and increase my comfort." 

Crowley took a moment to kiss his Angel… trying to communicate how proud he was of his sweet love for always having an open mind to discuss these new and sometimes intimidating subjects with him.

"So, as you know, I have had sex in all kinds of combinations. I have been the one penetrating and have been penetrated. I've done this orally, anally and vaginally. All of those situations hold the capacity for discomfort and pain. Those unpleasant aspects of the experience can be greatly reduced by being with a partner who cares about your experience and consent and wants to make the experience good for you. And Angel, I want everything you experience to feel good for you…" 

Crowley's breath very suddenly and unexpectedly caught in his throat… he actually thought he felt the prick of a tear in the corner of his eye… he was grateful that they were in a rare moment where he still had his glasses on during a serious conversation such as this. 

"Angel I'd rather die than hurt you… you know that… yes?" 

Aziraphale heard the slight tremble in Crowley's voice, gripped both of his hands and gave him a reassuring gaze. 

"I know my dear. And the only reason I have ever considered any sexual activity between us at all, even non-sexual touch for that matter, is because I love and trust and know what you say to be true. And I certainly would never want to hurt you either… hence my anxiety on both sides of this aspect of sexuality. But, please dear, continue…" 

"Will do love. Alright, so, having an attentive partner can certainly make everything easier, but it isn't a cure all. Like you said many months ago, even when the intentions are good, those uncomfortable aspects can still be present, and one can be fearful of voicing that discomfort for the want of not hurting their partner's feelings." 

Aziraphale nodded his understanding and remained steadfast in his inquisitive gaze at his fiancé. 

"In all of the situations I described, especially with anal and vaginal penetration, there can be a really intense feeling of the skin stretching… and since those parts of a human corporation are also very sensitive, one often needs to take at least some care to make sure those areas are as… open… as possible… as… lubricated as possible… naturally or artificially... and feeling as good as possible beforehand. It is also possible for the penetration to be too hard or too fast, and that can cause the pain and discomfort, and sometimes there's just… well… an ache. The ache you described. The ache that makes you chase the pleasure." 

The Angel sighed and nodded, ready to voice his thoughts. "Everything you say is what I basically imagined dear, but it's very helpful to hear you describe it in such frank detail. Thank you. Um… to ask… it also feels, well, good… to be on the receiving end, yes?" 

"Oh yes Angel. Absolutely yes. If it's done correctly, and it may take time for the two of us to figure out what 'correctly' means for our specific bodies, it feels tremendously good. Imagine the most sensitive parts of your corporation being rubbed and massaged towards climax by a part of your partner's body… a partner you love so deeply. I mean, you love me, and I love you so much… the idea of a part of your corporation being literally inside of me, or me inside of you… its…" 

"Beautiful. Overwhelming. Extraordinary. Dare I say… tempting… OH!" 

Crowley cackled at the Angel's embarrassment and the hand covering his mouth. He pulled the hand away so he could give Aziraphale a quick kiss. 

"Angel I can't help but feel that we are very much on the brink of letting a very wicked side of you come out. I know you have tremendous fears about taking this step… but I keep thinking I just might unleash your inner Demon once sex becomes genuinely comfortable for you in all aspects." 

Aziraphale smiled sweetly, cheeks turning a bit red, but he certainly didn't huff or deny Crowley's observation. 

"As I've said from the beginning Crowley… I do so WANT to be comfortable with all we've discussed. I do believe I'll get there… if we continue to take our careful pace." 

"Agreed. Now. Do we want to talk any more specifics? Do you want to talk about what would be the most comfortable scenario for us to experience penetration for the first time? Which set up will get us closest a 'Crepes' rating?"

The Angel sighed a bit heavily at that, and there was a slight tremble to his hands.

"You can tell me 'no' Aziraphale… we don't have to…" 

"No dear, um… no I think I know what I want to have happen, but… I'm just not so sure how amenable you'll be. I know you SAY you're comfortable with any configuration but…" 

"And I meant that, Angel or I wouldn't have said it. It is YOUR first time with this aspect of sexuality… whatever will have you be the most comfortable is what we should do." 

"Alright then. Well… first, I do believe we should try oral sex with… taking each other fully into each other's mouths. I would very much like each of us to do this for the other and see if we can indeed create that 'comfortable and connected' experience you described." 

"Sounds like a proper next step to me, Angel." 

"And then, well… I hope you won't find me too forward but… How would you feel if I were to… penetrate you… the first time we have that kind of sex?" 

Crowley smiled. Not only because it was an idea that was VERY amenable to him, but because Aziraphale had asked for exactly what he wanted without getting embarrassed. 

"I like that idea very much Angel. And I'll be sure to communicate very clearly with you if I am experiencing any discomfort. Now, to ask… what part of my body would you want to penetrate?" 

"Oh… um… well I did think about this a bit too. As I've said before love, I'm not against you changing your effort to a typical female model… but… all of our other sexual experiences have been with male-presenting efforts and I feel… well I like the idea of us 'going all the way' with the parts we have now before either of us changes them completely. Does that make sense love?" 

"It absolutely does. Alright then, the first time we have sex you will penetrate me…" 

"But I don't know what to do!" 

Aziraphale was looking a bit distressed now, and Crowley quickly brought his hand up into the 'comfort spot' along the Angel's right cheek, urging him to continue. 

"Crowley, I don't know what to do to um… prepare you for such an act… and I'm not entirely sure about positions and… what I would do when I'm in certain positions and… um… oh dear…" 

The Demon leaned in and kissed his lover's forehead, gently scratching the back of his neck in an effort to relax him.

"Crowley it seems to me… though I could be wrong… that the individual who does the penetrating is… often the person… in charge? No, that's not the phrase I think I'm looking for…" 

"I understand what you're saying Angel. May I propose a scenario that might help temper your worries?" 

"Please do, dear…" 

"First off, and we won't unpack this now completely, there are many ways for the individual being penetrated to still be… in the driver's seat… so to speak. So, for your very first time with this, here's what I'd advise we do. We would do all kinds of lovely things we already enjoy to turn each other on. I would then show you how to 'prepare' me, and potentially use some tiny miracles to make sure everything would go as smoothly as possible. Then, you would lie back, and I would climb on top of you, like I already do when I'm straddling you, and we would have sex in that position. Some like to call it 'riding'." 

"Oh my…" 

"Bad 'oh my' or good.." 

"GOOD! Oh… um… sorry… yes my dear that sounds… that sounds like a properly good scenario for a first experience." 

The Angel's cheeks were still blazing red from the intimate details of this conversation, but Crowley caught the shimmer of excitement in those blue eyes as well. 

"Good. Then that's what we'll do when we're ready. And then all the other configurations we can think of, and all the possible positions within each configuration… it's a good thing we have eternity together Angel." 

"Indeed we do, dear. Oh… sweet serpent I do love you so very very much… thank you for your patience with me and for pushing me into this conversation."

They kissed for some time, and used their hands to gently rub and warm each other up along their upper bodies; the crash of the waves in their ears helping them to feel calm and relaxed as the sun rose higher into the sky. 

When they pulled away, Crowley noted that the sea was beautiful behind them, but the blue of that body of water couldn't even begin to touch the blue of his Angel's gorgeous eyes.

Conversation about penetrative sex: CHECK  
Fiancés kissing on the beach: CHECK 

They'd made some glorious plans… for both the short and long term of the rest of their lives. Crowley couldn't wait for the future to arrive… and allowed genuine contentment to coarse through his corporation's veins as he leaned in for another kiss from his fiancé.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! So much more to do and now in a new place to call theirs! I plan to have them take advantage of their new home and their new comfort in said home as a place where they can truly take their physical relationship to new heights. My job continues to be crazy so I can't guarantee when the next chapter will come, but believe that I won't be able to stay away from these gorgeous disasters for long. Thanks all!


	22. Perfect Days (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley has a perfect day planned for his Angel in their new shared home in the South Downs... what he doesn't realize is that the Angel has plans of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! I love their new life in the countryside... so I wanted to put them out into that world and enjoy it together in public but then give them some lovely private memories to make together as well. This is indeed a Part I but not a cliffhanger perse, just me taking a huge mega chapter and dividing it in two... enjoy!

The weekend came and went with nothing new to add to the list despite their encouraging talk. 

When they'd returned to the cottage after their extra-long walk on the beach, they'd discovered that some of the pipes were frozen from the frigid winter and a great deal of maintenance was needed to resolve the matter. But despite the frustration and exhaustion that came with setting everything to rights, they were still feeling just as warm and loving towards each other than ever if not more so. 

Crowley thought to himself as they drove back to London that Sunday that just as they were sauntering into greater touch and intimacy, they were also sauntering into domesticity… into partnership… something also very much worth listing… 

Difficult Conversations: CHECK  
Frustrating Situations: CHECK  
The Sharing of Space and Material Items: CHECK  
Communication despite Awkwardness: CHECK  
Supporting Each Other Through Personal Endeavors: CHECK  
Engagement: CHECK  
Living Together: CHECK  
Long Drives in Companionable Silence: CHECK  
Knowing Each Other's Mind Heart Wants Needs Loves Desires: CHECK 

When they arrived back at the Bookshop, Aziraphale puttering about dealing with the mail and some tidying, Crowley decided he wanted to do something special for his Angel when they returned to the cottage the next weekend. They'd been so focused on 'settling in' and all the needs of the home that neither had really taken the time to spoil the other or treat the other to something unique beyond their more typical routines. 

A plan formulated in the Demon's talented imagination fairly quickly. Crowley decided that he would spend Friday preparing a few things, making a few purchases and then on Saturday he would treat the Angel to a 'Perfect Day' in the South Downs… a perfect day by the Angel's standards anyway. Crowley wanted his fiancé to truly start to feel at home in their shared home and begin making some of his fondest memories in this first shared space between them. And… because it's hard for a Demon mind not to be slightly Demonic at times… Crowley was also hopeful that the day would make Aziraphale so comfortable that he might be willing to take one of the leaps they'd discussed on the beach. 

"Penny for your thoughts dear?" 

Aziraphale must have stopped his puttering at some point and saw the cogs turning in his lover's brain. Crowley snapped out of his trance and crossed to the Angel to put his arms around him in a soft embrace. 

"Mmmm… Already thinking about going back in a few days. I've got some PLANS for you Angel…" 

"Oh goodness… pleasant plans I hope?" 

"Let's just say you should keep your Saturday free for me, yeah?" 

Aziraphale giggled and tightened his arms around Crowley's middle.

"Oh, I suppose I could clear my calendar, Demon mine." 

"Demon yours… forever." 

"Alright you sweet thing… you're starting to lean on me in a way that suggests it's your bedtime." 

"Mmmm… you're right… can't even be bothered to go up the stairs… too tired… I'll just crash on the couch while you… ANGEL!" 

Aziraphale, Soldier of Heaven, more swiftly than the Demon would have thought possible, moved his arms from Crowley's middle to the backs of his thighs and hoisted him up. In order to feel secure, Crowley had to wrap all four limbs around the Angel, koala-style.

"Then I suppose I shall have to carry you to bed, shall I dear?" 

They both laughed as Crowley murmured something in the affirmative, burying his face in the Angel's neck and squeezing him tightly as Aziraphale carried him up the stairs to the flat. 

Demon koala-hugging the Angel on the way to bed: CHECK

*** 

The following weekend, despite the traffic jams, Crowley opted to drive back to the cottage on Thursday night, so he would have all of Friday to put everything together for the Angel's special day on Saturday. The Demon shopped, arranged, practiced and put together everything that would be necessary to make the day special, and even ran into a few unexpected discoveries in a nearby village to make things even better than he'd hoped. 

For the Angel's part, it was almost as if he'd forgotten Crowley's 'plans' as he thoroughly absorbed himself in a project arranging all of his 20th-21st century texts in chronological order on a specific shelf in his library. Crowley could have done a full Changing of the Guard and Trooping of the Colour ceremony through the garden and the Angel likely wouldn't have noticed. Crowley was thrilled… perhaps his plans actually would come as a surprise despite his hints at doing something special a few days prior. 

By some great fortune, on Friday night, the Angel actually managed to fall asleep, and for the first time since their fully conscious coupling, Crowley woke up before Aziraphale. The Demon zipped to the kitchen, using a minor miracle here and there to make sure he was as quiet as possible (the frying of bacon could be surprisingly loud!). With the final touch of a flower from the greenhouse in a little vase on the tray, he walked through the door of their bedroom just as the Angel was blinking awake under the comforter. 

With a yawn and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he declared, "Oh… my dear… what a lovely treat! To what do I owe this glorious pleasure?"

Crowley delicately placed the tray across the Angel's lap while giving him a peck on the nose to say 'good morning' and even took a moment to puff up the pillows behind him. 

"Well, Angel, I realized last week that despite your incessant gushing on the subject of my 'loveliness'… I'm actually one of the worst boyfriends… er… fiancés er… whatever you feel like calling me, of all time…" 

"Whatever do you mean my Crowley… I…" 

"…Because after millennia together, and months together-together… I've never once made you breakfast in bed." 

Before Aziraphale could complete his protest accompanied by an eye-roll, Crowley lifted the cloche on the tray revealing a delectable full-English breakfast. The Angel gasped at the treats arranged perfectly on the plate: scrambled eggs (with chives from the herb garden in the greenhouse), bacon, sausage, beans, puddings, mushrooms, a perfectly roasted tomato, and little pots of honey and jam from the local farmer's market to go on thick slices of toast. 

Crowley couldn't tell if the Angel's eyes were watering with hunger or gratitude, likely a combination of the two, but he got a clear message that he'd done well when Aziraphale crashed his lips against his in a very enthusiastic kiss. 

"Oh my dear… this is the most EXQUISITE breakfast I have ever been served, in all my days on this Earth… truly! You made all of this?" 

"Well… there might have been a small miracle or two to make sure I didn't burn anything while staying quiet enough not to have you come padding into the kitchen but… yeah, it's all me. What can I say Angel, food is one of your favorite things…" 

"YOU are my most favorite thing my delightful Demon…" another kiss. 

"Well then Angel, your favorite thing is trying to learn to make some of your favorite things, so he can earn his keep around here..." yet another loving kiss. "Go on then, eat." 

As Crowley left the bed to grab mugs of tea for both of them from the kitchen, he could hear Aziraphale's moans of delight as he dug into the feast. The Demon thought to himself, 'Good… if he likes breakfast that much, he'll REALLY love the rest of the day.' 

Breakfast in bed: CHECK

***

After thoroughly savoring breakfast (Crowley even agreed to a few nibbles of it to give Aziraphale the pleasure of feeding his Demon), the Demon told the Angel to get dressed for a drive to a secret location for the day's activities. 

Within thirty minutes (It would have been 20 but part of the Demon's plan for treating the Angel was to drive the speed limit in the Bentley) they'd arrived at a neighboring seaside town, and Aziraphale practically squealed with delight when he saw the banner advertising a local book festival at the nearby community center. 

They parked right in front of the beautiful old stone building and entered to find all kinds of stalls; antique and rare edition sellers, some local popular authors signing books meeting their admirers and even a few new authors trying to sell their self-published first novels to anyone willing to throw them a few quid. Aziraphale wanted to visit every single stall. 

Although the atmosphere wasn't really his scene, the Demon knew instantly that he'd done a very good thing indeed by making this plan. His Angel was in his ACUTAL version of Heaven in this building amongst these humans. Aziraphale found a few acquaintances he'd met at events like these among the tables; people he'd traded and bought books from and even one gentleman who had visited A.Z. Fell & Co. before. He introduced himself to a few of the authors, even the new ones… 'Mary Shelley and Arthur Conan Doyle were once young unpublished authors too dear' the Angel had said to him, and he also took the time to introduce Crowley to every person he stopped to see: 'Allow me to introduce my fiancé.'

Crowley found his cheeks flushing a lot more than he thought they would during the introductions. Aziraphale was being such an… Angel… in this setting… radiating love and joy and connectivity… so to be introduced as the partner… betrothed… ultimate love… of such an entity was truly incredible. He felt so lucky. 'The Angel chose me… fallen, damaged ME… and here he is making sure everyone he encounters knows he wants to be with me forever.' He spent the entire two hours they were at the event grateful that he had his glasses on. 

After they'd made their rounds twice and even invited one or two folks to visit them at the cottage in the near future, Crowley took the Angel to lunch at a wonderful sushi restaurant near the water. They sat at the counter, Aziraphale oohing and aahing over the chef's skill as he prepared each morsel for him to nosh upon. Crowley claimed to have a fish allergy but enjoyed some of their delectable ice-cold sake. Another win, and even more beaming smiles as his Angel held the Demon's hand under the counter, giving copious grateful squeezes as the meal went on. 

When the Angel claimed to have had his fill, Crowley ordered a few more rolls to go and led them just a few blocks inland to a bakery that looked like something out of a Jane Austen novel. Aziraphale sighed upon entry into the old building as the scents of fresh bread and cakes filled their noses. Crowley showed all the patience in the world as his Angel enjoyed a few nibbles and samples before selecting a plump ploughman's loaf, black currant scones and a bag of little matcha tea cookies. The Demon immediately grabbed the bag of goodies once they'd been paid for to better ensure that his plans for the late afternoon portion of the day went smoothly. The Angel thought he was just being gentlemanly. 

Crowley drove them home with equal attention paid to the speed limit as he had on the drive there. As they drove, Aziraphale told Crowley stories about the book dealers and authors he'd reconnected with at the festival. Despite his concern that they might notice he hadn't aged a day since meeting them years before, Aziraphale still felt strongly that having a few people over for dinner couldn't hurt and the Demon was amenable. 

They arrived home and Crowley immediately sent Aziraphale off to his library, promising to be back in short order… it was time for phase two. 

*** 

For the second time that day, Crowley approached his beloved fiancé with a tray, this time with a perfect afternoon tea constructed out of the delicacies they'd picked up at the bakery earlier in the day. He'd used the loaf of bread to make some tasty sandwiches (cucumber, and ham and chutney) had pots of clotted cream and jam for the scones, and of course the matcha cookies along with a steaming pot of tea. 

The Angel was beaming at him, mouth agape as he placed the tray on the coffee table in front of the Angel, and took his own seat in the plush chair next to him. 

"Tea? Angel?" 

"My dear, I am nearly speechless. This is all… everything today… oh Crowley…" 

Aziraphale got up, went to the chair where his Demon sat, and reached down to kiss Crowley with great passion, the Demon reaching up to receive his hungry kisses. The desire behind said kisses indicated to Crowley that he was very much on the right track; this day had been very pleasing to his Angel and they were very much poised to fully go forward with the final act of his plan. 

"Now, my love… what is it you want?" 

If Crowley had been drinking his tea in this moment, he likely would have spat it everywhere… instead he simply sputtered and huffed in response before forming actual words. 

"Wha? Hah… Angel… I'm… I don't want anything I just… can't a Demon just do something… nice for his fiancé?" 

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow at his love in a way that made Crowley sputter even more.

"Hey, Angel mine, don't raise that eyebrow at me that's the way I raise my eyebrow when I'm skeptical of something…" 

The Angel broke a bit at that, letting out a small laugh and a twinkle in his eyes. 

"Crowley, this is truly incredible, and no, it's not strange that you want to do something nice for me… in fact, you've been NICE to me for millennia." 

"Four letter words Angel, you keep telling me not to use them so much I suggest you do the same…" 

Aziraphale answered by sitting on Crowley's lap, taking his Demon by surprise since it didn't happen very often, and wrapping his Angelic arms around his neck… also a signature Demon cuddle-move. 

"My heart, I know you well enough by now to know when a plan is twirling around in your beautiful brain. Do you want to tell me what this delightful plan has been about?" 

Crowley sighed, a bit annoyed that his extra efforts didn't seem quite as effortless as he'd hoped, but also a bit glad that he could just tell the Angel what he was thinking about. 

"I just… I'm sorry Angel… Wasn't trying to hide anything from you or have ulterior motives… I just… I wanted to give you a 'perfect day'… something that would make you feel fond and comfortable, and just… more ready to take some of the leaps we talked about last weekend. I thought if I did everything so well and made you happy you'd consider letting me do something… well… REALLY nice for you at the end of the day. I love that you and I talk everything out ahead of time, but I guess I thought if maybe I put special effort to giving you a perfect date you'd be so happy that you'd just, welcome us trying something new… have something happen spontaneously I guess." 

"So… in order to make something spontaneous happen between us, you made a big plan to prepare me for said spontaneity?" 

"Alright, yes, you're right, I hear how that sounds now… I'm sorry Angel… Satan's sake I'm so terrible at MMPH!" 

Crowley was silenced by a near bruising kiss, and perfectly manicured Angel nails coasting along his scalp and setting nearly every nerve in his body alight. He wrapped his arms tightly around his Angel's middle, feeling his desire building between his legs a lot faster than he'd anticipated. Something about the Angel sitting on his lap and moving against him as they kissed was really doing something for him. 

"My love, my Crowley… your efforts have not been in vain, by any stretch of the imagination… this day HAS been perfect, but it is not going to get the ending I believe you originally intended." 

"Oh, Angel, I understand… again… it was dumb of me to assume…" 

"Because I am the one who is going to do the REALLY nice thing you wanted to do for me… but me to you." 

Before Crowley could respond, Aziraphale snapped his fingers so that Crowley was only in his boxer briefs, while the Angel remained fully clothed on his lap. For a split-second Crowley saw shock in his Angel's eyes over his own forwardness, but the Demon quickly attempted to kiss the anxiety away, showing his immense gratitude and excitement over the Angel's boldness.

The kissing continued… the scalp scratching continued… tugging on his red hair was added… followed by delicious sucking kisses to his neck and soft strong hands coasting across his chest… and the excitement between his legs most definitely continued… quickly turning into a throb that he knew the Angel could feel. Crowley found himself moving his hips as the Angel remained settled on his lap, getting some much-needed relief through the friction, moans spilling out of his mouth. 

"Aaaaaangel… bless… damn… uuuuuugh… you're a wonder… you make me feel so incredibly good… but… I was supposed to be the one to…" 

He was cut off with another kiss, accompanied by the Angel's fingers moving down to tease his nipples to rock-hard peaks.

"My dear… I know you intended to be the one to do this for me… but all you've done is spoil me all day long… my turn to do the same for you if you don't mind…" he ended his sentiment with a perfectly pressured pinch to the Demon's right nipple that made Crowley's hips buck and his mouth sing out in pleasure. 

As Crowley moaned, he heard a snap, and could see over the Angel's lap that he'd miracled a nice plush pillow at the foot of the armchair in which they sat. He looked back up into the Angel's eyes with excitement… this was something they'd done before after all… but it was at that point that he saw a slight faltering of confidence in the Angel's eyes.

"Angel, it's ok, we can just do this the way we've done before, we…" 

"No, Crowley I… I'm ready… I'm… I'm not as worried as I would be if our positions were… well, switched… at least not about my concerns we discussed last week… I'm more worried now that I won't… um… do this very well…" 

"Angel, like all things we've done, I know you'll do everything possible to please me, and if something is uncomfortable we'll stop and figure it out… yeah? Just, go with your instincts… you already understand the basics and what to avoid, I think you'll know what to do when you begin."

Aziraphale smiled and nodded, renewed determination in his gaze. 

"Remember Angel, you are already good at sex. Overwhelmingly good. Sensual and loving and hot-as-fuck and perfect… to the point where I am going to have a slightly embarrassing tent in my pants when you stand up." 

There was laughter in Aziraphale's voice at that, which was quickly replaced by a rising heat in his eyes. 

He got up off of Crowley's lap, locked eyes with him, and slowly lowered his knees to the pillow without breaking his gaze. Crowley nearly discorporated on the spot. It was one of the hottest things he'd ever seen. 

Despite the fact that he didn't need to, the Angel continued to lavish attention on his lover to build his pleasure… his kisses, licks and bites continued to Crowley's slim torso, his cock aching with more and more need at every touch of the Angel's searingly hot lips and mouth. Aziraphale scratched his nails along Crowley's inner thighs and he found himself bucking his hips again. He really needed to get that reaction under control… didn't want to overwhelm his Angel if they did indeed go in the direction he thought they were taking. 

Finally, with a quick shake of his platinum curls to push away anxious thoughts, Aziraphale looked up to Crowley, fingers dipping below the waistband of his pants, asking permission with his eyes to take them down. The demon nodded enthusiastically. 

Aziraphale pulled them down and off and actually took a moment to fold them and place them on the side table next to the chair. Crowley couldn't help but chuckle sweetly at the gesture.

"Angel that is the most YOU thing I have ever seen… only you would take the time to… Ooooohhhhh…" 

He was immediately thrown into ecstasy by a familiar but no less incredible feeling of the Angel licking up the underside of his cock, fingers circled around the base both squeezing and directing his leaking effort to a perfect angle. Aziraphale continued to lap just underneath his crown at those extra sensitive spots, sending Crowley to new heights of pleasure... but suddenly pulled away and looked up at his fiancé with searching eyes.

"It's ok Angel, what do you need?"

"I think I just… need a little more contact with you dear, um…"

Before Crowley could make suggestions, Aziraphale's beautiful blues landed on the Demon's hand gripping the end of the arm of his chair. He reached for that hand with his free one, weaving their fingers together and then looking back at him with an endearing smile. 

"Does that make you feel better Angel?" 

"Oh… yes dear, so much… is it alright for you? Are you completely comfortable?" 

Crowley felt a little touch of extra warmth bloom in his chest over Aziraphale's questions and tone… the Demon had never had much to complain about when receiving oral sex in any configuration, but the fact that Aziraphale, nervous as he was, was still checking in on him, wanting as much connection between them as possible before the activity took place… he'd never experienced anything like it. 

"I am Angel, thank you… are you?"

"Yes. Yes I am… please feel free to direct me dear, I won't take offense if you need to tell me what to do." 

"I will Angel, don't worry about me. You look so incredible… I don't think this is going to take too terribly long…" 

"Then I'll endeavor to make it feel as wonderful as possible, however long it lasts." 

The last thought Crowley had, before getting truly swept up in this moment, was how strangely lovely that exchange had been. 

Having a loving check-in conversation while your fiancé is between your knees holding your cock in his hand ready to fully suck you off for the first time: CHECK? Sure… that was worth adding to the list… 

"Oh! Angel!" 

Crowley was expecting his love to start with some more of the typical kissing and licking he'd done in their past forays into oral pleasure, but what actually happened was his Angel fully wrapped his lips around the head of his cock and gave an experimental but firm suck, laving the flat of his tongue against his slit. The Demon barked out in surprise and pleasure. 

Aziraphale immediately popped off of him, concerned he'd done something wrong, but Crowley immediately interjected. 

"Angel, as long as you are comfortable, for the sake of all that is good in this world and the next… Keep. Doing. THAT… PLEASE!" 

Aziraphale smiled, and that ever so slight wicked twinkle appeared as he lowered his head back to Crowley's effort, resuming his previous experimentation. 

As Crowley had predicted, despite the Angel's inexperience, he was a very quick study, and this was, in fact, not going to last long. 

Aziraphale's instincts, and a few tips from Crowley about moving the hand that was holding the Demon's effort in tandem with the movements of his mouth, left very little more for Crowley to desire. 

The Angel's mouth was warm and his soft lips silky, his tongue never stopped moving and teasing and circling him. Aziraphale continued to take more and more of him into his mouth, and making sounds like he was tasting something truly delicious. All the while they continued to hold hands, and Crowley took his other hand and gently rested it in Aziraphale's curls; not pushing or directing him, just showing him that he was there, that he was WITH him even as he sauntered gently upward towards an amazing climax.

When he was nearly to the point of no return, he gave Aziraphale's hand a few quick squeezes.

"Angel… oooohhhh… this is so fucking incredible… I'm… ahhhh… going to come soon, its ok if you just want to finish with your… uuuugh… hand…" 

The Angel did indeed lift his head off of Crowley with a pop, and vigorously doubled his strokes to the Demon's cock with his hand, effectively silencing him of his words and turning his saunter towards orgasm into a sprint. 

"Only because I do so love to look at your face when you climax dear." 

That was all Crowley needed. 

"AAAAAANGEL!" with that, he crested and spilled onto his belly and the Angel's hand, complete ecstasy washing over him, feeling the last rays of the setting sun warm against the side of his face, gripping the Angel's hand, and sauntering back down into a feeling of calm and peace.

After a few moments of delirious joy, Crowley heard a snap, felt a whoosh of Angelic energy, and noticed that their positions from earlier had switched. He was clean, dressed in his silk pajamas (as was Aziraphale in his regular pair), and sitting almost limp in the Angel's lap in his favorite armchair. The Demon immediately buried his face in Aziraphale's neck as his Angel held him, chuckling lightly as Crowley curled into him like a hybrid between a snake and a cat. 

"Well dear, given your reaction, that couldn't have been too terribly off the mark…"

Crowley laughed and gave a gentle nip to the Angel's shoulder. "Again, with the perfect one-liners… Oh my Angel that was unbelievable. As I knew it would be." 

"Oh, well, you're too kind my dear. I think I have some things to learn but, you were so very right about my instincts. There are some things these corporations are just sort of… well… inclined to do… yes?" 

"I always think back to Adam and Eve in the Garden Angel… I know you weren't paying attention to the details but I was… they had nothing to go on, but they figured out pretty quickly that lots of different things feel good, not just item A going into slot B." 

Aziraphale giggled and squeezed him. "It was um… good though? And it's alright that I didn't have you come… um…" 

Crowley lifted his head and took the Angel's beautiful face in his hands, kissing him soundly and tasting just a hint of something he was fairly certain was his own essence still on the Angel's tongue. 

"It wasn't just good, Aziraphale, it was in-fucking-credible. Angel I… I don't know how to say this with eloquence but… Oral sex is fun, it has always been something I liked… but… I've never felt… MADE LOVE TO during it before. I've never done it with someone concerned that we weren't connected enough while it was happening. You… you take things and you don't just make them fun you make them bloody beautiful and sometimes I can hardly take it… I should shut up now I'm just blubbering I… MMPH!" 

The Angel's arms nearly squeezed all the air out of him, along with a passionate kiss to match. 

"You speak with such greater eloquence than you will ever give yourself credit for my wonderful Demon."

Crowley smiled sheepishly and settled against him for a moment before Aziraphale sat up with a start. 

"Oh, dearest, not to interrupt your post-coital refractory period but…" 

Crowley snorted. "Speaking of eloquence… yes Angel, let's get back to this delicious high tea I made… can't believe you interrupted it by giving me an absolutely spectacular blow job…" 

"Crowley!" 

"That's what they're CALLED Angel! We are calling things what they are! It doesn't make them any less loving and beautiful!" 

"Wiley Old Serpent… pass your Bastard Angel a scone, won't you?" 

They descended into laughter as Crowley piled treats onto the Angel's plate, miracling the tea nice and hot again. 

As they enjoyed the delicious spread, Aziraphale took a moment to ask Crowley, "Oh, by the way dear boy, would you mind penciling me in for next Saturday? I'm in the mood to surprise my Demon with some activities he might find enjoyable…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay sexy fun times in the new library! Crowley's turn to be spoiled! Hoping to have the next chapter out before the end of the week. As always, your comments give me life... thank you so much for enjoying this story and sharing it with others!


	23. Perfect Days (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley's turn for a perfect day as the Angel surprises him with various experiences to fully spoil his love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fluff... fluffy fluffy fluff fluff fluff... the world is a crazy place right now... so let's just have pure perfect sexy softness, eh?

The next day was the first Sunday where either of them actually felt sad to leave the cottage. It seemed that Crowley had accomplished several very important things with his 'perfect day' for his Angel-Fiancé, and one of them was making them fall even more deeply in love with their new shared home than before. 

As they drove towards their urban home, they discussed the matter. Neither of them felt the need to spend less time in London than they were currently, but they acknowledged a growing attachment to the cottage and the life they were starting to build there together. And after that sweet discussion about their new home and the future and even a few potential wedding details, Crowley was able to add something totally unexpected to the list… 

Angel touching the Demon's crotch while said Demon was trying to DRIVE for goodness sake: CHECK

Crowley was most definitely creating a monster… a beautiful Angelic monster, who immediately apologized for doing it the second he did it, he had only meant to tease and not to make Crowley swerve on the road and oh goodness what Crowley must THINK of him for doing such a thing without asking and STOP LAUGHING CROWLEY I'M TRYING TO APOLOGIZE!

*** 

Much like Crowley had the previous week, Aziraphale made no mention to his Demon of his 'plans' for the following Saturday other than a reminder to keep his Saturday open. 

"What else am I going to do that day, Angel? Tell you that I'm sorry and I'm never available on days that end in 'Y'? You're the primary reason I do anything other than sleep!" 

But Aziraphale had only tutted at him and walked into town to take care of a few 'errands' after their Friday morning arrival at the cottage. Crowley quickly became absorbed in a project in his greenhouse tending to his orchid collection. He was amassing quite the impressive collection and was enjoying the extra timely care he needed to put into their growth. He didn't yell at them nearly as much as his other plants, which may have been due to their more delicate nature, or that the Angel's kindness was starting to rub off on him. 

Either way, he was so absorbed that he almost hadn't noticed the arrival/celestial manifestation of a note on red paper with his name on it on a table in the greenhouse. He couldn't help but smile along with his eye roll as he crossed to pick it up. 

'Dearest Crowley~ please forgive a slight change to my clandestine plans my dear, but Saturday will no longer be an ideal time to treat my love to some special activities. I know we've only just arrived at the cottage but if you are amenable, I would very much appreciate your return to the main house and a change of clothes into something causal yet acceptable for public viewing. Once said change in your apparel is complete, please meet me in the foyer for the first part of your 'surprise'. All my love, your Azi (Fiancé!)'

Crowley was filled with a combination of intrigue, warmth and yet another fond eye roll over the sweet signature of the note. What was it about Aziraphale's plans that necessitated moving everything ahead a day… a day that was already more than half-gone? Only one way to find out. 

As he walked back into the house, a snap of his fingers put him into one of his regular all-black ensembles, but with a robust cable-knit sweater in case they needed to be out in the cold for a time. When he made it to the foyer, Aziraphale was standing there, holding a small round tray with a cloche covering it, and a sweet proud smile on his face. 

"Oh, my dear, I see you found my note!" 

"Hope I didn't keep you waiting too long Angel… what's this then?" 

"Well my dear I do feel terrible about having to shift the plans I made at the last minute, especially since you do so love to nap on Friday afternoons when we drive down here on Friday mornings. So, I made you a quick pick-me-up that I hope will increase your stamina for the day."

With a touch of flourish to his hand, the Angel lifted the cloche to reveal a tiny, perfect-smelling cup of espresso with a sugar cube sitting next to it. The steam from the cup seemed to find its way directly into Crowley's nostrils and he actually felt his eyes flutter closed behind his glasses as the aroma overwhelmed his senses. 

"Oh Angel, that smells bloody fantastic…" 

"Thank you dear, my errand this morning was actually to visit the local coffee shop in town for a brief lesson… they have a machine similar to the one you recently purchased for us and they instructed me on how to create the drink to a quality of your liking. Oh, I do so hope it's at least satisfactory…" 

Without another word, Crowley dropped the sugar cube into the cup, lifted the cup to his lips and downed the shot in an instant. He allowed a growl of satisfaction from deep in his chest rise up and out of his mouth and was certain he felt the perfectly brewed beverage surge energy into his corporation's veins. 

"Brilliant Angel… bloody fucking BRILLIANT." 

When the Demon opened his eyes again, a shot glass with a clear bubbly liquid was sitting on the tray in place of the cup.

"A shot of seltzer water dear, cleanses the palate." 

Crowley shot his love a thoughtful smile, downed the shot, and then snapped everything back to the kitchen so he could wrap his arms around Aziraphale in a fierce hug. 

"Thank you, Angel… I feel like I could move mountains." 

"Oh my dear boy you are so very welcome… I know food is not the way to your heart, but I do know you appreciate a strong cup of coffee. Now, speaking of beverages you like, time to get a wiggle on. I have an address for you to put into your phone. I wanted to pamper you, but I know said pampering should not include me driving you places."

"You know me too well fiancé mine… alright, let's see where you're taking me…" 

***

The two drove for about 30 minutes in the opposite direction they'd taken for Aziraphale's surprises the weekend before, and Crowley genuinely had no idea where they were headed… this was a part of the coast they hadn't visited together before. 

A touch of the Demon's natural impatience slipped out of him as he tried to get the Angel to give him a hint about where they were going, but Aziraphale simply smiled and stared at the winding road ahead. When they were about five minutes away according to the GPS, Crowley saw a sign on the side of the road that almost made him squeal in the way Aziraphale had when he'd seen the banner for the book festival: a weather-worn sign with the words 'Distillery & Cider House' in big bold letters. 

When they arrived, there were no other cars in the visitor section of the parking lot, which was surprising to Crowley… but the Angel's smile when the Demon commented on the lack of patrons said it all. 'He knows I'm mostly uncomfortable in crowds, so he made sure this was just for us,' he thought as he got out of the car and took a quick moment to compose himself.

They were met by a guide who'd worked at the venue since it opened 30 years prior and were taken on a private tour. The gentleman told them that they'd originally just made the cider, but after a few years of having little to do in the winter months when apples weren't fresh, they had started making whiskey as well. 

Crowley didn't have quite the same number of passions that Aziraphale had beyond his plants, but he did very much enjoy alcohol… quite extraordinary amounts and nearly every kind imaginable. While the Angel's preference had always been wine, Crowley was positively thrilled to be learning more about how both the whiskey and hard cider were made at this establishment. He actually found himself being surprisingly social with their guide and asking more questions than he would in other similar situations. All the while, Aziraphale was by his side, a seemingly contented smile on his face seeing how much Crowley was genuinely enjoying the experience. 

When the tour was done, the best part of the day thus far began… the TASTINGS. The guide brought out flights of different ciders and whiskeys for both of them to try and, much to the Angel's delight, a tray of nibbles to pair with the different samples. There was cheese and fruit and chocolate and various savory spreads on toast. While Crowley was enjoying all the new tastes, his Angel was enjoying all the pairings and Crowley was thrilled to see Aziraphale just as engaged as he. 

With the tasting complete, Angel and Demon each selected a pint of their favorite cider and a tumbler of their favorite whiskey from the tasting and went out on the back porch of the tasting room to sit on a bench and look out at the rolling hills leading to the sea in the distance. They nursed their drinks in comfortable silence as the sun started to get lower and lower in the sky. Crowley was simply too happy to speak… and his Angel knew it. The Demon did take moments, when he wanted to say something but was too overwhelmed by what a lovely time he was having, to kiss his Angel's temple and nuzzle him behind the ear in gratitude. 

When their drinks were finished, the Angel suggested they return to the cottage, encouraging Crowley to have his nap when they arrived so he could prepare a few things once the sun had properly set. Crowley didn't know what was coming next, but if it was even half as good as their afternoon had been he was likely to melt into a puddle of goo over the loving attention from his beloved Angel.

*** 

Crowley was awakened from a deep sleep by the absolutely toe-tingling delight of literal Angel kisses to his neck and cheek. When he finally looked up and opened his eyes, Aziraphale was looming over him, a bright smile in the soft light of one of their bedroom lamps. 

"Dearest, I'm sorry to wake you but the final part of your surprise is ready." 

Crowley gave out a body-shuddering yawn as he reached his hand up to cup his Angel's cheek in his favorite spot. "Is it you climbing into this bed and spooning with me until we both fall asleep, Angel? Because this day was already so perfect I can't imagine anything else that could make it better." 

"Oh sweet Demon, I think I have just one more trick up my sleeve that will make you smile, but it's out in the greenhouse." 

Crowley was most definitely intrigued and allowed Aziraphale to take his hands and pull him to his feet. As they walked through the house and out the door to the greenhouse, the Demon suddenly noticed how very cold it was outside and started to shiver a bit. 

"Yikes, Angel, it's cold as anything are you sure the surprise can't be in the main part of the house… Go- Sa- ANGEL!"

Aziraphale stood to the side so Crowley could take in the sight from the doorway. The first thing he noticed was how warm and toasty it felt in the greenhouse compared to how it usually did this time of night, then he noticed the luxurious pile of pillows on top of a beautiful plush rug in the center of the space. His plants were glowing in a soft warm light that appeared to be coming from flameless votive candles set up all around the greenhouse. There was a small side table with a bottle of wine and two glasses, and finally, in front of the pillow pile, a huge beautiful old telescope on a wooden stand… a big red bow tied around the middle of the scope. 

"I saw it in an antique shop in town back before I'd even bought the cottage, dear. And I know we can go visit anytime we want, but, I figured if you weren't in the mood for an actual trip to see the stars you made, you could see them from… MMPH!" 

Crowley kissed his lover and best friend with all that he had. With every emotion he couldn't put into words. With every passion he felt for the one being who understood him better than any other in creation could; even HER. With every ounce of gratitude one can feel for being so thoroughly known by someone they love. He almost didn't want to pull away… he felt no amount of kissing or words could fully express what a beautiful sight he was standing in. 

"No words Angel. I have no words. This is… you are…" all he could do was kiss him again, Aziraphale's hands rested in the small of Crowley's back as he kissed him in return, thumbs gently rubbing at the dimples the Angel loved so much. 

"I am the luckiest being in all of creation my Crowley. Come on now, show me some of your constellations, won't you?" 

"Oh Angel… with pleasure." 

When the two of them approached the telescope, Crowley noticed for the first time just how clearly the sky could be seen through the roof of the greenhouse. It was a perfect clear night and even with their corporation's naked eyes they could see stars they'd never be able to see in London. Crowley did some fiddling and adjusting and focusing of the antique machine, but within a minute or two he had perfect views of stars to show his Angel… ones he had made eons ago. 

He could barely remember his time as an Angel, and certainly didn't remember Aziraphale with any clarity from that time… but he knew his stars. He knew the celestial balls of gas and light he had made in the sky like the freckles on the backs of his hands, and it was a strangely vulnerable, emotional experience to show his Angel what he had made when he was an Angel himself. As he told each story and each detail, finding a star and then gently moving the scope to Aziraphale so he could see, he felt himself bloom and grow more deeply into love with Aziraphale. It felt as though the damaged/fallen parts of his heart and soul were slowly knitting back together with every explanation, with every memory he shared. 

"Alpha Centauri was where I wanted us to go, Angel… when it was all going pear-shaped, but just to the left of this little bugger here is a planet called Gallifrey I quite like… bit of a desert but we would have fit in nicely there, you and I." 

"Oh my sweet Crowley, believe me dear… as much as I was frightened in those days last summer to venture with you anywhere beyond this planet… believe that I would have found a way to find you… wherever you went off to… I… I couldn't have…" 

Crowley stopped him with a kiss and a tight embrace.

"Our home is here Angel, and last summer is the past. We are exactly where we were always meant to be and build our life. I love you… this is the most extraordinary gift I've ever been given… well… beyond getting YOU as my partner." 

Aziraphale responded with a kiss, and a tug on the Demon's hand leading them to the pillow pile. Aziraphale sat down first, placing a pillow on his lap and directing Crowley to lie down and place his head in said lap.

Crowley laid down and was immediately treated to a wonderful scalp massage, the Angel's manicured fingernails causing nearly his entire corporation to erupt in goosebumps. Looking up, he could still see the beautiful glittering stream of the milky way through the top of the greenhouse. He felt warm and sated and loved and understood… and most of all… he felt an absence of guilt over being treated to these special things by his Angel. 

He had no trouble spoiling Aziraphale, but often took issue with the Angel going out of his way to do something special for him. But his fiancé actually knew him so well that he had managed to put together just the kind of perfect day to keep those guilty feelings at bay… other than the cup of coffee, all of the 'gifts' had been rooted in shared experiences between them… memories made to be treasured. Crowley was so full of love for him… he felt that if he were still an Angel, he'd be glowing in the contentment he was feeling in this very moment. 

Absentmindedly, he reached up his hands and stroked the Angel's thighs on either side of his head. He'd only done it to make some physical contact between them beyond the Angel's hands in his hair, but within a few moments of giving Aziraphale this physical attention, he felt a light tremble beneath his hands; not of worry, but of pleasure. 

Fully pretending he didn't know what he was doing, he continued the strokes to Aziraphale's thighs and arched his back a bit to stretch, which in turn pushed the pillow down into the Angel's lap… when he heard the heated moan in return, he knew the Angel might be game for this perfect day to end in a very enjoyable way for both of them. 

"Kiss me Angel mine? Please?" 

Aziraphale obliged him, and the newness of this strange angle with their noses pointed at each other's chins as the Angel leaned over him was deliciously sexy. Crowley stroked Aziraphale's face, hands in his hair, ghosting his fingertips over the tops of the Angel's ears in a way he knew made his fiancé shiver. Crowley was so full of love and need of him… he so wanted to make his Angel feel incredible, to thank him for this beautiful day, to help him take a leap into something Crowley knew he could make so pleasurable for him. 

He pulled away and looked into his love's eyes to better gage his comfort level. He found familiar blown pupils and nerves, but clear desire in Aziraphale's gaze. "Angel, how do you feel about looking up at these stars while I try to give you even a small portion of the pleasure you've given me today?" 

"Oh… my dear... but… today was about me spoiling you…" 

Crowley took a half second to appreciate this mirror conversation to the one they'd had just six days before and then responded, "Please my Angel, you've spoiled me all day long, I want so very much to spoil you in return now." 

With a sweet smile, and tentative nod from Aziraphale, Crowley flipped over and slithered up his Angel's body, gently pushing him into the pillows and placing his weight on top of him. Aziraphale let out a breathy moan as Crowley began to kiss his neck and throat, gently moving his pelvis against the Angel's, and feeling a growing arousal start to make itself known. 

Aziraphale in turn ran his hands from the back of Crowley's neck, down to his arse to give encouraging squeezes and back up again, meeting the thrusts of Crowley's hips with his own. 

Crowley unbuttoned the Angel's shirt a bit to get more access to his skin and as he let his teeth graze against Aziraphale's sensitive collarbones, he thought back to a few months prior where taking this many steps without verbal consent at every moment would have been an impossibility. He was so incredibly grateful that his Angel's comfort had increased this much, even though he knew they were about to try something that had given his fiancé such anxiety to even talk about just a couple of weeks before. 

The Demon moved upward to kiss his Angel's lips and then pulled away so he could properly check in with him. "How's my perfect pillowed Principality doing?" 

Aziraphale replied with a lovely laugh before saying, "Well, my darling Demon, wonderfully well. I um… think I know where this is going and… I'm ready Crowley… I am… maybe just… make sure you make a lot of contact with other parts of my corporation while it's happening… please?" 

Crowley nearly felt a tear prick at his eye over the chest-aching sweetness of the request. When Aziraphale had done this for him the week before, it had felt so very much like making love, something he'd not really experienced in the realm of oral sex before. He knew he had skills in this area but realized that Aziraphale cared less about those skills and more about their connection during the act. Crowley took another moment to sort out how that would look in action, and then gave his lover a reassuring kiss. 

"I'll do my best to keep my promise from a couple of weeks ago Angel… I'll do everything I can to make this good, and if I'm not succeeding, you'll stop me in an instant, yeah?"

"I will love, I promise." 

Crowley kissed Aziraphale, their tongues sliding deliciously as they allowed their bodies to rock against each other in tandem. When the moment felt right, Crowley reached down and unbuttoned Aziraphale's trousers as he continued to kiss him, causing the Angel to tremble in anticipation as the roll of his hips continued with intention. When the last button was undone, Crowley reached in, cupping his Angel's hard hot effort in his hand, causing his Angel's pleasurable hums to turn into nearly sinful moans as he gently squeezed, Aziraphale pushing himself into Crowley's hand with want of the contact. 

Crowley whispered in a low scintillating tone in the Angel's ear, "Oh Angel, the feel of you is so fucking incredible. I love you so much, I want to make you feel so good, I want to make you see stars beyond the ones in the sky… please may I put my mouth on you now?" 

Aziraphale moaned and shuddered against him as he answered, "Please, yes my Crowley, yes… oh!" 

Crowley reached into Aziraphale's underwear and pulled his effort free, giving him a few gentle strokes as he sucked kisses into the Angel's neck for a few moments longer. Finally, he slithered down Aziraphale's body, making sure he looked comfortable on the pillows before allowing himself to face the Angel's gorgeously hard effort. Aziraphale was panting in pleasure, eyes screwed shut, practically quivering in anticipation. In one hand, Crowley circled the base of the Angel's cock, and used his other to rub gently across the Angel's belly as he called up to him, "Angel?" 

Aziraphale opened his eyes and looked down at his dearest love… The Angel was a bundle of nerves but looked ready; his pleasure and his instincts taking hold and allowing him to give in to his desire and have the Demon pleasure him like this. It was a glorious sight. 

"Angel, try as hard as you can to keep your eyes open, I want you to see stars… remember?" 

While Aziraphale was looking down at him, still panting in pleasure and readiness, Crowley reached his free hand up and placed it right over the Angel's thundering heart, Aziraphale placing both hands on top in response and smiling down at him. With that last moment of grateful eye contact, Crowley took the head of the Angel's cock into his mouth and gave a firm, perfect suck. 

"Crowley!" The Angel called out in shocked overwhelmed pleasure, and when Crowley glanced up, Aziraphale was indeed looking up at the stars, wide-eyed and practically singing in pleasure as Crowley continued to take more and more of him into the velvet heat of his mouth. As he swirled his otherworldly tongue around the most sensitive parts of his Angel's throbbing effort, stroking him firmly with one hand and drawing gentle circles on Aziraphale's chest with the fingertips of his other hand, Crowley allowed himself the pleasure of getting a little lost in this moment. 

He still kept himself in tune with the Angel's pleasure, glancing up every once in a while to make sure he didn't read discomfort on his face, but also allowed himself to taste the wonderful essence of his greatest love on his tongue, the feel of the soft tender skin, the heat of his pleasure radiating through him, and the loving but firm grip of the Angel's hands clutching the one that lay over his fiancés heart… though he hadn't thought it fully possible, or himself fully capable, he was indeed making love to his Angel this way… doing all he could to take him to soaring heights of pleasure. 

What broke him out of the moment was a familiar warm hand gently patting the top of his head. Crowley looked up and carefully popped off of him for a moment, catching his breath and smiling up at his beautifully debauched Angel. 

"Oh… oh Crowley I'm so close dear… this is… you are extraordinary… oh… and look at how beautiful you are… you… oh my…"

"You look too stunning for words Angel. Are you feeling good? Can I keep going until you come? Or do you want me next to you, love?" 

The Angel continued his heavy breathing as he tried to think for a few moments about what he really wanted… "I… I trust you my Crowley… I want to look at your stars… I feel your love… I know you're with me…" 

Crowley looked at his Angel for one more moment to make sure he was reading the truth in his lover's words… and then took him in his mouth and down to the root.

"MERCIFUL HEAVENS!" Aziraphale called out in pure ecstasy as Crowley demonstrated his complete lack of a gag reflex, relying totally on his mouth to pleasure his Angel, and bringing both hands up to make contact with his body as he took Aziraphale over the edge with great enthusiasm. 

It did not take long. 

He was too busy with his task to be totally certain, but as the Demon heard Aziraphale call out his name as his climax crested, he imagined that the Angel was indeed staring at the stars that he made, while seeing more coast into his line of vision in the aftershocks of his pleasure. 

Crowley, for his part, relished in the wonderful sweet taste of his Angel, gently moving off of Aziraphale to clean him up and put his clothes back to rights with a snap of his fingers. Aziraphale lay still in the pillows as he calmed his breath. Crowley crawled up to curl around his side and gently bury his face in the crook of the Angel's neck as he continued to come down from his euphoria. 

"Oh, my Crowley… I do so enjoy having sex with you dear…" 

Crowley cackled with laughter, kissing the Angel's cheek and temple as Aziraphale continued to stare up at the stars, still fully dazed in his pleasure. Crowley took it as a tremendous compliment. 

The Demon rolled over onto his back to lay beside Aziraphale, and the two clasped hands as they looked up and sank into the pillows together. 

"We're getting pretty good at this whole 'perfect day' thing, eh, Angel?" 

"So very very true my dear. Oh, Crowley, I feel so… well… that word I know you hate... about being nervous about something as wonderful as that just was. I don't know why I doubted that we'd feel just as connected in those acts of pleasure as anything else… I…" 

Crowley stopped him with a sharp squeeze to his Angel's hand. "Stopping you right there love… we've said from the beginning that we would never know what would trigger your anxiety and that we would work through everything on your own time. The reason it felt so good tonight and last week is because we were careful, and we did things at the right pace. That's why you feel that word I hate... silly … because we did everything right and in the right way for us."

"My love for you is as boundless as these stars my dear heart." 

"And mine for you Angel… to Alpha Centauri and back infinite times." 

Aziraphale snapped his fingers and made half-full wine glasses appear in their hands, and they sipped in a state of bliss… eyes turned towards the infinite expanse of space above them… and feeling perfectly grounded together on Earth. 

"Hey… Angel… why did you need to change your plans? Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining at all in the slightest but… why couldn't this have all waited until tomorrow?" 

"Oh… it's going to snow tomorrow dear… hard to see stars and enjoy a sunny porch at a distillery when there's a snowstorm predicted." 

Crowley couldn't help but laugh at the simplicity of the explanation and turn to give sweet kisses to his Angel. He'd enjoyed the sunny day they'd had together… but being snowed in sounded lovely too… he was very much looking forward to the next couple of days hunkering down together… and to their 'forever' of hunkering down together too. 

Oral sex to completion, Demon to Angel: CHECK  
Planning absolutely perfect days/dates for each other: CHECK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the next chapter I might explore them being snowed-in together... a parallel of how so many of us are now living in self-isolation... might even dabble in one of them getting a cold and how they handle such things... we shall see where my 'not leaving my house for two weeks' mind takes them! Your comments give me such joy in these trying times... thank you so much for them!!!


	24. Hot and Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale must serve as caregivers for one another when each of them falls ill during a snowstorm at the cottage. TW: Sick Fic chapter... please see notes for more details.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! So, before the current pandemic took the world in its grip I planned out a chapter like this... it just didn't happen to make sense in the story until now... it's all in the timing, eh? I decided to write it anyway because it's part of how I need to process what is going on right now... 
> 
> The two of them taking care of each other when ill is the kind of thing I am in the mood to read given the climate, but I know that many of us might be coming to this platform or this story to keep away from chapters like this. SO, I made sure there was nothing in it that involved major leaps in their touch journey... that will come with the next chapter.
> 
> This is a slice of life where they are both sick in different ways, NOT WITH COVID-19, and both are very much better by the end. So, if you just want to read some sweet and slightly sexy softness where they help each other get well, then I hope you will enjoy. If you're worried, by all means skip this chapter and feel free to go straight to my notes at the end. 
> 
> I've only ever wanted to bring joy with this fic, but part of my writing it, as I'm sure is true for many authors, has admittedly been to process the world around me and this is the kind of chapter that felt relevant now. 
> 
> If your reading ends here, then much love and I will see you again for chapter 25!

When the Demon Crowley imagined being snowed-in with the Angel, he initially thought of all the ways in which the experience would be lovely… loads of cuddles, warm food and drink, maybe he would even risk the chill and go outside for a few minutes to enjoy the cold white stuff falling from the sky and build a small snow-demon… 

He did not expect to wake up to the Angel letting out sneezes loud enough to rattle the windows. After rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and focusing his gaze on his beloved, he saw that Aziraphale was sitting up in bed with half of his face buried in a handkerchief, sniffling and breathing heavily in recovery from a bout of sneezes and coughs. 

"Angel? Forgive the obvious question but… are you sick?" 

Aziraphale responded with another sneeze before looking towards his fiancé with pitifully sad and reddened eyes. "I believe I've caught a bit of a sniffle dear. I tried a miracle but, no luck this time… I'll just have to let whatever this is take its course." 

Crowley nodded his head, knowing the Angel was right. 

Human corporations are flawed things, even when they have celestial entities inside them. Their bones were still quite breakable, and their noses still quite capable of having pesky illnesses make their way to their insides. Sometimes Crowley and Aziraphale could miracle away the kinds of ailments that fell upon their human systems right away, and sometimes they could only hasten the process towards healing and wellness. 

This looked like one of those times where the Angel wouldn't suffer for too long but would have to endure the discomfort of a cold as his body sped to make whatever was causing it vacate the premises. Crowley brushed his knuckles across his Angel's cheek and tried to reassure him with his loving gaze. 

"Oh my Angel I'm so sorry… you must have picked something up when we were out yesterday." 

"Please love, I could have just as easily picked something up in London, who knows… I won't tolerate you taking any sort of blame for this. I just need to… ACHOO… ahem… rest and this should pass soon." 

Crowley smiled his most loving smile and popped out of bed. 

"Fortunately Angel, I was recently employed as a nanny… I'm sure I can speed you back to health in no time. First, tea and water and toast and plenty of blankets. Miracle whatever you want to read in here and I'll take care of the rest." 

"You're too good to me sweet love… and… if it's not too much trouble, I'd love to see some of the snow out of the window." 

Crowley opened the drapes in their bedroom as he made his way out to the kitchen… there were about 4 inches of snow on the ground and a light flurry of flakes still falling. He shivered for a moment with the small burst of cold that came from opening the drapes, but he snapped his slippers onto his feet to warm him up. He'd hoped to spend this day wrapped around his Angel so he wouldn't catch a chill… him being more cold-blooded than a typical human corporation… but he was fully committed to his new mission for the day: Operation Help the Angel Feel Better Until He Was Over Being Sick… He probably needed to figure out how to shorten that title… 

The Demon set about making up a slightly different 'breakfast-in-bed' tray than the one he'd made the previous weekend. He had the tea and the toast and some butter and jam, but also grabbed a couple of extra things like the puzzles and games from yesterday's paper, cool water to maintain hydration, and even a trashy tabloid magazine in case the Angel wanted something less dense to read. He also made sure to put a new flower in the little vase to bring some cheer. 

But when he re-entered the bedroom with his tray in hand, Crowley sensed immediately that something had shifted in his short absence, and not in a good way. 

Aziraphale was shivering under the bedcovers, despite a sheen of sweat over his forehead. Crowley knew his Angel was feverish without even needing to touch him. He snapped the tray back into the kitchen and launched himself at the bed, gingerly placing the back of his hand along the Angel's face and feeling just how warm he was. 

"Oh my Angel… I'm so sorry… whatever your corporation is speeding through right now is especially nasty. I'm so so sorry."

The Angel's breaths were shallower than Crowley would have liked, but Aziraphale still looked up at him with bright focused eyes. "Indeed dear… I can't remember the last time I had a fever… it's been at least 100 years." 

"Bit more recently for me, it's not fun I know. But seeing how quickly this escalated I'm hoping you'll be much better by the end of the day. Is there anything I can get you Angel? I was bringing in tea and toast but got distracted when I saw you were worse…" 

Aziraphale nuzzled his face against Crowley's hand and gave off a small yet pitiful groan. "I don't have any appetite my dear, I'm just feeling terrible. And no jokes about me not being hungry Demon mine… I may be feeling weak, but I'll still smack you…" 

Crowley laughed, relieved that Aziraphale was still coherent enough to joke around. 

"I love you Angel mine… I think you might want to take a page out of the Anthony J. Crowley book of dealing with challenging occurrences and take a nice long nap, should put you right as rain." 

"Well, that does sound like a nice idea, although I'd very much appreciate it if you didn't let me sleep for a few dozen years… I was hoping we'd be married by this summer… and I'd like to be awake when it happens." 

"A reasonable plan Angel. You get nice and cozy now, I know you're warm, but I don't want you shivering." 

Crowley made sure Aziraphale was thoroughly tucked into their comfortable bed, and within seconds his Angel was asleep and snoring gently against his pillow. Crowley took one more feel of Aziraphale's forehead, which was still quite warm, and went to the bathroom to get some damp washcloths for his fiancé. For about 30 minutes he gently pressed the cool cloths to the Angel's forehead and neck as he slept, trying to keep his temperature down and his sleep from being too fitful. 

It felt like such a privilege to Crowley to care for his fiancé like this. Aziraphale had practically waited on him hand and foot during his shed a few months ago and Crowley was grateful to be able to repay him in this hour of need. 

In the 6000 years they'd known each other, they'd had to cancel plans here and there due to their corporations not being up for the task of dinner or other meetings… the Demon thought of the handful of times he'd been ill and how miserable he'd been with no one to care for him. He was so glad Aziraphale wasn't going through this alone… even if it was just a quick bug. Seeing his sweet Angel at peace, he allowed himself to drift off next to him. 

*** 

Crowley awoke to his Angel moaning in discomfort and the sound rattled him down to his bones. 

"Crow… Crowley I… where… where are you I… I'm sorry I…" 

The Angel's eyes were closed, but Crowley couldn't tell if he was dreaming or just too exhausted to open his eyes. 

Crowley immediately put his hand up to the Angel's forehead… his love was burning with fever. 

He flew into a flurry of action… he started by pulling the pile of blankets off of Aziraphale and used a gentle hand to coast down the buttons of his sweat-soaked pajama top to open them and expose his chest, which was also red and warm to the touch. He then leapt from the bed and threw open a few of the bedroom windows, letting cold air rush into the room. It had stopped snowing but was still plenty cold outside. He shivered a bit at the sudden chill in the air but was too focused on getting Aziraphale's temperature down to care. Finally, Crowley took the cloths he'd been using before he fell asleep and miracled them damp and cool again, coasting the soft fabric over his Angel's face, neck and chest. 

All the while his heart thundered, and he tried to speak calmly and softly to his love as he worked, not sure if he should wake him or try to let him sleep through the misery he was in. 

"You're alright my sweet Angel. I love you so so much. You are my reason for waking and every time I sleep I hope to dream of you. You are the most beautiful creation SHE ever thought to make, and I want to spend all of my days showing you how very deeply loved you are." 

As the Demon spoke, the Angel quieted down and tossed and turned less in his sleep. 

"Angel I love your scent and your touch and your spirit and your bravery. I'm in awe of you every single day. And while I can't quite believe that you're mine, I do believe that you love me… every damaged and damned piece of my bony corporation and my wretched mind and heart… I believe Aziraphale… I believe in you. I cannot wait to marry you and call you 'husband'. I cannot wait for the infinite number of things we still have to share together. You'll be alright my love… you have to be… you're my everything…" 

Crowley started to notice that his shirt was wet… though he wasn't completely sure if it was from the washcloth he was using to bathe his fiancé, or tears falling from his cheeks as he spoke to Aziraphale… willing his love to get better. 

He wasn't sure how long he kept whispering his sentiments to his Angel and bathing him with the cold cloths, but as the sky was beginning to turn dark, Aziraphale's eyes suddenly flew open and gazed directly into the Demon's.

"Crowley!" 

"Shhhh… Angel you're ok, you're alright…". Crowley dropped the cloths and brought his hand to Aziraphale's 'comfort spot' on his face, searching his eyes to see if he could tell if the Angel was better or worse. He did notice the Angel's cheek was less warm to the touch.

"Oh… oh my Crowley… I've been having awful dreams dear…" 

"I know Angel I'm so sorry… I…" 

"Crowley… I need you to do something for me love…" 

"Anything Angel, anything you need…" 

Aziraphale looked right into his eyes… the Angel was clearly exhausted from the restless sleep but determined in his gaze. 

"We need to lower my fever just a bit more, dear. I can tell you've been trying to cool me down… you've done a wonderful job…" 

"I'm trying Angel but please… if you know what I should do… healing isn't exactly…" 

"You're doing fine my Crowley, you're marvelous dear… I love you so much…" 

Crowley ached inside… of course the Angel was comforting HIM when he was the one suffering with fever.

"Crowley love, I need you to get me into a warm shower or bath… not hot… just warm…"

Something clicked in Crowley's brain… a memory from one of his many nights of TV binging some medical drama… bathing in warm, not hot or cold, water was a great way to bring down overall body temperature. He'd done the right thing with the cold compresses, now he just needed to go a step further. 

"There's a place for you to sit in my shower Angel… do you think if I set everything up and helped you in…" 

"Yes my dear… yes I do think that will work nicely…" 

Crowley took a moment to kiss the top of the Angel's head, not minding the damp curls. "Back in just a minute Angel…" 

Crowley charged into their master bathroom, snapping his fingers to turn the water on, and willing the water into exactly the right lukewarm temperature with a hard ruthless gaze… (over in the greenhouse, every single plant trembled, including the orchids, and not from the cold outside…)

When he knew the temperature was perfect, he went back into the bedroom. Aziraphale had made himself sit up in bed and swing his legs over the side. 

"I'm coming Angel!" 

Within seconds he was holding onto Aziraphale's shoulders, making sure he wasn't too lightheaded to stand. 

"Hold on just a moment Angel… let me help you up please…" 

Just as Crowley was about to lift Aziraphale up under his arms, the Demon was greeted with a smile equal parts pitiful and breathtakingly sweet. 

"Hello, Crowley." 

Crowley felt his breath catch in his throat, and tears rush to the corners of his eyes as he managed to croak out… "Hey, Angel… I…" 

"I love you too Crowley… please don't worry dear… I just need a little help to stand and then… Crowley!" 

Aziraphale's voice wasn't quite strong enough to yell and he certainly didn't have enough energy or self-consciousness to protest, as Crowley lifted him Cinderella-style and began carrying him towards the bathroom. As he walked he willed their clothes away, noting that the Angel's skin still felt so warm in the spots where he was pressed against his body. Crowley was really hoping the shower would help. 

He walked into the large stall, and gently sat Aziraphale down on the warm slate ledge against the far right of the shower, pointing various nozzles at him to spray gentle warm water over the Angel's body. 

Within a minute of the water hitting his burning skin, Aziraphale let out a long and relieved sigh, blinking up at Crowley with eyes that seemed much clearer and more focused than they had been a moment ago. 

"Oh my dear heart… oh that feels so good Crowley." 

Crowley let out a relieved sigh of his own. "I'm glad Angel… so glad… here… let me know if this bothers your skin or makes you uncomfortable at all…"

Crowley produced a washcloth with a soap concoction he'd made with natural cooling and soothing properties, sat next to Aziraphale, and gently started washing his Angel's body. Aziraphale leaned against the warm shower wall after Crowley finished washing his back, closing his eyes as the Demon went to work on his Angel's arms and the front of his torso. 

One very small advantage to the Angel being ill was that his regular guards and nerves over touch this intimate were non-existent. They'd washed each other plenty of times in the bath, but there was always soapy cloudy water covering most of their bodies. The Demon had never showered with his fiancé before and Crowley had never washed him like this... when his Angel was so vulnerable, his aching corporation so visible and out in the open despite the light steam from the shower. 

They'd made so many strides together; they'd made love together completely unclothed a number of times, but the haze of desire always stripped away the majority of their inhibitions. This was intimacy of a very different sort. There was a very different goal here… not to pleasure but to heal and sooth… it was a feeling entirely new to Crowley… it was one of the most overwhelming experiences he'd ever had. The Demon himself felt so vulnerable there was a part of him that wanted to cover up… miracle some swim trunks onto his lower half… but he shook those feelings away. This wasn't about him, it was about breaking the Angel's fever and he didn't want to do anything to distract Aziraphale from willing his corporation to work through whatever it was that was wreaking havoc on his insides. 

As Crowley knelt down in front of Aziraphale to coast the soft cloth over his legs and feet, the Angel popped his eyes open and looked down at him with a hazy yet brilliant smile. 

"You're so very good to me my sweet dear boy…" 

"I'm… I'm trying Angel… this isn't really my wheelhouse eh? I'm not… I'm not a healer…" 

"That may be true, but you are a marvelous caregiver my Crowley… you've been taking care of things your whole existence… your possessions… your plants… a little boy named Warlock… me… you're especially wonderful at taking care of me…"

"Angel… I…" 

"In fact…" Aziraphale leaned forward, paused for just a moment to steady himself, and stood up firmly; no wobble in his legs. Crowley followed suit and stood along with him, the Angel putting his hands on his Demon's shoulders to reassure him and for just a little extra balance. "… I think the fever is quite broken." 

Crowley snapped his fingers to turn off the water and felt the Angel's forehead… it was a little warm, but nothing like it had been before they got in the shower. The Angel really was over the worst of it. The Demon gave his love gentle kisses along his face and snapped his fingers again to dry them and put them both in fresh silk pajamas. He then circled his arms around his Angel in a tender embrace. 

"Forgive my language Angel but that was so fucking scary." 

Aziraphale hushed him and returned his sweet embrace. "I was a little scared too my heart… but I knew you'd be with me and help me through the worst of it. Come on now, let's get in bed." 

Crowley gave Aziraphale his arm to steady him as they walked back towards their bed. He tucked the Angel firmly under the covers and laid on top of the bed, sitting up so he could watch over his fiancé as he slept. He intended to watch over him for at least a couple of hours to make sure the fever didn't return… finally allowing himself to drift off when it became clear Aziraphale was sleeping soundly. 

The last feeling the Demon had as he fell asleep was relief… in fact he was so relieved and so exhausted after so much adrenaline had pumped through his corporation… that he'd completely forgotten that several of the bedroom windows were very much still open… 

*** 

Instead of waking to the sound of sneezing as he had the morning before… Crowley woke to the sound of teeth chattering… namely, his own. 

When the grogginess wore off slightly, he realized he was cold. Not just any cold… bone chillingly cold… skin cold to the touch cold… mentally slow cold… skin probably looks really actually blue cold… part reptilian and shouldn't have slept for several hours not under covers with windows open in below freezing temperatures you absolute IDIOT cold… but worst of all it's going to take a VERY long time to come back from this because your corporation is headed towards discorporation cold… 

Fortunately, his chattering teeth, which were the only parts of his body moving with any swiftness, were waking up the Angel… who rolled over with a soft groan and looked up at his fiancé, immediate concern appearing in his blue eyes.

"Crowley? Crowley what's wrong?" 

Aziraphale placed his hand on the Demon's and let out a sharp gasp.

"My dear! You're absolutely freezing! What on earth…" 

"L-l-left the w-w-window o-p-p-pen…" 

Crowley couldn't tell if the Angel was fully recovered from his illness, but it was his love's turn to leap from the bed and start doing all he could to improve the Demon's current state of being. First he closed the windows with a snap of his fingers. Then he carefully pulled the covers from under Crowley and gently shoved the Demon into the warm spot he had just been occupying in the bed. Crowley felt some immediate relief from the warmth of the bedding, but the chattering continued. Aziraphale piled blankets on top of his love, and miracled a few hot water bottles and heating pads to shove between various layers of bedding in an attempt to create a cocoon of warmth. He also produced a mug of hot tea and a sturdy straw, encouraging Crowley to try and take a few gulps to warm his body up from the inside… but the Demon's teeth were still chattering so badly he could hardly take a sip.

"Oh my poor dear, my Crowley… has this happened before? What else can I do?" 

The Angel was clearly worried but not quite panicking… the healer instincts of an Angel of Heaven still ran deep within him. Crowley on the other hand was indeed starting to panic a little… this had happened to him a few times before, where unfortunate circumstances had resulted in him getting so cold he nearly discorporated. He didn't want to tell the Angel that this might happen and send him into a tailspin… instead he suggested something he'd never tried before but might genuinely help. 

"I think, s-s-silly as it m-m-may s-s-sound… I jus-s-st need s-s-some c-c-cuddles Angel…" 

Aziraphale smiled and immediately got under the covers behind Crowley, spooning him and holding him tight against his plush torso. It did genuinely help. The chattering lessened almost instantaneously as he felt a wave of warmth touch every part of his body that touched the Angel. 

"Oh my love I am so sorry. I know it was an accident, but I can't help but feel a little responsible." The Angel fretted and clutched Crowley more tightly, planting warm kisses to the back of his neck, head and shoulders. 

"'S-s-s'alright Angel… I sh-sh-should've closed the window. This-s-s i-s-s helping I s-s-swear it… Jus-s-st… everything f-f-feels s-s-so cold…"

On the surface Crowley was definitely warmer, but the cold was deep in his corporeal body, they definitely weren't out of the woods yet. For a while he concentrated on his breathing and getting the chattering under control… he just wasn't warming up as quickly as he knew he needed to, and he didn't need to say anything for the Angel to notice and sense his fears. 

"Darling Demon… Perhaps you could try to… think warm thoughts?" 

"Angel I don't think any amount of thinking c-c-could k-k-keep me warm right about now… just keep c-c-cuddling me and it s-s-should get better." 

"Oh my love, I can certainly think of some things to think about that will warm you up…" 

Before Crowley could respond, Aziraphale snuggled him more firmly against him and gently whispered in his ear. "Let's see how good your memory is of all the warmth we've shared since our new 'arrangement' began my darling Demon…" 

"What d-d-do you mean Angel, warmth…" 

"Where were we the first time I took your hand and held it in my own?" 

The memory came back to Crowley like a flood. Clear as anything he could see the ducks on the pond in St. James, the nervous smile Aziraphale had given him and the sound of the giddy Angel's sweet laughter looking down at their interlaced fingers for the first time. 

"S-s-st. James-s-s. Jus-s-st after feeding the ducks-s-s." 

Crowley's chatter had lessened to a shiver, and he actual did feel just a hair warmer deep inside himself as the lovely memory tumbled around in his brain. 

"Indeed, my dear heart. I was so very nervous but my desire to touch you was so present too. That was the first time I felt that warmth bloom in my chest… the one that helps to push my anxiety away even now. Tell me, what were we watching the first time we cuddled on the couch in the bookshop?" 

"Bus-s-ster Keaton. We… we put our heads-s-s on each other's sh-sh-shoulders…" 

"Yes, my love… and just after the film finished we had our first hug. Do you remember how long that hug lasted Crowley? I certainly can't…" 

"Could have been hours-s-s c-c-could have been days Angel… I just remember how warm and lovely it was-s-s to feel you against me like that…" 

"I remember how gently you circled my corporation with your arms my dear boy… I felt as though any number of Demons or Angels could have burst into the bookshop at that very moment and I would have still felt peace and safety in those wonderful arms of yours."

This was working… Crowley wasn't entirely sure how… but each word the Angel spoke quite literally warmed his body from the inside. He still felt a bit dizzy and achy from the chattering he'd done, but he was starting to feel more present with every description of their past. 

"How about our first kiss, Crowley? Where was that?" 

"You l-l-let me kiss your forehead and c-c-cheeks on the couch in the bookshop… and then your lips r-r-right here in this wonderful bed." 

Aziraphale laid impossibly warm kisses to the back of the Demon's neck, sending a shiver of a different sort into his body to replace his chill.

"And we were in my bathtub when we had our first… well… kiss of a more passionate sort." 

"S-s-s-s-snog… Angel… remember… we're calling things what they are… Oi!" 

Aziraphale gave a playful nip to his shoulder, and Crowley felt himself warming up even more. He still couldn't quite wrap his mind around it… but there was definitely something happening to make him feel better beyond just the closeness of his Angel… but his mind was still too addled by the cold to know exactly what Aziraphale was doing. 

"Yes my sweet Demon, and this bed was the first place I experienced orgasm… with you by my side…" 

Crowley noted how little embarrassment was in his Angel's voice as he described these things in detail, another wonderful sign of how much progress his dearest love had made.

"And… the firs-s-st time we held each other s-s-skin to skin…" 

"Oh yes my wonderful darling, what a pleasing memory that is too. And, I do believe you and I will make so many more lovely memories in this bed… in fact… um…" 

Crowley had thought too soon… there was the telltale 'um' he'd been waiting to hear in this line of conversation.

"Crowley, I know you're freezing but… um… may I unbutton your pajama shirt love? I… um… I want to try something that I think will help get rid of this chill you're experiencing…" 

"Angel you don't have t-t-to make yourself uncomfortable for my s-s-sake… I'm getting better already…" 

The Angel pulled away from the Demon, and gently rolled him so Crowley was lying on his back, the shiver heightening a bit at the sudden loss of contact between them. 

"Worry not precious boy, I want to help you more than anything else… I'll be fine in just a moment." 

Before the Demon could protest, Aziraphale ran his index finger down the line of Crowley's buttons undoing them one by one. Aziraphale pulled a similar move on his own shirt, exposing his beautiful rosy skin to Crowley.

Then, for the first time since before Christmas, and certainly for the first time ever with direct intention, Aziraphale peeled back the covers, straddled Crowley's thighs, and laid himself down on his beloved fiancé, skin to skin, and pulling up the blankets to cover both of them. 

Before he could say anything, Crowley felt a swirling of celestial energy mixed in with the very human sensation of their skin-to-skin connection. He felt the Angel's body weight on top of him, eliminating every chill that could possibly remain on the surface. It was as if his heart was beating warmer blood all throughout his corporation thanks to the heat of the Angel's bare chest against his own. He then felt an incredible, much more indescribable, heat that seemed to radiate from every hair on top of his head down to the tips of every finger and toe. 

He heard himself moaning in pleasure, as if outside of his own body. He felt soft lips against his own and all across his face and neck like little fireworks going off with each connection of skin to skin. His mind was filled with memories of every intimacy they'd ever shared, swirling around with images of the constellations of stars they'd looked at together through his telescope the other night. 

He felt a familiar heat pooling in his belly, which was surprising enough to almost completely pull him out of this strange and dizzying experience… were they… were they having sex? No, couldn't be… they were barely moving… but still a sense of strangely erotic pleasure built within him as he felt the chill deep within him dissipate into nothing… there was only Aziraphale, and soft warm amber celestial light, and pleasure and warmth… and then… a burst… 

He heard himself call out… he felt waves of something warm and luscious and safe waft over his body… soft strong hands on either side of his face… and even softer lips in the center of his forehead… heat... light... bliss... 

Slowly… the only sound being two sets of very human-sounding breaths taken in tandem, he felt himself return to the bed, and the feeling of Aziraphale's warm wonderful body on top of his, and soft pillows and bedding around the rest of him… he opened his eyes to the gorgeous blues of his Angel smiling down at him. 

"Hello, Crowley." 

Crowley couldn't help but laugh a little in a kind of relief… his chill was gone… and he felt that he'd returned to earth better and brighter than he had been a day prior. 

"Heya, Angel." 

"I'm um… not too… um… heavy am I dear? I could… MMPH!" 

Crowley threw his arms around Aziraphale's back and pressed his Angel's whole plush body down onto his own and gave him a passionate kiss. 

"Angel… I… I don't even know where to begin or what I want to ask but please… stay right where you are as long as you're comfortable for at least a little longer… please?"

It was the Angel's turn to chuckle at Crowley's sweet genuine words. 

"Whatever you wish my heart… I take it you're feeling better? The chill and the shiver seem to have left you… yes?" 

"Uh… yeah… yeah you could say that. Angel… what… what on earth heaven or hell was THAT?" 

"Oh, well… if I'm completely honest dear… I'm not totally sure I can describe it. I was trying to do something for you I've done for some humans as part of my Angelic duties… just… um… with much more intimate elements added. I've performed countless small miracles in my time… you know… keeping a baby carriage from going into the street, or fixing a broken bicycle, or helping an ailment to heal. But, there have also been times where I used my Angelic abilities to help infuse people with positivity and light and, well, hope." 

"Makes sense Angel… I admittedly used to do similar things filling folks with well… desire and temptation and… you know…" 

"Indeed dear. Well, with you just now I think I… took the Angelic energy within me… the kind that I've used for those more metaphysical miracles… mixed the energy with my genuine love for you and… well… used the combination of the two to infuse you with warmth? That's the best way I know how to describe it."

"Right. Um… yes… thanks for that, Angel… um… was it your intention for me to… um…" 

"My intention to what, dear?" 

Crowley debated whether or not to be fully honest for a moment, not wanting to spook the Angel from his wonderful position of lying on top of him, but omission of information was something they'd been pulling away from for months, and he wasn't going to go back now. 

"I'll just say it… Angel did you mean to give me a metaphysical orgasm when you were trying to warm me up?" 

The Angel stayed where he was but let out a somewhat indignant gasp at the Demon's question. 

"Give you a… a WHAT? Crowley are you saying you… are you saying what I think you're saying?" 

"Angel I'm not sure what kind of love and warmth you think you were infusing me with but whatever it was it felt a hell of a lot like coming. I'm not feeling sticky per se but… "

"Oh… oh my word… um… Crowley do you mind if I do roll off of you dear? I need to think this through and this position is… um… distracting… " 

"Of course Angel… I just hope you'll cover me up like this more often."

Aziraphale smiled down and gave his Demon several kisses before moving off of Crowley and onto his side to face him. The Angel wrinkled his forehead in thought before speaking, Crowley scooping up his soft strong hands for kisses to his knuckles. 

"I think, Crowley, that the reason you experienced that sensation is rooted in the kind of love I have for you. When I have tried to help humans, my love for them has been genuine, though strictly platonic… or not platonic… but just… as a vehicle for HER love. Does that make sense?" 

Crowley giggled as the understanding hit him and he gave Aziraphale some sweet kisses. 

"But the love you have for me, Angel, is very much NOT just platonic, or an extension of HER divine love… your love for me contains Eros… passion… so instead of just purely warming me inside and out…" 

"It would appear I… warmed you up… sexually… as well… OH!" 

Up flew the Angel's hand to his mouth, taking Crowley's with it and making Crowley giggle even more. 

Metaphysical Celestial Being Only Sex: CHECK 

"Well Angel, it's good to have actual physical… well… metaphysical proof that you genuinely want me… that you haven't just been 'closing your eyes and thinking of England' as our sex life has blossomed." 

The Angel's cheeks reddened but his smile stayed genuine.

"Oh, my love, I know you're teasing me but… please know that I hope you've never had reason to question how very genuine my feelings for you are… even the amorous ones…" 

Crowley responded with a searing kiss and then wrapping up the Angel in his arms; Aziraphale's head resting on his chest and his downy curls tickling his exposed skin in the loveliest way. 

"I love you Angel… of course I'm teasing… it's just… it's an incredible thing to have love and desire shown for you in a way that's totally new. I've never experienced anything like that… and I couldn't be happier that what I just felt is something I will only ever feel from you."

They settled down into the covers, both feeling a sense of exhaustion over the morning's activities. Crowley was thrilled to settle into a less fitful sleep with his Angel lying against him. It was a relief that both of them were feeling better. 

And just as his overwhelmed brain was finally resting, and his corporation fully settled after his terrible chill… his Angel quite suddenly popped up in the bed, pulling Crowley up along with him. 

"Crowley, as soon as we're both completely recovered, and as soon as it gets warm enough outside, I know exactly what I want our next leap to be!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who chose to read this chapter I hope you enjoyed it despite the current climate. If anything I wanted to show some love to caregivers in this trying time. 
> 
> Next time, in honor of Chapter 25... it will indeed be time for their biggest leap yet... and I think you'll find the setting and circumstances to be quite splendid! 
> 
> Much love to all of you wherever you are in the world... stay safe, wash your hands, let the sun shine on your face when you can and try to keep at a distance from others. Read fics, write fics, be well and remember that somewhere out there, Azi and Crowley love you :-)


	25. Under the Apple Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale take their biggest leap yet... it is just as wonderful and monumental as they'd hoped... even though the location is a bit unexpected...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've made it... Chapter 25. It took a long time to finish this. Partially because it needed to have a LOT of detail in it, and I didn't want to split it into two chapters and, like both Aziraphale and Crowley, I wanted it to be as perfect for them as possible. I don't know if I achieved perfect, I just hope I achieved the tone of 'them'. The world is a scary place right now, and I wanted to write something as beautiful as possible for them... forgive me if it's too fluffy... but we could also use some fluff these days... enjoy!

In the weeks that followed their dual bout with illness, the two celestials continued splitting their lives between London and the Cottage. Winter was clinging to the UK with a vice grip, but they still managed to spend their days in genuine pleasantness. There were films and concerts and plays to see in the city, and things to plant and decorate and cook and bake in the country, and in both locations, they actually talked through and solidified some very real wedding plans. 

They would marry on the first day of summer in their garden at the cottage; beneath their beautiful apple tree. They would invite a select few people who had significance to them in their time on Earth both recently and of slightly longer standing. There would be delicious nibbles, plenty of good drink, and a cake so massive it would take an army to devour. They even discussed what they would wear, and after getting some fantastic inspiration from photos in a tabloid magazine from a big costume party held at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City, Crowley found a designer willing to create exactly what he wanted. Aziraphale on the other hand contacted a tailor on Jermyn Street in Soho whose family had been making suits for him off and on for nearly 200 years with a design of his own. Making these plans had made them giddy and had carried them through some of the general dreariness of the season. 

There were other, list-based, things that got them through the dreariness as well… 

Horizontal frottage with the Angel on-top: CHECK  
Showering together (not with one of them sick): CHECK  
Oral sex in the shower, Angel to Demon and Demon to Angel (adding that spot to sit in said shower had been GENIUS): CHECK

Some especially fascinating developments one weekend that the Demon was sure the Angel had written about in more eloquent detail in his own touch-journal: 

Angel wanking in his study, being discovered by the Demon, Angel getting embarrassed and feeling guilty saying he just hadn't wanted to interrupt Crowley when he was busy in the greenhouse, Demon assuring and reminding the Angel that masturbating is not an indication of unhappiness or dissatisfaction, and having a positive conversation about that subject: CHECK

Demon wanking in the shower because discovering the Angel wanking in the study the day before had been so fucking hot, Angel walking into bathroom and discovering Demon in this state and at first getting embarrassed but then watching with hungry eyes as the Demon continued and finished: CHECK

And, as the days finally started to grow warmer (which was the only clue the Angel had given regarding when their next big leap would happen) and the sun showed itself more often in the sky…

In-depth discussion of what 'preparing' a human corporation for anal sex looks like without the use of miracles: CHECK 

It had been a shaky conversation for the Angel… literally and figuratively as Aziraphale trembled a bit in apparent worry. 

"Are… are you certain that I won't hurt you dear…. I… I know a slight bit of discomfort or pain is part of the process but…" 

Crowley had taken the Angel's hands in his own and looked into his nervous eyes… 

"You wouldn't hurt me, Angel… even without a single miracle present. Because you'd be slow and careful and meticulous just like you are with everything you do. You would pay attention to what you were doing and to my face and my sounds and you would know the difference between me crying out in pain versus pleasure. Because you are already GOOD at sex Aziraphale… you care about me way too much not to be." 

They had kissed then… quite extraordinary amounts of kissing… the kind of kissing that took the tremble out of a nervous, touch-sensitive Angel's hands as the Demon gently stroked Aziraphale's palms with his fingertips. Then there had been hugging, and Crowley had looked over the Angel's shoulder where his pointy chin was resting and had seen a break in the rain outside… and knew that this plan for a rather large leap was just within reach. 

*** 

It did not happen as Crowley expected… and… in fact… the unexpected nature of it would make the memory all the sweeter when he looked back over his check-list of their new 'arrangement'… how wonderfully sudden after so long a wait. 

It was a perfectly normal Saturday at the cottage. The weather had warmed up in the previous couple of weeks, but little had changed about their routine. The Angel seemed neither eager nor anxious, and so Crowley chose not to bring anything up. This wasn't like other times where he had sensed unease from his Angel… the kind of unease that usually indicated that Aziraphale was concerned that their sexual relationship wasn't moving forward. So… he hadn't pushed… he'd just let himself be glad and satisfied with what they had and remained hopeful that Aziraphale would bring up the subject of their next 'leap' when he was truly ready to do so. 

And so, despite the fact that it was a brilliantly sunny warm afternoon... Crowley didn't think there was anything special about Aziraphale calling to him and asking him to come outside to the garden as the Demon worked on their dinner in the kitchen.

"Just a moment Angel or we won't have a timely supper tonight!" 

Crowley had recently procured a contraption called a 'slow cooker'… where all he really needed to do was throw various ingredients into the thing, turn it on 4-8 hours before the Angel got peckish, and voila… the Angel oooohs and aaaahs like Crowley is a master chef and the Demon gets very satisfying tokens of the Angel's love and gratitude. A win for all involved. 

Crowley threw in all of the ingredients, turned the setting to low, headed outside… and immediately noticed, under their apple tree, the return of the huge plush rug and pile of pillows from all those weeks ago in the greenhouse. It was THEN that he knew what was coming, and he couldn't help but bark out a quick laugh in his shock. 

Aziraphale sat on the edge of the rug and responded to Crowley's shocked expression with a shy giggle and sweet smile. Crowley crossed to the rug, and plopped down opposite Aziraphale, crossing his legs and taking both of the Angel's hands in his. 

"Forgive me for speaking with no eloquence whatsoever… but this… this is exactly what I think it is… isn't it Angel? 

The Angel giggled even more, a slightly smug expression in the corners of his eyes. 

“It is dear. You know, my Crowley, you… you often speak with fond memory of Adam and Eve in the garden… the first of their kind to form such a beautiful, intimate union. You talk about how… well… they didn't have anything to go on… but found a wonderful path to mutual pleasure. We've been the opposite of them in many ways… we've taken such careful and precise steps… mapping out the majority of our experiences beforehand, this one included. And yet, now we're here, under OUR apple tree… and… well, I just couldn't think of a better place for our first union of this kind, my heart. We may very well be the first and only of our kind to have such a union… this just seemed... well... right.”

"Oh Angel… it's amazing… it's completely unexpected… and even with all our talks it feels very spontaneous. You're a wonder… I love you so much." 

They kissed, and the breeze kissed the sides of their faces as they did so. The far distant crash of waves from the sea was a nice touch, the scents of flowers and blossoms blooming in the garden… the celestial amber light that surrounded them in a perimeter of about 12 feet on all sides… 

"Angel!" 

"Hmmm?" 

"Did you… miracle it so we couldn't be seen out here? Are we… in an Angelic bubble of some kind?" 

The Angel giggled again. "Well dear, it did occur to me as I thought about this plan's execution that I might need to use one small frivolous miracle… just to make sure we had privacy in addition to ambiance." 

"Excellent plan Angel… let's get you used to us having sex in private before we go off and get randy in public places." 

For a split second before he laughed, Crowley saw a flash of nerves in his Angel's eyes over the comment he'd made. The Demon wanted to start repeatedly punching himself in the head. He'd done this on their night at the Ritz too, saying something out of touch with the mood and acting like a horny idiot during what was supposed to be a very 'special' event in their lives together. 

"Angel… I'm sorry… that was so bloody stupid of me to say I'm a waste of…" 

Crowley was cut off by a kiss, and gentle warm hands coasting up and down his chest. In the same way the Demon would calm his Angel by placing a hand on his cheek and scratching the back of his neck, Aziraphale had figured out that the easiest way to sooth Crowley in a tense moment was this; to gently pet his chest. He felt his breathing even, and his heartbeat decrease… his dumb comment would be forgiven… he loved his Angel so much. 

"No worries dear boy… truly. Crowley… I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous… but… as with all steps we've taken… I want to be brave and I want to try and learn and just… be with you. I know we didn't make an exact list for this moment but, I believe, long ago on the beach, you said we should start this process by doing lots of lovely things we are already comfortable with before we get to the… um… potentially more uncomfortable parts of this process… yes?" 

Crowley took a deep steeling breath, smiled and nodded. He was feeling the enormity of what was about to happen and was so thrilled and proud of Aziraphale for taking the initiative.

"I believe I did say that, and I believe that's an excellent way to begin. I love you, Aziraphale… where do you want me?" 

"I love you too my Crowley… and I would like you to lie back and let me unbutton your shirt… um… please?" 

"Oh Angel… with pleasure…" 

Crowley moved himself back into the pillow pile, opened his arms, and let the Angel begin his work. He unbuttoned the shirt, kissing his way down the Demon's body as each clasp came undone. With the shirt removed and tossed towards the apple tree, Aziraphale's eyes raked over Crowley's body as he settled his soft hands on the Demon's protruding hip bones. 

"Careful not to hurt your hands on my pointy corporation, Angel," the Demon laughed a bit uneasily. Even with the protective angelic haze to shield them from the world he still felt quite exposed in the brightness of the remaining sunlight… feeling he was so bony he was likely casting angular shadows along the grass.

Aziraphale gave him a sweet, reassuring look… it was one Crowley supposed he often gave to his Angel when Aziraphale expressed his concern for being 'too big.'

"You are not all lines and harsh angles as you say my sweet love. There are many lovely curves to you dear boy… SHE made you so beautifully… I wish you could see yourself the way I do." 

The words hit Crowley like a speeding truck to the heart. Before he could respond, the Angel continued…

"Curve one and two… these lovely thighs of yours." The Angel rubbed his hands with firm pressure up and down Crowley's upper thighs, eliciting a low groan from deep in the Demon's chest. 

"Curve three and four… naughtier in nature and simply divine." Crowley could help but yelp as Aziraphale moved his hands along the sharp hips of his Demon to his round rear underneath. 

Aziraphale showed Crowley, using his soft warm angelic hands, that the Demon did indeed have many curves. 

There was the slight yet pleasant swell of his belly, especially where his unnecessary belly button dipped into the center of him, making him giggle in very un-demonic ways as the Angel played and kissed him there. His sensitive ribs most definitely had a curve; the Angel's manicured nails coasting in between them and making Crowley shudder. The Demon wasn't certain nipples qualified as 'curvy' things per se, but he wasn't going to complain as his Angel curled his tongue around each of them as he sang out and bucked his hips in response. His lips, which he had always thought were so thin compared to Aziraphale's, did indeed curve nicely into breathy smiles as the Angel kissed the curves of his shoulders, ears and jaw. 

Crowley was feeling deliciously, reverently, overwhelmingly loved by his Angel. It was almost too much for him to bear. He savored their mutual joy and sweet laughter over the feelings of touching and being touched. Crowley hoped these moments between them would always have this spark of excitement even as their years together went on. 

The Demon did sense, after a little while of lingering in the same places, that the Angel's nerves were starting to pick up again. The newness of what they were about to do and Aziraphale's inexperience was starting to worry him more and more. Crowley was definitely ready to move forward, and while he was grateful for the Angel's boldness and the surprise of the location, he knew it was time for him to take over and guide his love into this incredible first union of its kind between them. 

Crowley gently grabbed onto Aziraphale's shoulders and pushed him up so they could look at each other. The Demon did indeed see the nerves in his lover's eyes but gave him his best most charming smile to help reassure him. 

"My sweet, perfect Principality… you're a wonder… have I told you that at least 7 times today?" 

Aziraphale giggled, shaky, but clearly trying to relax his mind and body as he looked down at Crowley. 

"I think only four, dear, but to your credit, the day is far from over," he teased lovingly. 

Crowley punctuated each of his declarations with kisses to Aziraphale's lips. 

"You're a wonder… you're a WONDER… you're an ABSOLUTE wonder… my Angel. My fiancé. You've made me feel so so good, like always. This is an amazing surprise. I love you. I'm ready. Are you?" 

A quick glance to the Angel's pelvis suggested that despite his nerves, he was very much ready to proceed, but the fear in his eyes was definitely doing its best to stop this wonderful moment between them in its tracks. 

"I… I want to… Crowley… so very much… In some ways it's… it's what I've wanted since that first night many months ago… it's just that… I'm about to do something that I built up such a wall against for thousands of years… and this is one of the final pieces to crumble apart. I just… I want it to be wonderful for you and for me… I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to do what we're about to do… badly… I want this first time to be perfect." 

Crowley pulled Aziraphale down on top of him in a loving embrace, the Angel's head on his chest. 

"I know, Angel… but as long as it's what you really want… and I believe you really do want this despite your fears… now is as 'perfect' a time as any break down those final bits of that wall. I know you wanted to wait for this perfect moment under this tree… and you want the sex itself to be 'perfect'… but the truth is… there's almost never a 'perfect' time to take a massive leap forward like this. And it's almost impossible for any two entities first experiences with this kind of sex together to be 'perfect' even if they are experienced."

Aziraphale heaved a nervous sigh, and Crowley pet at his back and kissed the top of his head. 

"Don't worry about perfect, Aziraphale. There's only us, now and here. It will be perfect even if it's imperfect… because you love me… and I love you. That's really all there is to it, yeah?" 

Aziraphale pushed himself up so he was straddling Crowley's thighs and looking down at him. He looked nervous still, but also determined and fond. The Demon saw the thing Aziraphale had described to him many times… the moment where a warmth seemed to flood his chest and push out the worst parts of his anxiety. The Angel raised his hand, looked to Crowley for a nod of confirmation, and snapped his fingers to vanish the rest of their clothes. 

Both let out delicious gasps when they felt the warmth of the setting sun and the gentle kiss of the spring breeze against their corporations; making them shiver with anticipation and excitement. 

Aziraphale moved off of Crowley to sit in the space between the Demon's legs and gently ran his strong hands up and down Crowley's thighs. "I love you so much Crowley. Alright my love… um… if I remember correctly, you mentioned something in one of our conversations about a pillow?" 

Crowley had been so lost in the moment looking at his Angel, naked and glowing in the golden sunlight, that he almost didn't realize what he was asking of him. 

"Oh! Right… yes… good memory on that one, Angel." The Demon had nerves in his own voice, and as was often the case, Aziraphale seemed to relax a bit and take comfort in the fact that he wasn't the only one with lingering anxiety about this leap. 

Crowley tucked a pillow under his rear, giving the Angel better access, and as he did so, he noticed a shift in the Angel's expression. At first his heart sank, he thought the Angel was going to slip into panic again… and then… laughter… sweet, lovely, giggly, contagious laughter. At first Crowley pouted at the reaction. Here he was, naked as anything, about to present himself to his beloved and there the Angel was, giggling at him. But he soon realized the Angel's mirth was similar to the kind of laughter they'd experienced back at the Ritz… a bubbling nervous excitement… he couldn't help but smile and chuckle back at Aziraphale. 

"Oh, my Crowley I'm… I'm so sorry… I was just imagining how we'd feel if one of our neighbors happened to stop by and I hadn't thought to shield us from view. I… I don't know what I was thinking putting us so out in the open like this… It's almost… well…"

"Don't you dare say silly Angel." Crowley laughed along with Aziraphale for a moment, imagining a little old lady from down the path coming by to borrow a cup of sugar. "Look, I admit, I almost certainly thought we were going to do this in a bedroom, in the evening, candles lit and all that but… this is truly wonderful, Angel… the parallels you described earlier are not lost on me." 

Something clicked then for Aziraphale, Crowley saw it happen in his eyes. The bulk of his nerves seemed to leave him, and desire slipped into the blue of his eyes, brilliant in the rays of the setting sun. 

"I know I said I didn't pay much attention to Adam and Eve in the Garden, Crowley… but… I do recall noticing one thing... I remember the way Adam looked at Eve. The admiration… the reverence… the way he smiled when her eyes met his… it's… the way you look at me Crowley… the way I hope I look at you." 

"You do, my Angel… you absolutely do." 

"I've said it from day one of this new arrangement dear boy… I want this… I've always wanted this. I make no guarantees but... I think my love and want of you will be more than enough to push me through my fears. I'm ready if you are… sweet love." 

"I am Angel… you have no idea how ready I am…" 

"And I won't hurt you…" 

"You will not…" 

"And… and you don't think I'll be awful at this…" 

"You will not…" 

"And if I do… hurt you… you know it will be accidental and you won't be…"

"I will not… I will love you and help you and we will do this together… like we've done everything before and everything that will come next too…" 

"I love you…" 

"I love you too…" 

With one more loving gaze, Aziraphale leaned over Crowley to kiss him soundly, and then settled between his Demon's legs again, snapping his fingers to produce their favorite sweet-smelling oil in the palm of one hand. The Angel seemed to be concentrating a moment, remembering how Crowley had told him to start in a previous conversation. 

"Is there… um… anything else you need before I… um…" 

"I've been ready for millennia, Angel… just go ahead and begin… nice and easy like we talked about and we'll both be fine." 

Aziraphale gave a shaky nod, but a sweet smile, dipped two of his fingers into the oil in his palm, and gently began massaging Crowley's entrance with the pads of his fingers. Crowley had to stop his body from jolting off the pillows with the pleasure of the contact. Experienced as he was, he hadn't been in this specific situation in a long time; he couldn't help but shudder a bit in his body and voice. Which of course made Aziraphale stop…

"Alright my dear?" 

"Yesssss… Angel… it's a good shudder, I swear… I forgot how… well… weird and sensitive and wonderful this is… keep going for just a bit longer and then you can go ahead with your index finger, alright?" 

"Alright… good… um… why don't you tell me when…" 

"I will." 

Aziraphale went back to his previous touches, and the sparks continued, and the Demon sighed further into his memories of just how good what they were about to do could feel. 

"Go ahead Angel… you aren't going to hurt me, I promise… I feel so good already…" 

They gave each other a quick look, both communicating a touch of nerves but firm desire, and Aziraphale went ahead and breached him for the first time. 

As they often did in these brave new steps, there was gasping, and adjusting, and letting themselves soak in the moment. Even if it wouldn't have seemed like a very big deal to many, both couldn't quite believe they were here given where they'd started. Crowley's breathing ramped up considerably, and both of their heads seemed to get a little more 'swimmy' with the anticipation of what was to come now that this step had been taken. It was Aziraphale who spoke first…

"Oh… my dear… I can't believe… are you alright still? Do you feel…" 

"I feel like I'm lighting up, sweet Angel… and I feel like I want you to move… please…?" 

"Oh! Yes… absolutely…" 

Aziraphale tentatively started to thrust his finger inside Crowley and the Demon immediately let out a pleasant hum at the sensation. Pleasure was starting to flood and pool in him already. Feeling the Angel moving inside of him was so much more intense than he thought it would be, he felt the unique combination of pleasure building and muscles relaxing. 

"Oh Angel… this is so good, are you ok?" 

It took Aziraphale a moment to answer, he was staring with near comical concentration at his task, seemingly fascinated by what he was doing. "Oh, yes dear… I am… are you… um… ready for more…?"

Crowley wanted to say what a massive understatement that question inspired but opted to smile and nod instead. "Yep, I am… now Angel… I'm probably going to make some considerably more intense sounds when you do this… but please don't stop unless I tell you to, alright?" 

Aziraphale nodded, nervous but sure, and made sure his fingers were well-oiled before placing his other hand on Crowley's knee to steady and ground both of them. 

Slowly, he entered Crowley with two fingers, and Crowley did indeed let out a sharper gasp and a deeper moan at the feeling of the stretch. He had his eyes closed as he adjusted to the light pangs of pain mixed with the little shocks of pleasure, but forced himself to look at Aziraphale so he could communicate with his gaze that we was ok. 

"It's just the stretch we talked about Angel… ahhh… but it's so good… I swear to you on everything… it's so so good... you can move now, please…" 

Aziraphale nodded and gently thrust both fingers within him. Within seconds the pain of the stretch was gone, and there was only the building of pleasure again. If Aziraphale wasn't encouraged by the sounds Crowley was making as he moved down against the Angel's fingers inside him, the fact that his cock was beginning to leak onto his belly certainly was. The Angel gained more confidence as he opted to thrust just a little faster and deeper… 

"OH!" 

"What!? Dear, are you…" 

"Again! Oh Angel… you were right there… do that again!" 

Aziraphale continued what he'd been doing before Crowley cried out and, sweet merciful everything, managed to find that bundle of nerves they'd discussed in one of their previous conversations. 

"Aaaaaaaangel… ohhhhh…" 

Now Crowley was completely losing himself to pleasure as Aziraphale continued to brush against that sweet spot inside him… not so much to take him to the point of no return, but certainly enough to show Aziraphale what he'd meant when he said the moments of discomfort were very much worth the pleasure that came with the experience of this kind of sex. 

The Demon shook off his haze of euphoria just enough to tell the Angel he should go ahead and add a third finger when he was ready and saw that Aziraphale's expression was very different than it had been just a few minutes earlier. He had lust in his eyes… satisfaction… even a touch of confidence… 'I'm doing this to him' his gaze seemed to say, 'He likes what I'm doing… this is pleasurable for him… I'm not hurting him… I'm doing the exact opposite.' 

The third finger was added, and Crowley felt hardly anything other than pleasure as Aziraphale did so, but it did shock him enough to check in with him again.

"I think… ah… you know how I'm… ah… feeling Angel… how are you…?" 

"My Crowley… I… this is unbelievable… and… strange but lovely and new and… it feels incredible to see you and hear you in such pleasure." 

"Good… I'm... aaahhh… so glad Angel… because you're about to see me in a whole lot more pleasure… because I think… ah… I'm ready… if you are…" 

Aziraphale stopped very suddenly at that and moved his fingers out and away from him, making Crowley whine a little from the loss of sensation. When he looked to his Angel's eyes, Aziraphale was frozen. Crowley saw a world of thoughts swirling in those eyes… windows into a mind in battle with itself. He saw the parts of Aziraphale that wanted this so badly fighting with every anxiety about touch and sex and pleasure he'd ever had… a little war in his Angel's own psyche that could end all of this, that could betray and keep him from his deepest desires. 

Crowley stayed calm despite the magnitude of the moment and placed his hand on top of Aziraphale's resting on his knee. "Sweet love… Angel mine… Azi?" 

The Demon wasn't sure which endearment snapped Aziraphale back from the brink of anxiety, but he seemed to shake out of his trance and look right at Crowley. 

"I'll ask again, and whatever answer you give me, I will love you more today than I did yesterday, and I'll love you even more tomorrow… Are you ready?"

Crowley saw the Angel's eyes get a little watery, full of fondness, full of bravery, vulnerable and determined all at once… Aziraphale nodded and gave him a brilliant bright smile. 

"Yes Crowley… I'm… I'm ready for this… let's… let's have this wonderful act of love together." 

Crowley felt his own eyes grow watery, squeezed his Angel's hand, and then shook his own emotions to the side just enough to get them started. As he took each step, Crowley never faltered from a sweet and gentle tone of voice, loving smiles and gentle touch. He wanted to do this gingerly, but also make sure the Angel was fully aware of what was happening. 

"Ok Angel… let's switch places and have you lie back… make sure you're comfortable, yeah? Good, good there you are… I'm going to give you a lot of kisses now, all over you…" 

And give kisses he did… first to Aziraphale's face and lips, and then he slithered down his beautiful plush body… giving more kisses, nips, licks and doting words. The Angel, despite the nerves, gave out little moans and gasps in pleasure. Soon Crowley was straddling the Angel's thighs and giving strokes to Aziraphale's cock with their favorite oil… "Just getting you a little more ready Angel, this will make the experience better for both of us, ok?" 

Usually Crowley had to ask Aziraphale to remember to open his eyes and see what was happening when they dove into a new experience. Not this time. Aziraphale was definitely in a state of pleasure, but he was alert and looking at every movement of Crowley's hands on him, nodding his consent to each step taken along the way. 

Finally, the moment felt completely and totally right, and Crowley placed one hand on Aziraphale's hip, the other holding onto his hard and leaking effort. 

"Angel, even now, it's ok to tell me 'no'… this will only be good if it's really and truly wanted by us both…" 

"Anthony J. Crowley," the Angel gently interrupted him through deep breaths… "Please… after all these years of our old arrangement… and all these beautiful months of our new one… please let's not hold back any more… ever again… please let me be inside you, love." 

The Demon felt as though his heart had been seared by the words. He knew them to be true. It was finally time. 

"Oh Angel… with pleasure…" 

Crowley shifted his position, lined himself up, made sure he had Aziraphale's eyes locked onto his own, and slowly began to sink onto him. 

It was exceedingly difficult for Crowley to describe what he felt next… because… really… how does an entity sum up the following things in one legible sentence: 

1\. The feeling of being physically/emotionally/spiritually connected to the entity you love most in this uncertain/terrifying/beautiful world for the first time.  
2\. The feeling of breaking down a 6,000 year-strong wall that held one back from their deepest desires.  
3\. The feeling of two literal opposite forces uniting into a singular entity.  
4\. The feeling of the literal coming together of Heaven and Hell on Earth.  
5\. The feeling of your best friend physically inside you for the first time… the heat and stretch and warmth and sharpness and beauty contained therein.  
6\. The feeling where you know that 'technically' you've been 'inside each other' before, but a body swap has NOTHING on this.  
7\. The feeling that, you've been so happy and so in-love for so long, and now you've just added another monumental way to express that happiness and love for each other.  
8\. The feeling that you've waited for this for such a long time, but it feels so deeply familiar… it feels like coming home. 

The best Crowley could do to fit all of those feelings into one single sentiment, was to reach out his hands for Aziraphale to take and grip, fingers threaded together, and practically howl in a combination of divine need, sensitivity and pleasure. 

He realized, as he gently rocked his hips, taking more and more of Aziraphale into his body, that the Angel was making wonderful noises too, and just as Crowley was fully seated, his best friend and fiancé completely inside him… aching with the feeling of being filled but wanting more… the Demon inside Crowley took over with the only thing he could think to say in this extraordinary moment: 

"That barrier you put up around us included sound and not just sight… right Angel…? OI!" 

"CROWLEY!" 

Crowley burst into laughter after receiving that smack on his rear from Aziraphale. 

"Of course I included sound! Crowley what a thing to say at this… this… when we're… when you're…" 

But the Angel couldn't hold on to his huffiness for long… and joined Crowley in his laughter wholeheartedly. 

After a moment, Crowley's giggles melted into a hazy, joyful smile as he rocked his hips a bit more, getting used to the incredible sensations, and he could see on Aziraphale's face that the Angel was trying to process his own feelings. 

"Hello Angel."

"Oh… Hello Crowley…" 

"I love you…" 

"I love you too… oh… oh Crowley I'm… I'm…" 

"You're inside me, Angel… and yes, technically it's happened before but this is… a bit different yeah?" 

"Yes! Oh yes it's… oh Crowley this is… you feel… oh my love… so good... I think… like you have said before… I don't know that this is going to last very long." 

Crowley chuckled sweetly and gripped the Angel's hands.

"You feel so… so warm… I… it feels like… like I'm surrounded in your love… that's not… um…"

"A silly thing to say? No Angel, not at all, you can say whatever you like in this moment…" 

"How do you feel… dear…?" 

"Exquisite, wonderful… forgive me if you find this crass but… full… your um… let's just say you put a lot of effort into your effort…" 

Crowley was thrilled to see the slightest eye roll from the Angel, and not a hint of nerves. It was extraordinary. 

"Um, Crowley?" 

"Yes, Angel?" 

"I… I think… as long as you feel ready… I would like… if you would move now… please?" 

"Yes, Angel… absolutely yes." 

Aziraphale's eyes darted for a moment down from Crowley's face and to the Demon's straining effort between them and some concern appeared in his gaze.

"Crowley…do I need to… um…" 

"You don't need to do a single thing, not for this first time… please don't worry Angel… I just want you to feel this, feel me. Just like when we go for a ride in the Bentley… lay back, relax, and let me drive, ok?" 

"Oh, darling Demon… yes… please… I trust you…" 

With that sweet declaration, Crowley started to move… and Aziraphale's eyes flew open along with his mouth to sing out the most beautiful moans and groans to spur Crowley onward as he did. 

He started with a steady rhythm, opting at first to keep his Angel buried deep within him, before gently speeding up his movements, lifting himself up more and more each time he came back down, angling himself so the Angel's cock would hit that sweet spot inside him, but not so hard that he'd lose his concentration. All the while he gripped Aziraphale's hands, giving him leverage to move but also keep the Angel feeling grounded and safe. 

Despite being awash in pleasure, Aziraphale endeavored to keep his eyes open… to watch and even study what Crowley was doing… he seemed mesmerized by the sight of their bodies moving together yet linked… and Crowley could feel from the Angel's body shuddering beneath and inside him that this was, indeed, not going to last much longer. 

Crowley was about to check in, when he was suddenly shocked into a near loss of vision, as the Principality Aziraphale began snapping his hips up to meet Crowley as he sank down onto him. The Demon must have let out an especially intense keening moan, as Aziraphale stopped a moment to do his own check-in.

"Is that alright dear… was that the right… MMPH!" 

Crowley leaned down and answered with a searing kiss. "Keep doing that, Angel… let's bring each other home… we… we saved the world… we deserve this pleasure… we deserve each other… " 

Tears welled up in the Angel's eyes, and Crowley felt his own emotions overtake him, and then, they set a divine pace… moving in tandem… Aziraphale crying out in more and more pleasure as he got closer and closer, and Crowley nearly losing control as the Angel continued to move against the most sensitive spots inside him. He noticed the glow, the beautiful amber light the Angel seemed to save for their most precious moments surround them… a glow within the glow of the protective miracle around them, which was within the glow of the rays of the setting sun on their beautiful garden in their beautiful home. They were home… they were coming home…

At the last second, when he knew the Angel was about to come, Crowley took one of his hands out of Aziraphale's and placed it in that 'comfort spot' on his cheek making sure they were looking at each other as the Angel's climax crested… and… because he now had a free hand… the last thing Aziraphale thought to do before letting the pleasure wash over him, was to bring his hand down to give a few pumps to his Demon's straining cock… succeeding in something elusive, but so very apt for this monumental first time… Angel and Demon, literally coming together. 

Their shared orgasm sent a burst of energy that sent the Angel's protective miracle pulsing in a perimeter around them at least a mile in every direction. Every farmer's crop was suddenly at the best it had been in decades… refrigerators were suddenly full of food and freezers full of ice cream in every residence… businesses suddenly had an extra thousand pounds in the till… every sock that had ever been missing from a load of laundry suddenly burst out of washing machines and dryers… the orchids in the greenhouse were perfect… the books were perfectly organized in the library… and though it had not been the location of this incredible moment in time… the wings above their bed glowed their regular colors of amber and steel blue, as the two celestials collapsed with heaving breaths surrounded by the green of the garden.

At some point, fingers were snapped to clean them up, a soft quilt from inside the house was brought out to cover them as they held each other in the pile of pillows… but the first concrete moment Crowley remembered was the kissing. They were experiencing a repeat of the experience of their first kiss… where they were kissing, then giving each other pecks all over faces and necks and shoulders… and then descending into giggles in pure bliss. 

"We did it Crowley." 

"Ha! Yes, Angel… we DID IT… Oi! Angel I apologized for acting like a horny idiot BEFORE we had sex, but you cannot be upset with me for acting like one now… after THAT… oh Angel…"

Crowley pulled away so he could look into Aziraphale's shining eyes… he looked so happy… pleased and proud and just a touch relieved. Crowley had to kiss him a few more times before speaking. 

"It was so good Angel…" 

"It was." 

"You were inside me…"

"I was." 

"And you were so nervous but pushed through your fears."

"I did."

"And it was worth it…" 

"It was." 

"And you're too overwhelmed right now to say much more than two word sentences to me…" 

"I am." 

"And you love me…"

"I do." 

"And you want to do this again sometime?" 

"Many many more times." 

"And you want to marry me?"

"Right under this tree." 

"And at some point during our wedding ceremony we are going to start laughing like idiots because we will remember the time we had earth-shattering sex under this tree?" 

"We will." 

"And you'll promise to marry me?"

"And cherish you forever, dear boy." 

"Is it time for a nap, Angel?"

"It is… I love you Crowley."

"I love you too Aziraphale." 

And so they dozed… in peace… in bliss… in the knowledge that although so much had been accomplished in such a short time… there was still so much more to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew... we made it! As Crowley said unceremoniously but perfectly... THEY DID IT! I am sensing the ending coming... I can think of a few more milestones for these celestials, both emotional and physical and then this story will end and other stories inspired by this one will seep in and form a lovely collection of soft hotness. Thank you for your patience and for reading this far... I hope this nice long juicy chapter was enjoyable. Comments are life! I hope all of you are well!


	26. In Other Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the night before their wedding and Crowley's mind betrays him in a terrible way... fortunately, his Angel is there to help him pick up the pieces and hopefully save the day (see notes for potential TW).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey... wait... but I thought we were nearly at the end of this story... what on earth is the ANGST TRAIN doing here?!?!? 
> 
> Sorry pals, she had to pull into the station just one more time. It's not going to be that bad, I swear... but as I've implied from the beginning of this story, Azi isn't the only one with anxiety in this relationship. 
> 
> Trigger warnings for nightmares, the bookshop burning, fire in general. 
> 
> Crowley has a few things to deal with before they get married... and Aziraphale is there to comfort him through this tough moment before they wed.
> 
> Sweet and loving sex ensues... because I can't keep them sad for too terribly long... they deserve joy. Enjoy!

Aziraphale and Crowley had been shouting at each other for the better part of 10 minutes. The Angel hurling hurtful words that stung Crowley like bullets as they continued, unrelenting. 

"You are doing absolutely nothing to plan for this wedding! So, what is the point of having it at all!?"

"Angel, look I told you, parties and being social just aren't my thing, ok?!? It's not like I'm against the marriage part of this just because I don't care about cake designs or seating arrangements!"

"Well those things are important to me, Crowley! And if you can't make them important to you, the details of a day that is supposed to be the most special day of our lives to date, how am I supposed to know you'll treat the details of our day-to-day life with care and attention!?"

"I thought I already did that! Angel, I'm putting so much into this house…" 

"Your GREEN-house you mean! You spend hours and hours a day out there, completely neglecting me while I'm in here... puttering around alone waiting for you to grace me with your presence! You can be so thoughtless sometimes! Just sitting there in your own little world because you can't handle completely merging our lives together! You just want to hide in your own little Eden and not face the rest of the world with me!" 

The Angel's expression started to mix anger with sadness as hot tears started to fall from his cheeks… 

"Because you're afraid to admit that which has always been the case Crowley… I am too much for you to handle! My anxieties aren't worth your time! It's all been a lie! Marry me? You can't commit to anything! You can't even keep your hair the same style or stick to a specific wardrobe for more than a couple of years! How can I possibly expect you to keep me around before your grow bored with me!?"

"Angel… Angel I LOVE YOU!" 

"Well that might not be enough… serpent… how can I possibly trust you, how can I possibly build a home and a life and a FOREVER with you… you're DAMNED Crowley. You don't even belong up here on earth… you belong in the fires of hell… none of this is even real to you is it!?"

Suddenly, Aziraphale spun around and in doing so, knocked over a lit candle onto the rug below, causing it to very suddenly burst into flames. 

"AZIRAPHALE!" 

The Angel was standing in a ring of fire. It was as if Crowley blinked and the whole of their living room had been set aflame. Their curtains were melting into nothing, their furniture and precious items getting swallowed up by the flames… Aziraphale's eyes blazing with red angry heat… flaring his teeth…

"How can you marry me, Master Crowley… you couldn't even save me…" 

There was an explosion, and part of the ceiling collapsed on top of the Angel, causing Crowley to fall back from the burst of heat, screaming his Angel's name as he fell and fell and fell and…

"CROWLEY!" 

The Demon surged up from where he'd been lying down… little rivulets of sweat running down his temples and the back of his neck… he took deep heaving breaths and tried desperately to blink away tears as Aziraphale threw his arms around him, holding Crowley's head to his strong chest and rocking him gently as he shushed him. 

The Demon couldn't speak… he simply allowed himself to be rocked as he tried desperately to put everything he'd just experienced in his nightmare out of his mind. He thought he had pushed most of his emotion down when his Angel piped up…

"I love you, dear boy." 

And the tears flowed. Hard, racking sobs left his mouth as he clutched the strong arms wrapped around him. The Angel kept rocking him, shushing him, kissing the top of his head and speaking sweet endearments. 

"Oh my love, my sweet sweet Tensity… I'm so sorry… whatever it was is over now… you're safe with me my dear…" 

Finally, the vocal sobs slowed… Crowley found that he was breathing in tandem with Aziraphale and it was actually calming him down and slowing his thundering heart. He shifted his body so his head was lying in Aziraphale's lap, the Angel playing with his copper hair and using his other hand to massage Crowley's rigid shoulders. He couldn't find his words yet, but the Angel didn't push… he simply held him and tried his best to ease his trembling corporation. 

After a few more minutes of trying to breathe and calm himself, Crowley felt the need to break the silence. 

"Angel, what time is it?" 

"It is about two in the morning my love… we're getting married in exactly 12 hours." 

Crowley couldn't help but give a dry chuckle at the response.

"Then it's probably worrying you that your fiancé is a dribbling sobbing mess in your lap with only a few hours to go until one of the most important days of their lives." 

"I am only worried that the most precious entity in the universe to me is in distress… the date is quite immaterial, my heart." 

Crowley cuddled against him, rubbing his cheek against the soft fabric of Aziraphale's silk pajamas. The only light in the room was from a lamp on the Angel's side of the bed, along with a beam of star and moon light peeking through the curtains nearest his side. The combination of the touch and the light was definitely soothing him, but he knew the Angel was going to ask him to talk about what he'd dreamed, and he didn't know if he wanted to talk about the deepest recesses of his brain and fears with less than half a day to go until their nuptials.

"Crowley… do you want to tell me what you dreamed…? You don't have to… I just… I just want you to know that you can, it doesn't matter what is happening tomorrow, well, this afternoon… I just don't want you to go into the ceremony unrested…" 

The Demon knew the Angel didn't just mean sleep when he said 'unrested' and Crowley cuddled into him even further. The last time they'd been in this exact physical and emotional position, they'd been in the bookshop, and it had been Aziraphale in a state of unrest and tears in Crowley's lap. 

"Angel you… you know I want to marry you more than just about anything else I've ever wanted in my 6,000 years on earth… right?" 

Aziraphale answered first by lowering his head to lay a kiss right over the tattoo at Crowley's temple. 

"I haven't had one single doubt my dear heart." 

"And… and you know I'm excited about this wedding and the details… even if I didn't actually taste any cakes at our cake tasting… right?"

The Angel gave out a giggle with a lightness that Crowley hadn't expected. 

"Well dear I agree that I may have rolled my eyes a few times when you wouldn't try the lovely bites the baker prepared, but in the end I was quite content to have the samples all to myself." 

The Angel's fingers in Crowley's hair continued to draw gentle patterns, soothing his wretched heart with every scratch. The Angel could have such high anxiety and fear in so many situations, but, here and now, comforting Crowley, he was steady as a rock… pure Angel… there for comfort and grace above all else. The Demon couldn't fathom why his subconscious mind had allowed such a terrible scene to play out in his dream… but… 

"Angel you don't feel… you don't think I ignore you... do you… I just… I get really caught up in the greenhouse sometimes, the orchids… I've just been wanting them to look perfect for tomorrow… and when you're selling or, not selling your books, I get so tongue tied with the customers and your acquaintances, and it's not that I'm not invested, or I don't care about your interests I just…" 

"Shhhhh… my Crowley… I think I'm starting to get a clearer picture of this dream you had. My dear… I think your mind is betraying you in the way that mine has betrayed me on occasion. I know they don't show up very often, but I know you have fears about me leaving you or casting you away… and it makes sense that on a night like tonight… the night before we make a very big commitment to each other… that those nasty thoughts would come barging into your dreams full force. Have I cracked it, love?" 

Crowley felt a little better as well as appreciative that the Angel's correct analysis took away his need to voice the first part of his dream… but the pain in his gut remained; the part that couldn't shake the image of his greatest love getting crushed by flaming debris.

"Um… yeah… that's about it. We were… in my dream… arguing and… you were, well, questioning my commitment to you and saying I didn't spend enough time with you and… and that I wasn't, in so many words, the marrying kind…" 

"Oh sweet love… you know that's preposterous… though I don't say that meaning your feelings are ever invalid. You feel what you feel, and those feelings are real and important. AND… I swear to you they aren't true. I love that we continue to have our own lives and our own interests and don't need to spend every moment of every day together. We always find each other by the end… return to each other's sides… I dare say we always have… even before this new arrangement began, yes?" 

Aziraphale's sweet and wonderful words, swirling around in his brain along with the images of him engulfed in flames was causing a new wave of tears to start building in the corners of Crowley's eyes. He tried to say something reassuring, confirming what the Angel had said, but instead, the new tears just fell, and he clutched at the Angel's silk pajamas even harder. 

"There was a fire…" was all he could manage before the sobs hit again. 

"Crowley… what fire? The fire from the bookshop? Did you… did you dream about that tonight love?" 

"There was a fire HERE… in our home…". It was as if Crowley was letting every bottled-up emotion he'd ever had since that night at the bookshop nearly a year earlier flow out of him… feelings he'd never truly allowed himself to deal with as he built his new romantic relationship with Aziraphale. 

"I know it's stupid… I… I… I know you're here and that's all in the past but… I saw it clear as anything in my dream. We were fighting and then… there was a fire and you… I lost you and I can't… Angel I can't ever lose you… I'd rather die… I'd rather… I'm so so sorry I didn't save you that day… last summer… I love you… and I'm a damned wretched thing but all I want to do is… is… is make it up to you… forever… please… PLEASE…" 

Even harder sobs than before overtook him. Aziraphale leaned over him, holding and rocking him in both arms and kissing every part of his head and face that he could… not trying to stop the Demon's tears, but making as much contact with him as possible. He just kept repeating two words over and over again, as if the more he spoke them, the truer they'd become. 

"I'm here. I'm here. I'm here."

Slowly, Crowley started to calm down from his crying, but then he found he wanted to feel more of Aziraphale physically, to wrap himself up in his Angel and just feel his warmth and presence in every part of himself… every pore. 

"Angel can… can I lie back… please… I just… I want to feel you… I… I'm sorry…" 

Without a word, Aziraphale gently lifted Crowley from his lap, and moved the blankets so the Demon could shift himself back against the pillows. With not a shred of a tremble or second of hesitation, Aziraphale seemed to know exactly what his beloved wanted and gently laid his body on top of him. 

Crowley almost immediately felt better… as if the sun was shining down on his body as he lay on the beach. He was taking deep calming breaths as Aziraphale continued to pet his hair and kiss his tears away from his cheeks. When Crowley was finally able to quiet himself, he opened his eyes to see his Angel looking down at him. With a shaky voice, he said…

"H-hello, Angel…" 

A single tear dropped down Aziraphale's cheek as he responded. "Hello, Crowley mine…" 

"Crowley yours… I… I love you…" 

"I love you too… I'm so sorry you had such a terrible dream… and I know we've talked about it before… but I'm so sorry for what happened to you last year… in the bookshop…" 

"It's not your fault…"

"Nor is it yours, love… I promise you… it's not… it's in the past, as you like to say. But I know better than anyone that the past has a way of catching up and… sabotaging you with the absolute worst timing." 

Crowley nodded his understanding, continuing to be soothed by Aziraphale's words and warmth. 

"Oh, sweet Crowley… my fiancé… it's the last night I get to call you that, isn't it?" 

"Husband mine, in just a few hours…" 

Aziraphale began kissing him. His face and lips, down to his neck and throat and the top of his chest where his pajama shirt had come undone. 

"Yes, you'll be my sweet wonderful husband. Mine to love and cherish an honor and care for… all the remaining days of my life… all the remaining days of the world…." 

The Angel's loving words continued, and as he spoke, he continued to undo the buttons of Crowley's pajama top and kiss his way down his chest. Crowley was feeling every ounce of his anxiety start to leave him as the Angel's kisses continued. The touches soothed him, and excited him, and he felt his hips starting to move of their own accord. He did have the sense to speak up before totally losing himself in the comfort of his Angel's perfect body and love. 

"Azi… love you don't have to if you don't…" 

"Sweet love, I WANT to show how much I love you as much as you NEED to feel it… please… if you're comfortable… let me love you Crowley… please let me show you…?"

Crowley's eyes watered anew, and he nodded his consent. His mind was still so addled and yet raw; he just wanted to feel the pleasure from his Angel's touch and let it chase away his memories of that terrible dream. 

He wasn't sure he heard the snapping of Aziraphale's fingers, but both of their pajamas were quite noticeably gone within a few moments of the Angel resuming his kissing. Crowley let out a gasp mixed with a gentle sob at the full feeling of his Angel's body flush against him. He felt the Angel kiss the tears on his cheeks away and then claim his mouth in a searing kiss, one that communicated love and comfort and passion as well. After breaking the kiss, Aziraphale slowly made his way down Crowley's body; his hands, lips, tongue and words easing Crowley's mind while building his pleasure at the same time. 

"I forget sometimes how much you need touch, my sweet love. Please, please don't protest… doing this for you feels so very good for me too. You love me so well my sweet Crowley, you have always put me and my needs first… and now that I'm more comfortable with myself and touch and expressing our love that way, I want to care for you like this more often. I'm so sorry you had such a terrible dream my heart … but I know you feel my love, not just now but always… please don't let your mind betray you into thinking that I'm anything less than excited and thrilled for our future. Ohhhh… oh you feel so so wonderful under my hands my love… 

Crowley had no words, he simply allowed his tears to continue to fall as they changed from ones of agony to ecstasy. He wanted to banish all the terrible fraudulent words and images from his dream into nothing, he wanted his Angel to be inside him and in doing so, be the only thing his mind and body could focus on. As Aziraphale continued his incredible touches and kisses, it became impossible for him to ignore that Crowley was aroused, and the Demon had a split second where he became anxious that Aziraphale would become uncomfortable seeing him in such a state under these circumstances. 

However, as if reading his mind through his amber eyes, the Angel moved his body against Crowley's so he could feel the Angel's own arousal. Aziraphale gave him a strange look before speaking up, showing his first small signs of nervousness of this entire encounter. 

"I'm… I'm sorry dear… I didn't mean to um… build arousal, I know you're upset… I'm sure…"

"Please Angel… please, I want you… I need you… if… if you want to I really really want you inside me… please?" 

Crowley only saw relief in Aziraphale's eyes, which in turn gave him a feeling of relief and a doubling of his desires. 

"Oh Crowley, yes dear, I want to… please… let me make love to you… um…" 

Despite his emotion and arousal mingling together to cloud his mind, Crowley did have the sense to realize Aziraphale's hesitation… in the many weeks since their encounter under the apple tree, they'd had penetrative sex, but Aziraphale had still never been on top of him physically; a combination of lingering discomfort with his weight and insecurity about knowing what to do in said position. Crowley hadn't any desire to push him, especially with the wedding coming up and other distractions. 

Crowley began lifting his body to switch places with Aziraphale. "Here Angel, I'll just…" but Aziraphale gently placed his hand on Crowley's chest and pushed him back down onto the pillows. 

"No, Crowley… I… you stay where you are… I think… I think I can do what we both want from here… like this." 

Crowley saw the Angel's smile, and tried to return it as encouragingly as he could. "I love you Angel… if you're sure, then I want you to. You can do this… your body will know what to do… it will feel so good for both of us, I promise your worries will disappear…" 

"…if I just begin. You're right my Crowley… I love you too… let me help you feel better." 

Crowley took a moment to snap his fingers and gasp at the sudden and overwhelmingly openness he felt. "I know it's not what you like me to do every time… but I prepared myself Angel… I'm ready… I just need you… please?" 

Aziraphale nodded and gave a similar snap to make sure he was slick and ready before moving over Crowley and lining himself up. 

"Just um… tell me what you need along the way Crowley… tell me if you need to stop." 

Crowley nodded and smiled… it wasn't lost on him that most of the time it was him saying those exact words to his Angel, but this reversal where he was the one feeling the most anxious and vulnerable with Aziraphale easing him through those feelings into pleasure was truly incredible. 

More gently than he ever thought possible, Crowley felt Aziraphale entering him, and felt a stunning pleasure mixed with the sharp pangs of the stretch that made him throw his head back in sensation and relief. He heard a lovely groan from the Angel as well, feeling his own pleasure at their union. When Aziraphale was fully inside him, Crowley put both of his hands on the Angel's shoulders to hold him in place. 

"Stay there… please please Angel… just… oh… please stay just like this a moment." 

"Of course… sweet Crowley, whatever you need my dear."

They both took a minute to adjust and breathe, muscles tightening and relaxing, letting the intimacy of the moment wash over them before the need to move and chase their pleasure took over. 

The two celestials seemed to open their eyes at the same moment, communicating with a look that it was time to move. 

The Angel was indeed just a little clumsy at first as he tried to figure out the best way to hold himself and move to make both of them feel good and comfortable... but before they knew it, they had a lovely rhythm going… Crowley bringing up his legs to wrap around Aziraphale's hips to gently urge him deeper inside. 

"Are you alright, Angel is… is this…?"

"Crowley… ahhhh… love… please… you're so wonderful to always check in with me… I'm more than alright… ohhhh… I assure you… just feel me… love… lie back and just feel me and tell me… ahhh… what you need…" 

Aziraphale ended his words with a slightly sharper thrust inside him, making Crowley bark out in pleasure and fully relax into the bed, allowing the divine sensation of his Angel inside him take over. 

He occasionally looked up into his lover's gorgeous blue eyes looking down on him with reverence and care, but mostly allowed his eyes to close, for it was then that he saw constellations of celestial energy and amber pulses causing the disturbing images of his dream to evaporate. He felt the Angel's mouth on his, both of them moaning in pleasure as the Angel's thrusts became increasingly deeper and faster and more confident. Crowley shifted his body just a little upwards, and when Aziraphale hit that especially sensitive spot inside him for the first time, he felt his eyes fly open of their own volition… and a deep groan escape his lips. 

"Yes Angel… aaaahhhhh… more more PLEASE… it's so good… faster... ohhhhhhhh…" 

Aziraphale set a near perfect pace after that, seemingly determined to see Crowley reach his climax first, and paying no mind or worry to his belly pressing down on Crowley's effort between them… his Demon was in ecstasy. As Crowley's pleasure built even more, he felt the need to speak from his heart, as if his words were holding back his climax. He looked into Aziraphale's eyes as he felt himself reaching that point of no return. 

"I love you Angel… you're my ahhhhh… my everything… I want to spend all my days… ah… loving you and being there for you… I… oh…" 

Aziraphale reached between them and wrapped his strong soft fingers around Crowley's aching cock, and locking on to his eyes. 

"I know you will… ahhhh… and I will do the same… I love you… ohhhhh… come for me dearest… please come…" 

Crowley slammed his eyes shut and shouted out Aziraphale's name as he let go and felt exquisite pleasure rush into every pore of his corporation. The Angel on top of him felt divinely warm and safe. Just as Crowley was starting to come down from his climax, he felt the rhythm of Aziraphale's thrusts slow down as his own climax overtook him; singing out in pleasure. Crowley noticed the Angel's arms on either side of him were trembling a bit as he held himself up, so Crowley took a firm grip of both of his Angel's shoulders and pulled him down on top of him. 

"Cover me Angel… lie here on top of me… please… you feel so good… you've made me feel so much better…" 

The Demon buried his face in his fiancé's neck and rubbed his hands up and down Aziraphale's back as he finally felt the Angel relax his body firmly on top of his. His worries over the Angel's comfort out of the way, Crowley felt like his heart was finally starting to beat normally and he no longer felt filled with fear or dread. The ache was gone in his chest, replaced by the pleasant ache and warmth of the beautiful sex they'd just had. Finally, his mind seemed to be processing as it usually did, as he had the thought to make additions to his ever-growing list…

Sex with Angel literally on top: CHECK  
Sweet beautiful comfort sex: CHECK  
Last night of lovemaking as fiancés: CHECK 

Finally, Aziraphale lifted himself up to smile at Crowley and kiss him before rolling over onto his side to face him. The Angel snapped his fingers to clean them up and Crowley found himself back in his pajamas, warm and comforted as he took the Angel's hands in his. 

"Thank you, Angel." 

"Whatever for sweet love?"

"For all of that… for the comfort… for loving me… for taking another leap when you didn't need to… for marrying me in a few hours…" 

"Well dear, those words we said to each other during that lovely act sounded like a wonderful warm-up for our exchange of vows later today." 

Crowley cackled at that, always grateful for Aziraphale's post-coital one-liners. 

"And, my dear, we actually managed to take care of an item on a typical wedding to-do list rather early." 

"Angel?" 

"Well, don't most human couples at least intend to have lovemaking be part of their wedding day festivities?" 

Crowley laughed again. "Well… I suppose so, yes… but I think most of them wait until at least the ceremony is over for that Angel…" 

"Well you know dear… I read in one of those magazines you leave lying around that 90% of couples don't actually have sex on their wedding night. They're too exhausted! So, now that we've taken care of that part of the day first and early, we can just collapse into bed and rest when the day is through!" 

"Never let it be said for any reason that we're a typical couple Angel… yes… good for us… getting our wedding sex out of the way before sunrise." 

Now they both laughed, cuddling into each other for kisses, and a rather large yawn from Crowley. 

"I think there are at least a few more hours of darkness left dear Crowley if you want to get some more sleep." 

"Probably a good idea Angel… um… what we just did though… that was good, for you?" 

"Oh! Oh yes dear! I… I think I was a bit awkward at first but, like you always say, instincts have a way of kicking in. I will most definitely be less apprehensive about trying positions of that nature in the future. It was… good for you too I hope… even at the beginning…"

"Every moment of it was wonderful Angel… because every moment I'm having sex with you is the best sex I've ever had. I love you… I look forward to us continuing to try new things and I promise to always show you patience and care and go at the pace that feels right."

"And I promise to always be brave, but never push beyond my bravery when I'm not ready. I will always endeavor to be honest and open and remind myself that you have needs too, and keep growing our language of touch." 

"Now that most definitely felt like vows Angel… good thing we did them now instead of in front of the guests… I mean I guess I could promise to love, honor, cherish and shag you all the days of my… OI! Alright, I deserved that smack." 

They laughed… and then Crowley yawned again… and the last thing he saw before he drifted off again were Aziraphale's beautiful sparkling blue eyes. He couldn't wait to look into them in just a few hours, when he would call him 'husband' for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See!? I told you it wouldn't be that bad... it was Crowley's turn to freak out about something (justifiably so) and this felt like the right place for it to happen. 
> 
> Sooner rather than later you will get a wedding! And then you will likely get an ending... but then you will get more stories linked to this one... because I don't see myself quitting these celestial disasters any time soon. 
> 
> Stay safe and well and bless you for commenting... it really does give me such a wonderful boost in these challenging times.


	27. Promises Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are cordially invited to the wedding ceremony of A.Z. Fell and A.J. Crowley... dancing and nibbles to follow...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote them a wedding... it is pure fluff and fantasy... not a shred of smut to be found... if that's not your thing (lack of smut) then join them for the next chapter. Enjoy my head cannon of how they get hitched!

On the first day of Summer, which just so happened to be the 300th day of the rest of their lives, Aziraphale (Principality of Heaven) and Crowley (Master of Hell) ended their newest 'arrangement'…

…and started what they would come to lovingly refer to as their 'Final Arrangement'. 

Crowley had indeed gone back to sleep after his awful nightmare earlier in the evening and awoke with a sense of calm and peace he hadn't expected. He'd thought there would be a feeling of worry about the events of the day; the cake and food getting delivered on time, their guests finding the cottage, the Angel not liking his attire for the big event… but there was no anxiety present about any of those things. He was marrying Aziraphale today. They were having a human party for a very human thing and it felt so perfect. Whether or not all those other details were 'right' felt completely immaterial. Besides… all those little details would be absolutely fine… they'd made a list. 

Their plans and arrangements for the day were all in place on a long and beautiful list Aziraphale had penned in ink on parchment in his stellar handwriting. After a hearty breakfast (because Aziraphale had read in one of the magazines lying around the cottage that the majority of wedding couples don't get enough to eat on their wedding day and that simply wouldn't do for him thank you very much), they took the list out to their garden, looked it over, snapped their fingers and brought their vision into existence. 

A beautiful canvas tent for the reception appeared at the far end of the garden where drinking, dining, and dancing would take place. Tables and chairs and linens instantly appeared in the exact spots they'd discussed. Streamers and bunting in pastel colors of the rain-bow hung from the outside of the tent, the greenhouse, the cottage and their apple tree. Four beautiful wood branches that looked as though they'd been weathered by the sea appeared in a square pattern beneath the tree, surrounded by ivy and draped at the top with a gorgeous heather-gray fringed fabric, thus creating their wedding arch. Signs directing people where to go, silver cutlery for serving and eating, and making sure that only a very pleasant smattering of clouds were in the sky completed the look. 

The celestials gazed at each other wordlessly, and broke out into beaming smiles, confirming that they had created what they wanted, and that it was good. 

Within seconds finishing the design, their copious platters of nibbles arrived from the caterers along with their glorious cake. Once the delivery men had left, and with additional snaps of fingers, sandwiches, scones, and pastries were stacked perfectly onto tiered platters. A table whose surface was covered in ice that wouldn't dare melt held the most mouthwateringly beautiful arrangement of colorful sushi rolls, along with oysters from just off the coast. And there was a chocolate fountain with dark chocolate and all kinds of yummy things to dip into said chocolate… Crowley had insisted this would be fun for the kids, but secretly he had always liked parties that had chocolate fountains and there were no arguments from his Angel on that front. 

Their cake was one of those trendy 'naked cakes.' Crowley didn't understand the point of putting LESS frosting on a food he thought had been designed as a vehicle FOR frosting… but he wasn't a cake guy and the Angel had practically purred when he tasted the sample at the bakery. Crowley couldn't help but give his approval. The cake itself was vanilla with vanilla buttercream and stuffed to the gills with fresh berries, topped with huge white chocolate and dark chocolate wings with an A and a C in the center of each wing. He knew he wouldn't eat much of it beyond the piece Aziraphale fed him later, but he had to admit, it was pretty perfect.

And, of course, the bar was plentiful… somehow managing to have everything any one of their guests could want, yet managing not to look cluttered… imagine that. 

Before heading inside to get dressed for their 'first looks', Crowley gave one final barking speech about his expectations to the orchids in his greenhouse and then snapped his fingers to transport them into their exact spots in the reception tent. They served as centerpieces on the tables, and some hung in baskets around the tent. Crowley had been tending to them for months; the one non-miracle piece of their wedding he'd wanted to take care of on his own. He stood in place in the center of the tent, glaring at each and every one of them until they trembled, knowing that if a single one of them wasn't directly complimented by the end of the event, their fate would be 'death by wood chipper' in the shed beyond the greenhouse. 

They each went to their respective studies within the house to get dressed, insisting on doing so the human way. They didn't believe in the superstition of not seeing each other before the wedding, it seemed quite silly to them to spend a significant amount of time apart on what was supposed to be one of the most special days of their lives, but they had managed to keep their outfits out of each other's view, and did like the idea of seeing each other and being surprised by their attire just before the ceremony began. 

They were just putting the final touches on their outfits as guests began to arrive. No ushers were necessary, the moment people arrived they felt an overwhelming instinct to simply follow the lovely rustic signs with instructions painted onto weathered wood leading them to the garden. Once there, they encountered a table with cups of purple lavender lemonade and silk embroidery fans (half black and half white) with their names carved into the handle to aid in keeping themselves comfortable in the heat of the day. There was a horseshoe configuration of wood folding chairs painted in pastel colors with an aisle down the center. A sign in front of the chairs stated: 'Feeling GOOD sit on the left, Feeling WICKED sit on the right.' 

When it looked from his window facing the garden that everyone they'd invited had arrived, Crowley poked his head into the main hallway of the cottage and called down to Aziraphale.

"I think everyone's here Angel!"

"Oh! Marvelous dear! Shall we um… step into the hall then… and see each other?" 

Crowley detected nerves in the Angel's voice, but only of the excited variety, and then felt a little shudder of nerves in his chest. They had only been engaged for about 5 months, but this moment, one Crowley would never have thought possible a year ago, felt like it had been millennia in the making. They were really doing this, and it was finally time. 

"Alright Angel… step out in 3… 2… 1…" 

Each celestial took a large step from their studies into the main hall of the house. And even though they were far enough away that they couldn't see every detail, they gasped in pure shock at how stunning the other looked. 

"Aaaaaaaangel…" Crowley exhaled as his eyes coasted over his stunning fiancé. 

Aziraphale was in a champagne colored suit, one that had hints of the typical model he wore back in the 1860s, but for a touch of modern flare, he wore a full necktie in a delicate tartan pattern of beiges and browns instead of his typical bowtie. He wore wing tipped shoes, similar to the ones he'd worn in the 1940s, his coat nearly went down to his calves, and the entire ensemble was actually more tailored and less boxy than anything he'd ever worn before. His body insecurity often had him wearing baggier and bigger clothes than were actually necessary. This outfit showed off his broad shoulders and chest, and even dipped a bit into the Angel's waist to show he had one. 

"Sweet merciful everything Aziraphale, you look… wait why are you leaning on the wall…?" 

"Because, my heart, you are so stunning I think I'm getting lightheaded…" 

Crowley, for his part, was in an outfit more extravagant than even he had initially imagined. The Demon had waffled over the Winter and Spring months about whether to wear a dress or a suit and had found an absolutely perfect hybrid of the two made by a designer in New York and only in need of minor adjustments upon arrival in the UK. The shirt, vest and trousers were made of luxuriously soft black fabric that had just the slightest hint of a snake skin pattern when the light hit the clothes just right. But the jacket… oh the jacket… was made of an exquisite-looking velvet tailored perfectly on the top of his torso… but once said jacket hit his hips, it flowed out into the stunning cut of a ball gown in the back. It was somehow modern and vintage all at once, perfectly fitting Crowley; a Demon for all times and styles. A vintage pair of sunglasses, his own wing tip shoes he used to wear in the 1940s, and a black bowtie (an homage to his Angel) completed the look. 

They dashed towards each other, meeting in their living room, and proceeded to look at every detail of the other's outfit. They twirled and giggled and complimented each other and finally came together for kissing, while trying desperately not to crush the front of each other's clothes. There would be plenty of time to grab onto each other after the ceremony. 

"Oh, my Crowley I'm sorry I seem to have smudged your lipstick a bit dear." 

The Demon laughed and snapped his fingers to take away the smudges of vermillion red from his face and from Aziraphale's lips.

"It's not too much is it Angel… I know you haven't seen me in makeup much and I haven't worn anything this feminine since my nannying days…" 

Aziraphale answered with another kiss (the lipstick would behave itself for the rest of the evening) and brought his hands to Crowley's waist for a gentle squeeze. 

"My dear I have seen you in so many forms over these many years and you ALWAYS look ravishing. This look is beyond any of what I could possibly imagine and yet so completely you. It's perfect." 

Crowley was glad he was wearing the sunglasses; grateful their guests would not be able to see how teary his eyes were getting even before the start of the ceremony. 

"Angel you look so dapper and incredible… you actually look.. modern... and vintage at the same time. Those tailors you've been going to for the last 200 years have really done you justice. I love it… though I do have to say, I wasn't expecting such a lack of… well… white…" 

It was true. Other than his shirt, Aziraphale was definitely not wearing pure white on his wedding day, but the Angel only laughed at the critique and lifted one of his eyebrows in a very Crowley-like way…

"Well dear, a certain Demon to whom I'm about to pledge my undying love and commitment saw to it that I will never be able to wear pure white again for the rest of my days. I SAY!" 

It was rare that Crowley could justify a playful smack to this Angel's shoulder, and they both giggled all the more for it. 

Aziraphale looked out the living room window at the assembled guests, most of whom were sitting and already fanning themselves with their party favors. 

"Oh, look Crowley, Adam and his friends are already whacking each other over the head with their fans." 

"I told you they would Angel."

"You did indeed… there's a reason you were the nanny to Warlock whereas I was the family gardener… you always understood children better than I." 

'Well… I don't know about all that, but I'm glad they're here. Speaking of which. It looks like everyone we invited is indeed here, Angel."

Crowley reached his hand down, taking the Angel's and threading their fingers together.

"Is it time for me to walk you down the aisle Aziraphale?" 

"Yes Anthony J. Crowley… and it is time for me to walk you down the aisle as well." 

*** 

Just a few moments later, hand in hand under the gorgeous wedding arch beneath their apple tree, in front of about 75 assembled guests, the two celestials led and officiated their own wedding ceremony. 

They walked down the aisle hand in hand and were so stunning to look at the guests didn't seem to notice the aisle suddenly becoming much wider as they walked; both celestials having misjudged the width of Crowley's gown-coat when they'd mapped out the spacing for the seats. The arch had taken it upon itself to widen too, to accommodate the Demon's attire. 

They took a moment to look out at the crowd, memorizing this odd yet perfect assembly of people present for their special day. Some knew their true identities as Aziraphale and Crowley of Heaven and Hell respectively. To others they were Mr. A.Z. Fell and Mr. Anthony J. Crowley. But to everyone, they were a shining picture of love, two deeply opposite entities clearly meant to be together. Everyone looked upon them with happiness to be present for this event. 

The Them were there of course, chaperoned by Adam's parents who had been kind enough to take the group to the wedding of 'those nice gents who took care of the kids when they wandered onto that bloody airbase last summer.' Harriet Dowling was there with Warlock, who had been invited by Adam to sit with his friends and was pretending not to have a good time joining in on hitting people with the fans. Mrs. Dowling did not remember Warlock's Nanny as having such masculine features let alone being named Anthony, and she most certainly didn't remember the Gardner being quite so attractive, but after all the strange business that had befallen her family last year she simply shrugged those feelings away to enjoy a lovely country wedding on a nice summer day. 

Madame Tracey and Sargent Shadwell sat with Anathema and Newt, who were all smiles and holding onto their own partners tightly. Both couples were so pleased to see these two tie the knot… both Tracey and Newt kept whispering to their partners how lovely it might be to get married soon themselves, causing Shadwell and Anathema to clear their throats and fan themselves a bit faster. 

The rest of the guests were mostly acquaintances of Aziraphale. Business associates of his from the rare book trade and other's he'd known in Soho in his time running AZ Fell & Co, and friends he'd made in their village since they'd moved there. Also, since they'd actually come into the shop quite frequently since Christmas, and would often stay for tea, Cat and Cora were invited. 

Crowley had always downplayed his friendship with the two gentlemen who ran the plant nursery he frequented in London but was genuinely thrilled to see them there with their kids in the crowd. There were also a few stoic-looking older gentlemen in fedoras sitting in the back row who had been associated with the great Anthony J. Crowley when he ran his 'businesses' in the 50s and 60s. They were a little surprised he was marrying a bloke, but not nearly as surprised as the fact that he hadn't aged a day since they'd worked together so many years before. 

After assessing the whole crowd and insisting people take a seat, Aziraphale took a small parchment scroll out of his coat pocket, looked to Crowley for silent confirmation that it was time to begin and addressed the crowd. Before he began, Crowley noted with heart-fluttering joy that his Angel's hands were steady as rocks… Aziraphale had not one iota of worry about this wedding or their marriage… thus reminding Crowley that any challenges they'd gone through as romantic partners truly had nothing to do with how much the Angel loved him. For the second of many more times to come, Crowley was grateful this event called for him to be in sunglasses. 

"Esteemed, honored, beloved guests. We want to welcome you on this absolutely gorgeous day…"

"As if we would have allowed the day to be anything other than gorgeous Angel…" 

There was tittering from certain members of the crowd and slightly confused expressions from others, which was likely going to be a running theme of the entire day. The Angel continued…

"Indeed, dear. We want to welcome you to our home, which we affectionately call The Cottage. You might be wondering where the officiant is for this wedding ceremony, and our answer is that we have none."

"Besides, who could possibly do a better job of marrying us than… well… us… eh?" 

"Earlier this week, Crowley and I actually went to our local clerk's office and had a lovely…"

"And short…"

"…civil ceremony. So... we are, actually, quite married already! You all are simply here for a party and a celebration and to witness the two of us make some very important promises to each other as you journey through this part of our lives with us. We'll always be grateful that you were here with us now, at this time in history, to witness and bless a union that has been… well… quite a long time coming." 

It was Adam who started clapping at the pause in Aziraphale's words. Those 'in the know' of their history applauded and even laughed a bit over just how long it had taken for this wedding to occur, and the rest applauded the fact that they were already married in a civil sense. 

The Celestials squeezed their clasped hands and beamed at each other, before Aziraphale went back to his parchment. 

"My Crowley loves lists, always has, and he insisted that since there would be no officiant, that I needed to make sure I wrote everything down that we needed to cover. Am I correct that this covers the 'Introduction' portion of the wedding, love?" 

"Yes Angel… we can move on to the 'why we're here' section now…" 

Crowley had not wanted to be the main speaker during their ceremony… he'd promised Aziraphale he would chime in when necessary… but he'd spent quite a bit of time on this list with him and they'd talked out what they wanted to say. They knew it was unconventional, but then again, so were they… Crowley was delighting in the lack of awkwardness as this strange little wedding of theirs continued. 

"So, this is the part of a typical wedding where the officiant would say something about the couple… but since no one knows Crowley and I better than… well… Crowley and I… we thought we'd make it our own responsibility to tell you why we're gathered here today."

Crowley cleared his throat and tried his best to push down his nerves; the last time he'd given a speech in front of a crowd it had been in Hell… a presentation on the amount of foment that could be spread by cellphone interruptions on local and global scales. The Demon took out a small roll of parchment of his own, one of two he was keeping in his gown-coat for the ceremony. He was glad to have this little list of points to cover, ones he and the Angel had written together. 

The Demon began, "We are gathered here today because despite coming from very different… well, worlds… we always managed to keep finding each other in this one." 

The Angel continued, "Just when we thought we'd seen one another for the last time, at just the right moment, our paths would cross again."

"We were going about our own lives quite contentedly… mostly… but always found that things got just a little better when we happened to run into the other." 

"And then we started working together…" 

"We made an arrangement…" 

"It was mostly about saving time…" 

"It was actually about seeing each other more often…" 

"Because before work would take over…" 

"Those meetings involved…" 

"Long and important discussions about every subject…" 

"From the great flood to ducks…" 

"Delicious meals shared all over the world…" 

"From oysters in Rome to Crepes in Paris…"

"We've had the great fortune of seeing so many wonderful things together…"

"But somehow couldn't quite see what was right in front of us all along…" 

"Each other…" 

"Each other…" 

The Demon's voice cracked on those last two words, causing Aziraphale to pause and put his arm around the Demon's waist, which Crowley was deeply grateful for as he tried to regain his composure. Nothing grounded him quite so much as his Angel's touch. But when the Angel leaned in to kiss him, the Demon got back on track…

"Angel, no kissing 'til the end!" 

The crowd erupted in sweet laughter… even the old codgers in the back cracked smiles. 

"Go on Angel, I can do this… I love you…" 

"I love you Crowley…" 

The Demon heard the rather loud blowing of a nose and saw that it was Madame Tracey. He couldn't help but chuckle at the sound as Aziraphale continued their script… 

"But just about a year ago, something rather important snapped into place…" 

"We nearly lost each other…" 

"And in that near-loss… we realized we couldn't quite live without each other…" 

"We realized we'd been idiots…" 

"Perhaps 'blind to an opportunity that could of brought us great happiness' is a better way to put it…" 

"We were idiots… but really we were just trying to protect each other… we had important jobs to do…" 

"And we allowed our work to take priority over our own happiness for far too long…" 

"We were pretending to be on opposite sides…" 

"Ignoring that we belonged on our own side…" 

"No rules, no expectations, just us." 

"Us. And that is why we've gathered here today. To formally put an end to our lives as separate entities… to declare before all of you that we are going to make a commitment…"

"To be on our own side… forever." 

"Forever." 

"The future is…" 

"Don't say it…" 

"Ineffable…" 

"But the one thing we do know is that whatever comes, we want to face it together…" 

"And with all of you as our witnesses…" 

"I will." 

"I will." 

And in tandem they said, "We will." 

This time The Them plus Warlock led the crowd in applause. As they rolled up their little scrolls to tuck away and take out new pieces of parchment for their vows, they noticed that Madame Tracey wasn't the only one with a handkerchief held up to her face anymore. He also knew that the real waterworks were about to come, because it was time for their individual vows. 

"Angel I think you need to let me go first because if I go second I'll probably be crying too hard to speak." 

Aziraphale let out a sweet laugh. "I don't know that I'll do much better my love but by all means… you first." 

During their last address to the crowd they'd been facing outwards, for this part Crowley turned towards Aziraphale so that he was the only entity in his line of vision. This part was for his Angel… even if they did have 75 people watching. 

"Angel. I find it so fitting that we're here, in this moment, pledging our love under this apple tree…" 

Sure enough… as they'd predicted months before… the Angel gave just the slightest giggle and the slightest redness appeared on his cheeks at the Demon's mentioning of the apple tree. Their guests looked very confused at them as they stifled their giggles, but Crowley was able to press on before the pause became too awkward.

"… Because it's a reminder of the circumstances under which we met all those years ago. But, the most important part of that day, for me, had nothing to do with apple trees, but everything to do with a thunderstorm…"

The moment he said that word… he actually watched the Angel's eyes become glassy with unshed tears, and the Demon knew his own words would tremble with emotion until he finished. 

"… I had known you for less than 5 minutes… I don't know that minutes even existed when I met you it was so long ago but… that's about the time it felt. And, despite not knowing me for all that long, and knowing that, professionally, we were on somewhat opposite sides, when those first fat raindrops started to fall, you sheltered me from the storm. I remember that you allowed your own garments to get completely soaked… you were shivering in the cold and the wet… but never once did you stop keeping me covered to protect yourself. You've thanked me before for all the times I have saved you from precarious situations… but you were very much the first to save me. And I didn't know what it was then, that feeling I had… but I know now it was love. I've loved you since the… my beginning. You were my beginning." 

Aziraphale heaved a breath he didn't need that was full of emotion, but Crowley didn't take his hand yet, he knew if he did he truly wouldn't be able to finish. 

"Angel you have been my harbor in every storm since that first one. You have always been my home, and no matter how many times I tried to run away, no matter how many adventures I tried to have, something always pulled me back to you. I don't really have many regrets, because as you've said so much more eloquently than me, everything we have ever been through, together and apart, has led us to this point. If I had to go through the pain of not being with you every day for so long, to spend the rest of my days with you now, then it has been worth it. Because I wouldn't trade this moment for all the crepes in Paris." 

Crowley held out one hand which Aziraphale eagerly took as he began his vows. 

"Mr. Fell, my soldier, my heavenly love… you know I love lists, so I have made a list of things I promise to do to the best of my ability when I am your husband…"

"1. I promise to listen to your stories and thoughts and dreams with an eager ear and a patient mind.  
2\. I promise to try my best to think before I leap, consider before I declare and empathize before I judge.  
3\. I promise to at least try the bites of food and sips of drink you pass to me because you're right, I might enjoy them if I let myself be open to new experiences.  
4\. I promise to honor and cherish and love and all the other vows that are typically made on a wedding day until I am no longer living… and maybe even beyond then, too.  
5\. I promise to have faith… even if that faith can only be in you and the love I have for you. I may not always believe everything I see and hear, but I will always believe in you.  
6\. I promise to yell less at the plants but make no promises when it comes to my tone and expectations of them.  
7\. And finally, I promise to never take your touch for granted. I will treasure every brush of your hand and kiss from your lips as something precious, and I will spend all of my remaining days making sure you know just how deeply grateful I am." 

"I love you, Angel… from the beginning until the end." 

Everyone was in tears, the Angel included, and everything in Crowley's body ached to throw his arms around him. 

"Angel I know we aren't supposed to kiss yet, but we can hug right it won't… UMPH!" 

The stifled crying in the crowd turned into sweet laughter and more applause as Aziraphale squeezed all the air out of Crowley's lungs with a crushing hug to his middle, and Crowley immediately brought up his arms to circle the Angel in return. Aziraphale took a quick moment when he pulled away to brush a tear from the corner of the Demon's eye before starting his own vows. 

"Crowley… as I wrote these words, I thought back to the beginning too. I thought about how you were different than anyth... anyone... I had ever met. Brave. Confident. Sleek. You were everything I wasn't… and because of that… rather than be curious, I allowed myself to be afraid of you. I was so sure that someone so completely different from me could never be anything more to me than an acquaintance. And so began years and years of denying myself the wonderful companionship I could have found in you. I too am hesitant to use the word 'regret' because I truly do believe everything we've been through has brought us to this beautiful moment. But I will always be a bit sad over my hesitation to fully accept your love until quite recently." 

Yet again, Crowley was deeply grateful that this occasion called for him to be wearing his sunglasses. 

"But now is now. And what I want to tell you Crowley, is that no matter how much I may have shied away from what we could have been, there was never a time that I didn't notice how absolutely extraordinary you are and always have been. Your tremendous cleverness, quickness, agility and grace. Your ingenuity, tenacity, intuition and your incredible capacity for empathy and patience. Your patience… oh my Crowley… you could write a book on the subject. I will never be truly certain of what it is I did to deserve your incredible love and undying dedication, but I so deeply look forward to striving to match and exceed it for all of my remaining days. It will be the very greatest of competitions, won't it? My Wiley Old Serpent?" 

"You're the only worthy opponent, Bastard Angel." 

"My love, my Tensity, my delight… I know you love lists, so I have made a list of things I promise to do to the best of my ability when I am your husband…"

"1. I promise to do my best to observe and listen to what you want and need in any given moment; to balance providing space and surrounding you in love and knowing the two are not mutually exclusive.  
2\. I promise to do my best to communicate my needs to you, even if finding the words to do so prove difficult.  
3\. I promise, at least on occasion, to surface from the library for full days at a time so we can learn and experience new things together.  
4\. I promise to always trust you, even when you're driving far too fast for comfort.  
5\. I promise to always try and be brave… even if everything inside me is telling me to flee.  
6\. I promise also to listen to myself… my mind… my body… and endeavor to find balance and peace between meeting my own needs and yours.  
7\. And finally, I promise to love you and honor you and cherish every moment I am with you. Every word you say, every touch you give, every moment we have.” 

"I love you, Crowley… from the beginning until the end." 

There was another hug, and more clapping and then a slightly emotional, though he'd never admit it, Sargent Shadwell shouted out, "If ye lads would just call yerselves husbands ya could kiss already!" 

The two celestials couldn't help but laugh at his outburst as they wiped tears from their eyes. Aziraphale took out the scroll he had referenced at the beginning of the ceremony and continued.

"I think you're quite right Sargent… it's high time we got on with it so you all can enjoy some refreshments. Go on Crowley…" 

"And so, by the power vested in WE, we declare ourselves, married."

"What therefore WE have put together, here in front of all of you, let no one put asunder." 

"Because if they do they'll have ME to deal with…" 

The crowd laughed, and The Them, along with Warlock, began chanting "KISS KISS KISS KISS…" 

They needed no other encouragement as they, ever so gently, crashed their lips together and held each other fiercely, completely oblivious to the cheers and rainbow pastel confetti getting tossed in their general direction. 

As they pulled away, tears streaming, Crowley broke out into his very best smile, hand firmly planted in Aziraphale's comfort spot on his face, the Angel's hands resting on the Demon's chest. 

"Hello husband." 

"Oh… HELLO husband."

"Sounds good, doesn't it Angel?" 

"Consider it my new favorite word dear." 

The crowd was standing and applauding and crying and at least half the people there would have SWORN Mr. Fell was glowing a bit… but it was likely a trick of the golden afternoon light.

"Thank you. All of you. Please make your way to our lovely tent and help yourselves to nibbles and drinks and feel free to enjoy the garden." 

"Greenhouse is off limits."

"Crowley and I will take a few moments to ourselves and then join you!" 

The kids snickered a bit at the mention of 'moments to ourselves' which made Crowley and Aziraphale bop a few of them on top of the head as they walked back down the aisle and into the house. 

Once inside, the celestials embraced. Neither of them spoke for a long time. They simply held each other. Every now and then they'd lean in for a gentle kiss, or a run of hands up and down the other's back, but mostly they basked in the joy of what they had just done. Something so human, in the middle of a garden, in the world they'd loved enough to save. They were so very very happy. 

They would spend the rest of the day and into the night delighting in their guests and their party… highlights included: 

-Their first dance to 'Save Me' by Queen of course  
-Crowley doing a glorious twirl in his ball gown-coat that nearly made Aziraphale faint  
-Getting the whole crowd on the dance floor immediately afterwards for 'Crazy Little Thing Called Love' also by Queen (of course)  
-Cutting their cake while 'Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy' also by Queen of course played in the background  
-Crowley starting a cake fight with the kids, because Demon  
-Aziraphale trying to teach Adam a magic trick even though the boy could do proper magic, because Angel  
-Madame Tracey trying to teach Crowley and Aziraphale the cha-cha slide  
-Scrumptious nibbles for every taste including Aziraphale getting Crowley to eat a piece of spicy salmon roll (which he enjoyed!)  
-Extraordinary amounts of alcohol for the adults and the best lemonade in existence for the kids  
-The use of minor miracles on the guests who did NOT know the newlyweds were of celestial origin to keep awkward conversations related to 'how do you know Mr. Fell and Mr. Crowley' to a minimum  
-Laughter, joy, embraces, words of congratulations and advice, compliments, promises to see each other more often, blessings for unending happiness, and encouragement to have plenty of 'fun' on their honeymoon 

"HONEYMOON! SHIT!" 

Aziraphale laughed and passed Crowley a bottle of champagne, which the Demon gratefully took a swig out of. All the guests had departed, and they were sitting at a table in their reception tent enjoying a few more moments of the day before snapping it all away. 

"Oh my dear, you know us, we nearly always forget something." 

"Too true Angel. Hey, that magazine you read was absolutely right… how the hell do couples have sex on their wedding night I'm completely bloody exhausted." 

"I think we made a lovely memory earlier today dear… I think I'd rather finish this bottle, curl up in bed and decide where we should honeymoon tomorrow." 

"That's my husband, always with the good ideas." 

"Oh my sweet dear husband… I shan't tire of saying that for at least another 6,000 years." 

"We did well, Angel." 

"That we did my dear." 

"We looked amazing."

"That we did my dear." 

"Made everyone cry."

"That we did my dear." 

"And threw an in-fucking-credible party."

"One for the record books." 

Getting married: CHECK 

They stood together, looked at each other and their garden over one last time, and then snapped in tandem to vanish it all away. Later, when they would think to look for it, a beautiful leather-bound wedding album with stunning pictures from throughout the day would be sitting on top of their coffee table. 

Before turning to step inside, the Angel's eyes lit up with a new idea.

"My dear… you mentioned this during your vows, though I believe you meant it metaphorically… but… what say you to crepes?" 

"Right now? I mean… I could probably throw something together if you…" 

"No no my dear… I was thinking crepes might be a wonderful dish to enjoy… on our honeymoon…"

"Well Angel… someone once told me you can only get truly GREAT crepes in one place…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honeymoon next! And return of the smut! And it will be some very different smut from the kind we've grown accustomed to... Crowley sure did like exploring his feminine sides again when he wore that wedding outfit...
> 
> I sincerely hope all of you are well and that this tale continues to provide a much-needed escape from the madness in which we continue to live. I'm also sorry that getting out a chapter more than every two weeks is proving difficult. The state of the world is definitely keeping my creativity levels down... but I will keep trying to properly finish this story so I can move on to other explorations of the Ineffable Husbands and their love. 
> 
> Comments are everything... even if they are just a word or two... I hope you enjoyed this! 
> 
> PS- Crowley's look was inspired by Billy Porter's Suit-Gown that he wore to the 2019 Oscars because it's the most 'Crowley Formal' thing I've ever seen


	28. Never Forget Paris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale head to Paris for their Honeymoon, and while they enjoy some of the famous sites, the most unexpected and wonderful encounter happens when they're back at their hotel. (See notes for some important story details).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! I'm back... finally had some inspiration kick back in over the last week and cranked this chapter out as a result. 
> 
> So many thank yous to all of you who replied to my last chapter with gentle recommendations to 'take my time'... it makes me tear up just thinking about your kindness. This is such a wonderful community. 
> 
> Now, for a small warning... if reading about these two lad-shaped beings experiment with one of them having a vagina is so totally not your thing, then read the first 1/4 of the story for some nice Honeymoon in Paris stuff and then skip the rest. 
> 
> Crowley hasn't experimented with this feminine sides in a very long time... the wedding was a bit of a gateway back to that, and now he and Aziraphale are trying something very new on their honeymoon. 
> 
> Crowley's pronouns stay he/him, and he will likely have switched back to his male effort in the next chapter if that's more to your preference. ENJOY!

Some newlyweds arrive at their hotel and never leave the room for at least the first few days of their honeymoon… 

But the newly married Aziraphale and Crowley took all of 5 minutes to admire their suite at the Paris Ritz before dashing out to attend to the most important item on the agenda of their honeymoon… lunch at a little café that made the most SCRUMPTIOUS crepes… that just so happened to have a perfect view of the Bastille. 

There are many sites in Paris that are considered so beautiful they bring visitors to tears: the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame Cathedral from a boat along the River Seine, the view of the city from the steps of Sacre Coeur in Montmartre… but for these two celestials, it was two perfect plates of delicate crepes flavored with orange and fresh crème and reminiscing about that fateful day when Crowley saved his love from the guillotine that caused tears to spring to their eyes. 

They laughed and smiled and fed each other and talked of the past and the future and all the other things they wanted to do and see while they were in the city of lights. Their room at the Ritz would be available for as long as they wished. 

Since it was nearby and not too terribly far to walk, the two decided to visit one of their favorite sites in all of Paris: Pere Lachaise Cemetery. They had never actually been to the famous mausoleum-filled resting place together, but the remains of several mutual friends were there, and they felt the need to pay respects. 

Contrary to what humans may believe, just because a soul has made their way to Heaven or Hell, it doesn't mean Angels and Demons can just go and visit people whenever they choose, it's much more complicated than that, and it was especially complicated for Aziraphale and Crowley. Hardly any other Demon or Angel had spent the same amount of time on Earth as them. Hardly any other Demon or Angel had actually 'made friends' with humans. And hardly any other Demon or Angel would actually understand why Aziraphale and Crowley would want to visit with someone they'd known on earth. Activity with humans is meant to be a 'celestial business transaction' for both sides and nothing more. Thus it was actually quite moving for both of them to visit the graves of people they had known in their time on earth, and like everyone else among the living, had never actually seen again. 

They had both known Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas and took mutual pleasure in visiting them… placing little stones on their gravesites and telling stories. Crowley recalled some wild parties he'd attended with them in the 1920s, while Aziraphale recalled many cups of tea in their apartment as Gertrude read the rough manuscripts of some of the 20th century's greatest writers to him out loud.

Crowley had known Edith Piaf and spoke about how stunning her voice had been to listen to in person. He also told Aziraphale about his friend Jim Morrison and explained why so many people left such 'colorful' talismans on his grave site. 

Where Crowley had befriended musicians, many of whom had lived shorter lives than they could have had they not been so heavily swayed by their own 'demons', Aziraphale had known writers and artists who currently resided in Pere Lachaise, and got quite emotional telling Crowley about his friendships with Oscar Wilde and George Seurat when visiting their grave sites. Both overcome with emotion, they found a lovely bench to sit upon amongst the stunning sculptures and leafy trees. They gently kissed away each other's tears and tried to laugh over the good memories. They were so deeply grateful they had each other… these humans had been such wonderful creatures; it was a shame they hadn't stuck around on this world too terribly long. 

"Right!" Crowley exclaimed after blinking away one last rogue tear. "Time for shopping, quite extraordinary amounts of retail therapy are needed now, eh, Angel?" 

"Shall we to the Champs Elysees, my love?"

"You're a wonder, husband mine, let's get me some new duds and you some macarons from that place you love." 

The Angel practically squealed with delight as Crowley snapped his fingers, transporting them across town to the hustle and bustle of the designer shops. Almost immediately, Crowley saw a pair of leather trousers tighter than anything he could have fathomed, looked to his Angel with eyebrows raised and said, "Mine!" 

***

Several hours later, the two finally returned to their suite at the Ritz. All four of their hands were filled with shopping bags and both were giggling from the amount of champagne coursing through their corporations. 

Their first day in Paris had ended with a delicious brasserie dinner of oysters, mussels, steak, all the desserts on the menu and quite extraordinary amounts of alcohol at an outdoor table overlooking Notre Dame Cathedral. Since Crowley couldn't go inside, this was an excellent way for both to enjoy the historic site while they supped on some of the same delectable treats they had enjoyed on their first ever dinner together back in Rome. The whole day had been filled with sweet nostalgia combined with the formation of new memories. They were clearly tired but deeply sated and happy. 

After snapping all their purchases away for safe-keeping, Crowley took a moment to admire the new outfit he'd purchased just a few hours before in the floor-length bathroom mirror. The clothes were in his traditional black and charcoal-grey color palette, but with some red detailing along the exquisitely soft designer jumper, and the leather trousers were tighter than anything he'd ever owned/worn before. When he'd shown them to Aziraphale after coming out of the dressing room and asked the Angel what he thought, he'd been met initially with silence… because his husband was literally staring at him, mouth open, looking like he was looking forward to eating him alive later in the evening. The Demon's pride and smugness in that moment had carried over throughout their night, and he was looking forward to 'celebrating' now that they were back in the hotel suite despite his tiredness from the day. 

Crowley took off the jumper, snapping it into the wardrobe in the bedroom, along with his boots and socks so he was only in the leather trousers before slinking into the bedroom, making sure his hips were swinging in just the way the Angel liked best. 

"Oh, husband mine… want to get a closer look at these trousers you like so… wha... ngk…"

Crowley was stopped dead in his tracks by something so beautiful he nearly fainted… 

While Crowley was in the bathroom, his Angel had taken off all of his own clothes and was lying on his side on the bed with only a crisp white sheet covering him at the crest of his hip; his whole upper torso exposed. Aziraphale had his reading glasses on (the little ones that Crowley had always found precious) and was enjoying a new book he had purchased that evening at Shakespeare & Company Bookstore along the Left Bank.

Crowley was suddenly filled with a wide variety of emotions at the sight. Even in the many months of them living together, and all the time spent working through the Angel's anxieties (and a few of Crowley's own while they were at it), Aziraphale still had some general discomfort with his own nakedness around Crowley, at least when they weren't bathing or engaged in sexual activity together. He seldom just relaxed in the nude… or if he did, he was careful about how he positioned his body, and normally that sheet would cover much more of him. 

But here in this moment, the Angel's face and body were completely relaxed; not a tremble to be found. He wasn't paying any mind to how he was lying on the bed, the swell of his gorgeous belly very much in view… if Crowley hadn't known better, he would have sworn Aziraphale was posing for a figure drawing course. He looked so beautiful and 'at rest'… Crowley's previous plans for ravishing his new husband suddenly took a back seat to wanting to give his Angel something very different. 

Without disturbing Aziraphale's reading, Crowley circled the bed and laid down on his side, so he was spooning the Angel. Aziraphale gave a delighted hum and a sweet wiggle in response.

"Oh my dear… that leather is very soft and luxurious indeed… forgive me love just one more page of this wonderful book I found and then I shall lavish you with attention." 

"You don't need to do a thing, Angel… I'm going to spend the next few minutes whether you're reading or not worshiping this beautiful body my husband is sharing with me this evening." 

Aziraphale laughed lightly and warmly and Crowley remained pleasantly surprised by the lack of nerves. "Honestly Crowley dear I just felt too lazy to snap on some pajamas, such a long day! But also, I thought these lovely Ritz sheets would feel good on my skin." 

"There isn't a thread count high enough that matches the softness of my Angel… and I am going to start kissing and petting him now… he can feel free to stop me at any time…" 

All the Angel did in response was wiggle his body against Crowley more, clearly enjoying the feel of the Demon's leather trousers against him in addition to the sheets. 

Crowley coasted his hands all up and down Aziraphale's sides and back, kissing and nipping at the back of his neck, his shoulders and behind his ears. The Demon heard the Angel's book close about 15 seconds after his ministrations began. The Angel settled against him and let out a long pleased sigh as the Demon moved his touches to Aziraphale's front. 

Crowley noted as he continued, and as Aziraphale leaned back more and more comfortably against his Demon, that they were actually doing something quite new together in this moment…

Sexual activity while facing away from each other: CHECK

The two had spooned countless times, and said spooning would occasionally get frisky, but they usually turned to face each other whenever those activities began. His Angel certainly had a preference for them facing each other whenever possible, and Crowley had never felt a need to push him towards positions that would make eye contact a challenge. The fact that the Angel was allowing Crowley to continue while facing away from him demonstrated a new level of trust that Crowley hadn't expected, and he felt moved by the gesture. 

Aziraphale continued to writhe against his husband and Crowley continued his touches. His whole body was wrapped around his Angel… caressing Aziraphale's legs and thighs with the soft soles of his feet, one hand in his angelic locks and the other coasting all over his sensitive front, toying with his nipples and gently scratching his sensitive belly. 

As Crowley's hand made its way lower and lower in delicious teasing touches, the Angel called out in a soft wanting voice, "Oh Crowley… Crowley Crowley please... OH!" 

Unable to deny his Angel anything for very long, the Demon finally made his way down to his husband's wanting effort and found him hard and leaking. He began his slow but firm strokes, Aziraphale arching his body against him in ecstasy and want. The Angel threw his arm behind himself and pressed his hand to the small of Crowley's back, dipping his fingers below the waistband of the leather trousers and urging Crowley on. 

"Oh my love… oh Crowley that feels so good… so… ohhhhhh…"

Crowley quickened his pace, the sound of his love coming apart and moving against him driving him wild; he gently bit down onto Aziraphale's shoulder and then soothed the small red marks he left with his tongue, the Angel continuing to sing out in pleasure. 

"Oh my love… OH… oh I think… I'm close dear… so close… do you… want me to…" 

Crowley knew what Aziraphale was going to ask and quickly cut him off. "I want you to come sweet Angel… it doesn't always have to be both of us together… let me love you right now, let me bring you there…" 

The Angel's momentary tension dissipated and as Crowley quickened his strokes, Aziraphale went rigid and threw his head onto Crowley shoulder as he shouted out in his climax. 

Feeling the Angel ride out his orgasm in this position was amazing for Crowley… the tensing of Aziraphale's muscles all against the Demon's front felt incredible, and he couldn't help but smile into his husband's shoulder as he came down from his climax, gently stopping Crowley's strokes to his cock with his hand when it became too much. 

They held onto each other in that position for a minute or two, relaxing their breathing, and then the Angel turned in the Demon's arms to face him and capture his lips in a loving passionate kiss, snapping his fingers to clean them up. 

Aziraphale pulled away, his eyes shining and happy, "Oh my dear, thank you, that was wonderful." 

Crowley kissed him soundly and brushed the Angel's sweat-dampened curls from his forehead. "You're welcome husband. You looked so, forgive my French, fucking sexy under the sheet… and it was a long day… I just wanted you to lie back and relax." 

"You know Crowley… you might think me naïve for saying this… but I think I'll say it anyway…"

"Husbands can tell each other anything, Angel."

"You're so sweet... I guess there's a part of me that thought… well… that once we starting having intercourse… that some of the lovely things we used to do BEFORE we started having intercourse… would… well… stop. Is that… oh I might be saying something very…" 

"Angel, you haven't used the word 'silly' in weeks, please don't start up again now." 

Aziraphale smiled sheepishly before Crowley kissed him and continued, "I understand exactly what you're saying Angel. There are some people who think certain kinds of sex are 'superior' to others… or that other ways of getting off are just stepping stones on the way to the 'big finish'. I've never been a fan of that idea, me. Those other things can feel really good and right in any given moment… you don't always have to have SEX to… well… have sex… I think… is what I mean… Me and words, Angel. I… MMPH!" 

Now it was the Angel's turn to stop his husband from putting himself down with a crushing kiss. 

"As always love, you've used your words quite perfectly. Yes, I want to keep doing all the things we've done that gave us pleasure at the start of our physical relationship. What we did just now was so perfect… at least it was for me…" 

Crowley felt his brows furrow as Aziraphale looked away from him for just a moment. "What do you mean Angel? It was very nice for me too…" 

"Oh! Oh I'm sorry dear I didn't mean to imply… I just… well…" 

"What's wrong Angel? What makes you think I didn't enjoy what we just did…?" 

"Um… well… I might have just been distracted love but, I didn't feel you get, um… excited while you were touching me. Which is FINE I assure you I…" 

If Crowley didn't know how much it would upset his Angel if he did so right in front of him, he'd smack himself directly in the face. In all the excitement of seeing Aziraphale on the bed just a few minutes earlier, he'd completely forgotten that he'd made a key change in his corporation's anatomy and hadn't changed back. 

"Angel I'm a bloody idiot, I'm sorry… no… that was VERY pleasurable for me… I just… um… I don't have the effort that I usually have when we're together like this…"

At first the Angel looked perplexed, and then his eyes widened to the size of saucers with understanding. Crowley's heart sped up for a moment. This was some potentially new territory for them and he had no idea how the next few moments of conversation were going to go. 

Aziraphale looked a little nervous as he began speaking to Crowley, but more out of curiosity than distress. "I see… at least I think I do. Are you… do you have um… a female effort right now, dear?" 

"I do, yeah. Um… changed it in the dressing room when I tried on these new trousers. They would never have fit otherwise." Crowley laughed a bit, but the Angel just smiled lightly and nodded, the look of curiosity deepening on his face. 

"I see… yes that makes sense… um… just to ask… I hope you won't find this too forward…"

"Angel you're my husband now… you are the only person in existence who has carte blanche to be as forward with me as you like for the rest of our days."

Aziraphale couldn't help but smile with fondness over Crowley's words. "Well, husband… oh, do I… do I still call you my husband when you… oh dear… that might have been an inappropriate question to…" 

As Crowley kissed Aziraphale to stop him from his nervous rambling, he found himself feeling strangely excited by this conversation. The Angel was genuinely curious and not put off by his switch in genitals… this talk could prove to go in a very pleasant direction indeed. 

"Aziraphale, I am still very much your husband no matter what I have between my legs… even further than that, you can call me anything you like as long as you love me." 

"Oh, dear heart… I love you so much… thank you for your constant patience and openness with me."

"Of course Angel… now… what were you going to ask me before you started, very sweetly, fretting about gender and what to call me…?" 

"Ah! Um… my question was… if the issue was you fitting into the trousers, why not just miracle away your effort all together? Why switch to female if you could just have… well… nothing? Not that I am opposed to you switching in any way… I actually have… quite a lot more questions for you after you answer this one… OH!" 

Up flew the hand to the Angel's mouth, and Crowley's heart soared in response. So, the Angel really was just as curious as he'd hoped… how delightful… 

"Well, Angel… I think I said a long time ago that I've been fairly committed to having one set of parts or another. I don't really like everything to be gone down there. Those aren't just 'parts' you know… they're... whole systems of organs with nerves and hormones and all kinds of other lovely things. When they are totally gone, I just don't feel quite like myself… I feel…" 

"Less human?" 

Now it was Crowley's turn to have his eyes widen. "Well, Mr. Sigmund Freud Fell… that's quite an analysis…" 

"I think I understand what you're saying love… we've grown used to these very human bodies we occupy, and sensations that come along with having them, both good and troublesome. Now that I, well, have real experience with having my effort… I wouldn't want to get rid of it and the feelings it produces either." 

"It isn't exactly an appealing idea... getting rid of a system of the body that gives pleasure when you're trying to enjoy your honeymoon." 

They both laughed at that, and Crowley saw the excitement build in Aziraphale's eyes even further. 

"So, um, Crowley you… you still have your female effort… um… right now?" 

The Demon heard heat in his husband's voice as he asked the question, and he felt a bit of a jolt in his 'female effort' in response. 

"I do, yeah." 

"Oh goodness… um… how would you feel if I…" the Angel took a couple of quick steeling breaths, "… may… may I please… if you're comfortable… may I see?" 

Crowley's face hurt from the smile he gave his husband in response, and he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in relief and excitement. 

"Of course, Angel. Um… do you just want a quick glance or do you want to really see… well… everything…?" 

"Everything! OH…" up flew the Angel's hand to his mouth for the second time that night and out came Crowley's delighted cackle in response. 

"Ok Angel… how about this… I will lie back on these pillows, I'll put one under me to give you a better angle and you can inspect me as you wish? Good thing this bed is nice and big…" 

The Angel still looked a little nervous but his eyes crinkled with a sincere smile, "That sounds wonderful dear… as long as you're comfortable of course…" 

"I am… and… Aziraphale I can't tell you how much… I just… let's just say I'm glad that this is your reaction to me making this specific kind of effort."

The Angel's smile fell away into a look of confusion and concern. "What do you mean my Crowley?" 

Now Crowley felt a little nervous. This was something he'd been meaning to talk about with Aziraphale in the days leading up to their wedding, when he was finalizing his wedding suit/gown, but the time just hadn't felt right in the frenzy of their final preparations. 

"I, um… I genuinely like having both sets of parts, switching them up. But I've kept my effort male for a very long time now… and I guess I've been, well… craving the switch lately. But, I've known for a long time that you prefer a male-presenting corporation and I didn't want to do anything to disrupt the flow of our sex life." 

Aziraphale responded by taking Crowley's head in his hands and kissing him tenderly. The kind of kiss that often helped the Demon's worries slip away, enveloped in his Angel's love. 

"Crowley… the reason I want to look and get acquainted with these parts of you is because they are just that… parts of YOU. I don't care what you have between your legs, love. I want only to give you pleasure and spend all of my days making you feel good and wanted no matter how you present. I have seen you in so many forms over the years, and I have found you stunning in every single presentation… most recently at our wedding. As you may recall, I nearly fainted SEVERAL times over how gorgeous you looked."

Crowley felt emotion welling up, and he kissed Aziraphale with immense gratitude. He felt completely gob-smacked over his Angel's openness to trying something so radically different than anything they'd tried before on this journey of intimacy and touch between them. 

"Thanks Angel. I love you so much… I have no words… just… thank you. Alright… let me go ahead and get myself situated." 

There was some nervous laughter on both their parts as Crowley maneuvered his way out of the skin-tight trousers and arranged the pillows so Aziraphale could comfortably see him, but the gasp the Angel gave when Crowley finally leaned back and parted his legs slightly sent electric shocks of excitement flowing through him. 

Aziraphale sat between Crowley's legs, one hand on the Demon's left knee, almost comically transfixed by the sight in front of him. 

Crowley couldn't help but laugh a little at the seriousness of Aziraphale's expression. "Angel… It's a vulva, it's not the Mona Lisa." 

The Angel shook his head a moment, taking himself out of his trance, and smiled up at Crowley. "Apologies dear… I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable this is just… I've never um… been this close." 

"Understood love… so… what do you need in the way of an anatomy lesson?" 

"I believe I know most of what I am looking at dear… just… well…" 

Crowley guessed what needed to happen, and despite feeling a slight bit of embarrassment at the prospect of being inspected with such an intense gaze, reached down with his hands and gently parted his labia so Aziraphale could get a better look. The gasp the Angel gave in return made said embarrassment leave him fairly quickly. 

"Beautiful… oh Crowley…" Aziraphale shifted closer to him on the bed, his gaze looking less lost and more intent. "Thank you for the closer look… such lovely shades of pink. It looks, well, inviting… oh! Aziraphale opted to grip Crowley's knee instead of letting his hand fly up to his mouth. Crowley just laughed lightly before the Angel continued, "I… um… may I ask…?" 

"Anything you like Angel…"

"You seem to be um… well… wet. Is that the right word?" 

Crowley was loving this conversation. He would always love talking about new things like this with Aziraphale… despite his fears, the Angel had always been inquisitive in a way that made the Demon's chest ache with sweetness. "Yes, that's the exact right word actually. In simplest terms, when you're doing lots of lovely things to give each other pleasure, male efforts get hard and female ones wet… it makes them… more pleasant to pleasure."

"No miracles needed for lubrication? How marvelous!" 

Crowley laughed again, "Well, sometimes you still need a little more; it just depends on the situation. But if you need evidence that what we were doing earlier this evening was pleasurable for me, then you can see here that I did indeed have a nice time of it Angel." 

"Indeed. Um, speaking of 'having a nice time'… if… let's say I wanted to… touch you there… what… what would feel good for you?" 

The hummingbird in Crowley's chest was fluttering out of control. He knew he needed to keep calm and show the Angel what to do, but it had been so long since anyone had pleasured him with this effort and he was so genuinely excited for his Angel to use his loving and reverent touches on him. 

"Shall I show you Angel? And then if you want to, you can take over?" 

The Angel had a slight tremble in the hand on the Demon's knee, but he nodded with great enthusiasm, so Crowley took it to mean that his husband was just excited to try something so completely new together. 

Crowley took a moment to prop the luxurious pillows up a little more behind him, getting nice and comfortable. He wanted to be informative, but also put on a bit of a show for his new husband… it was their honeymoon after all. 

With the fingers of his left hand, he held himself open so Aziraphale could still see, and with his right hand he gently started to stroke up and down from the bottom of his entrance to the top of his clit, coating his fingers in his wetness and just teasing his sensitive folds. For a moment he lost himself in the sensation and let out an unexpected shuddering breath. Again, it had been a very long time since he'd last felt these sensations, and memories of how good this could feel were flowing back to him… he nearly forgot the Angel was there, until the grip on his knee tightened. He finally opened his eyes to see a fascinated Aziraphale, watching with the same studiousness he'd shown the first time Crowley masturbated in front of him with a cock. 

Despite his transfixed gaze, Aziraphale spoke up, his voice lower than usual and clearly turned on, "Oh Crowley, you look so pleased… how does that feel dear?" 

"Wonderful Angel… just warming up… I like to be teased more in this configuration. I'm really sensitive, especially when I haven't had these parts in a while…" 

"I think you're doing very well… you… um… seem to be getting wetter… and… oh… the spot at the top seems to be getting redder… and more visible…" 

Crowley laughed a bit but there was no teasing to it, "Spot at the top? That's my clitoris Angel… clit, is the word I prefer. I'm guessing you've heard it referred to by other more colorful names in your books." 

Aziraphale paused a moment before answering Crowley, because the Angel was watching with rapt attention as Crowley began gently circling his clit with the pads of two of his fingers. The Demon was being careful not to rev himself up too quickly. He wanted to make this last. He wanted the Angel to be brave enough to take over.

The Angel giggled slightly in response to Crowley's question, "Oh yes dear, ridiculous names, though I suppose some are quite sweet… button, pearl, rosebud… I once read a book that called it 'the devil's doorbell'…"

At that, Crowley ceased touching himself as he doubled over laughing, the Angel quickly joining in. "Oh Angel… that's a good one… if I ever run into Lucifer again I'll be sure to let him know." 

As the two calmed their laughter, Crowley sank back into the pillows again. With his knees bent and feet planted on the mattress, he was still a bit 'on display', and noticed that Aziraphale had started running his soft strong hands all up and down Crowley's legs, allowing his fingertips to graze his inner thighs. It was a clear signal to the Demon that his husband was indeed feeling brave enough to try a hand at pleasuring him (so to speak). 

"Ok Angel… let me show you a little more of what I like and then you can try, yeah?" 

"Yes… yes Crowley I would like to…" 

Any nerves in his Angel seemed to be gone, so Crowley resumed his touches. He showed Aziraphale how he liked to be teased at the sensitive skin along his entrance, and even dipped one of his fingers inside himself up to the second knuckle, which really made the Angel's eyes widen. He then moved back up to his clit with his slicked fingers, demonstrating the stimulation he liked and talking the Angel through it as he touched himself. 

"As long as your fingers are nice and wet you can't really go wrong, Angel. You can always use the pads of your fingers to circle it like this, or rub along the sides, up and down and back and forth… you'll just have to try different pressures and speeds and I'll tell you if I need you to be harder or faster. I know you'll be gentle to start and I'll guide you through the rest… ok?" 

The Angel nodded; he seemed so genuinely ready, eyes full of trust that Crowley would be patient with him, as the Demon always was in these new leaps they took together. 

Aziraphale scooted closer, and before doing anything else, leaned his head down to plant a kiss on top of Crowley's mound. Seeing the Angel's nose brushing against his red curls sent a jolt of pleasure through the Demon; he was so excited for all the new experiences they would eventually have now that switching efforts was on the table. 

The Angel placed his hand on top of Crowley's mons to steady himself, then took two tentative fingers and started rubbing them up and down his slit, coating his fingers as Crowley had done when he first started the demonstration. 

Crowley immediately let out a pleased moan, the touch was nervous and almost too gentle, but he reveled in it, and Aziraphale was definitely encouraged by his pleasured sounds. 

His gentle strokes up and down continuing, Aziraphale asked "Crowley do… do you like to have a finger inside of you first… or do you like your clitoris touched first?"

Despite the somewhat clinical phrasing of the question, Crowley couldn't help but smile in response. "You can put a finger inside Angel, if that's what you want to do next. I'll like it, I promise… I may even want a second one in there after you warm me up a little." 

The Angel smiled with clear excitement. "Alright, I'll start with one, tell me if it's uncomfortable…" 

Slowly and carefully, as the Angel always was when entering Crowley's body, he pushed his finger inside, and all Crowley felt was pleasure at the easy stretch. Both of them gasped at the action, the Angel shifting his gaze between Crowley's eyes and back down between his legs. 

"Oh my dear… you're so soft… and warm… impossibly warm… oh, this is lovely Crowley." 

The Demon would have laughed again but he was too desperate for Aziraphale to start moving his hand. "Good, Angel… you can move and try to curl the tip of your finger upward, that will feel really good for me… yeah… oh… just a little higher just… OH!" 

As with all things of this nature, Aziraphale was proving to be a quick study. He wriggled his finger inside him brushing against Crowley's sensitive walls and the Demon felt like the core of him was singing. He wanted more but didn't want to push Aziraphale too much too soon. Nearly every other major leap they'd taken in their sexuality had been discussed ahead of time, the experience they were having now was totally unexpected and the Demon worried that…

"Crowley, I think, if it's alright with you, I'd like to put a second finger inside…" 

The Demon smiled suppressing a laugh… this aspect of their life and their love had changed so much… his Angel had lost so much of his skittishness… it was so wonderful he could have cried. 

Aziraphale continued, "You feel so good Crowley… so… um… open… already…" 

"Go ahead Angel, I'm ready… Oh… FUCK YES!" 

Aziraphale's second finger slid inside with little issue, and the Angel immediately started gentle thrusts upward, hitting his gspot and sending Crowley to new heights of pleasure. The Angel's nimble fingers, combined with the masturbation from earlier, was causing the Demon to quickly reach his climax… he just needed a little more…" 

"Oh Angel… Angel that feels so so good… just um… do you think you could also… ahhhhh… my clit…" 

With his eyes locked on Crowley's, Aziraphale lifted his other hand from where it had been resting on his auburn mound, sucked on two of his fingers, and then brought them down to gently circle Crowley's clit. The Demon was certain he was going to pass out from the sheer eroticism of that action, but the contact with his clit felt like a lightning bolt to his senses.

"How's this, dear?" 

The Angel was concentrating on keeping his thrusts steady with one hand and his strokes gentle with the other and Crowley should have known he'd married a multitasker, but he still allowed himself to relish in the overwhelmed joy of what his Angel was doing to his body. 

"Pressure's perfect Angel but just a little fast… yes… YES… OH!!!" 

Crowley fisted the sheets below him in his hands… it was as if his Angel was holding a rope attached to his very center and was gently tugging him up a steep hill. His climax built and built… he was so enveloped in pleasure he could barely speak, though he heard all kinds of longing sounds escape his lips. When he was nearly there, his Angel spoke up to send him careening over the edge… 

"Crowley you feel so good my love. You're so beautiful like this. So open and soft and wanting for me. I want to make you come like this so much… I want to make you feel only the most wonderful pleasure… sweet love… that's it… yes… let go sweet husband…" 

"AAAAAAAHHHH!" Crowley crested and felt his back arch as wave after wave hit him… Aziraphale continued his actions, but had the instinct to gentle his hands more as Crowley rode out his climax. When oversensitivity hit him, he brought his hands down to stop the Angel's, and though he could barely speak he croaked out. "Come up here… please come up here immediately…" 

Aziraphale laughed sweetly and climbed up to the head of the bed, pulling Crowley to lie on his chest. Crowley immediately threw his arm over Aziraphale's middle and snuggled down into him, his body still jerking occasionally as he continued to come down from his orgasm. 

The Angel sighed sweetly as he held the Demon, "So many quakes dear…" 

Crowley hummed happily at Aziraphale's sweet words. "Aftershocks, Angel… that was very… VERY good." 

"Really? Oh good. I'm so glad. I wasn't sure I'd know exactly when the moment of climax would happen but… you certainly made some very lovely sounds to imply you'd reached that point… and… well… I could feel you… inside… it was as if you were, gripping onto my fingers. It was… quite extraordinary Crowley… it was wonderful." 

Crowley shifted so they could kiss languidly for a few moments. He was completely blissed out and full of love and still somehow shocked that this had happened at all… that his Angel had been so open to something so completely new. 

Experimenting with female effort, Angel to Demon: CHECK

"Well Angel, I read a few of those wedding magazines lying around the cottage as well, and they said one should be open to new experiences on their honeymoon if 'virginity' is already off the table… so… as you would say… Good for us!" 

Aziraphale laughed wholeheartedly and kissed him again. "Um… Crowley… not tonight… I'm feeling quite knackered…"

"Same here, husband mine…" 

"…But um… how would you feel if I tried doing what I did just now with my hands… but… um… with my mouth…?" 

"Uhhhhh… pardon my French again Angel but FUCK YES…" 

"Oh… speaking of fucking… can we do THAT with this new effort as well?" 

"I've created a monster… a delicious, delightful sex monster who apparently just needed to get married and now he's an absolute DEMON in the sack… Oi! Hey! I am still trying to calm down! ANGEL!" 

There was a lovely box of flowers out on the balcony of their hotel… and as the Demon and Angel engaged in a brief tickle fight before descending into extraordinary amounts of kissing and petting and drifting off to sleep… they suddenly found their blooms doubling in quantity and size. They weren't sure what, but something very special had just happened in the room beyond their window and they couldn't help but radiate the love and warmth in their immediate vicinity out onto the streets of the city of lights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we went! A grand experiment... thanks for reading and being a part of it. :-) 
> 
> Your comments mean the world, and I am especially interested to hear how you felt about this kind of experimentation between them. I think there will only be two chapters left of this story, but I very much want to write other one-shots and maybe even another series in this universe I've created for them. I'd like to get a sense of if you'd be interested in reading more about their explorations of this nature. 
> 
> Please stay healthy and well and sane and hold all the fragments you shore against your ruin close. Love to all!


	29. One More Leap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home from their Honeymoon and fully enjoying their domestic bliss as they head towards their first year anniversary as a couple... Aziraphale decides that there's just one more leap for them he really wants to take... causing a major flip in which of the two of them deals with anxiety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friends! It's been so long... nearly a MONTH... I know you tell me not to apologize but I do... part of me not writing has been the state of the world, the other part of me just selfishly doesn't want to be done with this specific story... even if I have loads of ideas for new stories to tell in this universe I've built for them.
> 
> Enjoy one more very big leap for our brave Angel... who actually needs to help the Demon with some bravery of his own :-)

"Breathe Crowley… it's alright my dear… nice deep breaths. Here love, rest a moment and let's let the nerves settle." 

Crowley allowed his trembling arms to relax as he gently lowered himself on top of Aziraphale's very plush and very naked corporation. The Angel brought his own arms up to circle the Demon and gently brush his soft fingertips up and down Crowley's spine. Despite the lingering nervousness, Crowley couldn't help but even his breathing as he felt the Angelic love course through him.

"M'sorry Angel… I just… I want to I swear I do but… are you really completely sure…?" 

"Absolutely, sweet husband… I trust you completely." 

Crowley pushed himself back up again so he could look down into his Angel's gorgeous eyes. They were a bit greener today than usual, communicating a serenity he could hardly believe but couldn't deny. 

The Angel really wanted this. 

Less than a year had gone by since Aziraphale had shouted in pure fear at Crowley for touching his hand, and now, with hardly a tremble or nervous look in his beautiful body, the Angel was inviting his Demon husband to be inside him for the first time.

*** 

They'd been home from their incredible two-week honeymoon in Paris and the French Riviera for about a month and had settled beautifully into their married life. Truth be told, it wasn't too terribly different from the life they'd been living in the previous seven months since they'd bought the Cottage in the South Downs. They continued to spend about half the week in London and the other half by the sea, enjoying the Summer months while tending to their garden, trying new recipes with the produce and herbs they grew, long walks and naps in the sun and sand; simply living their life. And yet, something was different… something wonderful… 

Crowley couldn't quite put it into words, but an ease had settled over his Angel that he'd never seen before. He had joked, especially after the unexpected and highly enjoyable sexual escapades they got up to on their honeymoon, that all Aziraphale had needed to do was get married and his physical/sexual confidence would be unleashed… but there turned out to be something very true layered within the Demon's teasing. 

Despite the outward 'humaness' of the act, something about them getting married really had helped something click for Aziraphale, seeming to banish so many of his lingering fears. Little had changed about their daily life, but a rather large commitment had been made before HER and their beloved witnesses… a grand gesture… and sometimes, a gesture could mean so very very much. 

The Angel argued that getting married hadn't been the primary catalyst for his reduced anxiety, simply that their wedding had come in tandem with the patient growth of their sexuality together. "Not everyone needs marriage to feel fulfilled and confident dear," he'd tutted at Crowley one night while discussing the subject. Crowley had agreed, and had then thought to himself 'but perhaps it was important to you, Angel' and silently thanked whomever was listening out in the ether that he'd been inspired to propose in the first place. 

Their sex life was finding its way into lovely routines as well, without losing the spark of newness and passion for either of them. Aziraphale remained very open to whichever effort Crowley was in the mood to have, and they had tentatively started experimenting with new positions in whatever configuration the Demon felt like sporting. 

Aziraphale had asked one evening if, based on the kind of sex they were having, the Angel was the 'Top' in the relationship and Crowley therefore the 'Bottom', which of course made Aziraphale terribly embarrassed to say out loud and simply made Crowley laugh. This of course led into another conversation about labels and how silly they could be when it came to unique entities like them, and that they should continue to do whatever they wanted however they wanted as long as there was consent and desire. 

So, despite this ease and growth and comfort in their physical relationship, Crowley still managed to be so shocked that he dropped a plate when Aziraphale casually mentioned one night that he'd like to try being on the receiving end of their next sexual encounter. 

As Crowley stood there with his eyes flicking between the broken plate and the Angel's perplexed expression, he felt his chest fill with a strange-feeling combination of excitement, nerves and surprise. It was the Angel who snapped the plate back together and into the cabinet as he continued to clean up their dinner from the table at the cottage. "Unless you don't want to Crowley. I certainly don't want to push you past your own comfort for the sake of my interest in a new experience. You've been so patient with me dear, and I'm very happy with the physical aspect of our relationship… I can certainly be patient for you now if you need some time…" 

"Angel I… I'm just surprised is all… I thought… well, I thought it wasn't something you felt you wanted or needed…"

"I know love. You're correct that I've been a bit… well… wary of trying it out because of previous fears. However… oh Crowley it's difficult to explain but… I just feel it's something I need to try. Just… one more big leap to take. I know it isn't a completely 'necessary' step, as you've told me many times but… I can't help but feel that it would be a shame to never try it out. I might be denying myself something that could bring us pleasure… right?"

Crowley felt a tightness in his chest… emotion and awe and a touch of fear. Throughout this entire journey, despite setbacks, tears and occasionally diving head-first into moments of anxiety, they'd miraculously avoided putting the Angel in any great physical discomfort other than the morning he masturbated the first time. Part of Crowley had thought, had even hoped, that they were past the point of needing to worry about physical pain… something the Angel had been deeply anxious about from the start. Aziraphale had fretted so much, and continued to do so on occasion, about physically hurting Crowley during their acts of penetration… the Demon was imagining how much the Angel might panic if the experience didn't feel good.

"Angel you're… you're not wrong that it could absolutely bring us pleasure… but I just don't want you to feel like you have to… for my sake or even for yours. There are people who go their entire lives without needing or wanting or feeling penetrative sex and they are completely happy and whole… I just don't…"

"…want to hurt me?" 

Aziraphale finished clearing the table and walked over to Crowley, taking both of his hands in his and bringing them up to his Angelic lips to kiss. “You won't hurt me Crowley. You could never. Because, and I'm a bit shocked I need to say this… you are GOOD at sex Anthony J. Crowley…" 

The Demon couldn't help but let out a huff of a laugh at the parallels of this conversation and the dozens he'd walked his husband through in the last year… 

"You will be slow and careful… and you will look at my face and listen to my sounds and feel my body beneath your hands and know what I need. Does the idea make me a bit nervous… yes… of course it does… but I love you. I… I want to feel what it's like to have you move inside of me. I see your face when we make love you are in the most extraordinary ecstasy… I just want to see if the experience can be the same for me." 

Crowley couldn't speak. He felt no tremble in the Angel's hands as he spoke so openly about what he wanted and why… there was a small touch of nerves behind the eyes, but the determination and intent shined through. The Demon kissed his husband and gripped his hands, trying to communicate his pride and love for him… his brave Angel. 

"Ok Angel… yeah… let's try it out… see if you like it. Um… am I correct that you'd want to keep the effort you have now?" 

"Like I said a while ago Crowley I… I think I'd like to go um… 'all the way' with what I have now before experimenting with something completely new." 

"Sure thing… and um… is this apple tree sex or boring old bedroom sex…?" 

"Ha! I think a bedroom is just fine dear and… actually… I think I should like very much for it to happen when we're back at the bookshop." 

"Any specific reason?" 

"Well, that is where the touch between us truly began… this feels like a fitting step to take in the same location." 

"So… by that logic you want me to deflower you while intoxicated on the couch in the backroom with all the shades open? OI!" 

They both laughed over the playful smack and took some moments to kiss before going about their evening. Crowley was excited… but his lingering fears remained… he had one more thing to get truly 'right' for his beloved. 

*** 

And so, here they were… naked and wanting in the beautiful bedroom above the bookshop… but with the Demon absolutely wracked with fear over taking the next step… his sweet Angel petting his hair and back to calm him and trying his best to communicate that he was, in fact, completely sure he wanted to continue. 

"Sweet Crowley… can we turn on our sides a moment dear?" 

Crowley immediately complied, his arms getting a bit tired from hovering above Aziraphale. "Sure thing, Angel… I'm… I'm sorry I…" 

Aziraphale responded with the gentlest kiss against the corner of the Demon's mouth… slowly moving to his cheeks, between his amber eyes, temples, jaw and down his throat… causing Crowley's hummingbird heart to slow and a low comfortable heat to rise. It seemed to last only a few moments, but his breathing was feeling as even as if he'd been meditating for an hour, finally opening his eyes again when he felt the Angel pull away and say,

"You're a wonder, Crowley mine… I don't say that to you very often now do I? You must think me a wretched husband…" there was nothing but smiling sincerity in his gaze, not quite teasing but simply trying to put his 'Tensity' at ease "… I promise to start calling you one at least once a day."

"That's good Angel, I'd have been a bit miffed if you were trying to beat my record of seven." 

They both laughed and kissed some more and as they did, Crowley allowed his Angel's radiating openness and warmth to push down his own fears about this step they were taking. They were not on night one of this new 'arrangement' of theirs. The Angel had proven time and time again, especially recently, that he was ready to more fully express and explore this side of himself… his identity as a sexual being. This would be fine. Truly. Crowley WAS good taking care of Aziraphale, and he would be now. It was time to take charge again as the one with the experience, and trust himself and Aziraphale to do everything possible to make it good, and if it wasn't good…

"Crowley, we can stop if you want… we don't need to…" 

"I know we can stop sweet Angel… at any time… because I know you and I trust you to tell me what you want and need. I'm sorry I had a little moment there… sometimes I just have to remind myself that you aren't exactly the same Angel you were that first night almost a year ago. You're still yourself, but so much more confident… I'm in awe of you… today and everyday and into tomorrow. I trust you to tell me if this isn't for you and…"

"And I trust you to stop instantly if it isn't good for either of us. I love you, darling… let's remember what you often say… we can't really see if we can get past those fears until we begin." 

Crowley gave him one more kiss to communicate the things his words could not, and gently pushed Aziraphale so he was lying on his back with Crowley lying deliciously on top of him; resuming his ministrations from earlier to get the Angel feeling as good and wanting as possible before trying anything new. The Demon slithered around his husband, concentrating on the spots he knew Aziraphale loved best, and trying not to get distracted by the Angel's own hands on him… well-manicured nails coasting up and down his sides before suddenly clamping onto his bony hips to thrust against him in pleasure. 

"SATAN… Angel… you keep doing that and this will be done before it's started…" 

"Oh… oh Crowley I feel so good love… I… I'm ready my heart… go on… just like we talked about please… I want to feel you…" 

Crowley finally saw just a touch of nerves in the Angel and for the first time ever, was actually a little grateful to see them. Aziraphale had been so calm he almost hadn't seemed like himself. The Demon actually found some of his own bravery in being able to help the Angel through the unknown. He was finally ready too. 

"Ok Angel… time to get a pillow under you… nothing but pleasantness for my Principality…" 

Aziraphale both giggled and rolled his eyes as his Demon helped maneuver the pillow under him, making sure he was totally comfortable before pushing the Angel's knees apart just a little more. Crowley froze for just a moment at the sight in front of him, resting his chin on top of Aziraphale's left knee. His beautiful Angel, flushed along his cheeks and a beautiful bloom of a red mark on his collarbone where Crowley had gotten a bit carried away in his worship… a strong chest heaving a little with breaths of anticipation… wide, wondering eyes, and his gorgeous effort making its own excitement very much known. 

"Are you alright… my dear?" Aziraphale had more concern than fear in his voice, clearly worried that Crowley was going to lose his nerve again. The Demon was quick to sooth him…

"Sorry… Aziraphale I… I just get carried away with looking at you sometimes. You're so beautiful… I love you. Ok… you're 100% sure you don't want a miracle…" 

"Not this time love… I must say that part of what I'm… well… interested in is the 'preparing' part of this. It's something you seem to like so much when we aren't in a hurry… I believe you once asked that I give you an orgasm just from the preparation so… it must have some merits…"

"Indeed it does Angel… but… penetration isn't for everyone… and if it isn't for you just say so… please promise me that… just one more time before we start?" 

"I promise sweet love… go on now… I'm ready… and I love you too." 

Crowley actually saw Aziraphale's body relax into the pillows behind him, splaying his soft strong fingers across the bedsheets and closing his eyes to concentrate on the sensations he was about to feel. The Demon took one last moment to feel the complete and somewhat baffling awe that they'd made it to this point, and snapped their favorite almond and cherry seed oil onto his fingers. 

"Ok Angel, I'm going to begin now, let me know if you need anything." 

Crowley used one more slight miracle to make sure his hands weren't cold, made contact with Aziraphale's entrance, and immediately pulled his hand away when the Angel yelped and seemed to jump a foot off the bed. 

"OH! Oh… sorry dear… that was…" 

"Angel! You ok… did I…?" Crowley was about to abandon his position and dart up to Aziraphale's side when the Angel held up his hand to stop him. 

"No no, apologies dear that was just… very VERY new… I was not ready for the sensitivity… oh my…"

Crowley stayed put, rubbing his husband's knee with his clean hand and searching his face for signs of what to do next. Fortunately, Aziraphale quickly resettled himself in the pillows and met Crowley's waiting gaze. 

"You know Crowley I really should listen to you a bit more than I do…" 

"Been saying that for millennia Angel…" 

The Demon dodged out of the way to miss the Angel's playful kick. 

"Really though… you always tell me to keep my eyes open and I really should… I'd probably save myself some jitters that way…" 

"Are you sure you want to keep going Angel… we…" 

"Yes, please love. I'll keep my eyes open this time… go on and try again please…" 

Crowley took a deep breath, looked to the Angel for one more nod of confirmation and brought his fingers back down to his entrance. This time when he made contact, the Angel gasped but kept his body still… eyes fluttering as he processed the new sensation. 

"Oh my… oh that is quite sensitive isn't it…? Oh… oh don't stop dear… that really is very nice…" 

"Good Angel… I'm glad…" 

As Crowley gently massaged the Angel's skin… he sensed Aziraphale was enjoying the sensations, but he wasn't exactly relaxing his body as much as Crowley knew he needed to. With his other hand, Crowley reached over and stroked up and down Aziraphale's chest, from between his pecs to the center of his belly. The Angel looked at him with half-lidded eyes and started to relax more, taking deep breaths and easing into his feelings and the pillowy bedding beneath him. It was an amazing thing… being able to touch him like this to ease Aziraphale's anxiety, when this kind of touch would have been the source of his anxiety just a few months earlier. 

"That's it Angel… you're starting to feel nice and relaxed… make sure you keep that up as best you can. Everything will feel much better if you do. Do you think you might be ready for me to put one of my fingers inside?" 

Crowley was encouraged by the fact that the Angel's muscles didn't tense at the suggestion. "I believe so Crowley, yes… go on… I'm ready."

Keeping his eyes on his Angel, Crowley gently pushed his finger inside to the second knuckle, eliciting a gasp from both of them. The Demon felt relief first, since the Angel neither yelped nor jumped… which would have been unpleasant for both of them. Then he felt the heat of his lover's body and saw his wide eyes and heard his slightly panting breath, and just as he was about to shake off his thoughts to check in Aziraphale piped up…

"Crowley… oh that is… um… strange?" 

Crowley couldn't help but bark out a few laughs… he had probably felt the same way the first time this was ever done to him, but likely hadn't lacked the filter to say it out loud. 

"The most important thing is that it doesn't hurt Angel… are you ok?"

"Oh, perfectly fine love… I can feel you but no discomfort… perhaps if you move I'll be able to decide if I like it?" 

"Your wish is my command love." 

Crowley began to move inside him… more of a gentle push than a thrust… and was encouraged by Aziraphale's sweet sighs… the Demon even saw a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. 

"Oh, that does feel quite good Crowley. It's... like nothing I've felt before… I'm… I'm trying to stay relaxed…" 

"You're doing perfectly Angel… truly… we can do this as long as you need… you can tell me when you think you're ready for more." 

Aziraphale nodded and now that he was getting more comfortable with the contact, allowed his eyes to close and better concentrate on relaxing and seeking pleasure in Crowley's touch. 

After a minute or two, clearly finding pleasure in the experience, the Angel said, "I think I'm ready for more Crowley… and… before you very sweetly show your concern… I know this may hurt a little… and… I know we have both been in such fear of me hurting... but… it's as you said a while ago… I think having this experience will be worth it, even if there's a discomfort along the way. I… I promise I will let you know if it's not something I'm willing to push through. Alright? Love?" 

Crowley did love him, so very much, and forced his brain to recognize and believe Aziraphale when the Angel said he would tell the Demon to stop if he needed. "I love you so much Angel. You're a wonder. Ok, here we go." 

He gently pushed a second finger in along with the first and met less resistance than he thought he would, though he did feel his stomach drop when he heard a sharp intake of breath from Aziraphale. Before the Demon could even check in the Angel spoke up…

"It's alright dear! Really it is… it does um… sting… the stretch… you were right but… it's not bad just um… don't move a moment?" 

Crowley nodded quickly and they both took some nice deep breaths together as Aziraphale got used to the unfamiliar sensation. His body was still a little tense, but Crowley didn't see any trembling or fear in Aziraphale's eyes… again, encouraging. 

"May I kiss you, Angel? You look so beautiful, I love you so much…" 

"Oh… yes please…" the Angel's smile sent a ray of sunshine directly into Crowley's chest and stamped out some of his nerves. 

Crowley leaned over his love to kiss him, and when he did so, Aziraphale had to arch his back a little to meet his lips. 

"OH!" 

Crowley almost removed his fingers before noticing a very different look on Aziraphale's face.

"Angel?" 

"Crowley… I moved to kiss you and… oh… something VERY pleasurable happened." 

The Demon smiled and maneuvered to tuck his hand under the pillow beneath Aziraphale, adjusting the Angel's body in the process and causing his fingers to…

"OH!" 

The Demon couldn't help but laugh lightly in relief. "I think we just found a very important spot inside you Angel."

"I believe… you… OH… did dear… well… that's confirmation that this corporation does indeed have a prostate." 

It's a challenging thing, cackling like a madman while trying to keep your hand still inside your lover's body… but Crowley somehow managed. 

"Ok Angel… let's hold this angle as best we can, and I'll move my fingers a bit… alright?" 

"Yes dear… yes please move… I want you to." 

"Oh Angel… with pleasure." 

Crowley began to gently thrust his fingers, continuing to nudge against that sensitive spot inside him and Aziraphale started letting out wonderful moans. 

"Ahhh… oh Crowley it doesn't… oh… you were right love… it hardly hurts at all anymore… OH… oh it does feel so very good… Ohhhh… oh Crowley I love you…" 

Crowley stopped his husband's words with a kiss, feeling Aziraphale relax more and more on his fingers, knowing it wouldn't be long before he could add another. But before he could suggest trying for a third, or checking in with the Angel in general, his husband looked at him with a peculiar gaze. 

"Crowley this… what you're doing is lovely… um… this is such a strange request but… can I… oh… oh I can hardly say it…"

"It wouldn't be us taking a leap without you saying something to turn your cheeks a little red Angel… let's not stop those sorts of traditions now."

The Angel smiled, but still appeared a little anxious about what he wanted to request. "Oh love… alright… um… can I… please put my hand down and… um… feel… feel what you're doing…?" 

That was definitely NOT what Crowley was expecting… but the idea of it damn near overwhelmed him. It was not a request he had ever received before yet felt like such a completely 'Aziraphale' request to make. The Angel's curiosity had carried him through a great deal of his anxiety, and since he couldn't really see what Crowley was doing from the angle they were in, it made sense that he would want to feel with his hands to get a better picture in his mind of how Crowley was pleasuring him. 

"Of course Angel, here give me your hand…" 

Crowley moved back so he could sit between the Angel's legs again and took one of Aziraphale's hands with him. Very gingerly, he placed the Angel's hand at the spot where he had his fingers inside the Angel's body, and began moving his fingers again so Aziraphale could feel what was happening where they were joined. 

Aziraphale gasped and his eyes flew open to look at Crowley's. Neither of them seemed to know what to say exactly, but there was something strangely profound about the moment, and they smiled warmly at each other. 

It was Crowley who finally spoke up, "You know what I love best about sex with you Aziraphale? I nearly always experience something completely new and wonderful and RIDICULOUSLY hot."

The Angel giggled, but soon settled into pleasured panting at the intense feelings. "Crowley I think I'm ready for one more… can I… may I please feel…" 

"Yep, keep your hand where it is Angel." 

Crowley added his third finger at an angle where Aziraphale would feel it happen, and the gasp the Angel made at the action didn't sound pained. Perhaps there had been something else to the Angel's request… by feeling this moment happen both between his legs and with his hand, he had less anxiety and discomfort over the new sensation. For all of his inexperience, Aziraphale had always had a strong intuition about what he needed during their acts of intimacy… something Crowley would always be grateful for. 

As Crowley's movement continued, the Angel continued to open more and more for him, literally and figuratively. The Demon saw and felt the tension leave his husband, replaced by a hunger and desire to chase his pleasure in this new way. 

"Ok love… I think your body is very much ready… as is mine… think you're ready for one more big leap tonight?" 

The smallest flash of nerves entered the Angel's eyes, but he nodded enthusiastically. "I'm ready Crowley… for this and for all the other leaps we will take after this… I love you… I promise I'll tell you to stop if I need you to." 

Crowley nodded, trying yet again to quash his own nerves for Aziraphale's sake. The Angel looked nice and comfortable already, so Crowley maneuvered himself to make sure he'd be ready to replace his fingers with his effort as quickly as possible while his husband was still nice and open for him. 

Making eye contact with Aziraphale one last time and getting one more nod of approval, Crowley gingerly removed his fingers and moved the head of his cock against the Angel's entrance. Aziraphale gave out some whimpers, and then a gasp as Crowley, more gently than he ever thought himself capable, began to push inside him. 

Crowley completely lost all sense of the outside world for just a second or two. There was only heat, holding him like a vice grip yet urging him on, a fulfillment of something he'd imagined the very first night after the world didn't end… something he'd imagined for centuries. But he immediately forced his short-circuiting brain to refocus, and was instantly worried by what he saw. 

Aziraphale's eyes were screwed shut, furrows in his brow, but taking deep breaths and stroking his soft strong hands up and down Crowley's arms bracketed on either side of him. 

Crowley was a little stricken, even with Aziraphale's assurances from earlier that he was prepared to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed. 

"Angel? It hurts doesn't it? I can stop hold on one moment…" 

The Angel responded by gripping Crowley's arms and opening his eyes, "No love, please don't… not yet… I just need a moment… please... I want to take a moment." 

Aziraphale's eyes showed Crowley that he truly didn't want to stop, and so the Demon continued to stay still, focusing entirely on Aziraphale's face and body to see if he was indeed relaxing into the newness of everything. Crowley was reminded of other firsts they'd shared, like cuddling on the couch… where the Angel had been so uncomfortable initially, but had said 'just a moment dear' ... genuinely relaxing into Crowley's touch. It was no different now, just highly graduated. 

"I've loved you since Eden, Aziraphale." 

The Angel opened his eyes, his brow less furrowed in concentration and a sweet smile beginning to play at his lips as Crowley continued. 

"I told you that the very first night all of this started, remember? You could barely hold my hands without trembling like a leaf… and look at you… look at where we are. I love you more now than I ever imagined I could love anything. I'm so grateful for everything… husband mine… whatever you want you will have… we don't need to keep going if you don't want to. You're so extraordinary and make me feel so good no matter what we do together… I love you…" 

"I love you Crowley… ohhh… and… you told me that I should always listen to my body and what it wants… and it wants you to keep going now… please. Yes, it hurts a little… but… oh it's so wonderfully pleasant too; it’s both. I want to chase that pleasure… please, keep going until you're fully inside love." 

The Angel gently caressed his husband's arms and moved his hands up to the Demon's tense shoulders to rub them, assuring him with his eyes and touch that he was ready. Crowley nodded, and with a gentle rocking of his hips so as not to overwhelm Aziraphale any further, kept going until he was fully seated inside; both of them letting out moans and fluttering their eyes in the intensity of their feelings. 

Crowley looked into his Angel's eyes... wide and bright and intense with genuine pleasure and surprise. 

"Oh Crowley… Crowley it really does feel good… ahhh… I promise you it does… just um… give me another…"

"You can take all the moments you need Angel… you feel… I can't…" 

"Please tell me, dear? It's alright, I want to know how it feels for you too…" 

Crowley heard the Angel's subtext loud and clear. His words were making the less comfortable parts of this experience better for Aziraphale as he relaxed into the contact… and so the Demon continued to speak from his heart. "Oh Angel… it's incredible, the heat and the softness of you combined it's just… it's so perfect… just like the rest of you. I love you, I want only to make you feel good… it's all I've ever wanted from day one… of every arrangement we've ever had." 

Crowley shifted so he was leaning on his elbows, bringing his hands down to hold Aziraphale's head in his hands and leave gentle kisses on his face… and as he did so, the Angel brought his hands up to the Demon's waist, and started to move his hips ever so slightly… as if he was just testing out the feeling of Crowley's cock moving inside him. He let out a pleased hum and Crowley gasped at the slight friction. 

"I think it's time for you to move Crowley… it felt so good with your fingers and now I see how it will feel good like this too… go on… really… I'm ready, I want you to... I think I actually NEED you to move." 

Crowley smiled and let out a gentle laugh… he kissed his husband and with his most sultry voice said 'Oh Angel… with pleasure." 

And thus a slow, exquisite, velvet heat of a dance began between the two of them. Crowley stayed deep inside, but used his talented slinky hips to keep plenty of electric friction going for him, while hitting the Angel's most sensitive spots at the same time. 

The Angel began to look more and more flushed with pleasure, with much more familiar looks of ecstasy in his eyes. 

"Crowley! Oh Crowley… OH… Oh this is WONDERFUL… you were right my love… Ooohhhh…. feeling you like this inside me it's… indescribable… 

"This is amazing… YOU are amazing… Angel… FUCK…" 

"LANGUAGE!" 

"FLUFFING HELL AZIRAPHALE WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY… IT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING!" 

They both laughed and huffed and the Angel actually wrapped his legs around Crowley and urged him to go just a little faster with a nudge from his Angelic heel. 

Crowley practically growled with the intensity of what he was feeling, and with the quicker pace, Aziraphale also gave out sounds indicating that he was close. 

"Oh my… OH… Crowley can I… could I be… I think I might come just from… OHHHH!" 

The Angel's orgasm took him, and Crowley, completely by surprise, given that the only contact with his cock was from their bodies rubbing together. Crowley couldn't help but pick up his pace just a little more as the Angel tightened deliciously around him, giving in to his own climax just as Aziraphale was opening his eyes and coming down from his own. 

They both continued to sing out in pleasure as they came down, two pairs of eyes shining in love and just a little relief before Crowley felt his arms give out. 

Demon inside his Angel for the first time: CHECK 

The first thing Crowley noticed laying collapsed on his husband after a few addled moments of otherworldly pleasure, was the cacophony of car horns outside the bedroom window. He popped up so he could look down at the Angel and also try to make out what was happening outside the window. 

Aziraphale was in a haze of pleasure as well, but shared the Demon's concern. "Crowley… Crowley what's happened, why is it so noisy out…"

It was then that Crowley started an especially wicked cackle as he figured out what was happening. The Demon gently moved himself out of Aziraphale and snapped to clean them up before walking over to the window, to continue his laughter. 

"Crowley! Crowley what is it?" 

"Angel I don't know which of us actually did it… but the power is out on the entire block, including the street lamps and traffic lights, except for here at the bookshop."

"Oh my word! Well… please restore the lights so you can come back here and cuddle me dear?" 

"Sorry Angel… right away…" 

Crowley gave a few snaps to restore order and then plopped back onto the bed to curl around Aziraphale's side… suddenly remembering that a very monumental leap had just been taken between them and he needed to check on him.

"Oh… Hello, Crowley." 

Crowley covered Aziraphale's face and head and lips with kisses, and then held the Angel as he buried his face in Crowley's chest.

"Hello, Angel mine. Hey… how are you? Are you ok? Are you uncomfortable at all… if you are it's normal…" 

"I'm um… just a little bit sore I think… but… oh Crowley I don't care… I feel a… hum of pleasure so much more than any hurt… I'm sure it will be gone if we take a warm bath." 

"Now you know why I like to take our baths after we do this Angel. Aftercare… very important no matter the configurations used." 

Aziraphale kissed Crowley over his heart a few times before moving back up to look into his eyes. 

"You're right my love… as you have been and will continue to be about so many things." 

"No… I'm not always right… but YOU are always open to new experiences. You have been throughout this entire year, Angel. Every leap we have taken is because of your curiosity and your trust and your bravery. I can't believe we're here… and… yet I always had faith we would be… because I believe in you… Aziraphale. I love you."

"I love you… my sweet, gentle, loving, patient husband. You said you weren't… patient… and yet it's all you've shown me from day one… the ACTUAL Day One of the World. I'll spend the rest of my days making it very much worth your while. Now, come along, that bath sounds quite good right about now." 

"I'll put something together guaranteed to make you feel good Angel." 

"You always have, and always will my love." 

They bathed… Crowley taking the time to make sure Aziraphale wasn't in any lingering discomfort… and when they were done, Crowley kept his aftercare going with a warm fluffy robe, and a perfectly chilled bottle of wine for his Angel waiting by the bed. They drank and kissed and settled into a conversation about their vegetable garden back at the cottage and whether or not there was room to add a purple potato crop to be ready by Fall. 

The Angel talked, and Crowley listened, and basked in a contentment he never thought he would experience a year ago… 

A year ago… which made him think… 'Shit… we have an anniversary coming up don't we…’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAHOO!
> 
> Well pals... I'm about 99% sure that the next chapter is the last one for this specific story. Believe me when I say I want to tell more stories for them and I will... but this core tale of the Ineffable Picky Husbands and their Journey of Hot Softness needs to come to an end. 
> 
> Your comments lift me when few other things do these days... I thank you in advance for all of your kind words. Please stay safe and well!


	30. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It felt like the right time to end this part of their story. I have other companion pieces bubbling about for the future, but all of them will come back to this... this core story of the beginning of their new and final 'arrangement.' It is short, but I hope you will find it sweet.

The Principality Aziraphale, Former Guardian of the Eastern Gate of Eden, Expert Antiquarian Librarian and Novice Gardner, is standing naked in the back yard of his South Downs home, bathed in the light of the full moon and humming lightly in pleasure.

His husband, Anthony J. Crowley, Former Master of the Underworld, Expert Botanist and Novice Pastry Chef, is also standing naked, behind Aziraphale, and causing him to hum lightly in pleasure as the Demon tends to the Angel's glorious white wings with gentleness but firm precision. 

It is nearly midnight on the 364th day of the rest of their lives… meaning their Anniversary and all the extravagant plans Crowley had made and Aziraphale pretended not to be aware of are about to take place… and all of those plans are likely about to be cancelled… because the world's only ineffable/celestial husbands are molting. 

They are both winged creatures and therefore used to a light shedding of their feathers every year or two, but this is the first time their molt has ever synced up to happen at the same time. And so, in a state of genuine quiet joy, they are taking turns preening each other in the comfortable warmth of the summer night… easing each other's discomfort, carefully plucking each other's dry feathers away and into a wicker basket at their feet, massaging sore muscles beneath their gorgeous plumage and talking about the stars they see in the sky on this glorious clear night. 

They had never dared ask each other in years past to help with such an intimate act. Crowley, having the ability to bend in ways most corporations couldn't because of his transformative snake anatomy had always taken care of his obsidian wings himself. Whereas Aziraphale would head up to Heaven and find a sweet underling cherub to help him with the task. 

For both, this act has always been about grooming and hygiene, a necessity in preparation for any situations that could arise where their wings would be needed… a great war between Heaven and Hell for example. But, with the Apocalypse thwarted, and in the beautiful relationship that has grown in its aftermath between the two, they are now free to enjoy this process in a way they never would have fathomed a year ago. 

The touch they are giving each other in this moment feels completely new for both of them. They are standing with each other in their truest, most vulnerable forms. No human clothes, nothing hidden in the ethereal plane, in this rare instance they are made up of both their human corporations and their celestial forms… a vision they would only ever show to each other, and HER should she choose to look down upon them. Husbands. Lovers. Best Friends. Living proof that certain things are simply meant to be. 

As Aziraphale did just before him, Crowley is gently but firmly tending to the snow-white feathers in front of him; warning the Angel when he might need to use a sharper tug to remove a stubborn, bent feather… and giving a gentle kiss to his husband's nape or a tender scratch to his scalp if Aziraphale makes a small whine at the action to sooth him. The basket at the Demon's feet is nearly full of equal parts black and white plumage. Aziraphale has taken up needlepoint recently and has grand plans to stuff some pillows with his designs lovingly stitched into the center with their actual feathers. Crowley knows the pillows are meant to be decorative, but he also can't imagine a more pleasant nap than one with his head gently cushioned on such a heavenly item. 

The Demon reaches the final stage of his task, rubbing an oil smelling of sandalwood into Aziraphale's primaries and making sure every barb lines up for maximum comfort. He plants one more kiss to the back of the Angel's neck before declaring, "Finished husband mine. Shall we let things dry a bit out here?" 

"Oh yes my dear, it's too beautiful a night not to enjoy it. Here, let me…" 

The Angel snaps his fingers and their favorite quilt appears with some pillows, and both of them lie down on their bellies so their wings can soak in the oil treatment and fully dry from the thorough washings they'd given each other earlier. The Angel has set up his angelic perimeter around their home to shield them from any view of their neighbors, and they both lie down with gentle sighs, smiling at one another but not daring to touch each other until they've given their wings a chance to properly set.

Crowley sighs and shivers a little over all the sensations rippling through his body. The gentle breeze flows through his wings; awakening nerve endings that are usually left deep asleep when his wings are hidden and feeling the vulnerability of being in one of his 'true' forms. He also feels the softness of the quilt against his front; a material object tied to the mortal world, as well as his love for his husband. The last time he felt this quilt against his skin was after the two of them had made love under their apple tree on the first warm day of Spring; he shivers again at the pleasant memory. And then there's the sensation that can only be felt within a heart he doesn't need… his deep love for the being lying next to him. 

Aziraphale's arms are crossed under the pillow on which he leans his head… his downy curls nearly match the brilliance of his freshly groomed wings in the moonlight. His eyes are closed but a small smile plays at the corners of his gorgeous mouth and rosy lips. 

The Demon cannot recall a time when he's seen Aziraphale so relaxed… so deeply at peace. He remains completely stunned by how far they have come as a couple in the last year. Highs and lows, dramatic shifts in routine, tough conversations and moments of supreme and celestial ecstasy… but all of those steps have been taken together, and therefore, all of them have been perfect. 

As grateful as the Demon is for the development of their physical relationship in the last year, which has gone farther than he ever would have imagined after that first night in the Bookshop, he continues to hold a truth deep within him that he once told to Aziraphale: it would never have mattered if their touch hadn't grown beyond the holding of hands. Crowley has the one thing he has wanted most in the last year: Aziraphale. He has the Angel's time, smiles, boisterous laughter and occasional rolling eyes. Meals, drinks and the warmth of a fire against chilly toes. Companionship, comfort and a listening ear. Books read aloud, trashy television and magazines, old movies and tender conversation. 

Intimacy.

Home.

Marriage. 

Love. 

Them, their side, from the beginning until the end. 

"May I take your hand my dear?"

Crowley is broken from his trance and opens his eyes to see the Angel reaching for him. The Demon takes the Angel's hand with a gentle hum, and revels in the little spark that shoots up his arm when their palms touch. 

"Remember Angel, I told you on our first official date at the park that you could always take my hand, no permission necessary." 

Aziraphale's eyes crinkle in that beautiful way Crowley loves as he replies, "I know sweet love… but sometimes asking to hold your hand brings almost as much joy as actually taking it. Almost."

Crowley knows it isn't actually possible for his corporation's heart to burst… yet something in the Angel's simple words sums up what the entire last year has been. They are where they are now because they have always been so deeply careful with each other's bodies and feelings and hearts and minds. It hasn't always been easy and at times it has been awkward, but every moment has been worth it to bring them to this wonderful place in time. 

A thought pops into Crowley's head and he grips the Angel's hand tightly…

"Angel, as with all things, you can certainly tell me no… but… do you think you could keep this protective shield around us if we were… moving?" 

Aziraphale's brow furrows in confusion but not concern, "I supposed I could dear… but… what are you suggesting?" 

"Fly with me, Angel? Not far…. Just a quick dash to the seashore and back? I'll hold your hand the whole time, so your little cloaking trick keeps working. You know… might be a fun way to start our anniversary and it'll give our wings a good stretch so they don't lock up on us during the rest of the molt…" the moment the suggestion leaves his lips, Crowley is certain the Angel is going to say no. Flying? With no clothes on? In the middle of the night? No there's no possible way…

"5 minutes." 

"Wot?" 

"5 minutes… we go to the shore and back and that's all. I just don't want to risk anyone or anything seeing us…" 

"True Angel… wouldn't want to get the dolphins all excited now would we… OI!" 

Both celestials giggle over the slap Aziraphale gives his husband's hand, and then they wordlessly help each other up from the blanket, re-clasping their hands as they spread their wings in preparation for their newest adventure together. 

"Hey, Angel… I'm sorry if we end up not doing much for our anniversary tomorrow… the timing of this is just…" 

"My first grooming session with my beloved husband in our garden followed by a lovely moonlit soar over the ocean? What did you have planned that could possibly top such an extraordinary celebration of our first year together as lovers my heart?" 

Crowley pauses, a smile so broad it hurts his face as he responds, "Nothing, Angel. Absolutely nothing." 

Just before the two of them look into each other's eyes for wordless confirmation that they're ready to begin… to soar out over the sea of the South Downs and into the rest of their lives together… Crowley thinks to make one more addition to the list for the night…

Flying: CHECK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End... for now...
> 
> To say I am grateful for the extraordinary kindness and support you have all shown me in the comments over the last 8 months since I started this story is an understatement.
> 
> You and this tale and these characters have been a fragment I shore against my ruin, and I promise you haven't heard the last of these glorious perfect beautiful celestial idiots in love. I'm glad this core story is done, and now I can play with what has been established within it's words in the future. 
> 
> Stay well, be well, tell people you know about this story so that others might find and enjoy it... if people enjoy reading it at even a fraction of the joy I found in writing it, then I've done my job. 
> 
> THANK YOU!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go friends! As may have been very very obvious, this is my first Fan Fic EVER... like EVER EVER in any fandom. So, comments are very welcome, but I am a vulnerable mess so please be gentle! As of 7/25/20 new works inspired by this one are being written so please go check them out!


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